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I received some responses, not a lot, to the video I posted yesterday titled "Does the black woman know her place in the family?" I'm posting two of those emails after the break. But before I do that, I think I should clarify my position on this touchy subject.

Yesterday I had an appointment so I posted the video and left out before I could read the responses. I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see that only a few of you got the point of the entire video and of my post. It has always been my position that marriage is NOT for everyone, and that I am not in favor of couples marrying just to make someone else happy.

Since some of you decided to make a comparison between Monica and Rocko and the statistics that I quoted about unwed single mothers, I should point out that Monica is not single. Not only is her baby daddy living in her home with their children but he is providing for his family as a man should. A piece of paper will not change that fact.

Some of you need to get off that trip about marriage being the ultimate goal to live happily ever after. Statistics show that over 50% of marriages in the black community end in divorce because most of you get married for all the wrong reasons. Maybe if some of you started concentrating on finding the RIGHT man as opposed to worrying about some fool putting a ring on your finger, our community wouldn't have the problems that we have now.

I also want to touch on the fact that more than half of you blamed the "trifling" black man for all your troubles. And quite a few of you typed that oft-repeated mantra that you can "do fine all by yourself," blah blah blah... Let me just say this: who do you think raised that trifling black man? I'll give you a second to think of the answer...

Make no mistake about it, the disintegration of the black community started when the black woman decided that she could do better than any black man! Black women have castrated our sons and husbands and stifled their natural instincts to be our supporters and protectors. Some of them are at the point where they no longer feel like they are a viable part of the black community. And for those men, white women or Ethiopian/Eritrean women are their only options.

Every community is only as strong as its backbone, which is the women. In some communities, the women know their place. For instance, the Hispanic women know that in order to make their communities strong and to keep their families intact, they have to stand behind their men and support them -- not stand in front of them berating them and belittling them in front of others.

Once the black woman lost respect for herself, she lost respect for the black man. You ladies -- YOU are the sole reason why our community is in such disarray. Don't blame it on slavery. The slave master didn't tell you hoochies to lay up under some dog and get pregnant by him.

Some of you need to fall back and swallow your pride and let that black man be a man!

As one friend pointed out, black women were the architects and organizers of the civil rights movement in the 60s. But the women fell back and allowed the men (Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, etc) to be MEN and to be the faces of the revolution. Everyone knows that the black woman runs the household. But the responsibility falls on the black man to bring home the money and the bacon. It's alright for the black woman to share that responsibility but you can't take over his role completely just like you can't walk into your boss' office and tell him you're taking over his job. When the established roles reverse, that's when you have anarchy.

I could go on and on about how you continuously disrespect yourself in front of your children (cursing, talking down other black men, women, etc) -- but you expect your kids to do better. Children learn by the examples that you set for them. If you raise your son to be a bitch ass nigga then don't complain when you lay up under another woman's bitch ass son and he gets up and leaves you for that next chick who will willingly open her legs.

And finally, I have a question: if you walk down the street and several black men say "Hey mama" and acknowledge your fineness, do you:

A. Roll your eyes and keep walking,
Or
B. Acknowledge them back and say, "thank you brotha"

The majority of you black women will roll your eyes and keep walking because you feel you are better than that black man. It's as if you have some kind of problem with a black man acknowledging you on the street. It is never disrespectful for a black man to say hello. A confident, self respecting black woman will acknowledge those black men and thank them for acknowledging her. Because as I said, once you lose your self respect as a black woman, you lose respect for the black man.

Some of you will get it and some of you are a lost cause. To the women who get it, I thank your mothers and aunties for respecting black men in your presence. Our community will not be saved if we don't change our attitudes.

Loyal reader Tara Thomas wrote:

OMG Sandra. On point for posting this truth. You don't see white women screaming on the mountain top "I can get my own this and that". They wait on their HUSBANDS to provide. We are so busy providing for ourselves our black men look at us like "what does she need me for"? The video shouldn't be taken out of context. No one is saying lay down and be a door mate. Only step aside and be a helper not a hinderer. Stop volunteering to do every dog on thing and stop feeling sorry. Let that black man be a man. Let him put some bills in his own name. We take over too much! White women can't wait to say "let me check with my husband first". They say that all the time. And they have the bills in the husbands name. Most of the bills.

The only difference is when a black man walks out we can continue on because we've been doing everything ANYWAY, white women don't fair so well. It's okay to have your own thing going on BUT step aside, take a breather and let that man be the man. You just prepare yourself in case you need to wing it own your own. Stay home with the kids and teach them something. White women are home ALL THE TIME!!!


A loyal reader wrote:

Sandra, In response to Does the Black Woman Know Her Place. I can't believe you agreed with her. Do you know how many black men dog black women who are loyal to them. Being loyal to a Black Man is an invatation for a black woman in most cases to be disrespected and taken advantage of. That's why balck men will date white women, because they will take thier shit, If a black woman does not let her man disrespect her, She has an attitude or to strong for her man, trying to be the man. PLEASE. Your blogger mimi08, Had it right on point. You need to have that up everyday for your readers. Not this crap.

