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This really is a man's world, but in the last few decades black women have done more to undermine the black man's role as the head of the family than any white man ever could.

For as long as I can remember, black women have always supplanted the black male as head of most households in the black community. Black women still rank highest among unmarried females of any race. And, the black community still holds the record for unwed single mothers.

This all leads back to the fact that black women do not respect themselves and in turn don't respect black men, who are increasingly looking outside of our community for respect and validation.

Listen to the sistah in this video as she speaks the truth that most of you don't want to hear. After you're done watching the video, watch it again.

  • The Divine Ms. K

    Wait a minute... (and my disclaimer is that I haven't watched the video)

    Didn't we JUST have a post on Monica and how though she isn't married, her and Rocko's love is real and all that matters is that their kids are taken care of? I'm confused - so are you now saying Monica doesn't respect herself and doesn't respect her man/fiance/baby daddy, etc...????

    And if black men are being underminded as the head of households, it's not all on the women. Yes, these women accept these brothers not wifing them up or whatever - at the same time, if the men would stop running when they had kids or stop thinking it's cool to have a baby mama or whatever - the women wouldn't be forced to take on those caregiver roles.

    I'm out!

  • iscream

    Monica & Tiny you hear that you have no respect for yourselves!

    You sure know how to get peoples blood boiling. & please post a link to where these stats came from.

    I never knew how powerful self hate was.

  • ReadTheBlog

    It has nothing to do with black women NOT knowing their place in the black family, and everything to do with our men being taken from us during slavery, therefor FORCING US to take the drivers seat, and manage the family the best way we can. It's a mess that didn't happen overnight and it's one that won't be cleaned up immediately, either. BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT. Oh and by the way, if you are not a part of the solution - YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

    Sandra, why don't you post a video about entertainment bloggers not knowing their place? They should leave the commenting on political and social issues to the professionals.

  • Daisy

    This all leads back to the fact that black women do not respect themselves and in turn don’t respect black men, who are increasingly looking outside of our community for respect and validation.

    **************************************
    Last I checked men didn't need a reason to date outside their race other than thats what they WANTED to do! If a black man wants to date Becky more power to him. I could care less.

    Why can't we find COMMON ground and stop playing the blame game. Respect and Disrespect can go both ways simple as that. I find it interesting that you would place ALL the blame on the number of unmarried black women on black women. I wish we had more HAPPILY married black couples. I hope Barack and Michelle inspire people to get married that it is not played out and only something our grandparents did.

    I have a great deal of respect for myself and I am not married, so what is your point again? In my circle of friends I am the one always holding it down for black men who are in NO rush to marry me or them.

    The video would not play for me but if she is talking crazy as you I did not miss anything.

  • Charles

    So gyess what yall atl hoodrat jai jai aka diamonds make up artist wrote me back


    Your such a considered person and I really appreciate all the comments that you have ever left on my page.....they really show how bright you are!!!! I am glad that you continously stay in beat with all of my updates and that you take time out of your busy schedule to leave me such remarkable msgs. It is because of people like you that I continue to rise exceedingly and abundantly!!!! I wont hold any judgement against you b/c where living in perilous times and the enemy is real....This spiritual warfare is bigger than you and I...however, I will be praying for you and I challenge you to accept Christ and live as beautiful as I do....I understand my life is entertaining and Ive been a hot topic for quite some time now, but i adore you...honestly, maybe we should hook up for coffee or maybe redwine, oh its me!!!!

    Oh and as far as living goes.....do you actually think we have your i.q to take a pic of one of our many cars directly in front of our beautiful home so that people like you can zabba search us...of course not, sure your light bulb watts are higher than that....coming from a family that has lucrative funds, we wouldnt make a ignorant business decision such as your own, and never mind the silver spoon baby soon for arrival that probably has more in her savings acct than you should imagine....See I serve an awesome God and he has not and will not forsake me....Now I do understand misery loves company, but lets just say the father thinks we should pay your bills for the month, if need be you can send me your info and I'm sure we can handle this matter expeditiously!!!! Im sure its equivalent to a pair of my Tory Burch sandals and I have a million pair!!!!!!!!! Nice day love don’t forget to send us a copy of your expenses…thanks!!!!!!!!"

  • ReadTheBlog

    SR commentary is like an

    (_ * _) <----that's an a$$ hle... full of sh*t.

  • Krysi J

    Oh the answer to those questions she asked is simple...what happened?........men stop being providers, they stop proposing, they're priorities became themselves, and they started breaking vows, and filing for divorces to leave their wives for MEN or some tramp they laid up with during their marriage. It really doesn't have anything to do with the WOMAN, they had no choice but to take their place and provide for themselves and their children.

  • Shauny

    Well said so far. I refuse to be taken there today so I won't comment.

  • The Divine Ms. K

    @ iscream - did you watch the video? Did this girl give out stats or something? I can't watch it at work. :(

  • maema
  • iscream

    @ Charles you posted that to prove Necole b!tchie point of you being a stalker?

    Why are you even communicating with that man. He is so yesterdays news. Telling all your (lies) business about your family. Are you trying to get a date?

    Thanks for taking my mind off of this nonesense post.

  • Kymystry

    drops mic (blunk)

    points to the right this time --> -->

    sexual chocolate everyone ... sexual chocolate

  • Charles

    @10

    Im a stalker what are you talking about do not get a LITE read

  • mimi08

    What!!???

    First, she doesn't know what she's talking about. Black women never "wanted" the role of head of the family; we were forced there because so many black men refused to take the reigns. No black woman truly wants to run the roost, she does it because she has to. She does it because he is not there to do so. And the independent attitude comes as a RESULT of the black men level of disrespect for the black women for decadesssssssss! Black men don't now, and never have held their women to the same esteem as other races of men have their women. Black men don't now, and never have protected their women, revered their women, as other races of men have their women. After this was done so much, black women got the picture that hey, i can't lay down here and cry, i gotta pick myself up, and i got kids to take care of.

    Their are so many singles female head of household families not because the woman refuses to submit to the authority of the black men, but because black women refuse to let the abuse of their minds, bodies, and spirits to be abused by black men. I've heard this argument before, and it's usually from women who either are a part of, or close associate of the islamic culture. Black men somehow convince these women that they are the cause of the breakdown of the black family, even though for years, black men have revered white woman and think they are better, stepped out on black women making multiple babies outside of the marriage, some having whole families on the same block, refused to see our value, and refused to recognize our strength. It's insane to think black women want to be single mothers, that we would rather be unmarried in order to avoid being submissive, that our thinking is so independent that we could never come together for the sake of family.

    Most black women bend over backwards for their men, and even though they know their men are cheating and lying, they internalize it as their fault, and when he leaves, it's their fault too. Most black women refused for years to date outside their race (thank god we finally wised up and dating outside our race), hoping and praying that black men would see their beauty and value. Most black women would lie in the faces of their parents, employers and best friends to save the reputation of their black man, even though they know he doing them wrong; they'd rather shoulder the hurt, pain, and dissappointment alone in the dark by themselves. And why, all for the sake of the love and respect of a black man. And what's the payback for this loyalty? Black men in record numbers have deliberately sought out to make families with white women, they have abandoned their black female spouses and children because they simply don't want to shoulder the responsibilities of fatherhood and being the head, especially when times get hard; they refuse to curtail their infidelity and continue to run all up and around town with the next willing female no matter her race, and they refuse to put us on that pedestal. Simply put, we are not, and never have been revered and truly valued by the black men, even going back to slavery days when we were sleeping with the white man so he wouldn't hang or sell our children and men.

    Black men have never wanted to admit their fault in the breakdown of the black family. They never thought black women would be strong enough to truly be independent because they knew, even along time ago, that black women are the least revered in society. They knew that black men were more "valued" then black women. Women as a whole were thought to be less valuable than men, and don't have the nerve to be a black woman (you basically had no value, except being a sex object, breast feeder, or field worker). Black men never thought women would rise to the challenge of being a single independent mother, raise families by themselves, get a college education, and do it all by looking fierce as hell. For so many black men, this is threatening and they see it as usurping their authority.

    The tables flipped and now they don't know how to get back what they lost...oh well, we'll leave that to them to figure out, since in my opinion, they are the ones that didn't recognize a good thing when they had it.

  • Shauny

    SHOTS FIRED!!!!

  • kwallace577

    "black women are out of pocket and breaking up their own marriages."

    i stopped it after that ONE statement. 20 seconds into the video and i KINDLY hit the stop button.

    WHO is this video poster so i can write her a letter? i need a name.

    hail YES at krysi j. men stopped being providers. what they hail a black woman supposed to do....sit around and WAIT on somebody to pay some rent? pay some lights? pay some water? so she can be in there in the dark while the police is padlocking her dayum door and she cain't even wash a load of clothes or her azz or bathe her kids before she is evicted?

    that scenario right there is what got a homie of mine flucked up cause she was sitting around waiting on her husband to be the "man" of the house while she was stuck like chuck.

    sitchoazz down video gurl.

