2nd Grade Teacher Killed By Low Life Boyfriend

Sandra Rose February 16, 2010

A second grade teacher was savagely stabbed to death by her boyfriend who, police say, then got into his car and flagged down a patrol officer to turn himself in.

Dana McFarlane, 35, of Snellville is being held at the Henry County jail on a murder charge in the death of his girlfriend Kinaya Schenese Byrd, 34, who was stabbed during a quarrel at her home in Stockbridge.

According to the AJC, Byrd’s father, Richard Byrd was afraid for his daughter’s life after she began seeing the low life. “I had a deep feeling he might hurt her someday,” Richard Byrd said of his only child.

Richard Byrd said a neighbor heard the fight an tried to stop McFarlane. But she was dead before help could arrive.

The pretty future educator taught at River’s Edge Elementary School in Clayton County. Her death comes as a shock to friends, some of whom were classmates of hers at Spelman College.

A “Celebration of Life” service for Kinaya Schenese Byrd will be held at 1 p.m. Friday at St. Paul A.M.E. Church, 1540 Pryor Road Southwest in Atlanta. The wake will be held from 6 to 8 p.m. Thursday at Murray Brothers Cascade Chapel, 1199 Utoy Springs Road Southwest in Atlanta.

Thanks to loyal reader Stephanie Vaughn for the tip.

Source: WSB

VIBABY

Just terrible….. :prays: for her family.
VIBABY

Just terrible….. :prays: for her family.
iyonah

Wow this is so sad

Prayers for her fmaily and friends .. RIP
LovelyLady

and
Cinderella

I heard about this on the radio. My prayers go out to the family. I hope the book is thrown at that monster.
iyonah

family**
BlacJay

This is very sad, my prayers go out to her family and friends … and His family and friends also cause they’ll need it too.
Daisy

I thought this was the ppl involved in the stabbing at wal mart while exchanging/dropping off the kids. Which was heartbreaking as well.

Jesus be a fence all around me everyday!
TXCottonKandy

This is so sad. We seem to hear these stories do frequently now. Sign of the times. RIP. Many prayers for her family.
pyt305

WOW that is too sad!!
intensemocha

WE WOMEN NEED TO MAKE SMARTER CHOICES REGARDING THE MEN WE SEE AND STOP LISTENING TO SOCIETY WHICH PRESSURES WOMEN TO DO ANYTHING AND TOLERATE ANYTHING JUST TO SAY WE HAVE A MAN

RIP-MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO HER FAMILY
Cinderella

Sadly, stories like this are far too common here in GA. Over the last 5 yrs, a number of Black women have been murdered by their boyfriends or husbands.
Peachizz

So Sad RIP My sister…My thoughts and prayers are with her family..
Cinnamon Kisses

How sad….. RIP
My condolences to her family.
srv

thanks for posting this SR.
RINOLA

My prayers are with her family.
kcicero

This is so sad, we women have got to choose better mates. My go out to her friends and family, how
leapyearpisces

This is very sad. Prayers to her family, friends and her students. I had two teachers that died when I was in elementary school. A teacher dying is very traumatic because you see them everyday like you see your parents.
On another note, and I am not being funny, I would never make light of death in any way shape or form, and I say this with ALL seriousness…the guy looks crazy….he looks as if he is totally capable of doing what he did…it’s his eyes…something very dark and empty in his eyes… I just don’t know y’all…there is a war going on….and its for our souls…time winding down and the devil is getting desperate…I’ve personally noticed in the last 10-15 years seems like regular “day to day” people are dying violent deaths.
OutsidetheBox

And he turned his self in…She must have 50-11 brothers that was going to digg off in his as.s! Bas-tid!

for Ms. Byrd
mirsmommy

This is so sad. Like someone said above, both families are now affected by this senseless act. My prayers are with both families as well.
ReadTheBlog

That’s really very sad. Arguing on any level is so not worth it.
kee2joy

My prayers are with this family because they will face a long, difficult journey. My best-sista-friend was killed in ATL 2yrs ago in a similar manner and I can empathize with Ms. Byrd’s family.
ReadTheBlog

Intense, aren’t you the same one who say’s a jump off isn’t out of line when she gets with a committed man?
FloridaChick813

Thats terrible..
atltx

I wish her family strength and hope.

