In Case You Missed It: Why Can’t Successful Black Women Find a Husband

Sandra Rose April 22, 2010

ABC Nightline asks the question ‘why can’t successful black women find a man?’ I changed the title to ‘husband’ because most successful black women don’t have trouble finding a man. There are plenty of black men in our community who don’t mind being kept lavishly while spending her money. I can think of a handful of them right off the top of my head.

The problem is that these successful women can’t land a husband because doing so takes a lot more work and effort than they are willing to put out. That’s because most successful black women believe they are above black men. It’s sad but true. Society has devalued black men to the point where our women don’t even respect them any more.

Haven’t you wondered why there is such a proliferation of lesbians in our community within the past two decades?

Last week, ABC gathered together the cream of the crop within the black Entertainment industry to try and tackle the troubling question from the inside.

Man, I just don’t care™

@SANDRA
“The problem is that these successful women can’t land a husband because doing so takes a lot more work and effort than they are willing to put out. That’s because most successful black women believe they are above black men. It’s sad but true. Society has devalued black men to the point where our women don’t even respect them any more.”
_______________________________________________________________
lyn

Here we go again…..
Man, I just don’t care™

@SANDRA
“Haven’t you wondered why there is such a proliferation of lesbians in our community within the past two decades?”
____________________________________________________________________

They were always there, they are just more “out” with it now. Most women have “experimented.” **cough** **bisexual** **cough**
lexdiamonz

i am sorry i watched Pep’s show and Jackie was just RIDICULOUS she has a whole LAUNDY list of shit you cant pick a dude like a pack of indian remy most people are human have flaws hell these chicks want to “custom-build” a man. I will tell them one thing that is true as the day is long like my grandma pearline told me honey you will find a man as soon as you stop looking for one !!! AMEN and soon as i did we still here strong 20 years later love you Elton boo-boo
pyt305

not this sh*t again
http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

So women change sexual orientation because they’re not married? SANDRA MAE ROSE STOP THE MADNESS!
lyn

If people respect themselves first then others will respect them in turn….if you don’t respect yourself…then why should I???
lexdiamonz

i meant “custom-built” also for real for real I don’t knock homosexuality to each its own but what is the obsession with the women on women these days i know i know it is old as the bible times but i feel most women who are stone-cold lesbos REALLY hate men !!! i am sorry i don’t want nothing soft as me rubbing on me no offense i mean if you live with a woman dont yall periods come on the same time ???
mirsmommy

I wish they would leave people the hell alone with this mess. And exactly who is the cream of the crop of the black entertainment industry?
VIBABY

*side eye* I thought you were born gay, I didnt know it was a choice.

I agree with most of what SR said……
Krysi J

The problem is that these successful women can’t land a husband because doing so takes a lot more work and effort than they are willing to put out.
———————————————————-

What happened to the day when a man would put forth the effort and work hard to be with a woman…..when did the MEN become the WOMEN???

“Society has devalued black men to the point where our women don’t even respect them any more.”
————————————————————

ITS THE OTHER WAY AROUND….SMH…..to the point where a successful black woman isn’t even considered a good catch….WTH…..this place is beyond corrupted.
Man, I just don’t care™

Sherie (Sharie?) Shepperd had me dying. She was really funny, while getting her point across. She usually iritates me.
FloridaChick813

I refuse to take part in this Sandra

I dont think its the womans fault at all…. I just think that these “men” have different morals then they did back then. Every young single man I know says “I AINT NEVER GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!” I dont think its the women, h3ll I think its the men..

And I dont think its a black thing, I think the problem is universal(hope I used that word right).
http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

Sandra, I watched last night, both sides raised some decent points, however I wished Hill Harper would have stopped harping on potential.

Men are never expected to marry a woman and bank on her potential. They don’t say, hell she’s not cute right now, but she has the potential to b;, hell she can’t fcuk worth a damn, but she has potential, they don’t say she’s a hoodrat right now but she has potential to be an industry leader. They choose a woman based on the finished product they see in front of them. So why are women expected to manage a half-assed man, because he has potential? Every body has potential, but not all potential will ever be realized. Potential doesn’t do much but sit there, unless a man is developing his potential he is still not marriage material.
Anna

lexdiamonz Says:

i am sorry i watched Pep’s show and Jackie was just RIDICULOUS she has a whole LAUNDY list of **** you cant pick a dude like a pack of indian remy most people are human have flaws hell these chicks want to “custom-build” a man. I will tell them one thing that is true as the day is long like my grandma pearline told me honey you will find a man as soon as you stop looking for one !!! AMEN and soon as i did we still here strong 20 years later love you Elton boo-boo
~~~~~~~~
I do think some women are just unrealistic with their “man list”. I too think don’t look and ye shall find/get. Some ppl are just plain shallow and some are selfish, and they should be alone. Being w/someone is about sharing and learning, not telling and bossing around. S Shepard to me thinks she is a bigger celeb than she is, she is also loud, bossy and needs to buy a vowel, I call her the black Jessica Simpson, all boobs and no brain.
Krysi J

UUUUugggggHHhh!! *aren’t*

not this shyt again!!
FloridaChick813

Damn I contradicted myself..

First saying I refuse to take part..

then commenting..

OOh well, im a woman, its my perogative to change my mind
MissGauzzz

i wish these so called “experts” would stop analyzing us! i don’t see no damm panel discussing this sh.it for pink chicks! if you dont have a man it’s because u don’t want one…and don’t even come at me with no excuses! there are still a lot of good brothers out there and all these damm lists chicks are making these days is foolishness! i’m 47 years young and have NEVER had a problem finding no man…and i didn’t look for his azz either!
Anna

Man, I just don’t care™ Says:

Sherie (Sharie?) Shepperd had me dying. She was really funny, while getting her point across. She usually iritates me.
~~~~~~
LOL. I see you too had trouble spelling her name.
EricaDenese

The problem is that these successful women can’t land a husband because doing so takes a lot more work and effort than they are willing to put out.
________________

Sad, but true.

I am tired of everyone jumping on this topic though…
Man, I just don’t care™

@MISS GAUZ
” i wish these so called “experts” would stop analyzing us! i don’t see no damm panel discussing this sh.it for pink chicks! if you dont have a man it’s because u don’t want one…and don’t even come at me with no excuses! there are still a lot of good brothers out there and all these damm lists chicks are making these days is foolishness! i’m 47 years young and have NEVER had a problem finding no man…and i didn’t look for his azz either!”
_____________________________________________________________________

LOL!

TELL ‘EM!
lexdiamonz

KaraZ Says:

Sandra, I watched last night, both sides raised some decent points, however I wished Hill Harper would have stopped harping on potential.

Men are never expected to marry a woman and bank on her potential. They don’t say, hell she’s not cute right now, but she has the potential to b;, hell she can’t fcuk worth a damn, but she has potential, they don’t say she’s a hoodrat right now but she has potential to be an industry leader. They choose a woman based on the finished product they see in front of them. So why are women expected to manage a half-assed man, because he has potential? Every body has potential, but not all potential will ever be realized. Potential doesn’t do much but sit there, unless a man is developing his potential he is still not marriage material

there you go sister very well put…. i mean as long as brothers will wife ex playmates, dick jugglers, strippers and ho’s why shouldn’t black women have standards black women can’t find a decent BLACK man hell find a decent man from another RACE yall sistas too loyal to men that aint loyal to us….
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

these women disgust me for further helping down black women and men. whatever!
http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

I did agree with a little of what Steve Harvey said about successful women not intimidating men. I’ve heard it a million times, the whole “I’m a strong black Independent woman, I don’t need a man to do for me, I do for myself, fluck a ninja who think he’s about to hold me down, men can’t deal with my success it intimidates them.” Most of the time, I’m thinking, na heffa, you’re single because you’re a beetch! Nobody wants to be around someone who constantly throws their personal success in their face and uses it to belittle them. They’re not intimidated by your success, they just can’t take the uncontrolled ego and accompanying misc. bullsheet that comes with it. Your success isn’t the reason you’re single, your personality is.
http://mrswindycity.blogspot.com Windycitychick

they had Sherri and jacque (or however u spell it) and they are NOT the majority…

they are older and very hard to please.. u can tell this by the Pep show and how Sherri speaks…

I need REAL women to even give this half a chance.

When mainstream media jumps on a “trending topic’ without the correct experts its wrong

It was WACK AND A JOKE
heavn_sent

Right on KaraZ..Right on!!!!!!!!!

Let’s be honest. Our paths are usually different…men and women that is. Look at the ratio of college educated men to women in our society. And the sad reality is that when brothas are making the money, they have a lot more options than we do. Hell, when are they ever told to settle??? Look past the physical, etc. Nah, Boo..ain’t happenin.
crzasallgetout

@vibaby
That’s what I believe as well.
Man, I just don’t care™

@ANNA
“Sherie (Sharie?) Shepperd had me dying. She was really funny, while getting her point across. She usually iritates me.
~~~~~~
LOL. I see you too had trouble spelling her name.
__________________________________________________________________

I usually call her “The-fat-black-chick-on-‘The View'” so I at least put forth some effort.

I spell everyone’s name wrong tho.
Redeemed777

God’s people (the black man and woman) will continue to suffer until they start praying to Him, trusting Him, reading the Bible (KJV), and doing things the way He said to do it:

1. STOP HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE
2. STOP HAVING CHILDREN OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE
3. TREAT PEOPLE AS YOU WANT TO BE TREATED
4. PUT ASIDE EGOS ( MAN EGOS ESPECIALLY)
5. STOP BEING GOLD-DIGGERS
6. NO CHEATING ( NO MATTER WHAT- JUST DONT DO IT! )
7. WAIT ON GOD
EricaDenese

KaraZ Says:

Men are never expected to marry a woman and bank on her potential. They don’t say, hell she’s not cute right now, but she has the potential to b;, hell she can’t fcuk worth a damn, but she has potential, they don’t say she’s a hoodrat right now but she has potential to be an industry leader. They choose a woman based on the finished product they see in front of them. So why are women expected to manage a half-assed man, because he has potential? Every body has potential, but not all potential will ever be realized. Potential doesn’t do much but sit there, unless a man is developing his potential he is still not marriage material

Anna Says:

I do think some women are just unrealistic with their “man list”. I too think don’t look and ye shall find/get. Some ppl are just plain shallow and some are selfish, and they should be alone. Being w/someone is about sharing and learning, not telling and bossing around.
__________________

Both of you better
http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

MissGauzzz Says:
i’m 47 years young …

————————————————————–

If that’s supposed to be you in your avatar, then I don’t believe you, you don’t look 40! Imma need you to stop telling stories!
starr

I didn’t watch…i was writing a paper…and i’m still writing….:rollseyes:

But anyhoo…..

I agreew with whomever said about black men putting out the effort too. Because she’s succesful…she has to put out the effort? Not fair….

I’m not gonna lie though….there are some women with some rediculous/unrealistic expectations though.

I think i read someone where that black women and asian women are the least desirable to men or somthing like that. And how about black men devalueing black women…..ugh
Redeemed777

……..AND PUT GOD BEFORE ANY MAN
Anna

EricaDenese Says:

The problem is that these successful women can’t land a husband because doing so takes a lot more work and effort than they are willing to put out.
________________

Sad, but true.
~~~~~~~
Most successful women could have landed a husband long ago. Most problems w/sucessful women is they can’t find a man in their league. Many black men already think black weomen are bossy and controlling, give them money and a job title and many men can’t handle them.
SoulWithSass

I believe it’s issues on both sides of the fence. Black men not revering or respecting Black women who ARE of substance enough to the point where they are willing to “get on the good foot;” and some Black woman being downright picky and superficial about what they THINK they are entitled to in a man.

You have to know what league you are in. Some men and some women set their standards waaayyyyy too high for their “leagues.”
pyt305

KaraZ Says:

Men are never expected to marry a woman and bank on her potential. They don’t say, hell she’s not cute right now, but she has the potential to b;, hell she can’t fcuk worth a damn, but she has potential, they don’t say she’s a hoodrat right now but she has potential to be an industry leader. They choose a woman based on the finished product they see in front of them. So why are women expected to manage a half-assed man, because he has potential? Every body has potential, but not all potential will ever be realized. Potential doesn’t do much but sit there, unless a man is developing his potential he is still not marriage material

—————————————————
100%
EricaDenese

KaraZ Says:

I did agree with a little of what Steve Harvey said about successful women not intimidating men. I’ve heard it a million times, the whole “I’m a strong black Independent woman, I don’t need a man to do for me, I do for myself, fluck a ninja who think he’s about to hold me down, men can’t deal with my success it intimidates them.” Most of the time, I’m thinking, na heffa, you’re single because you’re a beetch! Nobody wants to be around someone who constantly throws their personal success in their face and uses it to belittle them. They’re not intimidated by your success, they just can’t take the uncontrolled ego and accompanying misc. bullsheet that comes with it. Your success isn’t the reason you’re single, your personality is
_______

You are on a roll today!!
starr

Windycitychick Says:

they had Sherri and jacque (or however u spell it) and they are NOT the majority…

they are older and very hard to please.. u can tell this by the Pep show and how Sherri speaks…

I need REAL women to even give this half a chance.

When mainstream media jumps on a “trending topic’ without the correct experts its wrong

It was WACK AND A JOKE
**********

I agree!! And what makes some of these “experts” experts…..juss sayin
http://myspace.com/necee518 yvonne79

I think I will lurk for a moment while I collect my thoughts
MissGauzzz

@man…
i am so glad i am not a young woman in this generation because quite frankly some of these chicks scare me! it saddens me that they sit around and make up all these damm lists while good, decent hardworking dudes pass them by. i have little to no tolerance for that bullsh.it.

my husband is a good hardworking brother that does not have 16 college degrees with alphabets behind his name. he brings his money home and as far as i know keeps his di.ck in his pants. he’s respected by his CHILDREN and he is respectful and treats me like a queen! i am college educated with a great career and i make considerably more $ than my husband, but i have never belittled him into believing he’s less of a man because of it. we WORK together for what we have!
SoulWithSass

And Kara Z deserves a damn Nobel Peace Prize for her earlier statement concerning “potential!!”
http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

Oh and Hill Harper… he fine. He coulda gotten it!
starr

KaraZ Says:

I did agree with a little of what Steve Harvey said about successful women not intimidating men. I’ve heard it a million times, the whole “I’m a strong black Independent woman, I don’t need a man to do for me, I do for myself, fluck a ninja who think he’s about to hold me down, men can’t deal with my success it intimidates them.” Most of the time, I’m thinking, na heffa, you’re single because you’re a beetch! Nobody wants to be around someone who constantly throws their personal success in their face and uses it to belittle them. They’re not intimidated by your success, they just can’t take the uncontrolled ego and accompanying misc. bullsheet that comes with it. Your success isn’t the reason you’re single, your personality is.
*************

Well damn…:preach: lol
VIBABY

@Karaz said ” Most of the time, I’m thinking, na heffa, you’re single because you’re a beetch! Nobody wants to be around someone who constantly throws their personal success in their face and uses it to belittle them. ”

I dont remember what show it was (maybe Oprah) but there was a group of black women talking about this. They came for advice but they wouldnt shut the fluck up for a second. 5 minutes in, I was done with all of them. I couldnt imagine a man willing to put up with that shit.
crzasallgetout

Steve Harvey is on his THIRD wife right?
Man, I just don’t care™

@KARAZ
“Men are never expected to marry a woman and bank on her potential. They don’t say, hell she’s not cute right now, but she has the potential to b;, hell she can’t fcuk worth a damn, but she has potential, they don’t say she’s a hoodrat right now but she has potential to be an industry leader. They choose a woman based on the finished product they see in front of them. So why are women expected to manage a half-assed man, because he has potential? Every body has potential, but not all potential will ever be realized. Potential doesn’t do much but sit there, unless a man is developing his potential he is still not marriage material”
_________________________________________________________________

¿¿¿ What the phuck ???

That is so wrong it’s laughable! I see where you coming from but men and women don’t measure mates with the same criteria so it’s an apples to oranges comparison.
starr

Perhaps they should of had Karaz on the panel.
heavn_sent

To be perfectly honest, I think the women with those lists are just jaded. They’ve probably been with a lot of the no-good, lazy, bamas with “potential” and decided that they deserve better. I don’t agree with ’em, but I ain’t mad at ’em either. I get it.
I make good money, but I didn’t judge my hubby by his paycheck or his potential. I judged him by the way he loved me..the way he loves God, and the way he loves our son. Because if those things are in place..the rest has to follow. There is noitjing sadder than a black man who has no idea of his purpose or place in ths world.
http://facebook.com/Im2thick4u 2thick4u

Sandra the opinion you spew on some topics is so pathetic that is makes me think how many more people think like U !!
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

I was trying to stay out of this, but I’m putting my two cents in.

I think that the reason that most successful black women are not married is because successful black women find it hard being “domestic” (taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning after work while the husband does nothing). I’m guilty of it! I used to think, I’m successful, I’ve worked just as hard as men to get where I am at, why should I cater to a man. I think that’s the mentality of a lot of successful black women who have the ability to be independent. And a lot of men who want a wife, doesn’t want a female that isn’t going to do her “wifely” (I use that term loosely) duties.
http://twitter.com/sherita78 mizzdallas

i wish these so called “experts” would stop analyzing us! i don’t see no damm panel discussing this sh.it for pink chicks! if you dont have a man it’s because u don’t want one…and don’t even come at me with no excuses! there are still a lot of good brothers out there and all these damm lists chicks are making these days is foolishness!