  • http://myspace.com/savagegoddess SavageGoddess

    does it mention the high rate of homsexuality in the Black community........

  • anti-PC

    I didn't watch the video (white box), but I have an opinion on this issue:

    Single parenthood is now the rule, not the exception in this day and age. The men no longer want to be parents. Back in the day the father would at least raise his kids from afar with money and an occasional visit. Now they just want to be sperm donors (i.e., hit it and quit it). Part of the reason why black women are eschewing men is because today's men SUCK!

    Black women have no choice but to head the household, provide for their children and protect them. This is sad because no one can teach a boy how to be a man except a man, but men are not men anymore. They are sissies!

    Kudos to the black women of today holding it down and doing what our men should be doing!

    Granted, I don't agree with single motherhood, but it is what it is. We need to be blaming these punk, responsibility-avoiding men before we blame the women who DO stick around!

    We need more Obama's as far as fathers are concerned. Lord knows, I can't stand him as President, but I admire him as a good father to his two little girls.

  • iscream

    @ miss divine I can't see the video nor can I say what I really want to because unlike the powers that be I can lose my place in line.

    @ Krysi very well said.

    Will never understand how in one breath an unwed couple can be praised as true love.. Then in the next breath Jay & Bey are torn down.

    I'm just curious does this low level of respect apply only to LSLH black women or all of them?

  • Charles

    "vThis all leads back to the fact that black women do not respect themselves and in turn don’t respect black men, who are increasingly looking outside of our community for respect and validation."

    AGREED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Charles

    @16

    what does that mean?

  • miamore73

    It's a circle in my opinion that leads back to the man.

    Man doesn't man up and raise his children. Instead a women has to step up and raise the children alone. So these children grow up watching a women do her thang as the dominant roll in the household. Once these children grow up the boy sat around watching his mother do everything and the so has his sister. So she's use to running things and he's use to be run.

    There comes a time when we have to admit these things to ourselves and make a change for ourselves. I grew up in that house hold ran only by women and so did my husband. I think these issues made our marriage a little more complicated because I had to learn how to fall back and let my man be a man and he had to step up. We can't keep blaming other people for our issues. You have to understand your issue and then step up and fix it.

  • miamore73

    Most of these mommas boys also end coming out extremly weak and know they can't hold their own against a black women (mama). So they have no choice but to run to Becky. They need a weaker mate to make them feel like a man.

  • http://charactercorner.blogspot.com attorneymom

    @ Sandra, I concur with you to a certain extent. However, men are not without fault in this atrocity. Men don't know how to appropriately use their God given dominion. Women were supposed to assist or help him in his “dominionship” over the Earth. Men were never to take his power and dominate women. It is unnatural.

    Genesis 2:18 -25
    18And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

    19And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

    20And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

    21And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

    22And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

    23And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

    24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

    25And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

  • mimi08

    Sorry for the long post, but that video was pure lunacy.

  • maema

    also, for people stating that the problem is that the men are not being providers -- fine. point taken. But the real issue is that men are more likely to provide in the context of traditional marriage. if you have children outside of marriage, well, stability should not exactly be expected. any review of statistics will tell you that.

    but, kudos of course, to the women who hold it down regardless.

  • Daisy

    @Ice I dont know who tears down Jay and B for being married. I am on record as saying they do NOT move me as a couple. If that is tearing them down so be it. Jay is damn near 40 (if truly not already) so it was time he settled down..lol I am happy they are a black married couple.

    Just because a couple is married vs dating doesnt make them a cute couple so to speak as far as me liking them or not. My comments are about chemistry not martial status.

    @Shauny this is only part II of the SHOTS FIRED convo from yesterday. Sandra is not slick..lol

    *********ducking down and running for cover*************

  • kwallace577

    Will never understand how in one breath an unwed couple can be praised as true love.. Then in the next breath Jay & Bey are torn down.
    -------------------------------------------
    PREACH. cause just THIS week the monica and rocko post was "true love" and just YESTERDAY beyonce was leading sean..who is her HUSBAND--around by the balls yadda yadda yadda. which i doubt b/c it ws been long talked about that she indeed lets HIM take the lead, but whatever.

    so which one is it?

  • Shauny

    damn, I guess I missed it then. crap

  • mimi08

    Jesus Christ people, let's not make this conversation a beyonce/ jayz conversation...PLEASE!! Let's give them a rest and take a break on that. Good lord, i swear their names come up and EVERY conversation, no matter the topic. Damn, could they truly be the center of the universe? Maybe i'm blind and can't see it...gheesh!

  • Daisy

    @Mimi Tell us how you really feel...LOL

  • kwallace577

    i am not a beyonce fan @mimi. i always fall back on the bey posts and almost never comment on them. i just cosigned on what isc said about how a married couple is scorned here and the unmarrieds are held to a higher standard.

  • Shauny

    I'm out. There are far too many annoying people on today and my attitude can't take it. See yall later. Going to enjoy our 80+ degree weather for a few.

  • Naima

    Who would be the head of your same sex household Sandra?

  • mimi08

    @kwallace

    I know, i know, but it just seems that no matter the topic, whether they are being used as a good example or a bad example, their names are brought up, EVERY TIME, EVERY DAY, EVERY TOPIC. I swear the topic can be about the color and shape of our shyt (a health topic), and i swear somebody would say, "i shyt last night and it looked like beyonce."

    I'm just saying, they seem to pop up in every topic no matter what, somebody gone say their either one or both of their names.

  • Naima

    Why do they eventually leave Becky also? There are countless uncombed biracial heads walking down the street these days

  • iscream

    @ MiMi08 I can't even front I read your comment with a tissue in hand. Thank you for breaking it down to the lmnop. I get so tired of black women getting blamed for shyt.

  • kwallace577

    me too @iscream. about black women getting blamed for everything. to hear sandra and some others tell it single parents are the downfall of society.

    and naima you better preach on what happens when the home has two same sex partners in it? what then? then who is to blame? there are alot of same sex homes these days too. maybe not as many as single parent homes but still. they are on the rise too.

  • Charles

    @mimi @ iscream

    what you talking about?

  • Charles

    @37

    thats not what she said at all, and i QUOTE
    "black women do not respect themselves and in turn don’t respect black men, who are increasingly looking outside of our community for respect and validation"

    No one blames single women, just moms who dont respect themselves their kids or othersss

  • iscream

    I mentioned jayonce to make a point (that had nothing to do you Daisy). Kwallace thank you for getting my point.

  • mimi08

    @35 Naima

    Some black men leave black women because they don't like themselves, they were taught not to, and it's so deeply ingrained...because they don't truly like themselves, they don't want to roll over at night and see someone that looks like them cause they don't like themselves. They would rather see what the world says is beautiful. That gives them a false sense of well being, false sense of confidence, and a false sense of belonging...But guess what, sometimes it don't last because..

    Eventually black men leave white women because they were only there for the submissiveness of the white woman, they were there because she allowed him to take the backseat, and they were there because that white woman made them feel better about themselves. But for the natural inclination of a man, not only a black man, but the respect was never there for that white woman (that's why they snap and beat them like they do), and that black man get tired of dominating something so easily. There's a bunch of other reasons to, but they are deeply psychologically ingrained.

    That's my take.

  • Charles

    "Some black men leave black women because they don’t like themselves, they were taught not to, and it’s so deeply ingrained…because they don’t truly like themselves, they don’t want to roll over at night and see someone that looks like them cause they don’t like themselves. They would rather see what the world says is beautiful. That gives them a false sense of well being, false sense of confidence, and a false sense of belonging…But guess what, sometimes it don’t last because.."

    I honestly find it hard to believesomeone consciously or subconsciosly thinks or believes that

  • Mspeng

    Mimi...I don't even need to comment because you have said everything that was on my mind. I cosign all you say 100%

  • Charles

    What a sad world it is for black women

  • iscream

    @ Charles please read the line before.

    And I quote

    "And, the black community still holds the record for unwed single mothers.

    This all leads to the fact...."

  • anti-PC

    @mimi08

    I have never looked at it that way, but you take on it makes a lot of sense.

  • Krysi J

    The tables flipped and now they don’t know how to get back what they lost…oh well, we’ll leave that to them to figure out, since in my opinion, they are the ones that didn’t recognize a good thing when they had it.