Now…point blank…dating is hard for men and women in Atlanta…but we can’t give up and scoop trash from the bottom of the barrel. I’ve had some nice looking gutter trash in my home…but quickly figured out that “fun” ain’t always safe. I’m a man…so I can handle things gone bad a little better vs. a woman dealing with a fool for a quick thrill. Either of the two are way too dangerous. Let’s pump our brakes folks…let’s take a moment to relook our decision making processes in our 30’s and 40’s. Time is on our side…let’s quit worrying about that.
keekee83

Cinderella Says:

Sadly, stories like this are far too common here in GA. Over the last 5 yrs, a number of Black women have been murdered by their boyfriends or husbands.

““
I agree…I live in the A and it seemed like about two years ago, there was a case almost every week about a boyfriend or husband killing their significant other and then either killing themselves or running. I was very happily single at that time.
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

I heard this on the news this morning. My prayers to her family.

WOW! is it to easy to say now…he looks crazy? This is sad. I am not speaking out of line, because we don’t know how she met this guy nor the time she invested in getting to know him before emotionally connecting with him.

BUT Single women have to be careful what and who we allow in our lives in moments of lonliness and convienence. We have to pay attention to RED FLAGS that start in the pit of our stomaches. We have to take heed to our parents/friends and families warnings, even when we think they are being nosey.

My mother warned me about a gentleman, and I down played it as my mother simply being “MEAN” and “difficult”. My mother didn’t like this person and she made no secrets about it, in front of him or otherwise, to the point of being down right rude to him. Less than 6 months later I was filing assult charges on him.

Be careful. Pay attention to these chatlines that children are partaking in…there was a woman arrested for molestation of a 14 yearold girl, whom she connected with on a local phone chat-line

Becareful ladies.
SunnyPA

That is a common occurence now and why I don’t have a boyfriend (not really). However, the thought of harm does cross my mind when dating now … something that I didn’t think about years before (I’m in the upper age group of commenters).

Side Note:
I heard one of the professors here at Pitt comment on how they are now a little scared about staff promotion meetings now.

You can’t even look at someone sideways now. It is the end of days.
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

intensemocha Says:

WE WOMEN NEED TO MAKE SMARTER CHOICES REGARDING THE MEN WE SEE AND STOP LISTENING TO SOCIETY WHICH PRESSURES WOMEN TO DO ANYTHING AND TOLERATE ANYTHING JUST TO SAY WE HAVE A MAN
_____________________

100% with this statement.
LilMissRed

VERY sad! ITA w/GGOUCH.. there are always RED FLAGS.. ALWAYS.. ladies Please Please Please pay attention to these signs..
MissLouisiana

This is such a sad story, my condolences does out to her family.
PAHairston

Lord, that was his only child. May she rest in peace and may God give the family peace. So sad, so unnecessary, she was such a pretty young lady and a teacher at that! I’ll bet her young 2nd grade students love her, how sad. Peace.
Kimmy

This is truly sad. My prayers go out to her family.
qtipthecat

My prayers go out to both families.
I swear God needed me to see this today. I really was thinking about making a very bad decision. Thank You, Jesus!
KrayZKat

My heart goes out to the family, friends, and loved ones of this sister who died a senseless death.

Just a thought that others have touched one previously. One of the morals of this story is LISTEN to your heart and people around you who love you. Her dad said something wasn’t right with this guy. As women, we have a strong intuition and oftentimes (not always) we hook up with men NS there’s something deep down that tells us “NO! DANGER! STAY AWAY!”

