FanMAIL: Black-On-Black Violence Begins At Home

Just to clarify, the post title is mine, not the email author’s.

Loyal reader Teri S. emailed us to say she was “appalled” at some of the responses to my earlier story on the little “Slumdog” actor who was brutalized by his father for not moving fast enough.

It’s a sad reality that some in our community believe in behavior modification through violence because that’s what our parents did to us. So we continue the cycle. It’s a cultural thing.

Just today we hear in the news that a man was arrested and jailed for putting a shoe on his 8-year-old male relative to “punish” him. [LINK]

This is why there is so much black-on-black violence: we learn it at home.

Dear Sandra,

I’ve been a lurker on your website for quite some time. I enjoy the various issues and views you and your readers have. However, today’s responses to the story of Azharuddin Mohammed being slapped by his father was over-the-top. I am shocked and appalled at some of the responses by some of your readers who didn’t think there was anything wrong with what allegedly took place. Spanking a child is one thing – slapping, kicking, punching, etc. is totally UNACCEPTABLE.

    Many of your readers validated their pathetic justification of what happened by saying:

    “I remember I said something slick to my momma and she slap the dog ish out out of me so he will be ok…” mizzdallas (the article didn’t indicate that this child said anything out of pocket to his father, and if he did, slapping him in the face and kicking him is NOT right).

    “I don’t think its fair for America to impose their views on another Country. & I’m not one to judge another parent.” (What tha??? Child abuse here in the U.S. is the same everywhere. IT’S WRONG. Hello!)

    And here’s the doozy of the day:

    Ilovepink1981 Says:

    “I don’t see what the issue is, he got a beating, almost everyone does. Unless he was knocked un conscious, I don’t see the issue. He hung out with the spoiled rich kids too long.” (Oh, so beat the hell out of a child, but don’t knock him/her unconscious. WTF?)



 


27 Responses to “FanMAIL: Black-On-Black Violence Begins At Home”

  1. 1
    Kymystry says:

    @~@ (eyeroll) …. sigh …. @~@ … ..!.. (middle fanga) le sigh . . . . . .

  2. 2
    LovelyLady says:

    Whatever don’t give me this ish. First hip hop is the reason, now whopping ur child azz when he/she gets out of line is the reason. GTFOH.

  3. 3
    dblaq says:

    India is a country where women are supose STFU and be obedient subservant to the male species. So what makes you think that they care of we or anybody else feels about that issue. They look at us the same way we look at them.

    There is nothing that you and I can do about it. It their laws, culture, etc.

  4. 4
    kalvonel says:

    Oh please! the key word in that email was ALLEGEDLY. which is why I said “I hope the media is exaggerating.” yes black on black violence prevention starts at home. one way is by discipline NOT abuse. The point (at least what I think to be the point) is that we as AMERICANS shouldn’t always jump to conclusions based on our very VERY sheltered and pampered life styles. Now imagine you as a father that allows your child to go to the West (the US of all places)and that child comes back with a very western “I’m a child and you can’t tell me what to do” attitude. Yeah, he may have gotten slapped, popped, smacked – and those three words are NOT abusive when done in genuine discipline and not anger. Being kicked is extreme, but there are too many examples of children who didn’t get slapped, popped, smacked, kicked, but got “time out” only to grow up to be killers, rapist, theives anyway. It is NOT our place to say this child was abused when we ourselves were not there. Yes he’s a cute kid that looks TOTALLY pitiful crying. Yes as a human being I feel bad for him IF he was abused. and YES as a man, I know to how mind my own business when it comes to reading/hearing reports of the unconfirmed/alleged actions of others on the other side of the globe by the biased media.

    So to this “lurker on your website” – get a clue or perhaps reserve your being “shocked and appalled” when you have the full story.

  5. 5
    ReadTheBlog says:

    CULTURALLY, we should mind our business. Personally, if more kids were being disciplined – PUBLICLY AND OTHERWISE, we woudn’t nearly have all the issues with OUR children, like we do.

    I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but I see many a black child and many a white child acting a fool on their parents in public. I don’t see Asian kids and Middle Eastern kids getting snatched up in stores – I WONDER WHY?!?!

  6. 6
    Bird says:

    On this one I might agree with you a little Sandra. IN MY EXPERIENCE black people as a whole are far more physically aggressive than most whites and for a while now I have wondered if it had anything to do with our widespread use of corporal punishment.

    One thing I have learned in my house is that it doesn’t work. My mom used to beat me and my brothers, but that didn’t stop us from being bad. I have spanked my oldest child, but it didn’t make her stop the thing that I was spanking her for. Once I knew that spanking her didn’t stop her I had no choice but to conclude that if I continued to spank her knowing it wouldn’t work, I was conciously abusing her. So I don’t do it anymore.

    I still don’t judge people who tap that behind, but I do wonder if it makes us more willing to resort to violence to solve problems. I hate to bring it up, but if you recall many people on this site thought there was some kind of way to justify a man beating a woman even though he is stronger than her. It’s a cultural thing.