    -------------------------------------------------------

    They know how to get back what they lost, we're not that hard on them....but they don't want to step up, they have it too good, being low lifes?? Why should they care if we are holding it down and taking care of the kids they helped create...thats not what they consider "their problem"....its complete detatchment...no emotions what so ever, no change of heart, no better man for the sake of his child....If you aren't going to allow a man to do what the hell he wants, have his cake and eat it too, slap you around, totally disregard your worth, and try with all his might to lower your self esteem to HIS level, then they will eventually leave you for a bytch who will... Now, me, I leave FIRST, I will never let a man one up on me, dog me out, and LEAVE ME with a broken heart....I have to at least have my dignity. Cuz they surely don't want a woman to have any with the way they do shyt now a days....leave ya for a MAN, leave ya for a TRAMP HO* BYTCH (Bernadine), and WHITE trailer traSH!

  • Charles

    @45

    i disagree that a mother has to have a man or be married to raise good kids who grow up respecting themselves and others i am a example myparents divorced when i was 8 and allthought my dad still was in my life my mom did a damn good job with my sister and myself, the problem is these young hussies who are 19 20 who normally dont have the maturity to take care of themselves or others

  • Charles

    @47

    and dont sleep with em EITHER!!!!!!! and if you do have sex use protection

  • SunnyPA

    I read somewhere that the necessity for Black woman to take the lead developed through slavery.

    Most Black men were field slaves and beaten if they even looked up. Black women could get away with more, thereby, taking the reins to protect the Black man and move carefully move around the slave master. That, demeaned Black men and gave Black women power. Late, Black women were able to get the better job since we're not viewed as threatening as the Black man.

    Through the years, Black men have come to resent that ... and saw White women as a way to get back at the slave master and the now dominant(sp) Black woman.

  • SunnyPA

    BTW, I didn't view the video. I'm just going off some of the comments

  • Kymystry

    Soooo .. the tone of SR is ... Obama Did it .. if he didn't whats left blame on Black Women/Single mother's

  • Naima

    Here we go with slavery again. BW were beat during slavery too and were in the fields so please, there was no chivalry from the slave masters to slave women

  • Naima

    And stop with the BW are less intimidating so they get jobs. Please, I see BW everyday ringing up cash registers, working in nursing homes and hotels cleaning up after folks to feed their families. Stop acting like BW hold all the high power corporate jobs, most of the black CEO's in corporate America are men by the way

  • SunnyPA

    Then it's a vicious cycle and you're all f*cked

  • iscream

    @ Charles

    Tell that to Sandra because according to her single mothers raise muderers, gays, men who don't respect women... did I leave anything out? Anything but law obeying, God fearing, decent citizans of the world.

    Never mind the fact that every case is different and people shouldn't be lumped into one catergory because no two circumstances are the same.

    & not all teen parents are bad. My cousin had her baby @ 14 she finished high school, got her BA, married the father of her 2nd child that she had many years later, owns her home, car & pays her taxes. It a case by case thing. But I also get your point.

  • lovejoy1

    lmao @ Naima - OK .. All im going to say is mimi and is said it all.. No need for me to comment....

    @ charles- go sit your ass down!! I dont know what black woman hurt you but you keep pushing with them white women.. we aint missing shYt!!!!!!!
    Peace

  • Daisy

    @Namia That may be true but it is also TRUE that families were broken up during those times. I feel where you are coming from it is 2009 and soome black men can and should be doing better but that was also a true statement about slavery as well.

    I still say there is enough blame to go around but that is not helping solve the problem by playing the blame game.

    There are some good black men and women in 2009!

  • Lala11_7

    @ Kymystry Says:

    Soooo .. the tone of SR is … Obama Did it .. if he didn’t whats left blame on Black Women/Single mother’s
    ==================

    Well...it CERTAINLY seem that way...

    I think its VERY DANGEROUS AND VERY IRRESPONSIBLE to throw such a simple "emotional template" on the problems between Black men and Black women...

    It is because of stances like those that are presented in the blog and the other negative paradigms that I hear being sprouted about that true conversations and understanding are NOT being held so that REAL CHANGE CAN HAPPEN IN OUR COMMUNITY...

    I'm tired of the "what" and "why" aspect of this situation...how about the JUST DON'T DO IT!!!

    I'm just glad that I never played the game to perpetrate this b.s.

  • http://myspace.com/thegameoncw Bird

    You got my neck rolling on this one Miss Sandra. I don't even need to watch the video. Black women are responsible for the destruction of the black family because we are the ones raising these idiot ass men. We make them into what they are from birth and then when they get older we continue the trend started by the mothers by letting them get away with treating us like sh*t. That's our only responsibility huge though it may be. But when do they start taking responsibility for their own actions? Why don't we run from our kids? Why do we man up and chase that dollar to keep up with the cycle of spoiling our sons? The men are missing in action. We are only partly responsible for what is going on with them. For every struggling single mother there is a deadbeat daddy. Do you and this woman on the video have an answer for why black men fall down on the job on the regular and wrecklessly plant seeds they don't give two shits about? You can miss me with this one man. I'm holding mine down and if the Lord blesses me and my future husband with a son he's gonna be a man. We will not spoil him to the point that he runs from responsibility or wastes his precious seeds on women he doesn't think are good enough to be his wife. There is nothing cool about that.

  • http://myspace.com/rayne215 spongebobfan

    ok......... so what i miss.. wow heated conversation in here...cant see vid, blocked at work

  • Daisy

    Hey Bird!

    @ice My bad but I had to clarify and go on record that I do not tear down Jay/B as a couple...lol

  • mimi08

    @krysi who said:

    They know how to get back what they lost, we’re not that hard on them….but they don’t want to step up, they have it too good, being low lifes?? Why should they care if we are holding it down and taking care of the kids they helped create…thats not what they consider “their problem”….its complete detatchment…no emotions what so ever, no change of heart, no better man for the sake of his child….If you aren’t going to allow a man to do what the hell he wants, have his cake and eat it too, slap you around, totally disregard your worth, and try with all his might to lower your self esteem to HIS level, then they will eventually leave you for a bytch who will… Now, me, I leave FIRST, I will never let a man one up on me, dog me out, and LEAVE ME with a broken heart….I have to at least have my dignity. Cuz they surely don’t want a woman to have any with the way they do shyt now a days….leave ya for a MAN, leave ya for a TRAMP HO* BYTCH (Bernadine), and WHITE trailer traSH!
    ____________________________________________________________

    Girl, we agree on that!!!!! You sound just like me on this topic...we are definitely thinking alike on this post, yep!

  • MZN

    mimi08 said it best! I feel the same exact way...

  • PAHairston

    Hello All. What happened? Back in the 60s, women got a good taste of white feminism, you know the concept of "I don't need no man." Many of us embraced this concept full on. Thus today, a few generations later, you have women having 3,4,5 babies with just as many daddies. "I don't need no man" they cry, yet proceeding to have a "church full of children", as Tupac put it. This wouldn't be so bad if many of these women had good-paying jobs to provide for all these children. (If you can't feed 'em, don't breed em.) I know this sound harsh perhaps even racist and judgmental to most, but look at where many of our children are headed today: the jail or the cemetery, so sad.

    I know I'm making some folks mad but so be it. If the shoe fits.....Now I'm gonna really make you mad. Want to know what f***** up America? The choices that white men and black women have made. Not all but a whole lot of us, and them, have helped mold America. I'm just saying, and I love you all. Peace.

  • http://myspace.com/thegameoncw Bird

    PAHairston

    I have to disagree. Many poor people raise productive children. I would never agree that only people who can afford it should have children. There are too many people in our country who would never get to conceive. What all children need is outstanding guidance from the people who raise them. Money can't buy that. I know plenty of good for nothing people whose parents were not poor.

  • http://myspace.com/latituded400 Shannon

    I don't agree with the statement that Black Women are only to blame for the continued decline of the Black family. I look around my family and neighborhood and I see some sorry ass Black men as well. Just looking back two generations my grandparents were strong fixtures in the community. They married at a very young age, had minimal education and raised 6 children. Two out of those six became decent members of society. Two passed away from dealing with the demons that drug addiction and alcoholism cause. Two may as well be dead because they are fighting the same demons. My grandparents aren't perfect but the raised their children in a loving environment and did the best they could do with what they head. When my own mother and her siblings failed to raise their children, my grandparents stepped in. Some of us turned out decent and some of us did not. It is my belief that we are born with what it takes to lead and have great lives yet some of us choose not to. We make bad decisions and form relationships with people who are toxic and non-productive. I broke that cycle as far as I'm concerned and suspect the next person, male or female can do the same.

  • Daisy

    PA

    The shoe does not fit for me as I am single no kids but I don't agree with u at all

  • Charles

    " some of us choose not to"

    People are so quick to blamne instead of take their own accountability

  • flyqtnva

    why yall getting mad..damn she telling the truth,,,I bet all yall was singing INDEPENDENT WOMAN looking crazy,,,,I wasnt cause I'm married,,,,lol....i love my husband

  • http://charactercorner.blogspot.com attorneymom

    @ Sandra, do you have a new man in your life?? By your post, I don't perceive any lesbian aggression against men. What is up with that?