True the Black Man is suppose to be he head. Bu they don't want that job. Being the head to them usually means controlling the woman. In a negative way. I know of so many facts of Black women standing by thier men only to be.

Beat
cheated on
disrespected
Non protected.

I watched a white man call a black woman a N and her black husband did NOTHING.
The rappers cal us B and o's. What is this girl talking about. The balck men dis black women so hard that the women started acting like the men. Always remember the song by Motown Great! The Temptations. Poppa was a rolling stone not Mama.

  • flyqtnva

    Like I was saying it was aimed at married women...or women in a committed relationship with a man in their HOUSEHOLD..it went over everybody head....they talking about being single moms, abortions, and everything else...Im like WTF...Divorce rate is high because for many that option is the first one on the table...Marriage is hard I said it before if it was EASY EVERYONE WOULD DO IT,,,DIVORCE in my CHRISTIAN household is not an option..point blank peroid..it anit nothing we cant overcome with GOD....GOD blesses marriages,,he opens us up...he makes us better..but we have to be willing

  • cinnamonkisses97

    Sandra said:

    If you raise your son to be a bitch ass nigga then don’t complain when you lay up under another woman’s bitch ass son and he gets up and leaves you for that next chick who will willingly open her legs.

    ***********************************************************

    Very Good point !!!!!!

  • iscream

    I'm so exhausted from yesterday that I couldn't even read all of that this early. After you mentioned MLK and Malcolm X I kinda trailed off. I just want to say.

    I feel Michelle Obama is letting her husband be the man he is suppose to be. I remember you posted something about her putting her life on the back burner for him.

    As far as Monica & Tiny... (blank stare)

    I'll read the whole post and comments once I'm more awake.

  • flyqtnva

    The second email person is confused as hell to...why would you commit to someone who is alreasy disrespectful...thats your own fault...we not talking about the ni@@a you meet in the club...we talking about COMMITMENT..& MARRIAGE...MEN LIVING IN THE HOUSEHOLD W/YOU...MEN NOT BOYS...it seem like the responders are talking about they boyfriends, or ex boyfriends IDK

  • starr

    u know what i started to agree w/ u until i read these words: "Make no mistake about it, the disintegration of the black community started when the black woman decided that she could do better than any black man!"

    WOW Just WOW.

    Its a beautiful day here in the NYC......

  • Shauny

    Round 2....ding ding ding

  • flyqtnva

    I love to ask "honey can I hang out with the girls" or "honey what you think about", "can we do"...and guess what my girls ask daddy before they make a move...I LOVE IT...black love...when I look at my husband I get proud, my heart sings, he is my king, and in turn he is so good to me, i always feel protected, and I can tell him anything. ANYTIME I HAVE TRIED TO BE IDEPENDENT FROM HIM..I always end up needing his help...like I said before it was like GOD was saying Ha! Told you so...and i'm not being walked over I know my place and he knows his, I can get anything I want from him just from playing my role. Its much easier that way.

  • Daisy

    Some of you need to get off that trip about marriage being the ultimate goal to live happily ever after. Statistics show that over 50% of marriages in the black community end in divorce because most of you get married for all the wrong reasons. Maybe if some of you started concentrating on finding the RIGHT man as opposed to worrying about some fool putting a ring on your finger, our community wouldn’t have the problems that we have now.

    ***********************************************************
    I am PRO Marriage and want to be a WIFE one day. I am worried about marrying the RIGHT man vs ANY man. That does not mean I will live "happily ever after" but I will sure give it my all.

    And finally, I have a question: if you walk down the street and several black men say “Hey mama” and acknowledge your fineness, do you:

    A. Roll your eyes and keep walking,
    Or
    B. Acknowledge them back and say, “thank you brotha”

    ***********************************************************
    To answer your question I would speak I don't ever roll my eyes at a man but I will also add Hey mama is NOT the proper way to approach me either. So I would speak and keep walking. Now had he said excuse me miss or hey how are you doing I would stop and converse. Hey mama is not RESPECTFUL IMO and therefore I would still speak cause I dont have to be disrespectful or rude in return.

    In general I always make it a point to speak to my brothers and usually I include the word brother as well.

    Again BLAMING the woman is NOT the answer. There are alot of men out here who are "sorry" so to speak and their mothers did NOT raise them to be that way. People do have free will after awhile.

    @Fly last but not least most ppl said they did NOT watch the video and the convo yesterday was ALL across the board (not the 1st time that has happened on this blog). Just because I am NOT married does not mean I can't speak up when I feel black woman are being BLAMED for the downfall of society. I can't speak on being married as I am not married but I can speak up and defend black women when I feel we are being unfairly blamed for everything.

    Again there is ENOUGH BLAME to go around for BOTH men and women!