*****************************************
I didnt watch last night special because I wasnt interested!!
cheeks8683

I’m so sick of this subject. Some successful women don’t have a husbend because its just not their time. It has to be your season. So many women are worries about looking for a husbend and loose track of who is in control (God). In looking for certain attributes some overlook the good ones that may not fit a specific package. That’s why a woman should not seek a man. Usually he comes along when you least expect it. Pray about it, claim it, and God will provide the desires of your heart. Just my 2 cents.
http://twitter.com/crislex Crislex

I really do wish that black men and women stop partaking in the bullshyt that the media is portraying about why blacks are marrying at a higher rate than white. Why snit there a show about sexual abuse and marriage among Hispanics? Why isn’t there a show or segment about why white wealthy men continuously rape and molest children? The media is feeding into a ploy of trying to make black families like the Obamas and thus having all these got damn specials about why black women aren’t married. This is Stupid.

Black women need to stop running around as if DICK is going out of style. LET GO AND LET GOD!!!! So what if your in your mid 30’s and not married yet, GOD will lead you to someone when the time is right. Being in a relationship isn’t nothing if you don’t know who you are or what you want in life. Especially if your a successful black woman with issues. Stop trying to hound men to marry and just chill out. I do not UNDERSTAND why this issue is brought almost every damn 6 months or so. Give it a rest. You all are letting these WHITE NETWORKS tell us black woman that we are having issues with relationships and holding down a family. FCUK what they SAY! Stop feeding into this BULLSHYT!
SoulWithSass

I think that ALL women should have standards but materialistic things should NOT be at the top of the list. *insert Chilli from TLC here*

A job (or truly WILLING to work if laid-off)
Intelligence
Humor
FIDELITY
LOYALTY
RESPECT
MANNERS
Chivalry (just a little bit won’t kill him)
HONESTY
MORALS

^^^THAT is a list! Pork, money, penis size and all that other crap is ri-damn-diculous! And as a female who has dated men in the “upper crust”- as a WOMAN, I don’t want no hoity-toity dude in my ear telling me how much more than me he makes and how he don’t “need” me, so I know damn sure a MAN ain’t trying to hear that!!
crzasallgetout

my husband is a good hardworking brother that does not have 16 college degrees with alphabets behind his name. he brings his money home and as far as i know keeps his di.ck in his pants. he’s respected by his CHILDREN and he is respectful and treats me like a queen! i am college educated with a great career and i make considerably more $ than my husband, but i have never belittled him into believing he’s

this is me. I saw/see the potential in my hubby. You have a job that’s a big plus to me and take care of me with that job.
starr

I really do wish that black men and women stop partaking in the bullshyt that the media is portraying about why blacks are marrying at a higher rate than white. Why snit there a show about sexual abuse and marriage among Hispanics? Why isn’t there a show or segment about why white wealthy men continuously rape and molest children? The media is feeding into a ploy of trying to make black families like the Obamas and thus having all these got damn specials about why black women aren’t married. This is Stupid.

Black women need to stop running around as if DICK is going out of style. LET GO AND LET GOD!!!! So what if your in your mid 30’s and not married yet, GOD will lead you to someone when the time is right. Being in a relationship isn’t nothing if you don’t know who you are or what you want in life. Especially if your a successful black woman with issues. Stop trying to hound men to marry and just chill out. I do not UNDERSTAND why this issue is brought almost every damn 6 months or so. Give it a rest. You all are letting these WHITE NETWORKS tell us black woman that we are having issues with relationships and holding down a family. FCUK what they SAY! Stop feeding into this BULLSHYT!
crzasallgetout

“wifely” (I use that term loosely) duties.

I’m a wife and I hate hearing the wifely duties. WTF
FloridaChick813

Most of the time, I’m thinking, na heffa, you’re single because you’re a beetch!
_____________________
Krysi J

oh I had it right *isn’t* cuz I said *womAn* not *womEn*

-what??

Oh yea

I just want to know this….why is society constantly voicing so much hate against black successful women, and constantly giving media coverage to the idea of a successful woman needing not to be proud of her accomplishments because at the end of the day she doesn’t have a man who values her worth. Don’t yall see the corruption in this?? It started when the black man got tired of being the bread winner of his family and decided to act selfishly leaving women or another man to take their places. I guess black men got tired of the black woman doing nothing more than housework and sitting around the house barefoot and pregnant, so they decided we should either take care of ourselves or at least contribute….some women wanted to work because its what they had to do to help their mates, but that all took a turn for the worse. Now its damn if you do, and damn if you don’t….just STOP coming up with excuses not to treat a black woman like she should be treated….I’m so tired of hearing them……DO IT or DON’T! Nothing is going to fix this problem…black women should not be desperate and settle for a man whose unresponsible, nor unemployed etc…because thats what society tells us they should do, in order to HAVE a man or get married….and MEN should not have to be forced to value the black woman simply for WHAT SHE IS, especially is she is successful…..let this shyt go. The hell with it, let everybody live their damn life and move on from this, there is entirely too much corruption on this planet to fix anything just live your life the best you can for you and pray for a place in heaven. Everything has to pass, everything is written….and unfortunately this is part of it.
EricaDenese

SoulWithSass Says:

A job (or truly WILLING to work if laid-off)
Intelligence
Humor
FIDELITY
LOYALTY
RESPECT
MANNERS
Chivalry (just a little bit won’t kill him)
HONESTY
MORALS
______________________

That’s my list too!
heavn_sent

Another thing that I think people miss (I might not be popular for this one) is that marriage is also financial partnership. Two people with bad money managament skills should not get married. Sorry, but that’s real.

I was too old to get married with stars in my eyes. I loved my husband, but we pulled that credit report and I HELPED HIM CLEAN IT UP BEFORE we got married. I didn’t leave him..I supported him..taught him to be better not for me, but for him.
heavn_sent

Another thing that I think people miss (I might not be popular for this one) is that marriage is also financial partnership. Two people with bad money managament skills should not get married. Sorry, but that’s real.

I was too old to get married with stars in my eyes. I loved my husband, but we pulled that credit report and I HELPED HIM CLEAN IT UP BEFORE we got married. I didn’t leave him..I supported him..taught him to be better not for me, but for him.
LLani

I’m really tired of having the “Why Black Women Are Single” bullshit shoved down my throat by white mainstream media outlets for the past couple of months, and by some black people who only want to make $$ off of the issue, and not offering any thing other than negative discourse and finger pointing.

Bring your ear a little closer to the monitor so I can whisper to you my reason why I’m single…come just a little closer…..

I’M SINGLE BECAUSE IT’S MY RIGHT..CHOICE..PREROGATIVE.. TO BE!

Basically according to the white media, not only is just about every black woman carrying the herpes virus, but we’re all single, angry, bitter bitches. In return, you have black women justifying myself included with this post apparently, pontificating, arguing, one-up’ing each other as to why they’re single and why they can’t find a good ‘man’.

Here’s a question:

Since when did it become wrong to be single?

Why is there all of this discourse about black women being single, and nothing about the dog ass men, who make women appreciate being single more & more each day?

Black women, if you’re single, embrace it. Be happy you’re not in some crappy ass relationship. Be appreciative of the fact that you’re not married to some man who’s out at night without his wedding ring on, still acting as if he’s single.

The “relationship” grass is not always greener. Believe that.

So to all of the white mainstream media hoopla over the single black woman crisis that is disrupting the world, I leave you with this:

What we (single black women) eat, doesn’t make you shit…mind your own business
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

There is a book called Knight in Shining Armor. P.B. Wilson
If you are single woman this book is a must!! I have it, but have not finished reading it, because I got so convicted in my spirit…but what one thing I did read: WE (women) shouldn’t be looking for anything! But we should def be preparing ourselves accorrdingly. P.B. Wilson, is a black woman BTW, also states that don’t fall for the women to men ratio or the influx of gay lifestyles, cause those things have nothing to do with God’s plan.
SoulWithSass

And as somebody said earlier….a lot of Black men “devalue” and “downplay” themselves, Sandra. So do a LOT of Black women.

When you’re trying to make your claim to fame as a “face-down, a** up” model- you’re DEVALUING YOURSELF!

When you’re biggest claim to fame is that you sell more pharmaceutical products than Merck & Pfizer combined- you’re DEVALUING YOURSELF!

And that in turn, sets off a chain of reactions where both genders start DEVALUING each other. I’m tired of the damn see-saw of blame. Jump off of it please!
EricaDenese

Krysi J Says:

I just want to know this….why is society constantly voicing so much hate against black successful women, and constantly giving media coverage to the idea of a successful woman needing not to be proud of her accomplishments because at the end of the day she doesn’t have a man who values her worth. Don’t yall see the corruption in this?? It started when the black man got tired of being the bread winner of his family and decided to act selfishly leaving women or another man to take their places. I guess black men got tired of the black woman doing nothing more than housework and sitting around the house barefoot and pregnant, so they decided we should either take care of ourselves or at least contribute….some women wanted to work because its what they had to do to help their mates, but that all took a turn for the worse. Now its damn if you do, and damn if you don’t….just STOP coming up with excuses not to treat a black woman like she should be treated….I’m so tired of hearing them……DO IT or DON’T! Nothing is going to fix this problem…black women should not be desperate and settle for a man whose unresponsible, nor unemployed etc…because thats what society tells us they should do, in order to HAVE a man or get married….and MEN should not have to be forced to value the black woman simply for WHAT SHE IS, especially is she is successful…..let this shyt go. The hell with it, let everybody live their damn life and move on from this, there is entirely too much corruption on this planet to fix anything just live your life the best you can for you and pray for a place in heaven. Everything has to pass, everything is written….and unfortunately this is part of it.
_____
nevesnanna

I’m going to say here what I say to my friends all the time. WOMEN DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GOOD MAN BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE WITH ONE. There are PLENTY of good brother’s out here. With our without their list. Above and Below their standards that will treat them like a woman should be treated. But black women are so use to men who treat them like shyt that when a good one comes along, they don’t know how to react to his GOODNESS.
OutsidetheBox

One of my favorite quotes:

“We are becoming the men we wanted to marry”- G. Steinem

I refused to marry because he wasnt for me.
DeCori J

I’m a black man:

When a woman wants a man she will make herself available for one. Whatever somebody wants to be successful in your going to have to work for it (career, relationship, etc.).

Society makes it hard for black people achieve so it takes us more time to be what most women consider marriage material. Boys don’t get the same support girls get growing up.

Men do look at women who have potential also, but when alot of women are down they look for sugar daddies.
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

@crzas… I do too. but men love it. I’m quick to throw up “manly” and “husband” duties though when “wifely” duties come up.
pinksghetti

I don’t devalue any man no matter what color but too many people are selfish these days because somewhere in time it became every person for him/her self; to me that’s the real problem. If a woman is truly straight and likes a man’s equipment they wouldn’t turn gay just because. I’m gonna assume she was bisexual before and just went all the way gay.
OutsidetheBox

LLani:

Because I chose to be. When I choose to not be, ok.
nevesnanna

…and to be honest with you, if I were a MAN, I’d be trying to decipher what folk consider a “successful black woman”… because all you see on blogs and on TV are VIDEO HOES and Reality Show Rejects. We can pump our fist all day long for Michelle Obama, but how many women like her really are showcased. Everytime you turn on the news it’s either somebodies JumpOff, VideoHen or Rapper/BallPlayers babymomma that folk promoting.
crzasallgetout

@ms truth
Me too. I’m still learning though.
http://twitter.com/crislex Crislex

I really do think this issue is redundant and becoming like a way for the media to pin black women and men against each other. And just like slave masters of our ancestors past used to use this tactic on us back then, that shyt is still vivid and working NOW. Stop drinking the GOT DAMN KOOLAID!!!
SoulWithSass

And white women (especially successful ones) outnumber successful Black women by more than a little bit….WHERE is the damn special talking about why they aren’t married?

Or better yet, where is the special talking about how they have to give up their careers (most times) to get maaried, usually to be cheated on and left in a trail of scandal in the end….

For examples, please see:

EVERY WHITE POLITICIAN THAT HAS BEEN CAUGHT CHEATING ON HIS WIFE IN THE LAST 10 YEARS. EVERY single one of their wives were more successful than their men when they met and “settled” to get married. The majority of them are now divorced and waaayyyyyy further behind than where they were when they started.

IS THIS WHAT SOCIETY WANTS FOR BLACK WOMEN AS WELL?! Give me a break!
Man, I just don’t care™

@KRYSI J
“…It all startedted when the black man got tired of being the bread winner of his family and decided to act selfishly leaving women or another man to take their places. I guess black men got tired of the black woman doing nothing more than housework and sitting around the house barefoot and pregnant, so they decided we should either take care of ourselves or at least contribute….some women wanted to work because its what they had to do to help their mates, but that all took a turn for the worse….”
____________________________________________________________________

It all started with President Kennedy/Lyndon Johnson’s “War on Poverty,” and the unintentional financial incentives embedded against marriage, for the benefit of the poor, which were of course disproportionately effected the minorities.

It was further exaggerated with the “Women’s Rights” movement (which allowed for women greater access to education and therefor jobs) and the “War on ~~Blacks~~Drugs” which agian disproportionately imprisons black men…

Don’t want these factors to be devalued.
PAHairston

Hello All. Redeemed777, good list. Crzasallgetout, I too make twice as much money as my husband and sometimes it can be an issue but most times its not. Look at Dr. Dorothy Height. 98 yrs old and never been married nor any children, and look how successful she was. I truly believe that if she’d had a husband and children worrying her to death, she wouldn’t have been able to dedicate her life to making our lives better in America. And remember, the grass ain’t always greener on the other side. And besides, many of our men are gay, in jail or already married so that leaves less men in the pot for black women to chose from. One last thing.Many black women turn down “good men” because they feel they ain’t “big enough or bad enough.” I know I can get some amens on this one. Peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Cinderella

Is being single really that bad? As a Black single woman, I am tired of all of these specials. I live my life to fullest and don’t spend my time worrying about getting married. If it’s meant to be, it will happen in due time.
Anna