Again, RIP sister.
PAHairston

LOVE ME SOME SCHOOL TEACHERS!!!!
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

qtipthecat Says:

My prayers go out to both families.
I swear God needed me to see this today. I really was thinking about making a very bad decision. Thank You, Jesus!
___________________________________________

WOW!! Follow your spirit sister and I will pray for your increased obdience in doing so.
http://facebook.com/Myspace.com Ashcat

This is very sad. My prayers goes out to the family.
Anna

Condolences to all.
The hardest part of a abusive relationship is getting out of it alive. The longer one stays with an abusive partner the more violent things get.
AprilRain

Leapyear: I feel you… Prayers from me to them today.
onlinefan

i am interested to see what caused him to snap and kill her. what was he into before to make the dad question her being with him?
All I can say is at least he turned himself in and didn’t go out and hurt anybody else or have a manhunt turn into a police standoff.

R.I.P.
http://myspace.com/dannyblaq dblaq

Im just wondering because there are LOT of these types of stories going on these days. Is it that women don’t know how to choose the right men, or is it that they are still attracted to the thug life mentality and then get caught up.

I would think that anybody that is capable of murder has some signs going on. Anybody that has respect for life wouldn’t just blow and murder somebody.

I think its crazy for anybody to kill anyone over a relationship period, if they cheated, move on they don’t want you.
KaraZ

May her soul rest in peace. I feel so sad for her family, I can’t imagine how heartbroken her dad is, since he saw the warning signs and tried to help her.

incidents like these remind me to continue to look out for those I call friends and my family of course, if my girlfriend or cousin is too lovestruck to investigate someone fully or really look at them for who they are, I will do it on their behalf. I hope this woman doesn’t die in vain & her story will encourage someone to leave the messed up situation they might find themselves in.
cheeks8683

This is sooo sad. My prayers are with the family…

This make me think of the countless classmates and relatives that I know that tolerate low life men just so they won’t be cold at night. A cousin of mine was married to a man that used to beat her on the regular. We tried to give her advise but all she would say is that she did not want to be lonely. I remember one time she showed up to my mother’s house with 2 black eyes…she looked sooo pitiful. I think the only thing that gave her strength to leave the relationship was her having her little boy. She finally left the relationship because it came to a matter of protecting her son. Thank God she got out with her life. Ladies…never settle for less than what God intends for you. A man should treat his women like a queen…Its better to be lonely and alive then linked up with someone that can leave u dead.
Tyzgurl

Although I agree that “us” single women need to be more cautious and selective about the men we choose….but I think ALL of us need to watch for the signs.

Here in the Chi, there was this woman whose ex-HUSBAND found her at a party at a hotel on New Year’s Eve, got her to exit the party by manipulation (he was waiting for her in the parking lot), blocked her car in and riddled her car and her with bullets. They were married 20 years!!!! So, you don’t know about ANYONE’S mental stability. Male or female.
leapyearpisces

dblaq Says:

Im just wondering because there are LOT of these types of stories going on these days. Is it that women don’t know how to choose the right men, or is it that they are still attracted to the thug life mentality and then get caught up.

************************************************************
dlbaq:

I don’t have the answers to everything, but I think that being afraid of being alone and LONLINESS or the threat of LONLINESS makes alot of people [men and women] put up with things/situations that they know BETTER than putting up with. Like everyone else said the signs are there.

People better start learning how to be alone. Start learning how to enjoy your OWN company. There’s nothing wrong with being in a HEALTHY LOVING relationship, but people sacrificing too much these days just to say they have a signifigant other. Sacrificing their money, their self respect, their pride, sometimes their children, and sometimes their lives just to say they got a “boo”… being by yourself, and not being in a relationship is not the end of your life, but getting with the wrong person could be.

Ladies and gents: Like always say, when someone show you who they are..BELIEVE THEM!
kee2joy

@ dblaq-My friend who was killed was not in a relationship with her murderer. They were co-workers and he became fixated with her. When his advances starting getting on her nerves, she reported him to HR and they did nothing. Sadly, he came to work one day and killed her on the job. She always said something was not right about and she followed her instincts. Who knows what makes a person do something like this. Honestly, nothing he can ever say will make me understand and accept why he took her life.
Again, everyone should trust that lil voice they hear and not shrug it off
mzmekaj

This is so sad… Another senseless killing.
Kat

Wow! So sad and I bet it was also senseless. It’s always signs there…they just don’t up and flip out one day…be careful ladies. It is not a game out here. Men, ya’ll be careful too. You look at somebody too long these days you may get shot. A crazy world we are living in…
OutsidetheBox

<—- glad that I don’t know these chicks “who do anything to have a man.”