  • Daisy

    @Shauny the police never responded to SHOT FIRED..lol

    Can you call them again..LOL

  • mizzdallas

    I was sooo busy yesterday I couldnt comment on this touchy subject, but from reading sandra post, she made some valid points and on that note Im gonna exit out this post, I have work to do and Im leaving @ 2pm today!!! Exit >>>>>>>>>

  • flyqtnva

    @Daisy
    I just want you to try and understand where I am....I'm married and that was me..okay...i was stubborn...hypenated last name in the beginning of my marriage..i was trying to be the husband...that was our only problem...GOD made my husband for me..I know that...i wanted to waer the pants..and I had to pray to get that mess out of my heart...can you see where I'm coming from??? I'm saying for me she right because that is how I was in the beginning of my marriage..I had the right man...i had the wrong attitude...and my husband used to say all the time....YOU WANT TO BE A MAN....LET ME FUCK THE DUCK AND YOU HOLD IT....

  • iscream

    @ Fly.
    While the video may have been about married & people in committed relationships Sandra wrote...

    "And the black community still holds the record for unwed, SINGLE MOTHERS."

    So I think that's where the single mother comments came from. Most of us know how Sandra feels about single mothers being the ruins of the world and it struck a nerve.

    Back to listening to Teenage Love.

  • kwallace577

    okay let me clarify that i AM married. have been for quite sometime. BUT i have seen the struggle as a single mother on the flip side too. so i will ALWAYS stan for them. that stuggle made me who i am, so i embrace it.

    as far as if i "get it" or not and to thank my mother and aunties for embracing black men in their presence...ah prolly NOT. my parents were married for 20+ years before they divorced. SHE did not wreck their marriage...HE did. he chose to leave us. and she provided for us even when they were married because SHE made alot more money than he did...as do alot of women today. what are women supposed to say to that? when you make more money than your partner? "no i DON'T want/need a raise b/c i already make more than the black man at my house and it is HIS job to provide for us?" girl BOOOOOOO!

    this is the last of this here convo.

    *leaving...

  • Daisy

    @Fly yes I can respect that cause that was your story. I was making the point its NOT every black womans story and also I plan on using a - when I get marred as well. Both BLACK and WHITE women do that it has nothing to do w/ wanting to be a man IMO, a simple matter of preference. My cousin married a Preacher and she used a - he could care less. She is very submissive he calls all the shots. I have no problem being submissive to a man of GOD and who is being led by God. A man can't lead w/o a vision and plan.

  • Kymystry

    sigh ... i can't today ... black women .. Obama ... the same tired mantra ... Self Hate IS a disease

    AND .. AND .. AND .. I absolutely refuse to take relationship advice on how I should be treated or allow a man to treat me from a lesbian ...

  • flyqtnva

    @iscream
    Of course I dont agree with that statement..maybe thats were the confusion comes from..I said be4 I come from a single parent household...my mama worked her ass off to raise us..all she ever wanted was to see us grow up and make something of ourselves and to get a brand new car...my mom died at 40 years old all of a sudden a month to the day after she got her brand new car and 6 months before her last child turned 18. Thats why I'm pissed at people saying I'm talking down to single mothers, I HAD THE MOTHER OF ALL SINGLE MOTHERS, I had the mom everyone thought was cool..all my friends loved her..she made a way out of no way....I RESPECT ALL SINGLE MOTHERS...esp Krysi J who really dissed me yesterday!

  • Shauny

    We do we even have to take it here today. It's Friday, a lot of us are getting paid, leaving work early or not working at all, holiday on Monday so long weekend. Really don't let this chit go on all day today. O.K now I'm going to treat this post like the Obama post and just keep it moving.....following Kwall out the post ---->

  • Shauny

    *Why do we even ^ (sorry)

  • flyqtnva

    @Daisy
    see we can agree because youre right..the man you choose has to be spritual, he has to have a relationship w/GOD..a strong one...and the - I just got tried of the long as name..my madien name is unique so I always wanted to keep it..but I got tired of saying the whole name...but I wont lie I did get shade from doing it by the OLDER WOMEN70+ on his side...they were like "NEW AGE WOMEN" lol

  • anti-PC

    Now I agree with you that a lot of the black men are sissies because there was no man in the house to teach him how to be a man. That's because the father was a sissy and didn't stick around to nurture the seed after he planted it.

    Black women did not lay down and conceive on their own and neither should they have to raise the child on their own.

    It's time for our men to grow up and take their place. The only reason black women do it by themselves is because the man is to sissified to stand up and be the man of the house.

    (And I don't mean all. I know many black men who are upstanding citizens who work hard and raise their families. My father is one of them.)

    I had more to say, but I am going to keep my mouth (or keyboard in this case) silent.

    Men need to be men. Once they start doing that, the women will respect him.

  • flyqtnva

    @Shauny
    I just wanted to clarify thats all..im not going at anyone...the more we talk the better we understand each other...thats all yo

  • kwallace577

    i was stubborn…hypenated last name in the beginning of my marriage..i was trying to be the husband…
    ----------------------------------------
    i never changed my last name. never will. not even a hyphen. i still get flak about it sometimes, but there is a good chance when i go the last name goes with me. i might very well be the "last of the mohichans" as far as wallace goes.