Why is there all of this discourse about black women being single
~~~~~~~~
Those who bark the loudest get heard. It’s the ones who so called can’t find a man and want to be married that are complaining. There are many happy single ppl out there. Noone addresses it because happy single ppl shine, therefore no need to discuss.
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

Amen to everyone saying wait on God! I’m thankful that God put my relationship together. I had gotten to the point that I was sick of the “dating” games and was ready to settle down. I waited, and low and behold, I met my fiancee. Our first date was amazing, and a week later, we got together. He told me that it was going to work out. I asked him how he knew. He told me I was going to think he was crazy, but his bishop had described me to a tee and told him when he was going to meet me. When I met the bishop, he asked me, “did he tell you that I told him about you?” This was before I converted, and I didn’t really pay it any attention. But when God puts something together, there’s no breaking that!

Women, stop trying to make a man into your husband. You will know when you meet that one. There will be no questioning it.
Cinderella

Also, Asian men have about the same marriage rates as Black women. Where are the specials and books about them and why they can’t get a woman/wife?
LaTechGrad02

@cinderella,
SoulWithSass

@Man

You were okay until you got…

“It was further exaggerated with the “Women’s Rights” movement (which allowed for women greater access to education and therefor jobs) and the “War on BlacksDrugs” which agian disproportionately imprisons black men…” <—–HERE.

At what POINT do Black men become resonsible for their own shortcomings. So, you don’t think women should have been allowed to vote, get educated and get jobs? Really? Hmmm.

And the “War on Drugs” is just what it is: a war on DRUGS! If our people seem to be adversely effected by it, and more often imprisioned by its nature, then guess what our people should do?

LEAVE THE DRUG GAME AND ALL OF ITS SUBSIDIARIES ALONE!! I can ride for unfair treatment on our Black men most of the time, but the consequences of the drug/violence game is something our Black men are doing to THEMSELVES! Ain’t no two ways about that, honey.
LuvMySailor

Let’s face it: marriage is down in all the races. Why are black women singled out? Because they know it causes debate. That is why Essance is all about man finding and sex now.

Why do we have entertainment personalities talking about us?
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

crzasallgetout Says:

@ms truth
Me too. I’m still learning though.

——–

I’m learning too! lol. I’m an ole independent thing and can’t stand for someone to tell me what to do or to have to cater to someone else, but I’m slowly letting that go. Relationships are give and take. We’re both giving and taking. Men have a lot of responsibility when they enter relationships too. They’re expected to be the breadwinners and when they’re not, they tend to be looked down upon and they tend to feel bad about it. So I always keep it mind the responsibility men have also.
http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

Look if certain batshytcrazy women can get married, I don’t see what the problem is for all other women
cheeks8683

@ ms truth…that is a wonderful story about you and your fiance…let me put on my shoutin’ shoes
SoulWithSass

Also, I’m OCD-ish on correct spelling & grammar as well.

That should have been “adversely AFFECTED” not “E-ffected.”

Thank you.
LLani

They are exploiting us as usual!

Just like Steve Harvey, had the nerve to write a book on the subject for monetary gain.

How many times has he been married?

So now he knows whats wrong with black women?

Steve Harvey and others like him need to GTFOHWTBS!

A lot of women aren’t married, so why focus on “black women”

————————————————————–LuvMySailor Says:

Let’s face it: marriage is down in all the races. Why are black women singled out? Because they know it causes debate. That is why Essance is all about man finding and sex now.

Why do we have entertainment personalities talking about us?
pyt305

When the time is right you will find your mate. Like cheeks8683 said: PRAY ON IT & CLIAM IT! Until then just enjoy life! Why stress and freak out because you are not married….maybe you were destined to be alone

I never really understand women ‘searching’ for husbands but I guess its because I’m still young (only 23)
SoulWithSass

You’ve got to be happy as a SINGLE before you can even consider being happy as part of a COUPLE anyway…
free

Society has devalued black men to the point where our women don’t even respect them any more.

***************************************************

society has less to do with this than the black man himself….
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

Thanks Cheeks

@Soul… it’s that journalism in you! lol…people call me the human spell checker, because I’m quick to call people out on facebook. I used to go back and correct my stuff on here, but I’ve tried to calm it down a bit. It still irks me when I see where I spelled something wrong. >:(
Krysi J

@ Lexdiamonz #22 “potential” statement and @Crislex #53!!!
crzasallgetout

Girl I am bull headed. My family thinks I treat my husband wrong sometimes but I have to get used to “answering” to someone. Hell I was single for 4 1/2 years before we met. And living alone for longer than that. I still find myself saying”I’m grown” to him when he tries to tell me something. We had a lot of counseling before we got married and I think we need more because my mom told me I’M the problem. I’m a know it all I guess.
Man, I just don’t care™

@SOUL WITH SASS
“At what POINT do Black men become resonsible for their own shortcomings. So, you don’t think women should have been allowed to vote, get educated and get jobs? Really? Hmmm.

And the “War on Drugs” is just what it is: a war on DRUGS! If our people seem to be adversely effected by it, and more often imprisioned by its nature, then guess what our people should do?

LEAVE THE DRUG GAME AND ALL OF ITS SUBSIDIARIES ALONE!! I can ride for unfair treatment on our Black men most of the time, but the consequences of the drug/violence game is something our Black men are doing to THEMSELVES! Ain’t no two ways about that, honey.”
__________________________________________________________________

Black men, like everyone else, are ALWAYS responsible for THEIR actions and “shortcomings” (although you didn’t mention any particular shortcoming). They are NOT, nor is anyone else, responsible for decisions and actions outside their control.

So, you don’t think women should have been allowed to vote, get educated and get jobs? Really? Hmmm.” Not sure why you would question this. SMH. Anyway, no, I’m for EVERYONE having equal access to education and jobs. But since you asked me, I’ll post the same question to you.

LOL at your assessment of the “War on Drugs!” ROFLMAO. It’s “our own fault” huh? LOL. Getting involved may be the result of our own decision (which sometimes is a desicion of the lesser of two evils), but the prosecution and sentencing isn’t. SMH.

I’m just citing causes to the decline in marriage cited by any sociologist.
KrayZKat

I didn’t miss the show, I just didn’t watch it. I haven’t read through all the comments yet because quite frankly, I’m sick of this topic. Black women have been under the microscope for years, and I find our ability to find a man or lack thereof, has been discussed so much, and I don’t understand why. I have to wonder why they (the media) doesn’t focus on the happily married black women out there or women who don’t want a man. Why does everything black have to be negative? How about a special on why Asian women are flocking to white men leaving Asian men in the same boat some black women are in.

If countless men stepped up and took their position and knew how to be good men, more women, IF THEY CHOOSE TO, would get married or at least find men to have beautiful relationships with. Why solely blame the black female? Oh, that’s right, according to some (including some black men) we are the dredges of society. We are single (God forbid), diseased, weave wearing, masculine, and less than our other female counterparts.

BTW, don’t all professional women have a hard time finding compatible men, so why is there always a myopic study of sisters. Enough already!
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

another thing… these celebs and their “marriages” (I use that term loosely also) are not helping the situation. Being married is the hot thing right now. Having babies is the hot thing right now. A lot of people in society feel they need to do it because these celebs are doing it. What a lot of people don’t realize is that most of this stuff is staged. It’s a mockery of marriage, in my opinion.
free

lexdiamonz Says: you cant pick a dude like a pack of indian remy

***********************************************
SoulWithSass

@Ms. Truth

GIRL! It drives me nuts! Sometimes I start writing a comment correcting somebody’s bad grammar or spelling on here, then I just delete it like: “just let it go.”

LOL!

It bothers me to no end when I make an error though!

But when people keep saying “album sells” instead of “album SALES”……. I be ready to blow a damn gasket!!!

Sales! Sales! Sales, fool! Not “sells!”

*sigh* Release, relieve, relate. Woo-sahh.
crzasallgetout

Why is being married such a big deal? If you like being single….stay single!! The media gets on my nerves.
Man, I just don’t care™

@MS. TRUTH
“another thing… these celebs and their “marriages” (I use that term loosely also) are not helping the situation. Being married is the hot thing right now. Having babies is the hot thing right now. A lot of people in society feel they need to do it because these celebs are doing it. What a lot of people don’t realize is that most of this stuff is staged. It’s a mockery of marriage, in my opinion.”
_________________________________________________________________

**cough** Beyonce… Jay Z **cough**
CorporateHoodB-tch

@lexdiamonz…***DEAD*** @dick jugglers …I have that visual stuck in head now

I actually attended the event and they only aired 20 minutes of the 3 hour madness that ensued. In my opinion it was just entertainnent because no solutions will ever be made in a public forum such as this. It is everyone’s personal decision to determine if the good outweighs the bad with the woman/man of their choice . Whether it’s a dick juggler(c)lex or a certified public account. If they deliver 80% of what you require then go for it!!!
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

@crzas…you sound like me…It sounds so childish, but I’ll think, “you’re not my daddy.” I desperately want to get over it before we get married in Sept. And yes! that counseling helps. We’re doing pre-marriage counseling, and I would recommend it for anyone…married, about to get married or in a relationship.
gypsyeyes

I would read the comments but I’m sure that everyone feels the same way. First of all how can Sherri Shephard and Jacque Reid speak for US? Sherri: Single parent(sometimes)and has a hard time finding a man because I don’t care what she says is still letting the ex hit it. Jacque: with that ridiculous azz list and want to have a baby. She needs to work on her before she brings a baby into this world. She is being selfish be LOOKING for a man to procreate with. I have a husband and although I was a young military wife at the time I did what I felt was right in my marriage and the marriage didn’t work. Do I feel like a special should be made in my honor, Hell Naw!!!
SoulWithSass

@Man

C’mon! You are NOT serious, are you?

“LOL at your assessment of the “War on Drugs!” ROFLMAO. It’s “our own fault” huh? LOL. Getting involved may be the result of our own decision (which sometimes is a desicion of the lesser of two evils), but the prosecution and sentencing isn’t. SMH.”

To quote AttorneyMom: “*blank stare.*”

The prosecution & sentencing is due to the CONSEQUENCES of your INVOLVEMENT!!! There’d be nothing PROSECUTE or SENTENCE our Black men for if they’d stay their asses out of the drug game! Point. Blank. Period!

And lesser of two evils? How do you figure?! What is the other evil- a legal, paying job? A clean record? A higher GPA?

Please let me know, because I’m obviously soooo befuddled that I just don’t understand how the “War on Drugs” that unfairly imprisons our Black men is ANYTHING BUT the Black men’s fault…. enlighten me, please.
Man, I just don’t care™

@SOUL WITH SASS
“To quote AttorneyMom: “*blank stare.*”

The prosecution & sentencing is due to the CONSEQUENCES of your INVOLVEMENT!!! There’d be nothing PROSECUTE or SENTENCE our Black men for if they’d stay their asses out of the drug game! Point. Blank. Period!

And lesser of two evils? How do you figure?! What is the other evil- a legal, paying job? A clean record? A higher GPA?

Please let me know, because I’m obviously soooo befuddled that I just don’t understand how the “War on Drugs” that unfairly imprisons our Black men is ANYTHING BUT the Black men’s fault…. enlighten me, please.”
________________________________________________________________

Funny you ignored the rest of my post. LOL.

Ok, I know this isn’t “possible” but humor me and give me your opinion:

“Is it wrong to steal bread to feed a starving family?”
OutsidetheBox

I’m going to have to disagree.

Sentencing guidelines are always met when its a brother…not so much for the others…

They dont have to sale drugs, I agree…but when they get popped with 1/2 oz of weed do they really need to serve 5 years in AND on probation…only to get out, not be hired (who wants a felon?), not able to pay probation…and then head back to jail…

I’m just going to say they are not all at fault. Thats all.
Man, I just don’t care™

@SOUL WITH SASS
“To quote AttorneyMom: “*blank stare.*”

The prosecution & sentencing is due to the CONSEQUENCES of your INVOLVEMENT!!! There’d be nothing PROSECUTE or SENTENCE our Black men for if they’d stay their asses out of the drug game! Point. Blank. Period!

And lesser of two evils? How do you figure?! What is the other evil- a legal, paying job? A clean record? A higher GPA?

Please let me know, because I’m obviously soooo befuddled that I just don’t understand how the “War on Drugs” that unfairly imprisons our Black men is ANYTHING BUT the Black men’s fault…. enlighten me, please.”
________________________________________________________________

Funny you ignored the rest of my post. LOL.

Ok, I know it isn’t “possible” to answer a question with a question, but humor me and give me your opinion:

“Is it wrong to steal bread to feed a starving family?”
crzasallgetout

@ms truth
I tried to get over it before we got married(9/09) but I’m still working on it. lol. I strongly recommend counseling because it did help in a lot of areas. Our pastor talked about EVERYTHING and that was good. I’m a work in progress though. Our biggest issue before we got married was having kids. I don’t have any and could care less about having one. He has a daughter but feels it’s his DUTY to “give” one to his wife. WTH! I told him when we first met that I’m cool with not being a mommy EVER but I guess he thought I was playing. Time will tell.
pinksghetti

(I already know the answer to this but I’m just throwing it out there any way) According to these same so called “statistics” men of the same color have the same marriage (or unmarried) rate. I know a lot of men supposedly don’t want to marry but if one gender isn’t marrying then the other gender likely won’t either . So I wonder why they are just focusing on women?
http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

OutsidetheBox Says:
I’m going to have to disagree.

Sentencing guidelines are always met when its a brother…not so much for the others…

They dont have to sale drugs, I agree…but when they get popped with 1/2 oz of weed do they really need to serve 5 years in AND on probation…only to get out, not be hired (who wants a felon?), not able to pay probation…and then head back to jail…

I’m just going to say they are not all at fault. Thats all.
————————————————————

Case in point, that grown azz son of Micheal Douglas that everyone wants to refer to as a kid, he got 5 years for coke & meth violations… Had it been a black kid, he’d be up under the jail with no credit for time served.
CorporateHoodB-tch

PAHairston Says:

Hello All. Redeemed777, good list. Crzasallgetout, I too make twice as much money as my husband and sometimes it can be an issue but most times its not. Look at Dr. Dorothy Height. 98 yrs old and never been married nor any children, and look how successful she was. I truly believe that if she’d had a husband and children worrying her to death, she wouldn’t have been able to dedicate her life to making our lives better in America. And remember, the grass ain’t always greener on the other side. And besides, many of our men are gay, in jail or already married so that leaves less men in the pot for black women to chose from. One last thing.Many black women turn down “good men” because they feel they ain’t “big enough or bad enough.” I know I can get some amens on this one. Peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
_______________________________________

WOW!!! That was an interesting comment. I love my husband to death…but I met him at 24 years old…and I wonder sometimes if didn’t get married…what other things might I have pursued???? I have always wanted be more of an advocate for my community but refuse to sacrafice the time from my family. I believe my life would have been just as fulfilling as a single woman…maybe even more so.
Man, I just don’t care™

@OUTSIDE THE BOX
“I’m going to have to disagree.

Sentencing guidelines are always met when its a brother…not so much for the others…

They dont have to sale drugs, I agree…but when they get popped with 1/2 oz of weed do they really need to serve 5 years in AND on probation…only to get out, not be hired (who wants a felon?), not able to pay probation…and then head back to jail…

I’m just going to say they are not all at fault. Thats all.”
_________________________________________________________________

AMEN. That “scarlet letter” of the felony following you is proof NO ONE believes that prison “rehabilitates.” Now, with no job prospects, selling drugs becomes a viable option.

Don’t even get me started on the difference in prosecution, the laughable attempt at a “War on Drugs!” It’s insulting to even call it War.

How can a nation that has landed on the moon, created the atomic bomb (and used it), created the internet, etc., yet, can’t bring down a the handful of drug cartels when we KNOW where they are, where they get their drugs from, how they operate, etc?

SMH. The entire “War” was a showcase to APPEAR on tough on drugs when in reality the laws are only applied to blacks.
pointhimout

SandraRose if you dont sit down, you better. For a quick second you almost bamboozled me. And I quote:

“Society has devalued black men to the point where our women don’t even respect them any more.”

A day doesn’t go by where you dont claim some black guy is gay, so would you say you’re adding to the mix of devaluing black men?

They had the wrong panel, especially if jacquie reid’s there. she’s so uptight it aint funny. aint never had an orgasm. girl what?
SoulWithSass

@OTB

I agree that he sentencing is tougher. I said I’ll ride for “unfair treatment.”

But riddle me this…was jail time a possibility of being caught with marijuana BEFORE they got arrested and sentenced, or did it just become a jailable offense AFTER they got caught?

ANSWER: It was BEFORE. Every action has a consequence. If you KNEW it was illegal for you to have the weed in the first place, you can’t hoot & holler about somebody else getting “less” punishment than you. If you had not have partaken in it, you wouldn’t be getting punished AT ALL.
ohpretty1

heavn_sent Says:

Another thing that I think people miss (I might not be popular for this one) is that marriage is also financial partnership. Two people with bad money managament skills should not get married. Sorry, but that’s real.
———————————-

People think I’m on some goldigger ish when I state MARRIAGE IS A BUSINESS. Yet the reason most people, black, white, blue, are getting divorced is because of MONEY. If you cannot produce a credit report and/or are afraid to, you ARE NOT marriage material. Why should any two people get together to place themselves in a WORSE position?
SangriaSugar

This subject again!!

Why does the media continuously harp on successful black women finding a man/husband?? Why is there a stigma on being successful?

There was a story in the Washington Post in Feb that said successful black women should start looking to other races for relationship!! Stories, articles, movies, and TV shows continue to force feed us this idea that WE SHOULD BE MARRIED!!!
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

Man, I just don’t care™ Says:

How can a nation that has landed on the moon

——————-

I don’t know if we actually landed on the moon. silly, I know! But I look at the film, and it looks like a movie set. And why haven’t we been back?? Technology is waayyyyy more advanced now, but we haven’t been back?? Just questions I need answered before I really believe that.
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

@crzas… aww…you don’t want a little one?
crzasallgetout

People think I’m on some goldigger ish when I state MARRIAGE IS A BUSINESS. Yet the reason most people, black, white, blue, are getting divorced is because of MONEY. If you cannot produce a credit report and/or are afraid to, you ARE NOT marriage material. Why should any two people get together to place themselves in a WORSE position?

Dang I shouldn’t be married then!!
SoulWithSass

@Man

“Thou shalt not steal.” (c)- GOD.

However, anything stolen under $500 is a misdemeanor and can obviously be wiped from a record. Bread is usually under $5. If your family is starving, and you’re stealing $2 bread because there is absolutely NO other way for you get them fed (i.e.- time of famine, natural disaster, etc.), then fine.

But selling drugs which does not nothing but further debilitates the same community you are a part of just so you can be able to wear 5150 (whatever they call) jeans, gaudy jewelry and have a foreign car is unacceptable.

And you would not have to be worried about being a “felon” who can’t get hired, if you did not do any “felonius” sh*t.

It’s a chain reaction from the first crime you commit. So unless someone pointed a gun to you & your family’s head and said: “commit this crime or watch all of ya’ll die,” then it’s YOUR choices and therefore YOUR fault you got arrested. YOUR fault you were sentenced (whether fairly or not). YOUR fault you are now a convicted felon and cannot find a decent job. and YOUR fault that because of that, you can’t feed your family and are now choosing to commit more crimes just to get by.

It starts and ends with YOU. The courtroom & the prison are just a means to an end.
http://hok.com ATL_Reese

Wow at some of these comments.. And yall wondering why you single? But it is a 2 way street, dont think there are just ample of “wifey material” females out there. Its alot of grown girls, that need to learn to be real women, then a real man, might notice ya..
OutsidetheBox

My kids father served about 5 years Fed time. I am very sensitive to this issue.

It has now come about that the acting agent was accepting bribes (I know because we paid too!), stealing money, keeping drugs, etc.

So now he is under investigation and every family that he has ripped apart may be getting their brother/uncles/sons/cousins/friends back.

I probably would have married this man had he not gone to prison. We were having issues but I was pregnant and crazy and left his ass.

@Sass..everybody makes mistakes. Why do their mistakes cost so much more? Its just not as cut and dry as we would like it to be. Its a mess. And the Black man cant come back alone.
DeCori J

@ SoulWithSass:
The problem is our some of our young black boys don’t have a positive man around because their dad is in jail or just working all of the time trying to provide a life for them. They don’t fear their mother.

Boy hangs in the neighborhood where there aren’t any jobs, and gets in trouble causing him to have a jail record that haunts him the rest of his life. Its sad, but true.

************************************************************

On another note: Why are the people who are bad role models in other cultures considered heros in our culture? Think about it…

Before Barack Obama, CNN consider Jay-Z (a drug dealer turned businessman) a good example of what a young black male can be in America. In any other culture of society he would be consider trash. (Meaning not a Steve Jobs, Apple Iphone’s inventor)……

(Do a Google.com search on Mark Dean, inventor of personal computer) He should be our young boys role model!!!!
crzasallgetout

@ms truth
Not really. I LOVE kids but I don’t think I can deal with the constant getting up at night, having to find a babysitter, not being able to up and go when I want. I know these are all selfish reasons but until I can deal with that then I’ll wait. I don’t have much time though. I think about doing it then something changes my mind. I get to thinking that I’m 33 and by the time my kid is 10 I’ll be 43 and so on and so on. I knew this girl when I was little that had old parents and the kids cracked on her all the time. I’m anal I understand this
Stormy

SoulWithSass Says:

A job (or truly WILLING to work if laid-off)
Intelligence
Humor
FIDELITY
LOYALTY
RESPECT
MANNERS
Chivalry (just a little bit won’t kill him)
HONESTY
MORALS

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I DEFINITELY AGREE SOUL WITH SASS !!!!

We may not be on the same income level (My boyfriend and I) BUT we both respect each other to the fullest degree!We both work and have our own transportation *LOL*. He is the only person in my life that can make me laugh-out-loud because I have a very dry sense of humor! We love each other so much and no matter how his day is going, he ALWAYS tries to make sure he brings a smile to my face on a daily basis. Sometimes when I do get irritated at my job or at bills and it makes me get snippy with him – My Mama always reminds me ” Baby, you have a good man….do not treat him that way “. And I definitely can say I have a WONDERFUL BLACK MAN!
chase

I am so happy that I am not in this situation. I met hubby in High School and even though we had some ups and downs we are hanging in there. He is a good man and he is doing his best to take care of us. He put his aspirations aside so I could go to school and further my education, while he worked a job he hated for 15 years. Now I am living in a state with no family or friends or a job so he can finally work at his dream job. We get by and have a roof over our heads so I can’t complain. We each have sacrificed a lot to make the other one happy, an I think that is the key!

Sometimes you have to sacrifice something to get what you want…
crzasallgetout

123
heavn_sent

Good point DeCori, but Mark Dean doesn’t live in my neighborhood. And I don’t have to google Jay-Z. My son doesn’t speak French (yet) either.
My point: How can they emulate that to which they have never been exposed?
Krysi J

@ OTB #68 – that quote was SO TRUE

Pinksghetti #71 —OK!!…if you’re not Gay, you’re just got gay….and without hesitation I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE BEFORE I EVER….EVEReverevereverever got there.

@Nevesnanna #73 – exactly, CORRUPTION!!

@Crislex # 75 – Tell’em girl!!

@ Man #77 – you made a good point, and it adds to Crislex’s #75….I honestly think that some of this shyt was implanted in us since we got to this dreadful country!

@ Karaz #87 – Don’t we know of a “batshytcrazy” female in the SR family that is currently on the fiance list

Seriously though, I agree with whoever said that the only people complaining about not being married or being single are the people who offended by it. Hell just like someone else said, what if its your destiny to be alone, do you want to die in grief because you wasted so much time worrying about it. I went thru so much shyt in my childhood, with my mother and my father…and people that were supposed to love me most that when things didn’t work out in relationships it made me feel safe to be single…..I don’t like being heartbroken and wasting my days away with saddness, i went thru enough of that ALREADY…As GOD as my witness if I don’t do anything else before I leave this earth I will DIE in happiness….even if it turns out to just be me and my ol’ bad azz chullen, thats fine with me. Maybe I’m wrong for putting them before me and also being too afraid to let someone else in that may harm them or otherwise… its scary out here, people are SO corrupted, you don’t know what you’re getting into with dudes anymore! If you really want to be with someone pray and wait…..but most likely if you aren’t focused on having a mate/getting married….it will come to you when you least expect it…and just like someone said “you’ll know”………I’m waiting, because I don’t want anybody to take my happiness away from me, I NEED God to choose a man for me, because I simply do NOT make good choices. Live your life people, stop worrying about the little things….there is so much more to conquer.
missy

Well I think some women have too high expectations e.g. Chili..if she doesn’t change her list she will never have a man..WHo gives a flying fork that he eats pork .

Also I was watching someones ustream and this chick said she doesn’t want to date a smart dude…Now for me I was confused because their is a difference between condescending and educated.

And this girl felt below him..Me I wouldn’t mind getting me a smart educated man..I guess some people are intimidated by people who are educated ..

Any who I think some women rather a dude with a big penis,non caring,player and good in bed and he just sits around and don’t do sh!t.

Instead of a dude who may not be that well endowed or good in bed but is educated,caring,nice and driven… <–i’ll take this for 1000 ALEX (you can always teach someone)

Basically all I’m saying is their is no one perfect and we have to make choices and give up things that we can work on….
gypsyeyes

There are so many things wrong with so much in the post. These are the people that should have been part of the program. I was on the phone while typing and I pressed submit before I re-read my comment. I’m no longer married but when I was I did what I thought was necessary in my marriage. I’ve learned alot since then and listening to some of the comments there are some things that some others need to learn also. My friends laugh at me while we are out because while they are looking for the guy that can by them a drink I’m looking for the one that has some dried up dirt or paint still on his skin. I want a hard working man that takes pride in what he does and works hard for what he has.
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

@crzas…I think once you have a child, you’ll think it’s worth it. You wouldn’t want to wait too long also, and then when you want to have children, you have a hard time having them because of your age.
Stormy

Now back on the topic….as far as the show, I watched it on Nightline last night before going to bed.

Sherry Shephard – has a very high list of priorities that may be a little unrealistic! She thinks she is Oprah and can expect a man to jump for her – doubt that!

My absolute fave part of the show was when Hill Harper told the story of how him and Sherry met back in the day at a Taco Bell before they were well-known celebrities and she would not give him the time of day – that had me LMAO !!!! Sherry went on to say that since they were older that maybe they could give it another try – I don’t think Hill would go for that *LOL*.

Jacque Reid – I do not remember too much of what she said because Sherry was talking so damn much! *LOL*

I do wish the show would have been longer, though, it was only 30 minutes…at least an hour and run it when most folk are awake, not at 10:30 at night!
ohpretty1

crzasallgetout Says:

People think I’m on some goldigger ish when I state MARRIAGE IS A BUSINESS. Yet the reason most people, black, white, blue, are getting divorced is because of MONEY. If you cannot produce a credit report and/or are afraid to, you ARE NOT marriage material. Why should any two people get together to place themselves in a WORSE position?

Dang I shouldn’t be married then!!
———————————————-

Please don’t take it like that, but work on it. It saddens me to see people divorcing over money when there’s a long list of solid pros that brought them together in the first place.
Al-Ameera

I am really tired of this conversation because at the end of the day the problem and solution are very simple but no one really wants to deal with the truth of the matter. I could type it out but I’m sure people would be in denial or salty about it so what’s the point really?
SangriaSugar

I’m 29, single, and not bothered by that fact at all because I have a list…its a short list…but its important.

1. Be ambitious, have goals that he is truly working towards…not talking about what he want to do while sitting on the couch.

2. He has to be able to bring something positive to the relationship…such as a decent payin job. He doesn’t have to make more than me or the same as me but he better be able to cover his expenses…I refuse to take care of a grown man!!

3. He has to be able to hold intelligent conversations/debates and not get butt-hurt when my arguement is better.

4. He has to make me laugh!!
heavn_sent

@ craz: I feel you on the kids subject. I was 32 when I had my son..33 was my cut-off. He was a surprise and a blessing (diagnosed with PCOS). People keep saying to have another one, because he is an “only” and yadda, yadda, yadda. Well, I was too and I think I turned out just fine (totally my opinion). Sorry, but having a playmate or a distraction for my child is not good enough reason for me to have another one. While my son has perfected OCS (Only Cild Syndrome) I would rather deal wih that than all of the other stuff that comes with having more than one.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my son more than I have ever loved anyone or anything..I now know why my mother feels how she does about me. But I didn’t think that not having a child (or husband) would have made me any less a woman (although my mother would tend to disagree).
crzasallgetout

Yeah that’s what people tell me. I’m 33 now and I think in a year or two it’ll be a done deal. I think it was put in me not to have a kid out of wedlock that once I got close(been engaged twice but married the second one) a kid hasn’t been on my mind. Plus my hubby is ok with cool with whatever decision I make. I love him.
SoulWithSass

@OTB

I TOTALLY understand that people make mistakes. This is why there is a “juvenile” and an “adult” prison system. So that people under 18 who make MINOR mistakes can start their slate clean at 18 and begin a whole NEW path-thats a 2nd chance.

After 18, (15 in my opinion), you know right from wrong. You know what you should do from what you shouldn’t so there is no “I deserve a 2nd chance, I made a mistake.” You get a “2nd chance” every morning you are able to wake up & breathe. If you chose to f*ck it off, that’s your fault.

And I get that your ex made a mistake and his sentencing was harder, but I’m sure that he would not have had the opportunity to offer the agent a “bribe” if he had not been involved in some shady stuff.

Once again…it’s ALL a chain reaction. to quote Lauryn Hill: “CONSEQUENCE IS NO COINCIDENCE.”
DeCori J

@Al-Ameera: Type it out! We might be thinking the samething…:waiting:
missy

@Sangria comment 139

That sounds like my list (short and sweet but covers everything)

Oh and he has to believe in God ….so we can help each other in our spiritual journey ..
Kitrina

People always talking about money and jobs and women being goldiggers. But you know whats hardest to find- a man with good CHARACTER.
crzasallgetout

But I didn’t think that not having a child (or husband) would have made me any less a woman (although my mother would tend to disagree).

My point exactly!! I don’t want to do it just because I can(IF I can). I still get upset when I hear a baby crying to long in a store. When that feeling goes away then maybe I’ll have one. lol

@oh
I understand. We aren’t rich but we aren’t PO either. I saw his potential when I don’t think HE saw it. Now he’s in school does anything he can to make me happy. Yeah he doesn’t make 6 figures but seeing him TRYING to get there is enough for me. I’ve never been a materialistic girl so it suits me just fine. Whatever I want I can buy myself if need be. When he walks out the door at night I don’t have to worry(until he proves otherwise) about what he’s doing.
crzasallgetout

@Al
I want to hear it.
SoulWithSass

@DeCori j

I agree with your earlier post. We do allow our kids to look up to the wrong things. I get so tired of hearing folks say: “well, all lil Black kids will not grow up to be a Michelle or a Barack Obama.”

I know they won’t….but dammit, we can at least teach them that they could TRY at the minimum. Athletes & entertatiners are cool and all, but they should never be the STANDARD to which we teach these kids and some of these grown a** adults!
ohpretty1

Al-Ameera Says:

I am really tired of this conversation because at the end of the day the problem and solution are very simple but no one really wants to deal with the truth of the matter. I could type it out but I’m sure people would be in denial or salty about it so what’s the point really?
———————————–

I’m interested in what you have to say. Heck, sensitive types are everywhere. So, tell the truth and shame the devil.
OutsidetheBox

Really. :surprised: but not really…

But I’ll just say: he was charged along with 10 other men…2 men were the focus…these two men needed more men to lessen their sentence…thats how 510ks work…nobody goes to trial on that ish. They will make an example out of you if you do.

You must live in a very progressive place. A lot of us dont.
Stormy

crzasallgetout Says:
I LOVE kids but I don’t think I can deal with the constant getting up at night, having to find a babysitter, not being able to up and go when I want. I know these are all selfish reasons but until I can deal with that then I’ll wait. I don’t have much time though. I think about doing it then something changes my mind. I get to thinking that I’m 33 and by the time my kid is 10 I’ll be 43 and so on and so on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I am like you – I love kids but I do not desire any of my own! For the same reasons you listed: be tied down by kids and cannot get up and go when I want, finding babysitters, etc~etc. Spending money on them – I know that sounds selfish but I work hard for my money and I want it all for me *LOL*. But I am the same age as you, 33, and if I do decide to have them one day (my boyfriend of six years wants them) – as Mama tells me ” You are not getting any younger ” *LOL*. But Mama is already a Grandma…bc my sister has 1 child and is pregnant with a 2nd child…so Mama does not need me to be a Grandma *LOL*
DeCori J

@heavn_sent Says:

Good point DeCori, but Mark Dean doesn’t live in my neighborhood. And I don’t have to google Jay-Z. My son doesn’t speak French (yet) either.
My point: How can they emulate that to which they have never been exposed?

************************************************************

You are absolutely right it is all about exposure I’m from the hood. I am in school for Electrical Engineering right now, but growing up I didn’t know what an Engineer was until after I asked my boss his job title. (I didn’t even understand college). We have to expose these young boys to something other than whats in their neighborhood. It doesn’t matter how we do it.
heavn_sent

@ 148 and DeCori: I agree with you both. So, I’ll teach my son and you teach yours..but who’s going to teach Nay-Nay and Man-Man ‘nem? Not Latriniasha, because she’s too busy runnin behind Big Man.
My point: Whatchu gon’ do ’bout it?
Let’s get from behind these computer screens and help the kids whose parents won’t. We know the probelms, now let’s become part of the solution..because until then..we’re just typing smoke.
Daisy

*collecting myself after shouting* Krysi you better PREACH comments 59 you did THAT

I also agree the women on the panel dont speak for the “average (for lack of a better word)” black woman. Success means different things to different people and I dont know when it became a bad word. I dont go around screaming/saying I am succesfull or independent (I call it being single and doing what I am suposed to be doing).

I am tired of this subject as well

Team BLACK LOVE
Krysi J

I don’t have a list………………I just know what I want, and NO i don’t feel like I should have to settle for anything less…..but what I want is simple….a MAN a real MAN that knows his place as a MAN usually everything else follows. I want what the Bible told me I should have, I don’t care about flaws, I have them, and Im not talking about just the physical, but emotional, mental, and I have children (not really a flaw, but considered that but people who overlook there own flaws–like abortions)..etc…thats a part of life, and I feel like you should have someone who understands those things like you would understand the same. I do have a list of DON’TS

DO NOT!!
-put your hands on me nor my kids in a violent way
-DO NOT BE ON THE DL
-DO NOT LIE TO ME
-DO NOT CHEAT

thats all.
OutsidetheBox

I agree. I also hate when ppl attack other posters for their choices in life…I think it is safe to say that fellow bloggers arent the ones who need to hear this convo. But alas, some one will tell me where I went wrong and how many whores from Sunday my daughters will be because I bore them without a ring…

I consider all of this preaching to the choir.
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

@crzas…at the end of the day, it’s whatever makes you guys happy. Kids aren’t for everyone.
OutsidetheBox

@Daisy sho you right. Thats why I got mad when folks was all, “Oh they graduating!!!” and turning flips and shi.t They’re not suppossed to be?

-DO NOT LIE TO ME
-DO NOT CHEAT

Thats all for me.
DeCori J

@ SoulWithSass:
Your right. We gotta at least point them in the right direction instead of the graveyard of life. I try to teach them because their a blank canvas. Whatever we paint on them is what they will be. Men have to do that thought.
mirsmommy

OutsidetheBox Says:

I agree. I also hate when ppl attack other posters for their choices in life…__________________________________________________________
Krysi J

OH YEA…AND DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY KIDS IN ANY SEXUAL WAY WHAT SO EVER, OR I WILL ROT IN JAIL FOR YOUR MURDER….it’ll be the only way I could go on living
Anna

ms.truth Says:

Man, I just don’t care™ Says:

How can a nation that has landed on the moon

——————-

I don’t know if we actually landed on the moon. silly, I know! But I look at the film, and it looks like a movie set. And why haven’t we been back?? Technology is waayyyyy more advanced now, but we haven’t been back?? Just questions I need answered before I really believe that.
~~~~~~~
Don’t tell Buzz that, he will punch you in the face. It did look like it was on a movie set. Why was the flag straight out instead of drooped. There is no air on the moon, therefore the flag should not have looked like it ws blowing in the wind.
KrayZKat