Where dey do dat at? (c) K.Michelle

My circle is admittedly small but damn if I don’t know not one female that settled just to have a man.

Why does everyone think this sister settled? Why couldn’t he just be crazy and hiding it?
qtipthecat

ggouch says:

WOW!! Follow your spirit sister and I will pray for your increased obdience in doing so.
**************************************
Thank You, so much. Valentine’s Day had me feeling down and so I went to lunch with an ex and almost let myself get sucked in again. I was still on the fence but today I felt like God was speaking to me and I needed it. No way am I going down that road again. He was never physically abusive, but his family is just all messed up and I know that I can not fix him.
http://twitter.com/sherita78 mizzdallas

@kee2joy

that is really sad! you never think that something like that can happen to you in the work-place but anything is possible when there is a crazy azz person right next to you in your presence….

I think god, that I dont feel like I have to have someone, I’m single w/o kids and I enjoy my life to the fullest but Its sad to say that its many woman who dont enjoy being alone because their NOT happy with themselves so therefor hence the reason for them to settle with anybody!
free

dblaq Says: Im just wondering because there are LOT of these types of stories going on these days. Is it that women don’t know how to choose the right men, or is it that they are still attracted to the thug life mentality and then get caught up.

******************************************

doesn’t have anything to do with thugishness. these men have all different types of personas. the common traits are obsessiveness and low self-esteem.
danjas

this is so sad. may god rest her soul

his face looks like a mean bulldog
~B

R.I.P…another senseless murder. He took this man’s only child!! probably over some BS. Probably bescause she was going to leave him. No matter what the situation it was a selfish act.Why??
http://myspace.com/dannyblaq dblaq

@kee2joy

I remember a story like this here in ATL. Afterwards they found out that he had a history and was a violent felon. I wasn’t saying that ALL women that are victims should have seen signs. I just know quite a few women that put up with dudes sh!t for reasons that you be like you she it coming, it could be money, looks, size of is wang or whatever. I was just wondering since I do believe that women and men are very different in nature and majority of times, in my experience women make decisions of emotions more so than logical. Where they put up with a dude that does nothing but leech off them but they may say his sex is good so they have no problem letting him lay around the house all day, spend their money while she is at work.

I don’t know maybe I am way too skeptical but when it comes to letting people in my life I am very very critical I look at everything, how she interacts with people, how she treats kids, how she handles her business (is she late all the time), how dependant she is, how her friends and family interact with her, etc… I don’t like people knowing my sh!t period as simple as where I live. Maybe thats why people used to say that I am unapproachable but you can’t trust people period.
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

OutsidetheBox Says:

<—- glad that I don’t know these chicks “who do anything to have a man.”

Where dey do dat at? (c) K.Michelle

My circle is admittedly small but damn if I don’t know not one female that settled just to have a man.
_____________________________________________________
If you do know what it is to settle for something or someone out of heart or situational convienence, If you can not relate to this directly and/or indirectly…fall to your knees right now and give thanks. For you are truly blessed, to not know personally or through association what it is to be faced with a situation where your judgement was impaired by your heart or financial situation. Give thanks and pray that grace continues to follow you the rest of your life and I mean this with the utmost seriousiness.
SangriaSugar

My prayers and heart go out to each of their families. This story is so sad and it seems to be happening more and more. I don’t mind being single. I was in a bad relationship before and he used to say if I ever left him he would kill me. It was cute at first, then I started thinking what if this dude is for real…then he put his hands on me one time & tried to choke me…I had to bounce. Like ya’ll said there are always signs. :prays:
srv

kee2joy Says:

@ dblaq-My friend who was killed was not in a relationship with her murderer. They were co-workers and he became fixated with her. When his advances starting getting on her nerves, she reported him to HR and they did nothing. Sadly, he came to work one day and killed her on the job. She always said something was not right about and she followed her instincts. Who knows what makes a person do something like this. Honestly, nothing he can ever say will make me understand and accept why he took her life.
Again, everyone should trust that lil voice they hear and not shrug it off
———————————————————
this is the bank of america killing isn’t it?
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

This is for qtipthecat and any other queen on SR who may have at one time ignored or maybe ignoring their gut feelings. What God has for you is for you and those things that are Good for you he will not withhold them from you.

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns —

Take courage and lean on My strength to keep moving through the difficulties that you face. You need to be patient and trust Me to lead, guide, direct and protect you at this time. Do not despair when you do not seem to have what it takes to deal with current issues. Ask, and I will give you wisdom. This too shall pass, and new focus and clarity will come forth like the first rays of sunshine of a new day. Keep looking up, says the Lord.
SangriaSugar

OutsidetheBox Says:

Why does everyone think this sister settled? Why couldn’t he just be crazy and hiding it?
______________________________________________

I agree…he could have just been hiding it! My ex was paper quality: good job, saved money, fun to be around, got along with my MOM (which is hard)…but he got that liquid courage and became Mr. Hyde!!
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

I don’t believe anyone is saying “SHE” settled….(I don’t thinks so anyway) it just brought to mind that many do settle and or settle in staying despite warning signs and gut feelings.
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

I agree…he could have just been hiding it! My ex was paper quality: good job, saved money, fun to be around, got along with my MOM (which is hard)…but he got that liquid courage and became Mr. Hyde!!______________________________________________________
So how long did you stay? Did you leave immediately?
WalkingKontradiction

Actually I disagree. Being that I studied psychology as an undergrad, there aren’t always signs, especially in relation to what an earlier poster said about individuals becoming fixated on someone. You never know who has the ability to become a stalker until they start exhibiting stalker behavior. I met a guy in a nightclub and exchanged numbers, the next day we talked, text and he started immediately wanting to link up for dinner. I had plans however the rest of the week so I let him know I was unavailable, dude flips his wig telling me I’m not making any time to see him and why aren’t I putting in more effort…now that was my RED FLAG, you met me Monday and by Wednesday you are raising your voice and screaming like I’m your girlfriend who doesn’t want to see you. When you deal with someone like that you never know, people’s experiences can turn them for the worse, I just happen to get scared enough to never talk to him again, and funny thing is I ran into him again and I was with someone and he tried to threaten him! Now I watch myself everywhere I go, I double check, basically I’m paranoid, and I never gave this guy anything more than my number and conversation. Never went to his home, never kissed him, heck never even hugged him….I don’t ever want to find out what he’s capable of so I ran at the first sign of trouble.
OutsidetheBox

@ggouch: I did not mean to imply that I can’t relate indirectly…I can. I mean, I read. I know it happens.

I do not know what it is to settle because I was always taught not to settle. It’s really as simple and as complicated as that. To put it in perspective for you, in my mother’s house a grade of C was not allowed. You were really pushing it with a B, and as a school teacher she knew that a C was “settling”… All A’s was easy-peasy to me in elem/middle and even early high school but I brought home a C once …I was in 10th grade and had just brought home a baby! My mama didn’t care! She told me C’s meant “average” and she wasn’t raising no average motherfuc.kers! So here I was, a grown (in my head) ass woman on a 9 week punishment. Now imagine that kind of logic applied to everything in life…

My thought process has been shaped by a determined bunch of people (men and women). I’m doing the same with my children and the children I’m familiar with. We don’t settle.

Thank you for your good wishes.

@Sangria…That’s why I always take issue and think it’s a cop out when ppl say “sisters need to pick better mates!” IMO thats not even scraping the surface of the problem. Why are these crazy ppl out there? Crazy comes from crazy…

I have seen paper quality sisters getting paper quality men that beat their as.s for years and years behind closed doors… when he finally snaps everyone says the same things, “he was such a nice guy!”