  • coaretained

    Really quick because I have work to do.. how many black men actually approach a woman in a respectable manner??? Not very many. My given name has never been hey, shawty,lil mama NUNNA that. As Daisy said.. f I'm approached appropriately, I will respond and either keep it moving or stay and converse. I also will not take the blame for a fukkd up man because what his mammy did to him.. isn't she the one who raised him? I know of a prime example of a woman that failed to raise her son correctly and them threw him out there for other women to finish raising. Is that my fault? No. Can I learn from that and teach my sons otherwise.. uh.. HELL YES! Do I believe the black man should be the head of his household? Yes. Do most of the MEN believe that? No. Is that my fault? No... I only have 2 sons and THOSE are the charges I want to be held accountable for.. not a population of ADULT black males that have seen no part of my uterus.

    It's a case by case scenario, cause even those men raised in volatile situations as some have called them have grown up to be good black men. Black folks are quick to holler something is a stereo type then do it to ourselves. Change starts with YOU. And if folks feel so strongly about the demise of the black family, how bout get out there and volunteer, you and your WONDERFUL black husbands mentor some of these kids so at least the upcoming generation isn't as fukkd up as the rest. Teach these girls some morals and these boys some responsibility. Turn off the dayum TV.

    Ok- goodbye.
    *poof*

  • kcicero

    @ flyqtnva

    I noticed you ask who else was married I am but I don't know if my relationship counts in this discussion because he is not Black. What I do know is I made some bad decisions with whom I dated and thank God he didn't see fit for me to get caught up.

    My husband completes me in every way and it may appear to those on the outside that I'm running the show but he's the one that wears the pants absolutely. Like you it took me a while to relinquish my independent status especially because I was only 21 when we married but today he is the head of household, my husband, the father of my children and my best friend. He may not have fit all of the qualifications of a good man when we met but I knew that he would be with a little time and I was right.

    We women know if a man is hubby material the moment we meet him now we may want to be in denial especially if sexual feelings get involved prematurely but the warning signs are always there. I'm not just going to put it on the man. We as women need to MAKE BETTER CHOICES PERIOD. We are the vessel in which the seeds is carried and brought forth, if we don't allow anything or anyone to skeet skeet up in us then we wouldn't have half the problems that we have (this is not the case for everyone but this does happen a lot).

  • Anna

    I don't get the big deal with hyphenating. To hyphenate does make it take forever to sign your name. The only time I use my goverment name is for the IRS and renewing my drivers license. My name got so long to write I even shortened my first name. LOL.

  • flyqtnva

    kcicero
    bLACK OR WHITE...WHEN YOU GOT A GOOD MAN YOU KNOW IT....i dont even think it has to be a black or white thing..because I'm sure some white women have the same issues. I feel the same way about my husband girl...and I am blessed to have him...I read the stories and I'm just grateful....so grateful to GOD for giving me HIM!

  • flyqtnva

    @Anna
    I didnt think it was a big deal either I didnt know until I met the ELDERS and their in NC so I dont know my name is just long as hell and now so are my kids. lol my 5 year old already pissed so sometimes I let her just write dads name. I want to post my name so BAD but ITS ULTRA DIFFERNT..so DIFFERENT I'm sure it One in a 7777702881338123843 million trillion....lol

  • kcicero

    @flyqtnva I feel the same way. People want to make it like it's a Black and White thing but there are just as many single white mothers sitting on welfare as Black mothers. And many of them started out with an advantage because of their skin so what's the excuse then? A man will be a man period, doesn't matter the skin color.

    My husband wants to be a school counselor and any students who are lucky enough to meet him will have one great MAN as a role model.

  • Dhoward1913

    This whole damn thing is full of contradictions. I don't even know where to start, so I won't get on my high horse and say anything about how some women don't choose to be alone and as independent as they are, but they have no choice, because if they don't take care of things who will. I will simply leave that one to all the people who think those without a man have issues with all black men and that we are too busy doing it for ourselves BECAUSE we have to and feel as though we don't need a man. I won't talk about how MaryJ said in her song, she's tired of being independent and want to be dependent. Shit I understand. But as I said I won't talk about that!

  • Anna

    flyqtnva Says:

    @Anna
    I want to post my name so BAD but ITS ULTRA DIFFERNT..so DIFFERENT I’m sure it One in a 7777702881338123843 million trillion….lol

    ~~~~~~~~
    Now you got me curious.

  • Krysi J

    esp Krysi J who really dissed me yesterday!
    ----------------------------------------------

    oh, so, you ain diss me too??

  • flyqtnva

    @Anna
    lol...why my sista called me and was like I'm on sandrarose..i think your flyqtnva...i was like y you say that..she said its sounds like you (yo)...thats what gave me away the (yo)....my brother and his friends said it so much i started doing it and they called me WACK and it used to make him mad so I kept doing it now its a bad habit yo...so i gotta keep the name to myself for now...lol..but I do enjoy comig here and posting and talking about where we came from and where we trying to go.