I was just reading a commnt on another blog regarding this topic on NL. A reader said that she was sick and tired of blacks being treated like science project (paraphrasing) and how they want to distract everyone from the issues in their communities such as why all these white women (teachers) are having sex w/underage boys or why white men are killing “their women” at the rate they are. Funny how it’s easier for them to focus on US instead of the issues plaguing other non-black communities.
SoulWithSass

@OTB

I definitely get how the system works (I can’t even begin to tell you how many adult family members of mine [all MALE] have been federally imprisoned.)

However, where I live is not progressive at all. I AM PROGRESSIVE in my thinking and how I choose to live. I see it for what it is- a chain reaction. You will not live if you cannot excrete waste, and you will not live if you cannot eat. If we cut off just ONE part of the bad cycle that keeps our men “trapped”, the other part of it will naturally die out. The problem is…nobody wants to be the stronger individual that chooses to either starve the cycle or sew its a** up.
Ashley

I wish they found someone else other than Steve Harvey to do this.
DeCori J

@ heavn_sent’s (#153 post):
I am heavn_sent. I am…
crzasallgetout

@OTB
I wasn’t attacking anyone when I said something about having kids outside of marriage. That’s just MY choice. Trust me I’ve had my share or two in my hay day. I grew up in a single family home with 3 sisters and can’t tell my dad from Joe Schmo. I just knew that’s not what I wanted. Hell out of all of my friends growing up, only one of them had a dad inside the home. NOthing personal against single parents. Hell I was raised by one….she’s a nut though.
I’m no angel so I can’t send anyone to hell. I was before I got married and even shacked with a dude.

This is just in case you were talking about me. If not, oops. lol
ohpretty1

heavn_sent Says:

@ 148 and DeCori: I agree with you both. So, I’ll teach my son and you teach yours..but who’s going to teach Nay-Nay and Man-Man ‘nem? Not Latriniasha, because she’s too busy runnin behind Big Man.
My point: Whatchu gon’ do ’bout it?
Let’s get from behind these computer screens and help the kids whose parents won’t. We know the probelms, now let’s become part of the solution..because until then..we’re just typing smoke.
———————————————-

Parents are a bigger problem than location (hood). I mentor girls in my old ‘hood. It gives me joy because the kids are thirsty for knowledge, culture and just everything outside of their household, but don’t always get the opportunity b/c of their parents. I recently paid for two girls’ college applications. Both were accepted to multiple schools, one on scholarship. Isn’t that great for them?! Well not according to their mothers. One doesn’t like me AT ALL because I’m selling her daughter ‘pipe dreams.’ The other girl’s mom constantly tells her that she thinks she’s better than her mom because she came out of school with no children. She has another sister who is considered a rock star to the mom b/c she’s dating a drug dealer. Crazy. So I agree in saying, let’s become apart of the solution.
SangriaSugar

@missy

Spirituality is very important to me too…thats #1…so I have 5 on my list.

I just broke up with my friend 2 weeks ago over money. We had only been talking for 4 weeks…how bout he called me at 2 in the morning cause his car got towed from the beach…blah blah blah & he needed $140 so I moneygramed it…the next week he asked for $100 and me being a nice girlfriend moneygramed him again. 4 days later he calls at 0730…I look at the phone & think if he asks for more money i’m done…but he said he just wanted to hear my voice; 2 hours later he calls back and the nucca asked me for another $100 So I waited til I got off work called him and said “this ain’t gonna work”…he tried to give me a sob story…I cut him right off and said This ain’t for me…we have not been together long enough for you to feel comfortable asking me for hundreds of dollars every week!! Bye…

It was mean but I have to be with someone who can at least cover his bills and has some kind of fallback plan (savings account) cause I will be damned if I’m dipping into my nest egg to pay for someone else.
missy

@Anna Buzz Lightyear infinity and beyond

But if the flag was blowing ….A little suspect but oh well..I will never ever go to space ..