  7. 7
    iscream says:

    Sometimes I think ppl send you these emails in hopes you will a) post them b) open up and let them registar.

    To each its own. While I don’t believe in beat downs I will pop my son if he gets out of line. Yes, its usually the last resort… shoot sometimes the first depending on what it is.

    & I bet you 9 times out of 10 the person (like you Sandra) has no kids. Speaking on certain matters when you have not walked in the shoes is wasted energy.

  8. 8
    SlimA says:

    My understanding from the news is that the media attention was too much and the child burst into tears while eating his Indian dish of meat and rice. I think you need to check on your story Auntie.

  9. 9
    Bird says:

    Don’t get it twisted, I no longer use weapons on my children like a belt, but my 4 year old has had to have her little hand slapped to drive home a point. Like iscream said, that is a last resort for me.

  10. 10
    kcicero says:

    Well I was beat on a regular for bringing home anything less than a B, popping off at the mouth, etc. But my parents also explained to me the importance of education and why anything less than that was unacceptable. My brothers and sisters who are older than me were not. The result all but my eldest brother is in jail and I’m the only one to graduate from college. Spankings work if used correctly and if it is followed up with explanations. That being said with my children I use other methods before resorting to spankings but sometimes it is needed.

    Black on Black crimes comes down to lack of respect, sensitivity to anyone other than you or your’s. In this case many times lack of discipline, whether physical or not and lack of putting your child in his/hers place when they start mouthing off is what is causing the killing in our communities. Not whether we spank our children.

  11. 11
    kcicero says:

    And back in the old days before we were killing each other at such alarming rates there were whippings with belts, switches, etc. So how come BOB crime wasn’t a problem then?

  12. 12
    brwnsugga4you says:

    that’s the problem. we keep covering up for their bad behavior. now, more than ever we need to just beat the breaks off of their bad azz’s…and unless you have children of your won you don’t understand. don’t know if terri s. has her own but, whatever…it’s just her opinion it don’t count for sh*t…”giving the solange finger”!

  13. 13
    brwnsugga4you says:

    “own”…sorry ya!

  14. 14
    iscream says:

    @ Kc # 11

    BC we were scared to death that the neighbor would whup us and then send you home to your mama to get another whupping. Ppl didn’t play back n the day. & children had more respect for their elders as well.

    I remember the school system use to hit the kids with rulers. Remove that rule and kids are killing each other in school.

    I’m not saying beatings work. But whose to say they don’t. Children need some type of fear in their lives. Be it God, beatings, punishment ect. Every rule does not apply to everyone.

  15. 15
    Bird says:

    kcicero,

    You said none of your siblings got the beating with the explanation. Did they get just the beating or the explanation or neither? Do you think you could have caught on to what your parents were putting down if they just did the explanation part?

    I don’t think spanking has much to do with black on black crime. I just wonder if it makes us violent. I’m 40 and black folks in my hood been engaging in hand to hand combat my whole life. Who knows how far back it goes? I know plenty of drug dealers, drug addicts and other type criminals whose parents beat them to try to keep them in line. There are thousands and maybe millions of examples in the prison system of how ineffective corporal punishment is.

  16. 16
    bk2atl says:

    I think the issue here is not whether corporal punishment for discipline’s sake is right or wrong…the real issue is whether it was appropriate/warranted in THIS PARTICULAR SITUATION. All the media outlets that I have read have said that the child was upset because he was tired of all the attention. His father wanted him to go out so he could parade him and the little boy refused. Did that warrant a slapping/kicking session?? Before you jump down my throat talking about “how do you know that’s what the father did?”, lemme ask you how you know that’s NOT how it went down? At school, teacher’s have to discipline some of our bad azz kids WITHOUT using CORPORAL PUNISHMENT, so there are other methods. I believe in nt apring the rod and spoiling the child, but how many of us can HONESTLY say that EVERY time we beat our kids it was OUT OF LOVE and not out of frustration. My point is simply, let the punishment fit the crime.

  17. 17
    Bird says:

    iscream Says:

    children had more respect for their elders as well.
    ******************************************

    Now that is a totally differant topic all together. Raise your hand if you don’t make your child say please, thank you, God bless you, hello when answering the phone EVERYTIME. Come on get them up. That is a fairly new trend that has everything to do with the fact that we are busy breaking our necks to give our children things without requiring them to even be polite. My nephew is in college and will do something with his life. He is a well behaved kid. Yet when I would visit them from out of town my nephew would be allowed to stay in his room and not even come down and say hello. What kind of crap is that? MANY parents these days are not FORCING their kids to be mannerable. I hear people say don’t respect anyone who doesn’t deserve it rather than tell them that EVERYONE should be treated with respect and you should not sink to someone else’s level just because they are disrespectful. It’s all about what you can give your kids these days without them having to work for it.