  • flyqtnva

    WOMEN you have the POWER & YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT...we have been devalued by the media & your favorite rapper....I read the comments saying its the man that anit showing up....BUT GUESS WHAT...you laid down with him....ACCOUNTABILITY.....you knew what type of ni@@a you was dealing with from the jump. Like I said previously I felt my power YOUNG...I KNEW I WAS BEAUTILFUL...I heard it all my life....so I knew I could pick & choose my mate...and I chose wisely. I wasnt gonna let NO lil boy take advantage of me. First comes LOVE, then MARRIAGE and you wont have to worry about being a single mom....and in my marriage DIVORCE is not an option, it's not on the table EVER

  • anti-PC

    You spoke the truth, PAHairston.

  • flyqtnva

    @mimi08
    Im kinda with you but NOT...because what happened b4 you get to having babies with a no good ass ni@@a anyway...how do u get to that point? WHY? HOW?

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    I agree with some of you but have any of you thought to look at the women? we plot on each other, knowingly sleep with each other husand, tear down one another. then turn around and say this stupid azz line "she don't owe you nothing, another woman don't owe you anything she can sleep with your man if she wants." tell me this if we don't respect one another why should the men. if sit back and amen and high five and defend a woman who sleeps with another womans husband saying shes not wrong? weres the respect among us? do we think men are not smart enough to know we don't have unity among us so they do it cuz they can I gotta part 2 coming I a min I just feel like we are hurting each other with this mess

  • Coo Coo Bananas

    I think its a funny a lesbian would post this lol.

  • flyqtnva

    WOMEN ARE BLAMED BECAUSE....you choose to sleep with him...not the other way around....stop sleeping with trash and you wont be treated like trash...I'm 100% Christian....I had 2 bad boyfriends in my life..I knew they were bad..drug dealers..no job..disrespectful..cheating..and again I say I knew I didnt want to marry or bring children in the world with them...AND I DIDNT...ACCOUNTABILITY....you chose you lose

  • Krysi J

    and dont sleep with em EITHER!!!!!!! and if you do have sex use protection

    -------------------------------------------------------

    Charles what da fukk is this post supposed to mean....LET ME LET ALL U MF KNOW SOMETHING OK....I HAVE 2 KIDS, YES 2!! THEY ARE ALMOST 8 whole fukking years apart!! Don't fukking start trying to lable me fukking fluzzy with all kinda fukking kids from different men...WHAT THE FUKK WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, GO BACK TO FUKKING THE SAME NICCAH THAT HURT ME THE FIRST TIME JUST TO SAY I HAVE 2 KIDS FROM THE SAME MAN THAT STILL WON'T MARRY ME!! It had been almost ten fukking years I moved on with my LIFE. AND SINCE YOU DON'T KNOW SHYT ABOUT HOW LONG AH NIGGA WAITED TO GET IN ME, or any other circumstance about my relationships except what I told you, don't assume PROTECTION wasn't used!!! JUST COMMENT ON THE MF POST, and stay da FUKK OFF ME!

  • iscream

    @ Fly that's great for you but that's not everyones situation. Like I said everything is a case by case. So just because your life was love, marriage, baby carriage does not mean its going to be that way for your neighbor or hell even your sister.

    & believe just because a woman opens her legs to have pre maritial sex does not mean she doesn't know her worth or think she is beautiful. & just because a woman chooses not to abort her child does not make her not accountable for her responsibilities. I actually think she is being accountable for her responsibilities.

  • Krysi J

    well said Shannon #67

  • BayArea

    Sandra, you have been "preaching" this for a long time and I've been listening. That's all I have to say....

  • Shauny

    Come back and yall still at it...lol
    Whew glad I stopped commenting. This is one of those can't respect other peoples opinions because yours have to be right post that I'll continue to just lurk on...leaving again----->

  • Naima

    Just b/c Sandra is blaming the women doesn't means she loves men. Lesbians can pick up the same misogynistic attitudes towards other women that some men have. I hear they also cheat, use women for money and commit domestic violence against other women also

  • Krysi J

    I agree with 75 and 79

  • mimi08

    @PA Hairston & flygtnva

    You cannot blame the 60's movement and feminism for breakdown of black families. Why do you think that notion of being independent among black women were so attractive when that movement came along? Because black men had left black women with such a void that when this movement came along, it was a novel thought that women can accomplish things on their own, raise families, and supply a roof over the heads of their children. It helped not only black women, but all women to see their own power, their own gifts individually as women and collectively as women. Black women had no choice but to embrace it, and thank god this movement came along and gave us some of the tools in which to see ourselves in a light that we could accomplish much for ourselves instead of crying over spilled milk.

    To this day SOME black men don't appreciate the strength of the black women, instead taking all of her accomplishments as a slap in the face to them, instead of seeing it for what it is, and that's a person down, just trying to pull themselves up, without the help of her so called man. And as far as popping off at the mouth, yep, that happens alot among black women admittedly. But why? Because we don't want to be in this position, we resent it, and it hurts that our beauty and value isn't seen by our own men. When your only options are, put your kids up for adoption, let your family raise your kids, or DO FOR YOU AND YOURS, then that can be a bitter pill to swallow, and it can make one incredibly defensive, bitter, and just plain angry. By choice, no woman would choose that fate. Now can we make better decisions regarding our partners, ABSOLUTELY! I've been saying that for years.

    Women got to start picking better. We gotta get a new gage in which to compare these men against. Getting with men cause he got a hood rep, a no-no, getting with a man because he got loot, a no-no, getting with a man cause he got a nice ride, house, or job, a no-no, getting with a man simply because of his swagga and sense of style, a no-no, and getting with a man cause he's stolen your heart, you guessed it, a no-no. Instead we need to make choices based on a man's ability to provide both physically and spiritually, a man's willingness to want a family, a caring man, one that's nurturing and thoughtful, one without pretenses, someone who have strong values in terms of family, a man who deeply respects and values the family unit, and one who above all things, would put his family first next to God. These are things i would say women need to work on, who we are choosing.

    But in terms of starting all this bull, from way back when, black men owe us alot, and they haven't starting paying that bill off yet. I'm waiting for payment arrangements knee-grows!

  • keely107

    ^5 #75!!! I dont have to say nathan!

  • Krysi J

    WOMEN ARE BLAMED BECAUSE….you choose to sleep with him…not the other way around….stop sleeping with trash and you wont be treated like trash…I’m 100% Christian….I had 2 bad boyfriends in my life..I knew they were bad..drug dealers..no job..disrespectful..cheating..and again I say I knew I didnt want to marry or bring children in the world with them…AND I DIDNT…ACCOUNTABILITY….you chose you lose
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Have you ever had an abortion? Just curious...anyhoo. My life is far different from yours Fly, I can never LOSE, cuz its not an option....what da fukk did I lose out on?? Unlike others I wanted my kids I guess because of my mom's choices I didn't stick around and wait for a man to make me out of a complete fool...I had moments where I wanted things to work, but it was only so I could say I was MARRIED TO THE FATHER OF MY CHILD....well I snapped outta dat shyt az well, it ain worth it. I was a late bloomer I didn't start fukking at an early age like these 14, 15 & 16 year olds...I was a senior in high school on my way to prom and graduation when I decided I was ready, and I chose him because he was in college trying to do better and he treated me right at first, better than I had known, because I had never experienced a long term relationship or emotions like love or having sex until him....when I got pregnant I was scared, but he was there, and he supported me at first...and without warning he begins to cheat on me with other females. Now, even when I found out about the first one, he DENIED it, and we remained together...we would have it out but he still provided everything I needed. We got a small apartment (before that I was already living on my own, taking care of myself)and thats when ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! If I can except, that something happened, that I didn't want to happen, that I didn't expect to happen to a girl like me....than why can't anyone else. I picked up the pieces and put everything back in place and continued to do better, my son was not even a big deal to take care of...I just wish his dad would keep his word and do right by him. He knew he was wrong, he apologized, but you know what he said...."I came to early in his life" all that "I wanna marry you" shyt, yea it was said but what did he think I was going to do, sit around for a decade while he has 2-3 babies on me from different women before he proposed...sounds ridiculous doesn't....WELL THATS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE U MFs felt like I should have done!!??

  • pointhimout

    87 comments i hate i missed the excitement. damn job. of course she has. nothing else i can say that hasn't already been said.

  • iscream

    *pssst krsyi J come here gurl,

    You aint got to explain nathan to these people. Your life is your life and their life is their's. Nobody, I don't care what they say, life is perfect. We all have our faults and we all have our crosses to bare. Most married people that I know say that marriage is hard work and about sacrafice. They don't tell us what they sacraficed for their family and you don't need to explain what you sacraficed for yours. If you are happy with the choices you made for you and yours; f uck what the rest of us think.