Any who if children are born out of marriage doesn’t mean they will grow up to be whores ..and plus you don’t have to go to church and get a marriage certificae to be married..(if you want the benifits then you can)

But a marriage is in front of God and two people who are in love and make a promise to be faithful and with one another through thick and thin etc…..
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

@Anna…SO many questions. LOL. that’s why I said I need my questions answered before I can believe that.
crzasallgetout

lol at sangria
I had a dude that asked me to help him pay his child support after just 2 weeks. GTFOH!!
OutsidetheBox

oops @crza!

LOL I wasnt. Thats just my experience on the ‘net. And just like you turned out “right” so will mine…

DEAD @ “she’s a nut though!” :lolol:
crzasallgetout

ok just checking. Sensitive folks got me nervous. j/p
mirsmommy

ohpretty1 Says:

Parents are a bigger problem than location (hood). I mentor girls in my old ‘hood. It gives me joy because the kids are thirsty for knowledge, culture and just everything outside of their household, but don’t always get the opportunity b/c of their parents. I recently paid for two girls’ college applications. Both were accepted to multiple schools, one on scholarship. Isn’t that great for them?! Well not according to their mothers. One doesn’t like me AT ALL because I’m selling her daughter ‘pipe dreams.’ The other girl’s mom constantly tells her that she thinks she’s better than her mom because she came out of school with no children. She has another sister who is considered a rock star to the mom b/c she’s dating a drug dealer. Crazy. So I agree in saying, let’s become apart of the solution.
______________________________________________________

Wow, that’s beyond Parents should always want their kids to accomplish more than they have, or so I thought.

I hope, , and dream that my babies have way more than us when they reach our age, hell, before they reach our age.
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

@Sangria…sounds like he was going to be a bummy man in the relationship. For a man to EVEN fix his mouth to borrow hundreds of dollars in the beginning of a relationship, just proves to me that he has a lack of self-pride. No man that I know would want to ask his boys for money, let alone a female he’s only been with for a month. I may be judgmental with this statement, but bite me for whoever got something to say about it. I’m human.
heavn_sent

@ Ohpretty and DeCori: MENTORS ROCK!!!!!!
Kudos fam..kudos!
Anna

Stormy Says:

crzasallgetout Says:
I LOVE kids but I don’t think I can deal with the constant getting up at night, having to find a babysitter, not being able to up and go when I want. I know these are all selfish reasons but until I can deal with that then I’ll wait. I don’t have much time though. I think about doing it then something changes my mind. I get to thinking that I’m 33 and by the time my kid is 10 I’ll be 43 and so on and so on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I am like you – I love kids but I do not desire any of my own! For the same reasons you listed: be tied down by kids and cannot get up and go when I want, finding babysitters, etc~etc. Spending money on them – I know that sounds selfish but I work hard for my money and I want it all for me *LOL*. But I am the same age as you, 33, and if I do decide to have them one day (my boyfriend of six years wants them) – as Mama tells me ” You are not getting any younger ” *LOL*. But Mama is already a Grandma…bc my sister has 1 child and is pregnant with a 2nd child…so Mama does not need me to be a Grandma *LOL*
~~~~~~~
I don’t see anything wrong with women knowing they are selfish and don’t want to spend hard earned money on kids. Kids are expensive and just because they turn 18 does not mean we parents can cut off the ATM that they think we are. If you don’t want kids don’t have them. Especially don’t let a man talk you into it because when you have a kid you really didn’t want you resent the father. Stormy as parents most of us want each of our kids to give us a grandchild, it’s called pay back. You know the old saying “I hope you have a kid just like you”. I’ve never said it to my kids, I’m sitting back with my and waiting.
SoulWithSass

@ohPretty

Wow! If I ever bought home a drug-dealer, my mother probably would have knocked me down the stairs…..so far down the stairs, I would have kept falling right out the front door! She wouldn’t even have had to “kick” me out after because I’d have still been rolling from that fall!

LOL!

It’s sad that some of the people who are supposed to be there for their children’s “benefit” are more to their detriment than anything….
missy

@Sangria

Nooooooo he didn’t ..wow so he was trying to play you….that doesn’t sound mean I would have dumped him from the jump after the beach situation… …you didn’t know each other that well for him to do that ..

KUDOS to you for dumping him..he is those dudes that once you give him an inch he will take a mile…
Ashley

Black women we need to open our options more to the other men around us. I didnt want to do this myself but over time I come to realize that finding a good man is most important than finding a good black man. My black men will always have been my first choice, however if a guy of another race catches and holds my interest, im going to take the opportunity and see if it works out!
ohpretty1

crzasallgetout Says:

lol at sangria
I had a dude that asked me to help him pay his child support after just 2 weeks. GTFOH!!
————————————-

See…. that’s that good BS right there. In MY experiences, THOSE are the men complaining about black women and their education, finances, unrealistic needs/wants in a relationship. There’s a new crop of men searching for women that ‘have it together’ and take care of them only to be pissed because she refuses.

* I am NOT talking about all, or most men, but there are plenty of these.
crzasallgetout

@missy
KUDOS to you for dumping him..he is those dudes that once you give him an inch he will take a mile

WHy did I start laughing at this because I tell my husband this after I fix his plate and he has the nerve to ask for seconds!! Oh and ask me to get it. Bulls***
ohpretty1

heavn_sent Says:

@ Ohpretty and DeCori: MENTORS ROCK!!!!!!
Kudos fam..kudos!
—————

Thank you! Really. That made me smile. I’m going to get a t-shirt made that says MENTORS ROCK.
missy

@crazasallgetout- I am guilty of that sometimes…but when someone asks me to get them something I give them a dirty look…I know that it is hypocritical but sometimes i feel lazy as heck after eating….
honeygrahm

co-sign on the comment that some parents are detrimental to their children’s lives. I have a friend that works for DCF, particularly in the sex crimes against minors dept. And the stories she tells me just makes tears well up in my eyes. Mothers who prostitute their daughters, mothers who put so much into a man that even after they KNOW the man molested their daughter, they still welcome them back, fathers who pay for se.x for their young sons so that they can feel some sort of accomplishment that their son got their first piece? It is beyond sad and the worst part is that its an average week at the office for her. Wow….just wow.
Al-Ameera

Ok I’ll type it out, give me a few minutes
Krysi J

One doesn’t like me AT ALL because I’m selling her daughter ‘pipe dreams.’ The other girl’s mom constantly tells her that she thinks she’s better than her mom because she came out of school with no children. She has another sister who is considered a rock star to the mom b/c she’s dating a drug dealer. Crazy. So I agree in saying, let’s become apart of the solution.
———————————————————–

OMG!! I know all about that shyt! I was raised by my grandmothers so my mother would come in from out of town all dressed up in sequin dresses, nails done, big wigs, high heels, green contacts…THE WORKS. She would be driving BMW’s, convertibles, all these different hot cars…so naturally as a child you think my mom is a superstar…….when I got older I found out, she was basically what we call a GOLDDIGGER…..thats what she left me for?? MEN and their MONEY???!!! My dad was ONE of those men, to say the LEAST (business owner – radio station). When I was around her all she ever complained about was how I looked, and how I was nothing like her…..as IF I SHOULD WANT TO BE!!!??? but she made it sound BAD….??!!!

Parents just don’t know how much of an influence they have on children, good, bad, or ugly. Everything the do is a part of you, their mistakes, their choices, their beliefs, their accomplishments…etc, THEIR OPINION counts…and some idiotic parents say and do the STUPIDEST SHYT! I guess thats why I value my children regardless of how they got here…..like I’ve said before my mother was married to my dad for 6 MONTHS, the other 3 MONTHS was due to the process of divorce…..married, unmarried, single, in a relationship…just LIVE YOUR DAMN LIFE…and not FOOLISHLY either…….CORRUPTION amoung us and our only defense is NOT to take part in it.
Krysi J

at least the best we can
SangriaSugar

@crza….NO…his child support!!! I woulda laughed in his face!!

@missy Yea…I thought he was trying to play me at first too…but he cried…literally he CRIED on the phone!! Tears don’t work with me cause im SF…so I was even happier with my decision to dump him. But he was 29 about to be 30 and didn’t have his shyt together yet…not a good look at all!! He still texts & leaves voicemail though…i might have to change my number
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

missy Says:

@crazasallgetout- I am guilty of that sometimes…but when someone asks me to get them something I give them a dirty look…I know that it is hypocritical but sometimes i feel lazy as heck after eating…
—————————

yeah, I’m always like, “I feel just as fat and lazy as you now. I’m full, you’re the one that wants more food.” Mean, I know!
qtipthecat

Don’t tell Buzz that, he will punch you in the face. It did look like it was on a movie set. Why was the flag straight out instead of drooped. There is no air on the moon, therefore the flag should not have looked like it ws blowing in the wind.
****************************
Sorry I just had to answer this. The flag was straight out instead of drooping, because there is no gravity on the moon.
bigtyme

we had this discussion in the beauty salon the other day…by beautician told me i was lucky b/c i got a black man to marry me…then she asked me how i did it…i told her that most of the women in the shop would not have talked to my husband…he is from what would be considered “the hood”, had no degree when i met him (but he’s graduating from college on May 15th..whoop, whoop) and was a little rough around the edges. i loved him for him…he was a great guy who loved and respected his mother and sisters and he had good values.

a lot of my friends and associates put money as the first thing they want in a man b/c we went to college, got our degrees and hae successful careers. and it is usually the women with successful careers and who make good money who say that about a man….my mama told me that if the man is working and bringing home his check, that is good. if you are making 60 and he is making 30, ya’ll got 90 together! after i got that through my head, i look for things in a man that truly make me happy. if you can pay all your bills, go on trips, carry louies, push benzes by yourself, i don’t see why money is the main issue. but you have to respect that man and not belittle him and allow him to be the head of the household as God ordained.
Daisy

I am 33 will be 34 this summer and I dont have kids and I want at least 2 maybe 3 so I do hear my clock ticking louder every yr. I love being able to get up and go whenever and take my beloved Sat/Sun naps but I would trade it all in for a family. I that will happen one day.

I think the key is knowing what you can and cant deal with and going from there. Some things you can work through others not so much so it is what it is. Finding somebody that is digging you and you diggin them as well and you connect on all or most levels is not easy but I do believe it can happen *fingers crossed/praying*

Women can do xyz/abc as far as looks, weight, attitude etc attheendoftheday IMO its UP to the MAN to STEP UP and put a ring on it. A woman can decide to walk after say 2, 3 , 4 yrs if she doesnt have a ring but a man will find a way to blame her and a woman will say she should have hung around for a few more yrs.

To hear some tell it black women are dammned if they do and dammned if they dont but the DEVIL IS A LIE
SangriaSugar

@honeygrahm

OMGoodness…just reading that hurt my heart. I’m working on my masters in forensic psych and one of the courses deals with developmental psych & deviant behavior….just reading the case studies makes me want to kill (strong language I know but I can’t help it) grownups that committ these horrible crimes and abuse children in this way. It just hurts much cause they are not given a chance to live and become great.
ohpretty1

honeygrahm Says:

co-sign on the comment that some parents are detrimental to their children’s lives. I have a friend that works for DCF, particularly in the sex crimes against minors dept. And the stories she tells me just makes tears well up in my eyes. Mothers who prostitute their daughters, mothers who put so much into a man that even after they KNOW the man molested their daughter, they still welcome them back, fathers who pay for se.x for their young sons so that they can feel some sort of accomplishment that their son got their first piece? It is beyond sad and the worst part is that its an average week at the office for her. Wow….just wow.

—————————
Oh don’t get me started on that! Despite what statistics say, I believe more boys are the victims of sexual deviants than girls. What you mentioned about the dad’s paying for sex for their sons is so common. I remember this conversation in college on virginity and half of the guys admitted to this. I was shocked. These guys came from different backgrounds but mostly upper-middle class. Then there was a large group that stated their first time was with an older female babysitter. I told them, that’s sexual abuse whether or not your dad gave you dap for it. Sorry for the long posts, but I have too many stories about the guys.
crzasallgetout

193
missy

@Sangria- Change your number if you feel he is annoying you and hopefully he gets his act together….

@ms.truth-:rofl: yeah, I’m always like, “I feel just as fat and lazy as you now. I’m full, you’re the one that wants more food.” Mean, I know!
______________________________________

that is what I tell them and they say the same thing to me….
SugarPieHoneybunn

On the subject of the prison sentencing and mistakes…

I agree with OTB. I do not agree with SWS.
Krysi J

things are just backwards….azz hole backwards, and I will be the first to say that I have participated in some of those things, but the bottom line is its due to the all of the corruption as a whole. Some stuff I see commented I agree with, and some of the shyt I don’t….we’ll never agree on this topic, but I think we all agree that Black Men and Black Women should be free to live their own life anyway they choose if their happy……so maybe one day (in this life never) that can bring some peace to our community and everyone elses for whatever time we have left on this earth.
chase

OMG!! I know all about that shyt! I was raised by my grandmothers so my mother would come in from out of town all dressed up in sequin dresses, nails done, big wigs, high heels, green contacts…THE WORKS. She would be driving BMW’s, convertibles, all these different hot cars…so naturally as a child you think my mom is a superstar…….when I got older I found out, she was basically what we call a GOLDDIGGER…..thats what she left me for?? MEN and their MONEY???!!! My dad was ONE of those men, to say the LEAST (business owner – radio station). When I was around her all she ever complained about was how I looked, and how I was nothing like her…..as IF I SHOULD WANT TO BE!!!??? but she made it sound BAD….??!!!

Parents just don’t know how much of an influence they have on children, good, bad, or ugly. Everything the do is a part of you, their mistakes, their choices, their beliefs, their accomplishments…etc, THEIR OPINION counts…and some idiotic parents say and do the STUPIDEST SHYT! I guess thats why I value my children regardless of how they got here…..like I’ve said before my mother was married to my dad for 6 MONTHS, the other 3 MONTHS was due to the process of divorce…..married, unmarried, single, in a relationship…just LIVE YOUR DAMN LIFE…and not FOOLISHLY either…….CORRUPTION amoung us and our only defense is NOT to take part in it.
—————————-

Preach!!!!
I was also raised by my Grandmother and my Mother was similar to yours….. You are so right in what you said. I feel ya sister, I feel ya!!!
Man, I just don’t care™

@SOUL WITH SASS
““Thou shalt not steal.” (c)- GOD.

However, anything stolen under $500 is a misdemeanor and can obviously be wiped from a record. Bread is usually under $5. If your family is starving, and you’re stealing $2 bread because there is absolutely NO other way for you get them fed (i.e.- time of famine, natural disaster, etc.), then fine.

But selling drugs which does not nothing but further debilitates the same community you are a part of just so you can be able to wear 5150 (whatever they call) jeans, gaudy jewelry and have a foreign car is unacceptable.

And you would not have to be worried about being a “felon” who can’t get hired, if you did not do any “felonius” sh*t.

It’s a chain reaction from the first crime you commit. So unless someone pointed a gun to you & your family’s head and said: “commit this crime or watch all of ya’ll die,” then it’s YOUR choices and therefore YOUR fault you got arrested. YOUR fault you were sentenced (whether fairly or not). YOUR fault you are now a convicted felon and cannot find a decent job. and YOUR fault that because of that, you can’t feed your family and are now choosing to commit more crimes just to get by.

It starts and ends with YOU. The courtroom & the prison are just a means to an end.”
__________________________________________________________________

It was a “yes” or “no” question…. but I digress. I’m going to assume you are stating that it is in no way justifiable to “steal.” SMH. I could go on but I doubt you would comprehend the crux of the argument…

Hey, I feel you on this “personal responsiblity.” If you do the crime, you do the time. I guess we should never question the validity of a crime nor it’s consequences, let you tell it.

What about alcohol distributors and cigarette companies? Aren’t they drug dealers too? God says no sin is greater then the next so I already know that you view them as “criminals” and that they should be put out of business. Isn’t that right?

Also, shouldn’t the “personal responsibility” belong to the drug user???? No one has a gun to their head, they know the consequences, THEY CREATE THE MARKET FOR DRUGS!

Like I said, I could go on, but what for?
crzasallgetout

I always say”I’m not Florence”. lol
heavn_sent

Ok..Off topic..but not too far: Another thing is that as women, we have to be willing to respect one another EVEN IF MEN DON’T. I have a friend who has a best male friend who is married (don’t get me started on that). But the wife is extremely insecure, and although she doesn’t out and out say that he shouldn’t talk to my friend, she gets little attitudes and makes snide comments etc. I told her that she SHOULD NOT be talking to another woman’s husband everyday, even if he’s the one doing the calling. Yes, it’s totally platonic, however, the wife’s not OK with it, so she shouldn’t be either.
Man, I just don’t care™

@OH PRETTY ONE
“Oh don’t get me started on that! Despite what statistics say, I believe more boys are the victims of sexual deviants than girls. What you mentioned about the dad’s paying for sex for their sons is so common. I remember this conversation in college on virginity and half of the guys admitted to this. I was shocked. These guys came from different backgrounds but mostly upper-middle class. Then there was a large group that stated their first time was with an older female babysitter. I told them, that’s sexual abuse whether or not your dad gave you dap for it. Sorry for the long posts, but I have too many stories about the guys.”
______________________________________________________________

I have to agree with what you just said. Never happened to me, but I know soooooooo many dudes who say “my Dad hooked me up/paid for mine back in high school”

I also got friends whose MOTHERS let one of their friends phuck their son so he “knew what to do” and chit like that.

I was like ¿¿¿ ???
http://www.ur2funny.net SneakyBrown

I Will Say: I DON’T SEE ANYTHING WRONG W/ STEALING FOOD TO FEED THE HUNGRY!

@ SoulwithSass— I know u prolly not like this, buuuut You are coming off VERY ‘holier than thou’. Everybody life is not black/white nor peaches & Cream. & If you don’t think this country treats our counterpart differently or unjustly. I feel for those who have to deal w/ you in this perspective.

Please See: Behold A Pale Horse by William Cooper

Hope You don’t ever have to get in a situation where you will do “what you have to”. i have a best friend who was Born- to a crackhead and she had 4 other children 3 of which are mentally disabled/blind. My friend 12 at the time, would clean cars, barbershops, but that ain’t enough to pay the power,rent, and gas. So he did what he had to. And becuz he did what he had to then; he was able to adopt his siblings &&&&& START his own bizness.

ONE WAY CAN’T WORK FOR EVERYBODY.
Anna

qtipthecat Says:

Don’t tell Buzz that, he will punch you in the face. It did look like it was on a movie set. Why was the flag straight out instead of drooped. There is no air on the moon, therefore the flag should not have looked like it ws blowing in the wind.
****************************
Sorry I just had to answer this. The flag was straight out instead of drooping, because there is no gravity on the moon.
~~~~~~
Thanks after I typed that it didn’t seem right. I have read so many conspiracy theories w/the landing or not landing on the moon that even I am confused.
omina-homina

this African/African-American man was hollering at me on a social site. I’m single, it seems like I would be jumping on date offers, men that show interest, but I’m not. I feel that some men might feel at an advantage, and feel that many of us are desperate – and they may not be the best men to day. I mean, I can’t jump on a date offer without doing a background check, and gaining some type of idea of how sane he is. I’ve always had this fear of meeting someone accidentally getting pregnant, then being left with no support. I fear meeting a fraud of a man. That’s was my own mother’s experience, I witnessed that happen more than once.