It’s not all cut and dry.
OutsidetheBox

Kudos @ Walkingkontradication.

I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that you knew better because you were taught better right? And if that is the case, we’re right back where it all begins: THE HOME!
ReadTheBlog

There are always signs, just cause you don’t see them immediately doens’t mean there wasn’t some trauma that may have happened before your time that inadvertenly planted the seed.
OutsidetheBox

Inadvertent seed planting and things happening before your time..so could one ever really know? I get background checks for the time he stole gum and family get-togethers to see exactly how many bi-polar members there are… but if his molestation by his great aunt on his dads side isn’t public record and he surely isn’t looking to share, how do you know?

How do you go about life then? As one of those ppl who are so afraid of living that they don’t live? That’s not a life.
pointhimout

yeah someone posted this on facebook this morning. horrible story. he looks crazy as shit too.

im not making light of this situation at all, but i do wonder if he has a record and if not, what was it about her that made him snap? obviously controlling or the jealous type. sad, sad story.

i got the impression he was really clingy, from what her dad told ajc. he was always around her. that’s never good, ya know, someone with no friends, no life of their own. you’re their everything. “u r my everything….” that sh!t’s only cute in theory or song, not in real life. “i can’t breathe without you….” WHAT? again, not good.
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

Does anyone remember Mandisa from American Idol? Sandra can we get her 2010 pictures? I hear she lost a lot f weight
WalkingKontradiction

@ Outsidethebox:

It was a combination of both. I was taught very much so of what types of men to avoid but not which ones to let in. I didn’t always listen and I ended up in a terrible relationship for 8years, although it didn’t (in my head) get bad until I came back from college it was always bad in my mom’s head, but it only took me that one experience to learn the things that I KNEW made me uncomfortable and for some women/men they are not yet sure what those things are, so people have to spend time getting to know themselves. I was with my ex from high school, we are not who we are going to be at that age(at least hopefully) so there were alot of things I didn’t quite know about myself and as I grew I saw we were not growing together and then he became possessive, insecure, abusive, everything and I looked up one day and said who the heck is this bish? You are so much better than what he has to offer and I left, that day, we were engaged and I still left and never looked back, I didn’t care about being alone or lonely but I did know enough that if he had that much animosity towards me he could snap and it would be my funeral my mother was planning. That’s why I don’t do yelling, screaming, getting in my face, first signs of possessiveness now I run for cover, but some women may get that confused with persistance and the chase, me I’m liable to think you’re a crazy stalker!
cheeks8683

I agree it does start in the home…people tend to follow the examples that are given to them growing up. In my cousin’s case my aunt went from one man to the next, all were either abusive in some form or fashion or were a deadbeat and all seemed to have some sort of record…My cousin saw that growning up so she thougt it was acceptable behavior for a man to have. My mother on the other hand was a single mother after her and my dad divorced but time and time again she let my sis and I know what should be expected from a man, how to get out and get your own, and to follow your gut. Thankfully neither I nor my sis have been in an abusive relationship in any form. Even when my mom dated she would not even let the men come into our house and she would never put them before us. I can only think of one relationship she had with a man whom we met and they were serious…I just thank God I never felt the need to fill a void just by being with any ol’ body…

On another note there are folks that are just plain crazy. Did y’all hear about that girl that worked at Hooters and a customer came in and took a liking to her.She quit, got a new job, got married and the fool still was after her. She had a 72-page account of the harrassments she endured for over a couple years and the judge still not grant her an order of protection. He came up to her joba couple weeks ago and killed her. That was on GMA last week…
http://myspace.com/dannyblaq dblaq

I believe there are ALWAYS sign however, it is due to our ability to notice those or not. If you have been around a lot of bad people you can sense those things but if you never been around real bad people you may not be aware. We live in a different society today, I always said that our society which is the US we are so distant from thinking that bad things could happen to us. I see so many people that just pull out of a parking lot without double checking, then you have people that pull money out in public and they never know who maybe watching them. We were so in awe when 9/11 happened but sh!t like that happens overseas on a daily, so these people know how to survive.