  • flyqtnva

    Krysi J
    Why would I diss you yo...you werent even on yesterday when I was posting yo...you killing me yo...and you hurting my feelings for real yo...I would not do the things you said...you went to the left on me way hard...and i re-read what I said and I still dont get how you got (have an abortion) out of that.....but i said be4 when I look at that pic I see me it would be like SELF ASSAULT or SOMETHING IDK....but I apologize and I'm gonna leave it alone

  • iscream

    Got dog it dhoward that Mary song (feel like a woman off of the Growing pains album) is My shyt!

    "I want you to resuce me. Take me from this misery. Put your arms around me babe. Hold me close please hear me say. You really got a hold on me. (You oo oo) right here is where I wanna (with you ooo) boy there's something I want you to do. Cause tonight I wanna feel like a woman. I don't wanna compete I just wanna be the only girl that you need. Feel like a woman. Boy I want you to be everything to me don't wanna decieved. Feel like a woman. I don't wanna fuss, I don't wanna cuss. I just wanna feel the warmth of both of us. Feel like. Now I only wanna do what you tell me to won't you show and prove. If you're on your way home stop and buy me something. (Oooo) Boy buy me a bag or buy me some shoes this apart of me I'm trying to get you use to. (Oooo heeyyy) boy buy me diamonds, buy me pearls, buy this, buy that make me fall deeper in love with you.

    I'M TIRED SCREAMING INDEPENDENT I WANNA START DEPENDING ON YOUUUUU

    Cause tonight I wanna feel like a woman.

    Sorry yall that's my jam & my favorite part of the song.

  • flyqtnva

    @iscream
    never heard it but I will tonight....thanks

  • Krysi J

    Why would I diss you yo…you werent even on yesterday when I was posting yo…you killing me yo…and you hurting my feelings for real yo…I would not do the things you said…
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    no niccah, you killing me with that "YO", shyt LOL. And I thought you were AT ME hun...?? I was confused too! I mean I know I don't live a fairytale life, but I ain trying to be perfect, GOD said its not possible, and Ive made mistakes, but I felt like I made up for them so I am defensive when someone trys to down play all my hard work thats all. We good, no love lost....you still my cyber homie. At the end of the day its your opinion or their opinion what I look like being mad at someone on SANDRAROSE...its a website shyt I don't live here LOL, well MAYBE figuratively but not literally LMAO!?? We cool as far as Im concerned, its over.

  • Dhoward1913

    Thank you iscream.......that is my shyt!!!!!

  • flyqtnva

    krysi j girl anit no one living a fairytale life yo....Not even the people we think are living one...not celebrites rich people..no one...anyway I was going to hound you all day because when I saw your responses last night I COULDNT SLEEP..and I couldnt post so u were the first thing I though about this morning.

  • BayArea

    I already knew you were right Sandra, but after browsing the internet this morning YOUR REALLY right!

  • http://smokiesays.blogspot.com/ Smokie

    Sometimes I think that Sandra wants to be straight. I've never seen a lesbian so concerned about heterosexual issues. AND she hates on women. LOL It's so confusing.

    BUT

    I agree with most of what was said.

    Today is my 1 year anniversary and it was an adjustment going from "I'm holding it all down!" to "You can wash my car - you can pay the bills (some, not all) - what is your opinion? - let's do it your way" etc. Women ARE used to holding it down b/c too many times we deal with men who can't and won't hold it down even if we offer a little help. Leave THOSE fly talking men alone.

    I don't forget those many years when it was just me and my son and sooooooooo many men I met came up short. It's not like there are a lot of good men out there who you can respect and "follow" even if you want to. Lotta dudes so used to their mothers coddling them or looking up to THEM that they don't know how to properly lead.

    I think the key is first finding a man who you can respect. But the thing is, you might have to tone it down when you first meet the guy. You know, don't be like, "Hi my name is Superwoman who don't need a man." More like "Hi, my name is Lady....." And then, if the dude doesn't deserve your respect, don't hesitate to chunk him the damn deuce! I had so many first, second, and third dates that I couldn't even begin to count. I didn't care how much they sweet talked me or how fine they were or how hard they made me laugh.... if they weren't BOUT IT and if I didn't feel like he could teach me something or guide me in some area -- and be willing to learn from me too -- forget it. I believe in helping a man, but I don't believe in doing it for a man. A man will handle his business and you will WANT him to lead. But you gotta be a real woman first.

  • iscream

    A w w w I feel the love up in here. *one big cyber hug*

    & you all are welcome. Yall know I lubs me some MJB

  • Kymystry

    I LOVE that line in that song iscream

    and I remember when you just got married Smokie .. congrats and happy anniversary

  • Krysi J

    krysi j girl anit no one living a fairytale life yo….Not even the people we think are living one…not celebrites rich people..no one…anyway I was going to hound you all day because when I saw your responses last night I COULDNT SLEEP..and I couldnt post so u were the first thing I though about this morning.

    --------------------------------------------------------

    cut it out "YO"...LOL! It wasn't that bad...we just had a moment and obviously a misunderstanding....*cyber hugs*

    "Don't hate me shawty
    and even if ya hate me shawty
    I still LUUUUuv Ya"

    -TI Trap Muzik

    LMAO!