  18. 18
    kcicero says:

    Bird I agree with you on many levels. I know I had a lot of mouth and if my parents didn’t channel that and yes sometimes get physical I know not where I would have ended up. As I said before I believe corporal punishment works but it is to be used as a last resort when all else fails.

    For example, I know this is small but since I have little children then this is my only example. My nieces and nephews were all potty trained using the whip if you pee method. It worked for awhile and now the kids are peeing on themselves.

    I took a different method with my son. He loves his cars to death so to potty train him I told him if you pee on yourself or poop you’re not playing with your cars. The result my son is potty trained. That’s just a small example of other methods besides hitting but I do think that it is necessary in some cases.

    I looked at the pictures from the story something doesn’t add up. The little boy is already outside so why did he “get a beating for not going outside?” I think it’s sensationalism by our media and we Americans always fall for it. All that glitters ain’t Gold…

    @iscream we are —>us<— lol.

  19. 19
    Dhoward1913 says:

    Black folks, come on. No one is saying that it’s okay to beat children. But let’s look at the past, most folks over the age of 30 have had a major beatdown that included an extension cord and that was all it took to get us right. Most of the folks that were disciplined as children grew up to be acceptable members of society (with a few exceptions). The problem is that too many kids nowadays are being punished and handled by friends instead of parents and they are having time-outs in an effort to stop behavior. The problems is that the real world doesn’t give time-outs and taps on the wrist. We MUST DISCIPLINE our kids, if we don’t there are people who will. And they don’t give a damn about our kids.

  20. 20
    kcicero says:

    Oh and Bird I totally feel you on the manners thing. My 2 1/2 year old and my 1 1/2 year old all say yes mommy (as opposed to what) please, and thank you. They’ve been doing it since they were a year old.

  21. 21
    terika83 says:

    I didn’t read the comments on that post but I do think this…there is a medium. You DEF need to discipline your children because that’s why there are so many bad kids today…they have no one to fear. However, I do think there is a such thing as going to far, but everyone needs to stop trying to raise everyone’s kids and realize the difference between abuse and discipline….like that hospital not releasing Octo’s babies to her cause they don’t know if she can take care of them. You mean to tell me I can have a baby now and the hospital can withold them from me??? That’s crazy to me…I can see them evaluating her home after she takes them home but to not let her take them is mind boggling. If she was a drug addict or something and ran the streets…ok I guess but these admin figures need to know their roles.

  22. 22

    I think the writer of the letter and Sandra, were simply pointing out how often Black people accept and welcome violence as a normal ritual and happenstance in our culture and lives. Even with the Rihanna and CB situation(hate to bring it up), many people would say things like, “Well what did Rihanna do”? And, “I feel bad for Chris”. Violence may beget violence, but moreso in the Black community, where violence is as natural as puberty. We SHOULD know better…

  23. 23
    kalvonel says:

    Very good points from everybody…esp Bird (as always)
    but for this post kcicero put it best – “I think it’s sensationalism by our media and we Americans always fall for it. All that glitters ain’t Gold…”

    Discipline is normal. violence isn’t.

  24. 24
    Ilovepink1981 says:

    I still stand by what I said. The media sensationalizes everything. People complain about why kids act up and its ok THEN to say , if they had their ass beat as a child they wouldn’t act like that. Who knows what happened and I read the story on the site which is why I said what I said. The only reason why anyone cares is because he was in a MOVIE. What happened was nothing that doesn’t probably go on everyday in that country.

  25. 25
    Ilovepink1981 says:

    oh and NO I do not have kids but if I did and they acted out of hand they would get whatever discipline was comeing to them. My parents beat me until I was 10, and Im glad they did. My sister was only put on punishment and the way she acts now at 21 my parents wish they “beat” her ass.

    I do watch other peoples children from time to time and not one of them acts out with me but as soon as they get back to their parent they act out of control. I also refuse to discipline anyone elses child no matter what they do, thats their parents or relatives job. But based on what I’ve read on other sites, what I said fit what I read. The shock of him being back “in the slums” got to him and he didn’t want to be with the media. It was ok when he was here in the states living it up in 5 star hotels and getting all types of gifts. Had the media in the country showered him with lavous stuff there probably wouldnt be a problem.

  26. 26
    Bird says:

    terika

    I’m with you on the Octomom situation. I know she is a wierdo and keeps inviting people in her business by doing these interviews, but quite frankly I think she has been dogged out enough. We have to remember that children are gifts. What she really needed is finally happening and that was for her mother to grow a backbone. She has allowed Nadya to get out of control by covering her back far longer than she should have. Now with the public backing her she is finally getting buck with her daughter. Everyone else needs to leave the woman alone and stop interviewing her in the hopes of making a fool of her like Dr. Phil’s fake ass.

  27. 27
    licia says:

    i don’t agree with why this kids got a beat down , but as i said in the other post had he been acting up he should have gotten a spanking because when i was growing up you didn’t act out . i got my behind whipped whenever i needed it and it made me a better person . i remember those block azz whipping. if mama didn’t get you , the lil old lady across the street would .

Comments are closed for this post