I grew up around bad and menacing people for the majority of my life, I usually have an excellent radar for people with iffy traits and I was able to catch and react before something serious would happen. There are several ways to poke at someone to see where they are mentally. Relationships with parents, family, friends, find out why friends fall out, what happened at the job. I mean it can be anything.

It is a definite skill but I just think that majority of females feel as they would never get into a situation like that. Even speaking to my female friends they would say “I wish a n***a would try me like that”. As long as you know that any and everything can happen to you at any given time. Your awareness level is higher. I know too many folks that wonder without noticing anything. I was able to clear a shooting at a robbery in the grocery store, because I notice this nervous guy in the line and eventually saw the gun. HOwever people around me were like what is your problem

But yes I believe there is ALWAYS a sign
Anna

ggouch Says:

Does anyone remember Mandisa from American Idol? Sandra can we get her 2010 pictures? I hear she lost a lot f weight
~~~~~~~~
I saw the pic, she is beautiful, I always thought she was pretty but losing all that weight makes a diff.
SangriaSugar

@ggouch

He went to rehab for alcoholism so I stayed with him, you know I worked with a brotha, and everything was fine for a while. I went TDY for a couple of weeks and I could tell from the telephone convos that something was up with him and when I got back home I found out he had been drinking again. We got into a agruement about his drinking he choked me and I left cause I am not his baby-sitter or his mother. He’s a grown man and I was not gonna watch him all the time to make sure he’s not drinking.

Him saying “I love you but I’ll kill you if you leave me”, his drinking, and him putting his hands on me I had to look out for my star player and get out!!
WalkingKontradiction

@ Sangria, wow!

@Dblaq, I think you are right, fresh out of high school I was very naive, but after I came back & dealt with my ex and his fam and the people around I learned real quick that there are a lot of people who are rotten to the core and I stopped caring about trying to figure them out(psychology degree had me torn at first) I am not paid to figure out your problems so uhn uhn. And you are right, as women we do tend to say that infamous “I wish a nicca would” and one day he did, I now put nothing past anyone, again call me paranoid, but God didn’t see me through those rough years for me not to learn a lesson….
SangriaSugar

@ WalkingKontradiction

I studied psychology too…working on my masters in forensic psych now

It was a learning experience for me cause now that I’m not with him its real easy for me to see all those signs that I missed that had nothing to do with his drinking, he was just a bad person in sheep’s clothing.
Ms.Everything

All I know is whenever I hear about these stories all I can think is but there for the grace of God goes I…. my husband beat me up for years and I stayed because of all the people saying you don’t give up on a marriage so easily and the fear they put in me of raising 4 kids on my own, he cheated with anything that moved and I later found out he was hooked on meth for most of our marriage but I didn’t recognize the signs especially because he kept his appearance up and kept a steady job by the time I found out it was too late. When it was time for him to go it took me and two of my friends to literally whup him up out my house and I changed the locks that night and got an emergency restraining order filed. I’m blessed he didn’t come back that night or any other looking for me but I see these stories and while I’m praying for the families at the same time I’m thanking God I came out alive, scarred for life (physically), but alive, never caught an std and with all my babies…
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

MS. Everything. God’s grace most def. WOW
Ms.Everything

I just read all the comments (did I do it right) at dblaq, I am the same way and I’ve had guys who wanted to date me say I’m paranoid when I say ill meet you there in my own car and no you can’t meet me at my house. I won’t even give guys my home phone number. I have children to think of and who need me around.