  • Daisy

    @Bay what makes Sandra right? Please explain and help me to see where she is coming from. I will say as well that sometimes the message or point may be right but if you come in the wrong disrespectful way all of that gets lost and maybe that is what happened here. I dont know. I just know its NOT all the woman's fault sometimes sure ALL the time heck no.

  • Daisy

    @Krysi I am pulling out ALL my TI cds tonight to get CRUNK for the show on Sun you know I am going to LOSE my mind Sun night..lol

  • http://smokiesays.blogspot.com/ Smokie

    Thanks Kymystry :-)

  • Krysi J

    @Krysi I am pulling out ALL my TI cds tonight to get CRUNK for the show on Sun you know I am going to LOSE my mind Sun night..lol

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    DON't over do it, and scare da man off to jail DAISY! LOL!

  • intensemocha

    FUG A NICCA IF HE AINT FAMILY OR MY SON-I SIMPLY AINT TRIPPIN BOTTOM LINE

    I CAN'T LIVE MY DAY TO DAY LIFE WORRYING ABOUT ONE SOMEONE THINKS WHO'S NOT AN INTEGRAL PART OF MY LIFE OR MY HOUSEHOLD

    WHEN I GET UP "I" PUNCH A CLOCK, "I" PAY THE BILLS, "I" TAKE CARE OF MY CHILD-POINT BLANK, I'M NOT ON WELFARE, I'M SELF-SUFFICIENT AND I'M THE PARENT OF TWO ONE TODDLER AND ONE ADULT SUCCESSFUL BLACK MALE, I AM LAW ABIDING CITIZEN, AND I ALSO AM VERY ACTIVE IN MY CHURCH WITH THE YOUTH. AM I PERFECT FAR FROM IT-BUT LONG GONE THE DAYS OF WORRYING ABOUT WHAT A MOFO THINKS OF ME OR HOW I LIVE-ESPECIALLY A BLACK MAN IF A NICCA OR ANY MAN AINT FEELIN ME KEEP IT MOVIN-PLAIN AND SIMPLE I AINT DUMBIN DOWN FOR A NICCA AND I AINT TAKIN CARE OF ONE-WHY SIMPLY BECAUSE I DON'T EXPECT HIM TO DO IT FOR ME

    BLACK WOMEN ARE DOING WHAT THEY HAVE TO AND THAT IS HANDLING THEIR BUSINESS AND LAST I CHECK YOU BEING SINGLE AINT NEVER KILLED NOBODY, AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO DROP DEAD IF YOUR NOT MARRIED-IF YOU ASK ME I THINK IT'S A VERY GOOD THING THAT WOMEN DON'T FOCUS OR PAY MEN SO MUCH DAMN ATTENTION AND GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN

    THE ONLY MAN WHO DESERVES THAT KIND OF ATTENTION IS "GOD" BECAUSE HE AND ONLY HE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU AT ALL TIME-WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND WILL BE A FATHER TO YOUR CHILDREN

    I BE DAMN IF I WILL LET SOME TRIFLIN NICCA STICK HIS FEET UP UNDER MY DAMN TABLE AND TELL ME AND MY CHILD HOW MANY BEANS WE CAN EAT-JUST SO HE CAN BEAT HIS CHEST AND SAY "I'M MAN"

    EVERY BLACK WOMEN DOESN'T BELIEVE HER GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IN LIFE IS TO GET MARRIED OR HAVE A MAN-AND FOR THE RECORDS THE REASON BLACK WOMEN ARE DOING SO WELL WITHOUT A MAN BECAUSE WE'VE HAD A LOT OF PRACTICE DOING IT ON OUR OWN-HELL WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THE REASON WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO BIATCH,WHINE, OR PLAY VICTIM WE HAVE KIDS TO RAISE AND BILLS TO PAY-NICCA WHAT, NICCA WHO? A VIBRATOR GETS THE JOB DONE WITHOUT THE HASSLE OR HEADACHE

  • iscream

    HOLLLLERRRRING @ intense. Girl you's a fool. (I meant that in a good way :)

  • Daisy

    Well dayum I guess she told yall...LOL

    Who knows CPR cause I think Intense just KILLED some folks up in here..lol

  • intensemocha

    @iscream

    I'M FULLY AWARE THAT I AM OUT OF CONTROL-AND I LOVE IT...

  • Krysi J

    CAN WE LET IT DIE!!!!??.....check YOUR blood pressure Intense!! LMAO!!

  • intensemocha

    CHECKED IT ALREADY-AND IT'S ACTUALLY VERY GOOD MY BLOOD PRESSURE STAY LOW CAUSE I AINT GOT MUCH DRAMA OR HEADACHES

    THE ROWDIEST IT GETS AROUND MY PARTS IS CUSSIN OUT THE UTILITY COMPANY FOR ANOTHER HIGH AZZ BILL-

    IF IT DON'T BRING ME HAPPINESS OR PLEASURE-IT HAS TO GO RATHER IT BE MAN, FRIEND, OR FOE-I'VE GOT ZERO TOLERANCE FOR BULLSHIAT!