I’m not that successful. Nah, I’m not, even. I have a college education and a job. Yes, I have my own business, but I’m not rich.

I will settle taking my time, because I came into adulthood not knowing if-from-shit about finding a good man or knowing the elements of a good relationship. I have to take my time, I’m pre-positioned to make all the wrong decisions. And I know that you’re never too old to make bad decisions.
Man, I just don’t care™

@SNEAKY BROWN
“I Will Say: I DON’T SEE ANYTHING WRONG W/ STEALING FOOD TO FEED THE HUNGRY!”
______________________________________________________________

*and the congregation said: AMEN*

Sometimes you have to decide on the lessor of two evils…
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

heavn_sent Says:

Ok..Off topic..but not too far: Another thing is that as women, we have to be willing to respect one another EVEN IF MEN DON’T. I have a friend who has a best male friend who is married (don’t get me started on that). But the wife is extremely insecure, and although she doesn’t out and out say that he shouldn’t talk to my friend, she gets little attitudes and makes snide comments etc. I told her that she SHOULD NOT be talking to another woman’s husband everyday, even if he’s the one doing the calling. Yes, it’s totally platonic, however, the wife’s not OK with it, so she shouldn’t be either.

——————–

my best friend is male also. I look at him like a brother, BUT we don’t talk everyday. My fiancee understands that we grew up together and that I love him dearly, LIKE A BROTHER though. He’s fine with us, but I’m sure he would be side-eying us to if we talked everyday. I’m not insecure, but I wouldn’t want my man talking to a female friend everyday also. It’s a line that has to be drawn. Exactly what do they have to be talking about everyday????
heavn_sent

@ truth: THAT’S WHAT I SAY! But believe it or not, they spend a lot of time talking about her, their relatonship, etc. He even had the nerve to ask her if she thinks he made a mistake! WHAAAAAAAT?? It’s a mess.
Krysi J

Ok..Off topic..but not too far: Another thing is that as women, we have to be willing to respect one another EVEN IF MEN DON’T. I have a friend who has a best male friend who is married (don’t get me started on that). But the wife is extremely insecure, and although she doesn’t out and out say that he shouldn’t talk to my friend, she gets little attitudes and makes snide comments etc. I told her that she SHOULD NOT be talking to another woman’s husband everyday, even if he’s the one doing the calling. Yes, it’s totally platonic, however, the wife’s not OK with it, so she shouldn’t be either.
———————————————————-

That sounds like the movie “BROWN SUGAR” and we all know what happened with the ending of that….LOL, so I agree. Best friending between male and female in my opinion is an extention of feelings you once had or have thoughts about….eventually you’ll change the pace, or let go completely, but thats the ONLY a relationship between you and another will work out…whose going to compete with an obvious soulmate …?? Even if thats not the case, at the time thats what it looks like. I agree its disrespectful to the current girlfriend/boyfriend. I have to admit, as a best friend before we changed the pace, I honestly did not care about the females he was dating, I never felt like they mattered, they would try and fake friendships with me only to get as much info out of me as possible….I knew better…….too bad they didn’t LOL
OutsidetheBox

@heavn_sent!

Thank you! I hate a snake ass hoe.
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

@heavn…that’s just disrespectful to his wife. Sounds like they’ve had “more than a friend relationship” before and didn’t let it go. Besides, when they got married, his wife should have became his best friend who he talks to everyday. He shouldn’t still be talking to another female everyday, ESPECIALLY not about his wife. females I tell ya!! Can’t stand some of them.
http://www.ur2funny.net SneakyBrown

@ Man

I mean forreal: RIGHT AND WRONG is relative to the situation. Becuz the real truth is its a matter of perspective. Your joy is someone else’s pain.

& I can’t live my life according to unattainable or unrealistic rules. Ya feel me?
SoulWithSass

@Man

Killing sombeody who illegally enters your house and tries to do you harm: VALID CRIME.

Any defense in the name of a helpless child/senior citizen/disabled: VALID CRIME.

Shooting someone who has an AK-47 pointed at a crowd of 100: VALID CRIME.

Selling drugs/buying drugs so that you can live “hood rich” or feed your nasty addiction that keeps you from functioning like a normal pweson should: WTF?!?!

Where are you going with this, Man? The “WAR on DRUGS” stems from an illegal practice that actually HURTS the community, not from the community by itself! Stop participating in it (whether as a buyer/seller/distribuotr/negotiator/whatever), and you’ll stop going to jail!

HOW HARD IS THAT TO GRASP? I’m so tired of hearing people make excuses for mistakes made by grown-ass free-thinking, fully able to be rational adults. This sh*t aint chess, its checkers!

This+this = that. No this= no that! How much more elementary does it have to get?! I am so sorry to tell some of ya’ll but the “white man” is not the basis of all your damn problems anymore! Some of it now is just the “Black man!”

F*ck making excuses, make a damn change! The minute the courts start locking up folks for getting up and going to legally paying jobs or for going to college or for NOT carrying unlicensed weaspons THEN come talk to me! Otherwise- I’m not interested in this twisted ass rationale for why we as a people are not being “allowed” to get our sh*t together. Spare me.
heavn_sent

@ OTB: Don’t get me wrong…my friend doesn’t want him.. She even tried to fix me up with him back in the day (NO MA’AM..I hate a B-A-N). But she’s just that tyoe. Even growing up, she always kept a rack (DC Ba-By!) of male friends..U know,”brothers” I’m like, who still does that at our age?? IMO it’s a defense mechanism.
http://chokolatemilk.blogspot.com Choco

This whole situation is BullCRAPPY I’m a female and I had a list when I was younger as I matured list changed and so did I- Not single and when I was it was by choice-I don’t plan on growing old alone and don’t want to-if you want a man get rid of the list so that GOD can bring that man into your life-people build together also!
mirsmommy

@ SneakyBrown

My Hubby told me about that book. Where can I find it? I’ve tried local books stores, and amazon . com, but I couldn’t find it.
Krysi J

I Will Say: I DON’T SEE ANYTHING WRONG W/ STEALING FOOD TO FEED THE HUNGRY!

@ SoulwithSass— I know u prolly not like this, buuuut You are coming off VERY ‘holier than thou’. Everybody life is not black/white nor peaches & Cream. & If you don’t think this country treats our counterpart differently or unjustly. I feel for those who have to deal w/ you in this perspective.

Please See: Behold A Pale Horse by William Cooper

Hope You don’t ever have to get in a situation where you will do “what you have to”. i have a best friend who was Born- to a crackhead and she had 4 other children 3 of which are mentally disabled/blind. My friend 12 at the time, would clean cars, barbershops, but that ain’t enough to pay the power,rent, and gas. So he did what he had to. And becuz he did what he had to then; he was able to adopt his siblings &&&&& START his own bizness.

ONE WAY CAN’T WORK FOR EVERYBODY.
———————————————————-

THIS IS SO SO TRUE…..My sisters and brother by my father grew up in a situation similar to this, and my brother eventually end up selling drugs…..he would help pay bills and such…it almost seemed like people relied on him to do the dirty work/risk his freedom for their well being at one time….I guess its no wonder why he ended up in jail for 30 years.

I know others who have gone thru the same thing…..I guess sometimes you can survive and go your own way if you are from the hood and grew up in the projects where people are going thru live…….you were probably living in the good home with good parenting/grandparenting or living with that sibling who risked their freedom to keep lights on/clothe you/feed you…so yea you have more options (raises my hand…I am one) but what about the people who live in the hood who ARE going thru (on crack/piss poor/felons who can’t get jobs/etc..) or the sibling/son/father that risked their freedom to take care of you or others?? what life are they left with to live, what life are their children left with to live?? YOU can not apply EVERYTHING to EVERYBODY….life is JUST LIFE.
http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

@Soul and Man…your argument just boils down to a point of view and circumstances… For example, “Would you hit a switch that would save 5 people on a train knowing that it would kill an innocent bystander, or would you let the 5 people die and save the innocent bystander.” Most people would answer, they would save the 5 people on the train. “would you support a doctor who let a healthy patient die to save 5 sick patients?” most people would answer they wouldn’t let the patient die. It’s all about circumstances and point of view, in my opinion.
SoulWithSass

@Man & @Sneaky

Okay…let me quote myself for some that missed it:

“However, anything stolen under $500 is a misdemeanor and can obviously be wiped from a record. Bread is usually under $5. If your family is starving, and you’re stealing $2 bread because there is absolutely NO other way for you get them fed (i.e.- time of famine, natural disaster, etc.), then fine.”

Where did I thought it was absolutely wrong to steal bread to feed a family? I said, I get that.

But honey, if you can stand outside for 8+ hours a day, keep track of in your head who got want, who had what, what who is selling, and how much they should be bringing back, take measurements of product, and so forth….

THOSE ARE SKILLS THAT CAN BE USED IN A LEGAL PAYING JOB!!

The money may not be as fast or plentiful, but dammit if it ain’t legal and enough to keep you out of jail. Work! Work! Work! I work. I’ve struggled to pay bills while working. But I still WORKED!!!

So why can’t the rest of the people do the same damn thing? Life ain’t easy- it ain’t supposed to be, nor is it guaranteed. But trying to find the slick, dishonest, easy way out of it will f*ck you over each & every time, and if you don;t believe that- go ask any resident of your local federal prison what they think.
OutsidetheBox

I agree with circumstances. Thats why one size fits all types of solution dont work.

We cant even agree who is handsome on this board! But to say that a Black family is alone in creating their “crisis”…wtf.
Krysi J

Thank you! I hate a snake ass hoe.
—————————————

I can’t stand dem hoez either….tryna use me to get to my boi or catch him in yo shyt…..*tap dem hoez on the shoulder* …no no boo boo…..I’m not YOUR friend….Im HIS
OutsidetheBox

Ever try finding a job as a Black man?
Man, I just don’t care™

@SOUL WITH SASS
“Killing sombeody who illegally enters your house and tries to do you harm: VALID CRIME.

Any defense in the name of a helpless child/senior citizen/disabled: VALID CRIME.

Shooting someone who has an AK-47 pointed at a crowd of 100: VALID CRIME.

Selling drugs/buying drugs so that you can live “hood rich” or feed your nasty addiction that keeps you from functioning like a normal pweson should: WTF?!?!

Where are you going with this, Man? The “WAR on DRUGS” stems from an illegal practice that actually HURTS the community, not from the community by itself! Stop participating in it (whether as a buyer/seller/distribuotr/negotiator/whatever), and you’ll stop going to jail!

HOW HARD IS THAT TO GRASP? I’m so tired of hearing people make excuses for mistakes made by grown-ass free-thinking, fully able to be rational adults. This sh*t aint chess, its checkers!

This+this = that. No this= no that! How much more elementary does it have to get?! I am so sorry to tell some of ya’ll but the “white man” is not the basis of all your damn problems anymore! Some of it now is just the “Black man!”

F*ck making excuses, make a damn change! The minute the courts start locking up folks for getting up and going to legally paying jobs or for going to college or for NOT carrying unlicensed weaspons THEN come talk to me! Otherwise- I’m not interested in this twisted ass rationale for why we as a people are not being “allowed” to get our sh*t together. Spare me.”
__________________________________________________________________

Poor baby… I pity you. Don’t worry, you are “spared.” Wouldn’t want you to injure yourself by using your brain and thinking.

Guess “circumstance” is irrelevant. SMH.

Killing sombeody who illegally enters your house and tries to do you harm: ~~VALID CRIME~~ (if this is the scenario, IT’S NOT A “CRIME”)

Any defense in the name of a helpless child/senior citizen/disabled: ~~VALID CRIME~~ (if this is the scenario, IT’S NOT A “CRIME”)

Wait, a minute, “Thou Shall Not Kill.” Didn’t YOU reference God? Why are you taking “circumstance” into account in these scenarios??????????????

No sin is greater than the other.

It’s funny how you avoid my questions… funny, but noticeable:

-Again, who has the gun to the head of those who CHOOSE to take drugs? Where is THEIR responsibility?

-Shouldn’t ALL “drug” dealers be treated, THE SAME? (i.e., alcohol, nicotine, etc.)

-Why do you change perspective when the results are immediate (killing someone with a gun aimed at crowd) vs. delayed (stealing for a starving child)? THEY BOTH DYING?

Weren’t YOU the person about to drop a whole baby yesteday talkin bout being “judgmental” and chit? LOL. Let me stop… Ima just leave this alone.
Al-Ameera

Ok so here it goes…..

1)

People first need to be clear and honest about what they want, I keep hearing women say they want a good black man, but first you need to KNOW what a good black man is, many of us have NO clue (until not too long ago I was included in this group). But if you say you want a good, God fearing, hard working, faithful, non abusive blah, blah, blah, type of man, then why I ask do women still go pick these types of men out?

I know you are now saying you don’t pick these types of men, but we do! Why do you think some dude that has his pants hanging off his behind, with five zillion tattoos, that hugs the block and disrespects women is going to give you these things you say you want? Oh you are going to develop his potential or change him? Yeah OK ….

It is a proven fact that women are attracted to men of power or that have swagger but having a criminal record, hustling, bedding a ton of women, toting a gun is not powerful, it is the norm for anyone that grew up in the hood. To go against the norm is more powerful because you it’s you against the rest of the world and for a Blackman to really be about his business, that is so powerful but most women will say they don’t like a guy because he is too nice…well then I ask what is the opposite of nice?

I’ll put #2 in the next post
mirsmommy

OutsidetheBox Says:

I agree with circumstances. Thats why one size fits all types of solution dont work.
__________________________________________________________

I also agree with this. My Hubby grew up with parents that were addicts, as well as dealers. His Dad taught him how to hustle, and even sent him to “pick up” for his Dad when his Dad thought that my Hubby was “old enough”.

Thank God my Boo, was able to get his life and mind right, and realized that he is worth so much more than what he was given. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize this til his a** was about 21, but never did I down him for this. We’ve been together since I was 16 and he was 18, and we been through a lot. I’m just proud to say that I played a major role in his life changes.
OutsidetheBox

Good for you @mirs.

I mean on the not giving up part. I shed a lil tear when ppl get frustrated and say you cant change. Thats bullshi.t I have seen it happen too many times to think otherwise. It can happen. Both parties just have to want it…at the same time.
Al-Ameera

2) Love and forgive yourself ……………

Ok so no one is perfect, some have been downright shady in the past but as long as you have breath in your body you can better yourself. Black women stop acting like you don’t deserve better or stop being so scared that if you don’t just accept anything you will end up alone…have some dang on faith already!

We are so use to having it bad we wouldn’t know a good thing if it came up and spit in our faces. When the good guy does come along we think, oh it’s too good to be true or he is running game and put the poor guy thru the he.ll and end up running him off. It’s like we are use to bad treatment. We will treat the GOOD guy BAD but chase after /be down for the one that has hurt and wronged us. Stop it
mirsmommy

OutsidetheBox Says:

Good for you @mirs.

I mean on the not giving up part. I shed a lil tear when ppl get frustrated and say you cant change. Thats bullshi.t I have seen it happen too many times to think otherwise. It can happen. Both parties just have to want it…at the same time.
____________________________________________________

Exactly. I encouraged him, as well as let him see his own self worth.
http://myspace.com/dannyblaq dblaq

It’s because they feel like they got sh!t to prove and keep a chip on their shoulder. It like a napoleon complex.
crzasallgetout

I’m just proud to say that I played a major role in his life changes.

Amen to that!! It takes a strong woman to stick by her man when he’s down and out. With the exception of abuse and cheating then give his azz the dueces!! MIne lost his mom at a young age and didn’t have his father around much. His grandma stepped in to raise him but died later on. He practically raised himself and it showed. We’ve been through a lot but I know he’s the one God made for me. Flaws and all.
SoulWithSass

@Man

Are you a diagnosed dyslexic? Did you not read my comment about how I agreed with stealing bread for a starving family?

Did you conveniently miss where I said users & distributors should be punished the same?

Did you also miss where I said getting rid of one end of the cycle will rid the other? (ex: lose the users, lose the need for distributors. Lose the distributors, lose the avenue for the users to buy.)