@ Outside I get what you’re saying and I applaud how your mother raised you and how you in turn are raising your children. I was raised the exact same way. My mother was single for years after she divorced my father because she refused to settle, she instilled in me to always stand up for myself, always be able to take care of myself and I don’t have a woman in my family (that I’m aware of) who’s ever been in a domestic abuse situation I would have never thought it could happen to me. But it starts small he would do things like make me get in and out the car til I did it properly when we would date (I’m a tomboy) I thought he was trying to help me imprve, things like that. I was pregnant with our first child, had just moved out of my mothers house to stay with him when he hit me the first time but I was so humiliated I just sat there. I couldn’t go home, at the time I was on disability so I stayed and believed it would never happen again and it didn’t for another year but as time went on it got worse and my family knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t have the heart to tell them what was really going on in my home. He wouldn’t hit me in my face so to an outsider you wouldn’t know that under my shirt I’m black and blue. Id complain about his meanness and my aunts would say I was giving up and being petty. I finally got up the nerve to leave when my coworker noticed bruises on my leg and didn’t believe that I fell but I had emergency surgery and couldn’t leave him so to protect myself I asked two friends to stay with me at my house and told him they were there to help with me and the kids since I was bedridden for a few weeks and he was so high at that point he didn’t care. We had a fight in our bedroom that last night and when he hit me I popped his ass back sick and all and by the grace of God my gfriend (no homo) said she heard that smack clear across the house through closed doors and came running and they both made it to my room just at the time he grabbed a chair and was swinging it towards me and the rest is history. I say this to say, it can happen to anyone regardless of home training family background or common sense, I don’t have low self esteem or any of the so called flags that you hear about in books and on tv shows what I have is a huge sense of pride where I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I was in over my head and needed help and be truly honest with those around me. I was ashamed at how weak id become especially coming from a family of such strong women and I was scared of how hard it would be raising 4 kids on my own. Sorry for the novel
Ms.Everything

Thanks ggouch. I still dont talk about it too much I just had to share today for some reason
SangriaSugar

@ Ms.Everything

Praise be given to God for bringing you out of that situation.

No worries about the novel…we are a family here!!
http://myspace.com/dannyblaq dblaq

If you meet people you have to understand the evil man can do!! My friends used to be bad because I used to do bad. Can you commit crimes with someone that has a conscience? I am a very analytical person sometimes to much for my own good, however you learn a lot about people’s behavior. People with certain traits usually have things in common. You can tell how they talk, their stories, their reasoning, or whatever.

In order to change your situation it takes a lot more than just leaving that person because most likely you wind up with a similar person. So there is a reason why you are with certain people because that particular something is what keeps you there. People really annoy me when they say I like light skin, dark skin, I only date this type or that type. Well that particular statement can keep in that very same box!! If you are always in bad relationships, 9x out of 10 it is not the people but YOU. You may have weaknesses that are being exploited. If you think in nature what do predators do? They don’t prey on the strong, they pick out those that they know they can beat easily. So if you are gullible, easily to be influence, etc. You will attract those type people and they will know it and wheel you in with exactly what you want to hear.

If you have a man that just hits it and quits on you. Maybe he knows how to get in your draws easily, you may think you are sexually free, but then don’t wonder why you get what you get. Maybe if you do the switcharoo, you will deter those types and attract a totally different.

Life is about experience and what you learn from them, some people will that their failure is due to lack of planning, some will say timing, some will say it because of their team and so on but at the very end its all about your decision and choices you make, you create the plan, you execute the plan, you pick your team, you are responsible for 90% of the things that happen to you. Yes indeed there are accidents but from a lot of experiences when things happen it is due to either not paying attention or going against the grain
Sunkissed404

This story touches close to home. I work with a coworker who is a relative of the victim of this tragedy. What words do you say to console them? This is just too much. Lord, please bless the family.
Anna

Sunkissed404 Says:

This story touches close to home. I work with a coworker who is a relative of the victim of this tragedy. What words do you say to console them? This is just too much. Lord, please bless the family.
~~~~~~~~~
Just tell your coworker how sorry you are and that your prayers are with everyone. The best thing you can do right now is support and listen.
OutsidetheBox

@Ms.Everything. A novel? Honey, please. If it changes one thought/aspect in our minds, I like it! And how are your babies? Just fine I presume?!?! You did the same thing I did: Up and left. I had three and one in the belly. I know.

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