  • Kat

    dag....i kind of agree with sandra on this....not with EVERYTHING that she said, but alot of it...

  • Krysi J

    IF IT DON’T BRING ME HAPPINESS OR PLEASURE-IT HAS TO GO RATHER IT BE MAN, FRIEND, OR FOE-I’VE GOT ZERO TOLERANCE FOR BULLSHIAT!
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    WEeeeeeLL.....Lord Haa Mercy....I second dat motion JEEEsUS!

  • http://charactercorner.blogspot.com attorneymom

    Proverbs 14:1: Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

    Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

    http://www.topical-bible-studies.org/35-0026.htm

    Selah.

  • mjoylaw

    his post was designed to be incendiary.That said if ppl don't believe that the effects of slavery are not still hindering our families they are ignorant or totally naïve. That's like saying racism doesn't exist anymore, clearly untrue. Thus. Our family structure is fcucked up and the problems in our community CANNOT legitimately be blamed all on single black women and mothers. WE are not to blame for the shambles that exists in our community. WE are SICK of and ENRAGED at being blamed. Most of us would LOVE to have a black king to submit to. But all too often when we have tried WE HAVE BEEN SHAT ON. Pure and simple and they get away with treating black women like crap because we are deemed worthless by society. We then must keep it moving to COPE with the situation we are in, then we are DOUBLE SHAT ON, now it's our fault for being single because we were too nasty to be beloved wives and we DESERVE whatever SHAT in our face where ever we go in society that we get. WE ARE TIRED OF EATING SHIT AND WE ARE TIRED OF BEING BLAMED AND SCORNED. Yet we must still keep it moving and handle our business with a smile. A never ending cycle?? Eat shit until you die and that was your life?? Think about these words before you judge the next black single mother you see. YOU DON'T KNOW HER STORY. She isn't asking you for a gottdamn thing except to be treated like a human being. I never knew what women go through because I was raised in a nuclear upper middle class black family. Single black mothers are to blame for the ruination and disintegration of society?? G T F O H!!!! Oh, that's right I forgot, there are no systemic ills in society any more so we are to blame. Stop drinking the haterade ppl and RESPECT and UPLIFT our black women, they didn't get pregnant or develop low self esteem by themselves.

  • http://sandrarose.com Sandra Rose

    @ mjoylaw:

    This post was not designed to be incendiary sis. It was designed to make you think about your relationships with black men. The same way you're trying to shout me down in your comment is probably the way you treat the men in your life.

    I've received quite a few emails from professional, black married men who agree with my post and with the video. The problem with black women is that we let our stubbornness and attitudes get in the way of our pride. There's that word: Pride. We used to have pride in our families and in our men as the provider and the head of the household.

    Somewhere along the way, black women decided we could do fine by ourselves without men and we passed that backwards thinking down to our daughters through generations. Now we see the destruction that type of attitude has wrought. There is a breakdown in the nuclear black family that is now mostly headed by clueless single females and we're raising black boys to be men in that manless environment. No wonder the prisons are overflowing with troubled black men!

    I'm not saying lay down and be totally submissive to a man. I'm saying You are not a man. stop suppressing the black man's natural instincts to be men. If you're married, let him steer the bike. You can discuss decisions about the household, but let him make the final decisions at home without you shouting him down. You can still be a strong black woman without emasculating men.

    There's a word for women who choose not to play by God's rules of letting the man lead. That word is LESBIAN. Another word that comes to mind is CELIBACY. <---- Please choose one of those alternate lifestyles and stop opening your legs to every man who catches your eye and bringing children into this world because that type of behavior further tears at the fabric of our society. You're right, women don't get pregnant by themselves. But unless you are raped -- abstinence is still the best form of birth control.

  • Daisy

    @Sandra My issue is its NOT all women. I was raised in a 2 parent household and my parents are still married 32 yrs and counting. My mother NEVER told me I didnt need a man or encourgaed me NOT to get married. Shoot everytime I go home she asking me do I have a man yet..lol In my circle of gfriends most of them can say the same thing. They desire to be married to a black man as well and have no problem letting a man of God lead them and their household. You make some valid points but talking down to people has always been a pet peeve of mine and I feel thats what you and some other comments have been doing. I am celibate but I dont think I am better than anybody else. Everybody makes their own choice. Plenty of women are sexually active and DONT have kids as well. Not ALL black women have the I DONT NEED A MAN MENTALITY but there is NO NEED in putting your life on hold and being sad and blue at the SHORTAGE of GOOD BLACK MEN. I am trying to do things in the right way and I can honestly say it hasn't got me very far when it comes to men but I would rather try and please God then man so that is why I choose the path I did that and the way I was raised.

    I heard a MAN say that he is not bothered by the word Independent (a word that has never impressed me either way) because to him it just means a woman is SINGLE and therefore she should be PAYING her own bills and taking care of herself.

    Are there some women who have a chip on their shoulder yes is that right no but its NOT all women.

    Are there men who appear to be good men (I am not talking about wanna be thugs either) in the beginning and then turn from sugar to shyt YES.