    Put on your f uck'em dress and say...

    f uck'em girl
    f uck'em
    f uck'em girl
    f uck'em.

  • miamore73

    I agree with Shannon...How long are we going to blame slavery for EVERYTHING!!!

    Man up make your choices.

    You can choose to run around and stick your ding a ling into everythang movin and allow several women to run you and the households your children live in or you can choose to get married hold down a job and take care of your family.

    Life is about choices. YOURS!!

  • Daisy

    @fly God is about compassion and luv and you seem not to be doing either. Again I am single no kids very few sexual partners and currently celibate for yrs now. Not every single mother has the same story.God has a way of humbling people and I will leave it at that.

    Interesting that abortion came up two days in a row.that's a hot topic for real

    Shoutout to all the single mothers and fathers who hold it down every day.

    Oh and not all women tear other women down n sleep with their men. Again why must everything be blamed on the woman I hate when women say I don't deal with women or have female friends that is sad to me.

  • miamore73

    icescream I love the fuck um girl song!!!!!

  • iscream

    Daisy Says:
    Oh and not all women tear other women down n sleep with their men. Again why must everything be blamed on the woman I hate when women say I don’t deal with women or have female friends that is sad to me.
    ***************************************************
    I'm glad you brought that up cause I didn't want to be the one

    but

    since you did. Nichelle is from Necole site and she has recently gotten her heart stepped on. So I guess she is holding on to that hurt and everything I read from her is basically the same thing remixed. To that I say be happy that nicca is out of your life. Don't let him continue to have a hold on you by walking around mad at women. That girl he cheated on you with, even though she said it was nothing, did not get a prize.

    & besides that, that's not even what this post was about.

  • Kymystry

    mimi08 said .. and it was the TRUTH
    To this day SOME black men don’t appreciate the strength of the black women, instead taking all of her accomplishments as a slap in the face to them, instead of seeing it for what it is, and that’s a person down, just trying to pull themselves up, without the help of her so called man. And as far as popping off at the mouth, yep, that happens alot among black women admittedly. But why? Because we don’t want to be in this position, we resent it, and it hurts that our beauty and value isn’t seen by our own men. When your only options are, put your kids up for adoption, let your family raise your kids, or DO FOR YOU AND YOURS, then that can be a bitter pill to swallow, and it can make one incredibly defensive, bitter, and just plain angry. By choice, no woman would choose that fate. Now can we make better decisions regarding our partners, ABSOLUTELY! I’ve been saying that for years.

    .. i don't need to say anything else

    amen and amen

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    for of all I did not say all wome and second of all it is true so no matter what you say it is true. period and I don't feel no ways about each other and it is what the post is about respect and men steping up and how will they ever step up when they have so may options? when they don't have to, when they can get away with what there doing tell me why are they gonna stop when there having so much fun out there that's why you nevere hear men say there not getting married or even want to because it so uch fun to have so many options to make and that's real. but on the other hand our opt do nearly come as close as theres, so you can feel what you want I never said all woman but there sure is enough to keep the ninjas from stepping up. so again if you disagree with me fine but my personal life had nothing to do with my comment. when you point the finger one way its two pointing back at you. and im not mad at women its the reality some woman are only out for themselves

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    these men are out here doing what there allowed to do, if we as women didn't allow it, it wouldn't happen and that's my opinion and its understandable you don't agree with me we can agree to disagree and im not talking about all women either. its sad cuz the ninjas just get away with n
    murder

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    sorry for the misspelled words typed this on my phn

  • Anna

    Real men man up. Black women are not heads of households by choice. It's the circumstance they were left with. I know many married women who are living with their husbands and the women are the head of the household because the lazy mf won't get a job making minium wage because he finds it to be beneath him. I can't see myself living with a husband who refuses to work. I can't see my son looking at his lazy dad and think he can do the same thing or my daughter looking at her father and accepting this same life for herself. There is a difference between being unemployed and not having a J O B. The unemployed have unemployment benefits. Black males don't man up because they were never taught to or because there were no positive examples in their rearing. I have a 21 yr. old nephew with a 7 month old daughter. He pays child support and when he is not at work he is taking care of his daughter. I bet he never thought his bedroom (at his moms house) would have a baby bed in it. LOL. He is a great dad who loves his daughter and is still with the babies mother. I see more potiental in my 21 year old nephew than I do these 30-40 year old sperm donors. My sister is a single mom but she did not have to tell her son how to be a dad to his baby girl.

  • mimi08

    @iscream

    No problem girl...I just called it like i saw it...don't cry, put away that tissue..lol

  • iscream

    @ Nichelle

    I'm glad you commented on what I said because after I hit the enter button I felt a lil guilty like I hope that didn't come out the wrong way. I was clearly trying to make the point of God does things for a reason and if that man is no longer in your life look at it as a blessing. Try not to hold onto the hurt cause he aint worth it. One monkey don't stop no show and he sure aint letting you stop his.

    Nichelle Said:
    "that’s why you nevere hear men say there not getting married or even want to because it so uch fun to have so many options to make and that’s real."
    *********************************
    I half way agree with this comment. Yeah it may look fun on the outside but when that nicca is always having to eat out, wash his own clothes, wake up in the middle of the night to nothing when he has a bad dream. You had best believe he wants a wife to hold him down. & I do hear and see men committing to their women. Not as much as I'd like but I do see it. Somebody posed the question the other day of go to an old folks home and ask those single men how they feel about never being married. That single life shyt gets old and tired after awhile.

  • mimi08

    @Anna

    Amen!

  • Krysi J

    You are right Isc, but so is Mimi, we are defensive......because its not what we wanted, its what we had to do...........I just don't like MFs trying talk down, or sideways at me for doing what I had to do. Im glad your life is everything you want it to be(at whoever)....shyt I'm good. Just celebrate not being me I suppose if it makes ya feel better, but know this................THIS shyt is reality.......and Im not the first nor will I be the LAST.

    FUKK em!

  • iscream

    @ Mimi as they say the truth hurts and what you said was the truth. (some) Black women are getting torn down because we love our black men thru it all, hoping they punk arses come around only to be let down by them and then stomped on by society (& our own black people).

    SMH

  • iscream

    Krysi J Says:

    You are right Isc, but so is Mimi, we are defensive……because its not what we wanted, its what we had to do……
    ********************************
    Yep, and that what does not kill us will only make us stronger. Single mothers (shyt even married mothers) who go to work every day, to come home and cook, help with home work, do chores, try to find a lil time for yourself before you gots to do it all over again the next day should be uplifted not shot down. It takes a strong, strong minded bitsh to do that. Cause we all know there are mothers out here who will say fuc it and walk away from their responsibility. & them bitshes don't get half the flack.

  • Krysi J

    amen @ 104, the way these MFs talk I would have been better off thinking like my mom........or something???? However, I wouldn't dare!! And they can talk shyt bout that all they want, Im DAMN PROUD of ME!

  • http://organizekaos.blogspot.com JJSPLAYHOUSE

    Sandra u are DEAD WRONG on this. True, some black females dont have respect for themselves but that does not jusify the rest of the single mothers out there. I was married and I am now a single mother who has the highest respect for myself and my family. Most single moms were probably with a man that was not good for them or to them. This a slap in the face for the mothers out there who dont fit the statistic. And Monica and Tiny fit that description of no respect very well yet you praise the fantasy world that they live in. You are wrong on this one Sandra!

  • Daisy

    Get it right when you point the finger u have three coming back. Just because you say it doesn't make it true. I am tired of everybody blaming the women I said earlier there is enough blame to go around n that is not helping the situation at all.

    Ice I agree krysi nor anybody else has to explain themselves. I agree as well marriage is about scarifice that is why I always say its not for everybody well that's one reason lol

    This was a great convo I hope next time we can agree to disagree without being disagreeable

  • Krysi J

    *checking my blood pressure*

    LMAO.....Sandra, ....Oh Sandra, you always got some shyt going on this damn WEBSITE..LOL!.......why must you DO THIS?

  • starr

    WOW......This was a good one. I loved the comments. I'm mad i missed it cuz I was taking finals :( But the comments were off the chain

  • Daisy

    Did the police ever respond to shots fired?

    Krysi don't let sandra n her foolishness that she started yet never responded to make your pressure rise! You are a woman of God and that's all you need to know!