Did you also not read my comment about what’s lawfully allowed & what’s not? When nicotine and alcohol become jailable offenses, I’ll still say if you get caught with them and go to jail for it-it’s YOUR fault. But they’re not.

Did you lose what your original point was? (i.e.- “War on BlacksDrugs” which agian disproportionately imprisons black men…”)

why is it that everybody wants to talk about a crime of necessity (stealing bread) and a crime of greedy (selling/using drugs for profit) like its the same thing? It’s not.

If you don’t do a crime (that is usually already a crime before you commit it & get charged for it), then you don’t have to worry about the “system” treating you unfairly for committing that crimw. Will you not?

Whatever. Ya’ll can coddle this generation all you would like to- I’m not. Miss me with that.

And @Sneaky

Please refer to my earlier comment about juvenile and adult crimes holding different weight for a reason. If your friend was 12 and providing that way, although it was dead wrong, they were not old enough to work or seek help from anybody without the threat of the family being broken. Hence why at 12, if your friend had gotten caught, and went to juvie, they’d have been released by 18 and with a clean record in order to start over.

After 18- you are grown, able-bodied and old enough to attain help via social services or any other avenue. Make it work.
Krysi J

@227

so far I’m good….because I know that this is true…keep going…
mirsmommy

crzasallgetout Says:

I’m just proud to say that I played a major role in his life changes.

Amen to that!! It takes a strong woman to stick by her man when he’s down and out. With the exception of abuse and cheating then give his azz the dueces!! MIne lost his mom at a young age and didn’t have his father around much. His grandma stepped in to raise him but died later on. He practically raised himself and it showed. We’ve been through a lot but I know he’s the one God made for me. Flaws and all.
____________________________________________________

My Hubby was adopted, and it was the adoptive parents that were addicts, so you can only imagine. But I also think it depends on the person as well. Some people succumb to their surroundings, and others make a way.
crzasallgetout

Deuces not dueces
Krysi J

I mean on the not giving up part. I shed a lil tear when ppl get frustrated and say you cant change. Thats bullshi.t I have seen it happen too many times to think otherwise. It can happen. Both parties just have to want it…at the same time.
———————————————————

this doesn’t include abuse and cheating does it??
OutsidetheBox

:surprised:

Ohhhhh….Sass are you Black? Forgive me if that question is offensive.
Krysi J

@ 230 ok still on point yes…I agree
SoulWithSass

Al-Ameera Says:

Ok so here it goes…..

1)

People first need to be clear and honest about what they want, I keep hearing women say they want a good black man, but first you need to KNOW what a good black man is, many of us have NO clue (until not too long ago I was included in this group). But if you say you want a good, God fearing, hard working, faithful, non abusive blah, blah, blah, type of man, then why I ask do women still go pick these types of men out?

I know you are now saying you don’t pick these types of men, but we do! Why do you think some dude that has his pants hanging off his behind, with five zillion tattoos, that hugs the block and disrespects women is going to give you these things you say you want? Oh you are going to develop his potential or change him? Yeah OK ….

It is a proven fact that women are attracted to men of power or that have swagger but having a criminal record, hustling, bedding a ton of women, toting a gun is not powerful, it is the norm for anyone that grew up in the hood. To go against the norm is more powerful because you it’s you against the rest of the world and for a Blackman to really be about his business, that is so powerful but most women will say they don’t like a guy because he is too nice…well then I ask what is the opposite of nice?

———————————-

^^^She gets the SECOND Nobel Peace Prize of the day next to Kara-Z for this!
OutsidetheBox

Krysi dont play with me! Not abuse.

Cheaters can change. I did.
Al-Ameera

3) Get over it…………..

Let the past stay in the da.mn past. I hear women that are 40 still talking about something that happened 20 years ago, like some past hurt. Stop focusing on what you don’t want and being all bitter about and focus on what you do what. Let that old sh*t fall into a sea of forgetfulness already.

Holding on to past hurts not only makes you bitter but it makes you extremely ugly acting and it makes people not even want to be around you and all your negativity. You can’t believe how many times I hear people say I don’t do love, I may end up alone, there are no good men, or I like being single and blah blah blah…..

Well if that’s what you keep saying and believing then that is how you are going to end up but if you are really honest with yourself no one wants to be alone, now by no means am I saying that you are going to slit your wrist if you don’t have a man but it’s ok to want to be in a relationship. It’s natural.
mirsmommy

OutsidetheBox Says:

Krysi dont play with me! Not abuse.

Cheaters can change. I did.
__________________________________________________
crzasallgetout

@mirs
so true. We all have a story to tell but it’s how you handle it that matters. My husband didn’t have it easy and should’ve gotten help but didn’t. I just pray daily and know that God answers them. People see him now and think he’s a different person by the way he acts and carries himself. I didn’t believe it when people said when you hit your 30s you start seeing things in a different light.
SoulWithSass

@OTB

I’m Black AND grew up in one of the grimiest hoods AND my mom was a single parent AND my dad was/still is a fiend AND my brother was KILLED a few years back being in the drug game AND most of the males in my family have been federally imprisoned at one time or another for doing something they had no business doing.

So ain’t none of the sh*t I’ve seen been “progressive” or in “fantasy” like and most of it has NOT been all that good.

That’s exactly WHY I feel the way I do about the “War on Drugs” and exactly WHY I know that the bs that comes along and convinces folks that doing it the wrong way is just “doing what you gotta do” is exactly THAT: BS.

I’ve seen it all up close & personal and if nothing else I’ve learned from that, I’ve learned that its a chain reaction that always starts from the same DAMN THING: YOUR F*CKIN CHOICES…
crzasallgetout

Well if that’s what you keep saying and believing then that is how you are going to end up but if you are really honest with yourself no one wants to be alone, now by no means am I saying that you are going to slit your wrist if you don’t have a man but it’s ok to want to be in a relationship

I have a friend that states this all the time until she thinks she has a man. Once he’s gone she starts singing this song again.
SoulWithSass

@ Mirs

“But I also think it depends on the person as well. Some people succumb to their surroundings, and others make a way.”
—————————————-

^^^^That needs to be reprinted and produced on screen tees and sold for a penny so everybody can get the damn point!
Krysi J

Did you also miss where I said getting rid of one end of the cycle will rid the other? (ex: lose the users, lose the need for distributors. Lose the distributors, lose the avenue for the users to buy.)
———————————————————-

are you being realistic here??

Did you also not read my comment about what’s lawfully allowed & what’s not? When nicotine and alcohol become jailable offenses, I’ll still say if you get caught with them and go to jail for it-it’s YOUR fault. But they’re not.
————————————————————

SooOOOOoo it never occured that everything they made big business was made legal, yet they support war on drugs?? Something they pushed in our neighborhoods in the first place??

Its just like fighting pitbulls…..THIS is against the law and so is fighting any other dog….but RACING greyhounds and killing them when they are no longer useful to you….is legal.

I understand what you are saying about the people who sell dope for not wanting to take the long road to school for success and money, but rather have their cakes and eat it too….”RIGHT NOW”——–yes they are at fault, but some of those people came up poor too, and never got used to it….if all the people they have around them are selling drugs and living like superstars (in their minds) they envy those people and unfortunately grow up thinking thats a way out of poverty for them/ a way of life…..no different from a female being raised by a gold digger (thank GOD for my granny) thinking its okay to be with said drug dealers…wealthy whoremongers for money and child support…she thinks its a ticket out, she thinks its glamorous and there are a WHOLE HOOD of folks who agree….its enevitable in some cases, unless your a strong minded individual you fall for shyt like this in some cases and get caught up….yes its your fault but its almost as if you were GROOMED to fail.
OutsidetheBox

Calm down Sass. I knew better than to ask you that. Thats my bad. Simple question…coming from an innocent place athat did.not.require.all.that…especially since I thought you said you were mixed on another thread.

My bad for seeking clarification. Wont do that no’mo!

Sheesh.
OutsidetheBox

“GROOMED” to fail.

Interesting.
Krysi J

Cheaters can change.
————————–

even cheaters that cheat on you for years in a relationship?? How long should you except it…..? (an actual question) Could that person really love you? Did you love the person you cheated with and what happened when he found out?
OutsidetheBox

I don’t know @Krysi.

I was never faithful. Even when I was in 5th grade I had a BF at Littlewood and one at Williams! Things continued on like that with me… I mean, there was prolly one or two guys (I’ve had a lot of bfs) who didn’t get cheated on but I’m POSITIVE I was at least “talking”…that’s how I can recognize a cheater so well…

But there is always one…let’s just say, you don’t get a bitc.h back like that…
SoulWithSass

Oh @ OTB

I’m sorry. I wasn’t offended at all. (I meant to put that on my last post, but I clicked the “submit” button too fast.)

Please feel free to ask what you want to know- I don’t want folks to think i’m just talking out my a** and have no clue how “reality” is- I know it all too well.

Also-the fact that you asked me, makes me wonder if others on the board think I’m just some happy suburban chick who doesn’t have a clue about what goes on in the “streets” as well.

So thank you for asking & I wasn’t biting your head off, I promise.
Krysi J

@243……yes keep going…I understand, but it iz what it iz….nobody likes to be hurt by anyone I think it makes people scared to experience certain things more than one once. It doesn’t cause every woman to treat the nice dude crazy, it opens the eyes of some and makes them appreciate a good dude.
Man, I just don’t care™

@SOUL WITH SASS
“Are you a diagnosed dyslexic? Did you not read my comment about how I agreed with stealing bread for a starving family?

Did you conveniently miss where I said users & distributors should be punished the same?

Did you also miss where I said getting rid of one end of the cycle will rid the other? (ex: lose the users, lose the need for distributors. Lose the distributors, lose the avenue for the users to buy.)

Did you also not read my comment about what’s lawfully allowed & what’s not? When nicotine and alcohol become jailable offenses, I’ll still say if you get caught with them and go to jail for it-it’s YOUR fault. But they’re not.

Did you lose what your original point was? (i.e.- “War on BlacksDrugs” which agian disproportionately imprisons black men…”)

why is it that everybody wants to talk about a crime of necessity (stealing bread) and a crime of greedy (selling/using drugs for profit) like its the same thing? It’s not.

If you don’t do a crime (that is usually already a crime before you commit it & get charged for it), then you don’t have to worry about the “system” treating you unfairly for committing that crimw. Will you not?

Whatever. Ya’ll can coddle this generation all you would like to- I’m not. Miss me with that.”
__________________________________________________________________

Honestly, yeah, I did miss all that. I was in a meeting earlier and didn’t read every post. I must have overlooked that one or not read it entirely. Oh well…

Anyway, you already agreed with me in principal, CIRCUMSTANCE FACTOR IN. That’s the point, the end, period.
So all that “perosnal responsibility” bullchit just depends on the situation.

And yes, even if you DON’T do the crime WE still have to worry about the circumstances. That’s a fact.

And just because something is LISTED as a crime, doesn’t mean it SHOULD be a crime.

The end.
SoulWithSass

And @ OTB

I am mixed, but I do consider myself Black. I look black (at least to me). I was raised by my “Black” side and etc., etc.

And even if you break it down to my exact heritage of what I’m mixed with, I’m still a “Black Hispanic.” So I identify with Black more often than not.
OutsidetheBox

What about people who like to be alone? I have an aunt who is living it up and always has been. She’s our Oprah. Has no desire for marriage or a full-time man. She’s loves her self some HER. No pets for her either! Just selfish!

I like to be alone too. Sometimes I’m a loner.

I always tell my family to go home… as a result they always ask why I had so many kids…I remind them that 4 of those kids were conceived on birth control…clearly, I’m not in control here! :lolol:
SoulWithSass

@Man

Yes- I totally agree about circumstances, but drugs has no circumstance. If you want to relate it to feeding a family…I’ll tell you what…..to feed a starving person, the necessities are bread, water & maybe some canned foods for variety.

So the next time, somebody tells you they “selling” cause they’ve got to “feed their family”- ask them why they aren’t just stealing food from a market instead.

I’ve asked that question to a person before……his answer was utter silence.
mirsmommy

OutsidetheBox Says:

What about people who like to be alone? I have an aunt who is living it up and always has been. She’s our Oprah. Has no desire for marriage or a full-time man. She’s loves her self some HER. No pets for her either! Just selfish!

I like to be alone too. Sometimes I’m a loner.

I always tell my family to go home… as a result they always ask why I had so many kids…I remind them that 4 of those kids were conceived on birth control…clearly, I’m not in control here!
________________________________________________

You are crazy!!! How old are your babies? We want more, but we’re waiting.
ohpretty1

I remind them that 4 of those kids were conceived on birth control…clearly, I’m not in control here!

Girl bye!
OutsidetheBox

13, 9, 8, 6, AND *exhales*…3 <—-that bish run the house.

Ever dealt with a kid who learns from all the other kids? I dont even call her “the baby”. I call the bish “ma’am”!
Krysi J

#253 you know you didn’t answer my questions right

“I don’t know @Krysi.”

tell me that ain’t it…..SMH….if it iz, I guess it just depends on what you’re willing to put up with.

Just like some women could not put up with a man who works a regular job with no college education , but a good frame of mind, and GOD fearing…..I never saw a problem with them

And some women think its cool to let a dude cheat on them randomly throughout their relationship as long as they have a tittle of main lady…. I can’t live like that

Life is just LIFE i suppose.
OutsidetheBox

All love @Sass …we agree too much for there not to be!

But you do have to factor in that people (potential employers, judges, COPS) see our ppl first…then they know them.

Some people can’t hide their circumstance(s) long enough to get in the door…or out of the hood!
Man, I just don’t care™

@SOUL WITH SASS
“Yes- I totally agree about circumstances, but drugs has no circumstance. If you want to relate it to feeding a family…I’ll tell you what…..to feed a starving person, the necessities are bread, water & maybe some canned foods for variety.

So the next time, somebody tells you they “selling” cause they’ve got to “feed their family”- ask them why they aren’t just stealing food from a market instead.

I’ve asked that question to a person before……his answer was utter silence”
_________________________________________________________________

LOL. You must have dealt with the most successful of all drug dealers in the world. ROFLMAO. Where were you at? The Hamptons?

MOST of them are at the BOTTOM rung of the totem pole and can BARELY cover the expenses to buy a new inventory. They ARE eating bread and water! That whole “ghetto fabulous” lifestyle is NOT the norm, yet magically (severe sarcasm), it is the image most often portrayed.

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY GET CONVICTED???? THEY CAN’T AFFORD ATTRONEYS! LOL. You don’t see the drug czar’s getting convicted unless it is years and years worth of surveillance and evidence.

When people feel times are drastic, they do drastic things. You know that saying, “Don’t tempt the good.”
http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

Krysi J Says:

Cheaters can change.
————————–

even cheaters that cheat on you for years in a relationship?? How long should you except it…..? (an actual question) Could that person really love you? Did you love the person you cheated with and what happened when he found out?
_____________________________________________________

Krysi,
I have a relative that cheated on his significant other ALL THE TIME.

They started dating in HS. He cheated then…I remember a family rumor: Where she came to his house, he had another chick in his bedroom (wink wink) and she simply came out and sat on the couch until he was done…

he cheated on her so much in fact when the got MARRIED!! Me and another family member was like: BOY she put in WORK for that ring!!…

as a married man he provided her with a beautiful home, a beautiful car, a beautiful lifestyle and beautiful children….HE STILL CHEATS!!!!!

this last time however, when he cheated on her with a HOODRAT with Gold Teeth, bad lace-front and a RED VEST from her CVS employment….

Wifey gave him the big FLUCK YOU finger….she moved out of their big 3 story family home into her own LUSH CONDO!!

and she drops the kids off at their daddy’s house EVERY WEEKEND!!!!
mirsmommy

OutsidetheBox Says:

13, 9, 8, 6, AND *exhales*…3 <—-that bish run the house.

Ever dealt with a kid who learns from all the other kids? I dont even call her “the baby”. I call the bish “ma’am”!
_____________________________________________________

I wanted to have my babies back to back, but we decided to try to get a house first. The youngest is 3, and his a** tries to run the house. He doesn’t learn from other kids, cuz his a** been here before. The kids around him, young and old, seem to pick up things from him.

Sh*t, he even had my Grandmother, and my Dad, saying “Peace” , “Peace Out” and “Peace Homie”.
FloridaChick813

Im trying to catch up, but these convo’s are all over the place..

@ OTB – I had no idea you had almost grown children.

LMAO @ the 3 year old running the house
OutsidetheBox

True @Krysi…

I do not think a person who cheats on their other FOR YEARS will be faithful..

Except it? You shouldn’t! That’s different! Remember I just got rid of a guy that I really like because he cheated. I knew I would never trust his ass … so why play with fire?

And when I really loved someone I didn’t have one desire for another. He walked the dog on my ass though so… Karma?

I changed because I don’t ever want to make a person feel like I felt after I caught that ninja with them pants on the ground.
SangriaSugar

@Krysi

I was the last one for a while

I think cheaters can change if they want/have a reason to change. When my ex-fiance cheated on me…I forgave him because of the distance and my job. I let him know that I forgave him and I didn’t bring it up again…until the chick that he had cheated on me with called me from HIS phone at 2 a.m. I said I was done after that…but 3 weeks later I ended up taking him back. Then he cheated on me again with the same girl…that was it…I let him go for real.

I had to let him go because how could I look myself in the mirror everyday and say “I am a strong, independent woman” then turn around and say I love him. I have to love myself first…cause I am my star player! It took me a long time but I realized that he kept doing it cause he had no reason to change his ways…I would walk away he would say something “heart-felt” and that he is never gonna do it again, I would think about it, forgive him and we would fall right back into that same pattern of him cheating and me being the fool.

It was hard but it was something that I’m gald I went through because I self-developed, learned more about respecting, and grew as a woman.