    Again I say for what seems like the 100th time there is enough BLAME to go around to BOTH SOME men and women.

    I hold it down for my black men every chance I can and I can't say that is always returned but I don't let anybody elses action control mine.

    In the end I feel the good black men that we do have espically in Atlanta are in no rush to settle down and get married with so much eye candy. They are kids in a candy store up in this piece. Even my gfriends that are in the dating mix they are no closer to getting married than I am so I am not really missing much. I said earlier I do agree its IMPORTANT to make sure you find the RIGHT man to marry and not get married to get married if marriage is something you want.

    Men will ALWAYS have more PRIDE than a woman FYI!

  • mjoylaw

    Excuse me Auntie??

    What are you talking about??

    1. I was not trying to shout you out, I was unaware that you are responsible for the thoughts that are the subject of this post. I thought you merely posted someone else's thoughts in order to provoke discussion the way you always do??

    2. I'm trying to understand how a lesbian woman as yourself, who presumably has little experience dealing on an intimate level with men, can presume to provide an accurate analysis and speak for the experiences of heterosexual women with their men?? This truly mystifying to me; with all due respect, what is the source of your expert knowledge on this topic?

    3. As for myself, dear Sandra, I am divorced dear, not an unwed mother. I am a double degreed, professional sista who attended first class world renowned schools, who is paid in full, rolling in German made car I paid for, a homeowner in an exclusive neighborhood, a business owner that is highly successful, and the mother of two children who are in private school and abundant enrichment activities that I pay for. And so on. Without assistance. I do not receive a penny of child support nor any government assistance.

    My two children have the same father and were conceived with love well within the bounds of Christian MARRIAGE. My own parents were happily married for 42 years before my father died and were excellent parents. I was raised in the church all my life and certainly did wait until I was 38 years old to get married despite having many opportunities, and when I married my husband I truly loved him and did the best I could to be a good wife who was submissive and allowing the man to lead.

    My point was NONE OF THIS EXEMPTED ME from being lumped in with the so-called nappy headed hoes, the hoodrats, the welfare baby mamas, and so on, when I chose to become divorced getting away from an abuser and became a single black mother. I had no idea how women are treated until I have experienced the dirty secret of the RAMPANT discrimination that is visited upon we dear women who didn't get into the situation they are in by themselves, some people do get divorced you know?? We aren't all unwed mothers but we are all doing the best we can to cope and make the best of a bad situation.

    Unfortunately, no matter how nice you are to some men, no matter how kind, loving and submissive and how much bacon you bring home, no matter how clean you keep the house, and how well you raise the children, SOME MEN ARE CRUEL, ABUSIVE, UNSCRUPULOUS, PATHOLOGICALLY SELFISH AND SO ON--SIMPLY NO DAMN GOOD. At least not to a black queen.

    Unfortunately, the black community is scarred and we have a high proportion of these dysfunctional relationships between black men and women in our community.
    This is well documented. I think any anthropologist or sociologist would substantiate that the reasons for these phenomena began in slavery and they still are being perpetuated and experienced in our community today.

    It used to be fashionable to blame black men, but the tide has turned and if I listen to Anne Coulter and her counterparts (such as yourself?), the problems in our community and families are the black women's fault. Well, I stans for the single black mothers, somebody has to. These problems are NOT our fault and Black men need to look at the man in the mirror and make a change, not resort to the typical tactics of blameshifting and all other sorts of boushyt and fcukery designed to mask their irresponsibility and incompentence as Godly leaders.

    That said, I agree with the poster above: its IMPORTANT to make sure you find the RIGHT man to marry.

    It's my fault for marrying an idiot, and believe me, I am suffering the consequences of my foolishness daily. Hope that helps

  • mjoylaw

    stop opening your legs to every man who catches your eye and bringing children into this world because that type of behavior further tears at the fabric of our society.

    W O W

    What in da hail I do to provoke this COMPLETELY UNTRUE statement? Now I am shouting you down, in fact you owe me an apology, this is completely not true and how you could make such a reckless statement not even knowing me is truly beyond me.

    Just because someone gets married

    doesn't mean all their problems with men and relationships are solved and they are automatically going to be treated better by their children's father than a single mother would.

    True commitment is in the heart; some MARRIED women have a lot of problems with their men, and some of them like me, get divorced

    Oh and by the way, my children and their father have an EXCELLENT relationship uninterfered with by little old UNSUBMISSIVE SAPPHIRE me

    No wonder black women feel marginalized and worthless..we are the subjects of unmitigated hatred

  • http://myspace.com/docjam1 Doc Jam

    right on to that sista..

  • http://sandrarose.com Sandra Rose

    @ mjoylaw:

    I was generalizing when I said women should stop spreading their legs. I wasn't targeting you specifically. If I offended you, I apologize. I have also said many times that I am not in favor of marriage for everyone. You can still be a family and not be married. Gay and lesbian couples are a family and they are not married. I am saying IF you are married or if you are in a committed relationship with a black man, you should let him be a man and let him make the final decision with input from you -- unless he doesn't want that leadership role, then that's different.