  • Anna

    Yes there are many single dads because mom died or just broke camp. Remember when Victoria Rowell was on "The Cosby Show" she was Olivia's mother and thought she was being smotherd and was not ready to be a mother. Women do leave and pay child support. Too bad single dads get praised and a woman who does not know how to be a wife and mother gets chastised for letting the better parent raise the kids. When a male leaves the family we are not surprised and accept it as a part of life. This is a double standard at it finest. I know old maids who are still waiting for their "Black Knight and Shining Armour" who refuse to date out side their race because they were raised it is wrong. A person of the opposite sex is to compliment who we are not one we need to complete/make us whole. I can't imagine in my "Golden Years" which is not that far away, lol, not being married because I am this Princess who thinks that no man is good enough for me. I am not saying that we have to lower our standards but I will say that some ppl have way too many standards that they can't have anyone in their life with one flaw, while others don't care who they share themselves with to say I have a husband, 'I don't see you with one". Anyone can get married to anybody. It does not make it right or wrong, but you do get what you attract.

  • Krysi J

    And another AMEN goes to Anna for #111

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    @Dasiy I'm not just blaming women, didn't you see me say that these ninjas are running wild. Foot loose and free, and your right just cause I say it don't mean it's true who am I. However, doesn't mean I'm wrong either I guess it all depends on who ya asking. I agree men need to step up more, and stop this foolishness but I doubt it. I mean from just talking to the guys at the barber shop down to my trif cousin and his friends. They all say the same thing, it's to easy. At the barber shop last week and I know this is off the topic, the guys where joking about how much they love Neo because he got the ladies feeling real good about themselves and how he's been out on date after date and didn't have to pay because the women wanted to show him they didn't need him and he said they slept with him to, all the guys had the same story. Now me myself I run my own business to so I know about holding down my own, but I be'd damn if a baby a ninja a bite to eat that's just me. When I asked them why and what about there daughters, mother, sisters, would you want dudes to do that to them. And there answer was, women are going to do what they want once they get grown. my sister is grown I can't tell her nothing I be trying to, the guy with the daughter said that he is gonna lock his daughter up. But to them its like whatever they said why not do it some silly shyt to me. They said cooch is the easiest thing to get these days, you don't have to do nothing but show up. They laughed and said it's harder to get a pair of jordon's, Most of them did say once they get over thirty-five they maybe get married but it's so many options why get a girl. They said whatever you need you can find a girl to do it without commitment to her.

    Now I know all these dudes are dogs but it makes me side eye the women who give them all those things without a commitment. So I'm not saying it's all women fault what Im saying is I just feel like we have to start demanding more. How could every guy in the barber shop have the same feelings thats crazy to me, it's makes me see things in a differ light and I did tell all of them once they settle down they will reap what they sewn but they all say they'll deal with it later. And my dog cousin and his friends are all married and have a sea of women on the side. These women know there married and don't care because there rolling slick with rims and dress nice but on the low there broke. And some of the women have good jobs and degree's but still choose to deal with him even though he's not leaving his wife. I can't judge those women, but again I say demand more. Maybe I'm wrong the things I've seen just make me feel like we have to be more careful and that's means me to although I'm not dating any longer I have no faith in a man to do right hell I even know two preachers that got babies on there wife and the lady sits right in the church and the wife don't know. Thats sad to me but I guess it the men but women are the ones who suffer,

    Don't know anyway, I seen to much and at least my cousin and uncles keep it real with me. Even when I went to church on this past Sunday I saw nothing but azz and titt's I thought I was in the club. Women walking around with shirt that says gold digger and all types of foolishness.

    I do have three faithful men in my family but my one uncle who worked three jobs feared God and respected her. A man that would have died for her and she had a nice big house fly car and ring, cheated on him and got preggers by a married man. So funny cuz she always totted her bible around like she was so saved and was busting a married man down. That's why I don't get into all that I'm so saved mess honey cuz sometimes them be the worse ones.

    My other cousin who comes home often to his house after a hard days of work to catch a strange man in his house and his wife claims he is her cousin from out of town. She has already had four different cousin stop by where she walks around naked wrapped in a towel are my fav one her cousin answered the phone and said she was up in the shower. Now I don;t know about anybody else but I wouldn't be naked if my cousin was over but that just me. However she must got a hella snapper and head game cuz he's stays so I don't feel bad about it, he must like it. If he believes her lies so be it, I told him he's getting what he deserves anyway cuz if he had a good woman he would prob mistreat her. my other cousin is fine but to me half the good men are with tramps or kin to you so you can't date em anyway. and I'm not saying all I'd be all day typing about the woman I know who have great husband but peen hop. So at the end of the day I guess the ninjas do so why can't we.

    @iscream It's cool I never run from the fact that I'm a work in progress I express it on my blog, I'm so over him and happy I let Ike Turner go and I'm not looking back. and I didn't mean to bulk up all women together but a lot of women are sneaky honey I just got through side eyeing my cousin wife so called friend trying to take a ride on his magic stick he wont do it but I just shake my head. I trust my friends however women are like cats to me, they either love you are hate but can starch the hell out of you if they wanted.

    sorry for the book just expressing myself peace sorry for the type o's ddin;t feel like reading back through it.

  • Daisy

    I am single and holding out on mr right I don't lower my standards at all. I agree to many women do but some of us don't I don't want a sorry man just to say I have a man.I have always had very high self esteem. I work with teens and do my part to try and make the next generation better. That's why I said pointing the finger does NOT help be a part of the solution.

  • kcicero

    Dang missed a good convo once again, Sandra know how to start some ish and then get ghost.

    I agree with you 1000 percent Nichelle. It is both Black Men and Women fault for our allowing the same scenario different day to be played out. To many men are willing to stick it wherever they can fit and too many women are all to willing to oblige. You mad your bed now sleep. Shout out to my niece and all the other single moms who made their bed and now their making the best of it! It takes a lot to do that and I give props where it's due. Our Community as a whole need to stop the foolishness!

  • kcicero

    In closing I want to leave us with this, it not only pertains to RACE BUT GENDER ISSUES AS WELL, THE FAMOUS WILLIE LYNCH:

    Gentlemen:

    I greet you here on the bank of the James River in the year of our lord, one thousand seven hundred and twelve. First , I shall thank you, the gentlemen of the of the colony of Virginia, for bringing me here. I am here to help you solve some of your problems with slaves. Your invitation reached me in my modest plantation in the West Indies where I have experimented with some of the newest and still the oldest method for control of slaves. Ancient Rome would envy us if my program is implemented. As our boat sailed south on the James River, named for our illustrious KING JAMES, whose BIBLE we CHERISH, I saw enough to know that our problem is not unique. While Rome used cords or wood as crosses for standing human bodies along the old highways in great numbers, you are here using the tree and the rope on occasion.

    I caught the whiff of a dead slave hanging from a tree a couple of miles back. You are losing valuable stock by hangings, you are having uprisings, slaves are running away, your crops are sometimes left in the fields too long for maximum profit, you suffer occasional fires, your animals are killed, Gentleman,...You know what your problems are; I do not need to elaborate. I am not here to enumerate your problems, I am here to introduce you to a method of solving them.

    In my bag, I have a fool proof method for controlling your slaves. I guarantee everyone of you that if installed it will control the slaves for at least three hundred years. My method is simple, any member of your family or any OVERSEER can use it.

    I have outlined a number of differences among the slaves, and I take these differences and make them bigger. I use FEAR, DISTRUST, and ENVY for control purposes. These methods have worked on my modest plantation in the West Indies, and it will work throughout the SOUTH. Take this simple little list of differences and think about them. On the top of my list is "AGE" but it is only there because it starts with an "A"; The second is"COLOR" or shade; there is INTELLIGENCE, SIZE, SEX, SIZE OF PLANTATION, ATTITUDE of owner, whether the slaves live in the valley, on a hill, east or west, north, south, have fine or coarse hair, or is tall or short. Now that you have a list of differences, I shall give you an outline of action- but before that, I shall assure you that DISTRUST IS STRONGER THAN TRUST, AND ENVY IS STRONGER THAN ADULATION, RESPECT OR ADMIRATION.

    The black slave, after receiving this indoctrination, shall carry on and will become self-refueling and self-generating for hundreds of years, maybe thousands.

    Don't forget you must pitch the old black VS. the young black males, and the young black male against the old black male. You must use the dark skinned slaves VS. the light skin slaves. You must use the female VS the male, and the male VS, the female. You must always have your servants and OVERSEERS distrust all blacks, but it is necessary that your slaves trust and depend on us.

    Gentlemen, these kits are your keys to control, use them. Never miss an opportunity. My plan is guaranteed, and the good thing about this plan is that if used intensely for one year the slave will remain perpetually distrustful.

    -WILLIAM LYNCH-1772

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    @daisy I agree I go out and speak to young girls as well and every time I get so sad to see so many girl say they don't have nobody to talk to. It breaks my heart, I go out to the bad girls school and talk about my company and give them a copy of my book. It was kind of a eye opener to see that it's like wow all these girls mothers are missing on drugs or with a man. But we do need all the halp we can get to save these kids and I have a daughter myself and I made a comment on my site about telling our daughters the truth about not getting married. And the guy comment back to me and said we should tell our daughters that they will meet there prince and I'm like who is raising this prince? how can i really think my daughter will have a fair shot at getting a good man when are chances are slim? who will all of a sudden start to take these boyz off the street corners and start showing them the way. and I'm not talking about teenagers Im from chicago I see little five and six year old boys walking down a main street late at night are standing in front of a store. Nine Ten, eleven at night cussing and stealing bikes and all kinds of mess. Im like how can somebody parent not know where there little son is at, have you not notice he is missing. It's like sometimes the dad has left and the mom is somewhere with a dude so she lets them go play so she can have time. or maybe drug addicts idk I can't figure it out. My friend always tell me don't worry about it. it's not your problem and I always tell her it is my problem when I have kids and what if they hook up with one of these fools turning our back on it is not going to fix it. But what you said made me think of how can we fix what's broken without the help of our men...

  • Anna

    Two AMENS on one post. Thank You. Where is HuniE to give me my award? LOL. I am so tired of ppl making excuses. It is what it is and we choose who we choose. I had to call the cops out to a home we newely purchased a few years ago to arrest my son. He was defiant and unruley and I was not having it. I was embarrassed being new to the hood but that is my chid and the clip of the 14 year old that got media attention is in my city, reminds me that I did the right thing. When the Toledo Police came to my home to arrest my child(on several occasions because I called them)and take him away in handcuffs I cried, I was mad, sad and knew I had to do what I did. The police officers did tell me that as a parent I had every right to to what I wanted to my child without prosecution because they told me that they did not want me to let the system handle it. My son leaned that I don't play. This was 6 1/2 years ago. My son is now 21 and he is a great son. He still lives with me and my new husband of 12 years but he will also be like my nephew, a man with a baby crib in his bedroom. LOL. Yes I have been married for almost 12 years but my husband will never put his hands on my kids. I won't allow it. I did not allow it when I was with my kids dad either. What did Bill Cosby say to Theo, "I brought you in this world, and I can take you out". LOL. I am not a mother to turn a blind eye. Wrong is still wrong and nothing will ever change that. My son was wrong and calling the police made his a ss aware. Mama don't play that. My skin may be white but my being a mother does not mean I will tolerate foolisness.

  • iscream

    I tried to read as much as I could but I started getting a headache. you did say this, that pretty much summed it all up for me.

    "How could every guy in the barber shop have the same feelings thats crazy to me,"

    Because Birds of a feather flock together. & the chicks they are describing sound like a bunch of Donkey's [can I get a hew haw]. I mean they said it's easier to get the cooch than a pair of freaking Jordans. If that's the type of women they want to lay down with. Then that to me, is a reflection of them. And they to deserve a Hee Haw.

  • iscream

    My skin may be white but my being a mother does not mean I will tolerate foolisness
    **************************************************
    -O-O- You're white?

  • Daisy

    @KC Hey girl! Did you know Dick Gregory says the Willie Lynch letter is not real? I heard him on talk radio dispute the orgins of the letter. He made some good points. I am still on the fence after listening to him. I feel the message is good/real no matter what the origin.

  • Anna

    iscream Says:
    You do get a Hew Haw. Wommen are enotional and most men are jerks. Do some women settle for what they get? Of course. Everyone is writing a book tonigh while leaving a comment . I love it. We as women don't have to take bull stuff anymore. I love and appreciate who I am and who I married. Woman know the value of the love making we give to men. The question is: Is it your man or someone elses man? Charity starts at home and I know a man will stray and make babies no matter what we do. Women will always continue to hold it down with or without a man. The kids will always come first when a real women is involved.
    fyi. I know all men don't cheat.

  • starr

    Y'all in here writing books in the comments section lol I ain't mad. I don't agree w/ all of em, but there each's opinion.

    I"m too tired to contribute, but I'm liking what I'm reading.

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    @anna i say about 3 percent i dont know my faith is low, i know not all but jeez when the preacher man start having bust-it-babies. I just shake my head..

  • iscream

    The question is: Is it your man or someone elses man? Charity starts at home and I know a man will stray and make babies no matter what we do. Women will always continue to hold it down with or without a man. The kids will always come first when a real women is involved.
    ****************************
    Hmmm, not quite sure how I should take that question. I haven't mentioned my man once in this post so I don't even know where that question came from. So I'm not even going to satisfy it with an answer.

    I don't know how much of my comments you actually did read but I know a black woman will hold down her man and her family. My comments to this post clearly reflect just that.

    Maybe you got a little sidetracted because I asked if you were white. All I see is a big yellow S by your name I never knew there where white posters in the neighborhood, which is why the question was asked in the first place.

    Carry on...

  • Anna

    Says:

    My skin may be white but my being a mother does not mean I will tolerate foolisness
    **************************************************
    -O-O- You’re white?
    ~~~~~~~
    It depends on who you ask or how first perceptions are received. I am a white looking woman with a black daddy and my mom was white. My skin is not dark in color as my kids skin is. I don't even consdsider my skin "white" but pale. LOL. I don't tan but burn. I am what you call a red headed child but with less freckles. LOL. I am not "high yellow either. I am what Sandra would consider a biracial being. If I have to check a box for a job or if you straight up ask me what color I am . I am will check the black box each time. My husband is black and my kids dad is black. My hair is what some call nappy, while whites call it tangeled.

  • Daisy

    @Starr I am in school as well. I had mid terms last week. Hope you did well on your final.

    I am so glad So you think you can Dance is back on!!! I need to take some dance classes this summer I havent danced in over a yr....:-( I miss it so much

    @Anna you sound like a girl in my class last qtr had she not said her daddy was black we would have never known. She had the MCarey look only whiter.

  • Anna

    NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com Says:

    @anna i say about 3 percent i dont know my faith is low, i know not all but jeez when the preacher man start having bust-it-babies. I just shake my head..
    ~~~~
    Preachers in the Poll pit.

  • Daisy

    Krysi and Shauny your Melo and Denver are making me MAD! Dang

  • kcicero

    Yal still here?! Dang! Hey Daisy!

    Yeah I've heard the reservations but the technique was present when slavery was just being debated and it is present today. The White Man's mentality has always been and will always be Divide and Conquer because it works so well for them.

    I don't pay it any mine when people try to validate the letter because whether it is real is really not the issue, it is real emotionally because this is what was done to us inadvertently or inadvertently by the white slave master. And the letter is just a summation of our history, feel me?

    @ Anna you have skin like my son, he doesn't tan he just burns, poor chile...

  • Krysi J

    AH-HA!@ Daisy

    Everbody said something deep, but like I will continue to say, everyone's circumstances are not the same. I feel you on the Barbar shop Nichelle, at the salon I worked at dudes used to talk bout females all day......I even had to defend my own cousin's (female) rep once even knowing everything they said was TRUE! I also have mostly home boys as friends (from my tom-boy days), and I used to talk to them about stuff like this all the time.......which is why I thought I was full proof....apparently not full proof enough LOL! It happened a long time ago, I was young, and its over now. The situation Im in now doesn't affect me as much, because I KNOW i did the right thing. Who knows what could have happened if I had allowed him another chance to hit me, being best friends for so many years I could say we could have gotten married, but MARRIAGE wasn't worth getting my azz beat and that shyt straight up came out of noWHERE. I'm working on my choice in men, but Im cool with the decisions Ive made and kudos to anyone else who didn't take that shyt off of a man, married or not, kids or no kids. One thing we CAN agree on is WOMEN built this country, we bore the population, we raised the heros, the presidents, etc...WOMEN are the backbone and if it weren't for us there would be no OBAMA's (his mother became single and still continued to raise her child, foodstamps and all, so remember ya tax dollars fed the US' first black president) and many others....Don't knock any mother especially one who loves and takes care of her kids, and don't go having abortions everytime something happens you are not prepared for, because I will tell you this, GOD makes a way out of no way, and AS A WOMAN we are in FAVOR for being an essential part of LIFE itself.

  • flyqtnva

    @Krysi J
    WTF YO.......Its like that,,,,I had to re-read my comment how did ANYBODY get ABORTION out of what I said. I dont know if I should be offended or just let it go so I'm going to choose to let it go. I know what I typed and it wasnt nothing like GO HAVE AN ABORTION..yes everyone is different what I was saying was WOMEN HAVE THE POWER...whether we admit it or not...we know when we dealing with a nothing a@@ ni@@a.....and some of us keep are blinders on and some take them off.
    I would never tell another woman what to do with HER children...but I'm not a sugar coater either...alot of the situations we find ourselves in we create. I did it the way I WANTED TO..THE WAY I THOUGHT WOULD BE BEST FOR ME...I SAW HOW MY MOM, SISTER, COUSINS, & FRIENDS, stuggled with BABY DADDY's...I DIDNT WANT THAT FOR ME OR MY CHILDREN....I KNEW MY LIFE WAS THE SHI$ WHEN MY MOM AND DAD WHERE TOGETHER AND IT WENT HARD TIMES WHEN HE WAS GONE.....BEST BELIEVE MY MOM DID WHAT SHE HAD TO DO..I ADMIRE HER FOR THAT..BUT AGAIN IT'S NOT THE WAY FOR ME....ME.....ME......I wasnt trying to offend anyone its my OPINION....i know the lady right because the hardest thing for me in my marriage is being INDEPENDENT from my spouse. ..i was stubborn as HELL...hypenated my last name too..if i was my husband i wouldnt have put up with all the drama...WHY...cause it was beat in my head by movies, songs, news, media....YOU DONT NEED A MAN...and everytime he would make me mad I would prove it and GOD always showed me I was DEAD ASS WRONG. I'm not going to go into long story about FAITH but I will say GOD showed me NOT A MAN!

  • flyqtnva

    Now the video I took as being for married people anyway....so why all the single mother talk, abortions and all that other bullSH@t....i know it to be true its hard for a black woman to listen to ANYBODY...let alone her MAN...cause she already think she is the MAN..maybe because she grew up in a household were her MOM was the Mom & MAN...so when you get older you programed not to depend on a MAN. THEN YOU GET MARRIED and still think you the INDEPENDENT MAN..it's called role reversal...i had to reverse myself back to WOMAN...and since then we have thrived..marriage is ongoing everyday process..& i didnt say it WAS EASY..if it was EASY everyone WOULD BE MARRIED...

  • flyqtnva

    @mimi08
    YOU DUMB AS HELL YO ****
    Women got to start picking better. We gotta get a new gage in which to compare these men against. Getting with men cause he got a hood rep, a no-no, getting with a man because he got loot, a no-no, getting with a man cause he got a nice ride, house, or job, a no-no, getting with a man simply because of his swagga and sense of style, a no-no, and getting with a man cause he’s stolen your heart, you guessed it, a no-no. Instead we need to make choices based on a man’s ability to provide both physically and spiritually, a man’s willingness to want a family, a caring man, one that’s nurturing and thoughtful, one without pretenses, someone who have strong values in terms of family, a man who deeply respects and values the family unit, and one who above all things, would put his family first next to God. These are things i would say women need to work on, who we are choosing.

    *****************
    THATS WHAT THE FU#@ I was saying...re-read

  • flyqtnva

    i said you pick em..you sleep with him...KNOWING HE ANIT SH@T...so why are you mad when he anit doing whathe supposed to do.....YOU KNEW THAT SH@T from the JUMP....DAMN....Lets not be dumb..I know woman how got kids by a man thathad 3 & 4 kids before they met. He anit taking care the 1st four and here "YOU" come saying I anit like his baby mama he gonna treat me DIFFERNET.....WRONG....WRONG>>>>WRONG....WRONG!!!!! And dont front cause you know these women to..and if it dont pertain to you then dont get mad.

  • flyqtnva

    @Daisy
    Did you even listen to the video....your single who the fuck is talking to you ANYWAY....when you get a man & get married..then holla at me

  • flyqtnva

    I'm trying to read and catch up at work and I see it going to be impossible....so to Krysi J Big ups to all you do day in and out......youre totally wrong though for sayin I wanted you to abort...that was wack yo...but I will give you a pass, cause every time I look at your PIC I SEE ME!....everyone else that insinuated I said anything about an abortion SHAME ON YOU......TO ME THE POST WAS FOR MARRIED WOMEN OR WOMEN WITH COMMITED MEN IN THE HOUSE HOLD. IMPORTANT.....IN THE HOUSEHOLD.....you guys turned this into some whole other shit....IF THE TOPIC WAS WHY WE HAVE SINGLE BLACK MOTHER i would understand....

  • Daisy

    @Fly I dont know who you think you are talking to but I am not the one. I said in my FIRST comment that I did NOT need to watch the video. I don't have to holla at you single or married. I said my .02 just like you did. I said what I said because based on your comments I felt you were looking down and talking down to folks just because you are married. That does not make you any better than anybody else. You are not the only person who knows their self worth single, baby mama, divorced, married. I stand by what I said and you can stand by your viewpoints but coming at me sideways was not called for and childish and simple. I see why Sandra bans some folks. Some people get ahead of themselves I tell you. What happened to DISAGREEING without being DISAGREEBLE?

  • wiggy2272003

    @kcicero, while I'm posotive mind games were played during slavery The William Lynch letter is fake.Spelman historians found it to have originated as a fictional piece by a black author for self awareness. Multiple words in the test did not come about until the 20th century. Google it.

  • Shauny

    OMG!! Yall were off the chain on here last night. MFs were writing books.

    Daisy, don't hate. You saw my man Melo do his thang last night...lol

  • Daisy

    @Wiggy That is what Dick Gregory said as well. Interesting.

  • flyqtnva

    @Daisy ....and again I say if the video is aimed at Married women..or women with men in their household...annd why they feel the need to struggle for power or dominate their spouses......i'm married and I know it to be true cause in the beginning I was THE SAME WAY. I dont feel I was talking down to anyone...this post has single mothers talking about y the single WTF

  • Daisy

    @Shauny Boo get it right I AM GOING FOR MELO AND DENVER! I said from day one anybody BUT Kobe!

  • flyqtnva

    I've also heard before the Willie letter wasnt written by a white man...either way it's real..it happens everyday...BTW are their any married women on SANDRAROSE...i'm in the miniorty here???? I would love to know THEIR opinions on WHY blackwomen feel the need to be HEAD oF HOUSE....

  • Shauny

    @Daisy - yeah yeah, I saw you post on the Maino topic. I was wrong. My bad. At this point I'm anyone but Kobe OR LeBron. He can get his ring next year.

  • Daisy

    I am going for Lebron all the way but Melo and Denver for now..lol Sorry

  • Daisy

    Am I the only one still wondering where it said that ALL black married women wanted to or felt the need to be the head of the household?

    Please provide a source. Thanks

  • flyqtnva

    DAISY you didnt watch the video...First sentence I'm tired of married women....blah..blah...blah....DAMN

  • Anna

    flyqtnva Says:

    I’ve also heard before the Willie letter wasnt written by a white man…either way it’s real..it happens everyday…BTW are their any married women on SANDRAROSE…i’m in the miniorty here???? I would love to know THEIR opinions on WHY blackwomen feel the need to be HEAD oF HOUSE….

    ~~~~~~~~~
    I am marrried. In reading the comments in the room I don't think that black women feel the need but have to step up due to circumstances.

  • flyqtnva

    Anna
    Well what i'm getting from comments is single mothers that werent married...Im married the video was saying married women want to take over while the man is still there. In the beginning I was that way. I thought I was the MAN too. I think it was because I was used to hearing other WOMEN say GIRL YOU DONT NEED No MAN...so when I got a good one I wanted to tell him what to do and what we gonna do.

  • flyqtnva

    To me its different when your a single parent because you chose a deadbeat...you anit have a choice but to step up and I commend everyone here for that. But if your married why cant we let HIm lead?

  • iscream

    Hey sport here's a thought from the old school crew a serious situation we all go thru. It deals with ya feelings so here what I say. Its like a day when everything seems to go your way. Bust this two people they really like each other she says there's no one else and he claims there is no other. The feelings the same and receive a note to reveal their inner thoughts and deeply hidden motions...

    Don't hurt me. A teenage love.

    Preious times hoping they won't end. Tell your mother bout boyfriend also your best friend your mighty proud while they're holding your boys. Yeah woman and girls yeah that's man. This person brings a soft warmth to your heart and everything seems so great at the start for she loves him and he also loves her and its hard to turn back to the person you were. But later on problems start to occur and bind that combines yall turn into a blur. Thought the feelings were the same now here's the score you love too much and they don't love you anymore. Due to attitude, another or because your not being true or maybe they're just plain sick of seeing you. Word now this might seem strange you better take this pick and make the right change.

  • Krysi J

    I’m trying to read and catch up at work and I see it going to be impossible….so to Krysi J Big ups to all you do day in and out……youre totally wrong though for sayin I wanted you to abort…that was wack yo…but I will give you a pass, cause every time I look at your PIC I SEE ME!….
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Man, I don't give a fukk bout this shyt no more...I said what im going to say...IM DONE. We cool....I didn't agree with serveral of yall on this post...I just felt like some people were trying to clown me and talk sideways about shyt that don't effect their life at ALL. I'm GOOD over here regardless. Doing better than half deez married and no kid having females...*walks out*