I thing that I am happy about is that I don’t hold what happened to me in the past against other men I meet because they are not him.
crzasallgetout

@Flo
Can I ask you a question? It’s sorta personal but I just want to see if you give the same answer as my BF
Krysi J

So the next time, somebody tells you they “selling” cause they’ve got to “feed their family”- ask them why they aren’t just stealing food from a market instead.
——————————————————–

SWS….whats the difference, their still going to end up in jail babe with a trumped up charge?
FloridaChick813

@ OTB – You talkin about Hickey Boy???

&&

And when I really loved someone I didn’t have one desire for another.
OutsidetheBox

‘Sup Flo! Yep, they damn.near.grown! And it keeps me motivated!

Didn’t I tell y’all my daily prayer? The one where I thank God for choosing me to do his work with these children? The one where I let Him know that I’m not salty at all that I got stretch marks and PTA meetings and tits that rival those of the women of the Motherland?
crzasallgetout

@ OTB
FloridaChick813

@ Sangria – It takes a lot to walk away from somebody you love. Good job!!!

And I do believe cheaters can change… They just have to find somebody worth changing for..
Man, I just don’t care™

@FLORIDA CHICK
“And when I really loved someone I didn’t have one desire for another.”-OTB
_________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

You aren’t a scorpio! LOL.
mirsmommy

OutsidetheBox Says:

‘Sup Flo! Yep, they damn.near.grown! And it keeps me motivated!

Didn’t I tell y’all my daily prayer? The one where I thank God for choosing me to do his work with these children? The one where I let Him know that I’m not salty at all that I got stretch marks and PTA meetings and tits that rival those of the women of the Motherland?
________________________________________________________

There is a special place in the Kona for you.
FloridaChick813

crzasallgetout Says:

@Flo
Can I ask you a question? It’s sorta personal but I just want to see if you give the same answer as my BF
__________

Go for it
SoulWithSass

@Man

You are determined to rationalize the drug game, aren’t you? No matter how many of our men end up imprisoned, dead or just broken down because of it, huh?

Do not get offended, Man, but people with your way of thinking that “the end (or the middle) justifies the means” is exactly why I am scared to have children and will guard them like a hawk around other Black people who have a different life style.

I was making the point that if somebody was only selling drugs for “necessity” to “feed their family,” then why couldn’t they just steal bread/water/food from a store instead? It’s under $500, it’s a misdemeanor, you’ll get very little jail time for it if caught, and nobody will be trying to blow your head off because you f*cked with their money, nor will you be helping to kill off anybody else in your community.

But whatever. I hope that all your drug-dealing friends get rich and wealthy doing that and lord forbid they get arrested or worse, knock-off somebody close to you. But don’t worry-I’m sure you’ll understand it and easily forgive. After all- “When people feel times are drastic, they do drastic things.”
OutsidetheBox

Hickey Boy.

He sent that fruit thing a couple of weeks ago. Still emails every now and then but I dont think so.

Just too much mis-trust there.
Krysi J

@GG……#226

so the moral of the story is…
FloridaChick813

OutsidetheBox Says:

‘Sup Flo! Yep, they damn.near.grown! And it keeps me motivated!

Didn’t I tell y’all my daily prayer? The one where I thank God for choosing me to do his work with these children? The one where I let Him know that I’m not salty at all that I got stretch marks and PTA meetings and tits that rival those of the women of the Motherland?
_______________

GIrl you are a mess!!!!!!!!
FloridaChick813

Man, I just don’t care™ Says:

You aren’t a scorpio! LOL.
_____________

LMAO, I am a scorpio!!!!

Okay, let me put this in perspective…. I’m a very h0rny person. I please myself all the time and use multiple fantasy scenarios and/or partners to achieve pleasing myself… HOWEVER, I just dont be walking down the street and be like “OOhhh he’s cute. I wanna f*ck him”..
So thats what I meant by “desiring” other men.

Does that make sense or am I just sounding crazy??
FloridaChick813

Man, I just don’t care™ Says:

You aren’t a scorpio! LOL.
_____________

LMAO, I am a scorpio!!!!

Okay, let me put this in perspective…. I’m a very h0rny person. I please myself all the time and use multiple fantasy scenarios and/or partners to achieve pleasing myself… HOWEVER, I just dont be walking down the street and be like “OOhhh he’s cute. I wanna f*ck him”..
So thats what I meant by “desiring” other men.

Does that make sense or am I just sounding crazy??
FloridaChick813

Damn a tripple post????

My bad ya’ll
FloridaChick813

OutsidetheBox Says:

Hickey Boy.

He sent that fruit thing a couple of weeks ago. Still emails every now and then but I dont think so.

Just too much mis-trust there.
______________

I dont blame you.. My saying is: If I gotta worry about you every second that your not with me… Its not even worth it.. Why drive myself crazy over something I cant control?
Krysi J

I had to let him go because how could I look myself in the mirror everyday and say “I am a strong, independent woman” then turn around and say I love him. I have to love myself first…cause I am my star player! It took me a long time but I realized that he kept doing it cause he had no reason to change his ways…I would walk away he would say something “heart-felt” and that he is never gonna do it again, I would think about it, forgive him and we would fall right back into that same pattern of him cheating and me being the fool.

It was hard but it was something that I’m gald I went through because I self-developed, learned more about respecting, and grew as a woman.

I thing that I am happy about is that I don’t hold what happened to me in the past against other men I meet because they are not him.
————————————————————

It happens to the best of us

but hey, we can only get older and wiser if its the Lords Will

however, I don’t hold anything over new dudes heads….but LADYS lets not fool ourselves when we are dealing with the same specimen of a man as the ex who hurt us…..please don’t waste your time.
OutsidetheBox

I’m for real y’all.

Tell me these kids arent here for a reason?!! TMI ahead…at a low point in life I aborted a fetus. And every day I am a little more disappointed in myself because I let “my people” talk down on my choice to keep and raise my children…”you already have 4,” they said! “Your life will be over,” they said! “No man will want you,” they said!

I’m here to tell you, that it’s all a lie. My life has so much more purpose now and I’m pissed, pissed, pissed that I let scary ass never do well BLACK people make me think 4 was different from 5.

After 3, its all the same. I still go out, I still get pursued, I still have my life AND I inspire others. All without a husband and 5 kids.

Matter of fact I’m contemplating whether or not I want to go out with a teacher from the school…he stepped to me praising me on my mothering and appearance…he’s white though so I didn’t know if it was a fetish thing…

#Iamallthat;whocouldblamehim?
http://myspace.com/thegameoncw Bird

It’s hard for all black women to find a man. Not just successful black women. I don’t even want to discuss any further than that. I’m tired of this topic, plus I got a good black man.
Man, I just don’t care™

@SOUL WITH SASS
“You are determined to rationalize the drug game, aren’t you? No matter how many of our men end up imprisoned, dead or just broken down because of it, huh?

Do not get offended, Man, but people with your way of thinking that “the end (or the middle) justifies the means” is exactly why I am scared to have children and will guard them like a hawk around other Black people who have a different life style.

I was making the point that if somebody was only selling drugs for “necessity” to “feed their family,” then why couldn’t they just steal bread/water/food from a store instead? It’s under $500, it’s a misdemeanor, you’ll get very little jail time for it if caught, and nobody will be trying to blow your head off because you f*cked with their money, nor will you be helping to kill off anybody else in your community.

But whatever. I hope that all your drug-dealing friends get rich and wealthy doing that and lord forbid they get arrested or worse, knock-off somebody close to you. But don’t worry-I’m sure you’ll understand it and easily forgive. After all- “When people feel times are drastic, they do drastic things.”
__________________________________________________________________

All I know is it NOT “black and white/cut and dry.” Chit happens and good people do bad things sometimes. Don’t blame THEM alone when:
-the VERY GOVERNMENT BROUGHT THE DRUGS IN THE FIRST PLACE!
-they are DENIED equal access to other alternatives
-AFTER selling, they are caught in a cycle of having to continue to sell (the rap sheet)

I was making the point that if somebody was only selling drugs for “necessity” to “feed their family,” then why couldn’t they just steal bread/water/food from a store instead? It’s under $500, it’s a misdemeanor, you’ll get very little jail time for it if caught, and nobody will be trying to blow your head off because you f*cked with their money, nor will you be helping to kill off anybody else in your community.

Because they would eat for a day and this person would need to continously steal… Oh, and they STILL could get shot while committing robbery. And, I doubt people are thinking of the legal ramifications because they don’t INTEND on being caught.

And Lord forbid to you as well that none of your friends gets arrested or have someone you love knocked off!
http://chokolatemilk.blogspot.com Choco

I don’t know if cheaters can change – my EX husband cheated all the time and I left him after 10 years of that bs-now he’s older and says he doesn’t cheat on his girlfriend but i don’t believe him one bit –
FloridaChick813

@ OTB –

GO HEAD MAMA!!!!! Confidence is key, and no matter how many kids you have, if you carry yourself with pride and respect, and take care of yourself and your children, Men will want you and approach you. My BFF has 4 girls (7, 3, and a set of twins that are a yr and a half) and trust and believe she has no problem getting a man…. But she just goes after all the wrong men for all the wrong reasons, but thats another story for another day.

Anyways, I have nothing but respect for you. I get frustrated with only ONE child. I couldnt imagine 4 more. So God Bless you mama!!! Your doin the damn thing. Be proud of that. Embrace it!
OutsidetheBox

One child is more difficult than multiples IMO. You only know that one so you think your having it…once you factor in another one I don’t know how to explain it but they mellow each other out…?
Krysi J

@SWS…#280? I love ya babe, but I guess today we’re just not on the same page.
SangriaSugar

TEAM OTB

Love you’re confidence, your posts and the way you stan Bey!!!
OutsidetheBox

Or maybe we mellow out? LOL Thats prolly more like it. Last night I was over a gfs watching Tyra and she has one lil beige baby that she cant handle.

That ish was driving me bonkers. I just wanted to touch his ass! I dont even mean spanking…some kids you can just look at…and he is one. But her weak ass dont know it. Plus, his daddy is married to another woman so you know…its prolly all relative LOL

Thanks y’all! *happy*
FloridaChick813

OutsidetheBox Says:

One child is more difficult than multiples IMO. You only know that one so you think your having it…once you factor in another one I don’t know how to explain it but they mellow each other out…?
__________________________

Awwww and my lil one begs me for a baby brother or sister… Poor child, he’s all alone.. Leaving his bike at the playground, like nobody is gonna steal it Tattle tales WAY too much.. But I know its just cause he needs somebody. Poor thing

Send one of yours my way, my son needs a play mate! LOL
FloridaChick813

Preferably one that is potty trained… and can wipe their own as.s.

I used to hate to hear “MOMMY!!!! COME WIPE ME!!!!”

Had to straighten that sh.it out quick like, I dont wipe ass.es
OutsidetheBox

OOOOOhhh and he a tattle tale?!!! Unh uh he aint gonna corrupt my kids!

They down like 5 flat tires. They dont play that ish! LOL
They learn his ass real fast. Send him on over LOL
Krysi J

One child is more difficult than multiples IMO. You only know that one so you think your having it…once you factor in another one I don’t know how to explain it but they mellow each other out…?
——————————————————-

-Harpo

“Now dats a lie, thats ah LIE”

I have 2 kids and my 17 month old has been worse in her 17 month old life than my 9 year old has ever been!!! BAD AZ HELL!
SoulWithSass

@Man

Refer to my comment #246 please….
Al-Ameera

4) Choices,

You are a slave to your choices. Choose better. If you go find a man at the club then don’t be mad when and crying to everyone that will lend you an ear that all he does is club and blah blah blah. If you have the thug then don’t complain he don’t want to work, you chose him. My favorite is the grown women that deal with grown men in jail. Unless you are a political prisoner and are being wrong persecuted, your grown azz made the wrong choice and now I have to suffer for it?

Women I don’t believe that listed in your title or list of things women do is potential developer (unless it’s your child)

Don’t think you can do whatever to get him and then change him, it will never work, if he shows who he is believe him. And have enough love for yourself and enough faith in God to move on.

Lastly,
5) Let him be a man already, if you get a decent man, you need to stop acting like you have a d*ck! You want to talk crazy to and compete with him in every aspect or you are the other extreme and want to be his mama.

Let him man up, if he works let him pay bills and the reason I keep saying let him is because 7 out of 10 times the woman makes more money and I guess to keep him around you will let him do as he wishes with his money or you foot the majority of the bills. For instance if the rent is $1000 a month then you both pay $500 but instead I see the woman paying $800 and he paying $200…..Uhhhh men are the maintainers of women and if he complains that he doesn’t have any extra money after paying bills then he should get a second job, a better job or something but not be free to shirk his responsibility. And then you wonder why he has so much free time and money to spend at Atlanta strip clubs. (Ha just a little comedy)
FloridaChick813

OutsidetheBox Says:

OOOOOhhh and he a tattle tale?!!! Unh uh he aint gonna corrupt my kids!

They down like 5 flat tires. They dont play that ish! LOL
They learn his ass real fast. Send him on over LOL
__________________

Im packin his sh.it tonight..

He’ll come in from outside and be like “so and so did this, so and so did that”. Finally one day my boyfriend was like “IF YOU COME IN THIS HOUSE ONE MORE TIME AND TELL ON SOMEBODY, IM KICKIN YOUR AS.S”…. But he still does it, he just whispers it to me.. And then I be like “IF YOU COME IN THIS HOUSE, ONE MORE TIME AND TELL ON SOMEBODY, IMA KICK YOUR AS.S”
Man, I just don’t care™

@OUTSIDE THE BOX

Do your kids “choose sides” or “gang up” on any of your other children?

I know my brother and I was ROLL DAWGS! It was us against the world.

**feel sorry for my poor sister….**
FloridaChick813

Krysi J Says:

One child is more difficult than multiples IMO. You only know that one so you think your having it…once you factor in another one I don’t know how to explain it but they mellow each other out…?
——————————————————-

-Harpo

“Now dats a lie, thats ah LIE”

I have 2 kids and my 17 month old has been worse in her 17 month old life than my 9 year old has ever been!!! BAD AZ HELL!
_________________

KRYSI J HAS IS THE MOTHER OF 2 KIDS??????

WHY DIDNT I KNOW THIS?????? IM LATE!!!!

and a 9 year old and a baby?????????

Thats what I think is gonna happen to me, cause he’s already 6!!!
FloridaChick813

Let him man up, if he works let him pay bills and the reason I keep saying let him is because 7 out of 10 times the woman makes more money and I guess to keep him around you will let him do as he wishes with his money or you foot the majority of the bills. For instance if the rent is $1000 a month then you both pay $500 but instead I see the woman paying $800 and he paying $200…..Uhhhh men are the maintainers of women and if he complains that he doesn’t have any extra money after paying bills then he should get a second job, a better job or something but not be free to shirk his responsibility. And then you wonder why he has so much free time and money to spend at Atlanta strip clubs. (Ha just a little comedy)
_____________________________

GIRL YOU BETTER PREACH!!!!!!!!!
Man, I just don’t care™

@SOUL WITH SASS
“Refer to my comment #246 please….”
__________________________________________________________________

Thanks but I read it prior to my last comment.
SoulWithSass

@Krysi

No problem. I understand not everybody sees it my way. I know there are shades of gray to everything but I’m just wondering when are some of the excuses ever going to be enough. How many man need to go to prison, die, & throw their life away dealing with illegal activites before somebody finally says: “there’s no excuse for this bs anymore. We need to try something else.”

We coddle & make excuses for it soooo much that our people are truly at a disadvantage. And all the excuses double back to having the same cause- nobody wanting to push the issue of personal responsibility.

“Yeah-Ray-ray selling drugs BUT he has to fed his family.” “22 year-old Man’man shot & killed a dude over an ounce of coke, BUT it’s not his fault, no one taught him better so he was destined to do that.” “Shannon is a crack head who can’t get right, but it’s only because she had a hard life.” “Peanut is in jail for robbing and killing folks BUT he did not have a father in the home so he had to do what he had to do.” <—All of these people will be in jail, and somebody will be making excuses as to why it IS NOT their fault they ended up where they did OR how the “system” is punishing them too brutally Or how they’ll have a record asnd won’t get a 2nd chance. *sigh*

It’s cyclical and as long as we keep making excuses, the cycle will never stop. Either you will fall prey to your circumstances, or you will make your circumstances fall prey to you.

So if everyone can just claim to be a “victim of circumstances” and that they were “forced” to take a less-than-desirable route because things got “drastic”……then why do they need to “free citizens” anyway? Being free automatically opens the doors for making “free choices.” If you’re so much of a mindless drone that your circumstances are what forces your hand than you’re already mentally imprisoned anyway….a real cell just might be an upgrade.

But hell….what do I know? I’m so stupid as to think that things could actually be so simple as choosing between right & wrong…..
Man, I just don’t care™

Let him man up, if he works let him pay bills and the reason I keep saying let him is because 7 out of 10 times the woman makes more money and I guess to keep him around you will let him do as he wishes with his money or you foot the majority of the bills. For instance if the rent is $1000 a month then you both pay $500 but instead I see the woman paying $800 and he paying $200…..Uhhhh ,men are the maintainers of women and if he complains that he doesn’t have any extra money after paying bills then he should get a second job, a better job or something but not be free to shirk his responsibility. And then you wonder why he has so much free time and money to spend at Atlanta strip clubs. (Ha just a little comedy)
_____________________________________________________________________

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL NO!
ohpretty1

And then you wonder why he has so much free time and money to spend at Atlanta strip clubs. (Ha just a little comedy)
—————————

Comedy but the dead on truth…
SoulWithSass

It’s after 4, I gotta roll folks. Also @Al-Ameera-

-Your list is soooooo on point! However, what about the men? Shouldn’t they be doing something to aid in this epidemic as well. Superwomen as we maybe…we can’t do it all.

Lata folx!
Al-Ameera

@ man, you know I’m tellin the truth you just like you get us women all worked up. I think you like being one of the few men around all us women.
Man, I just don’t care™

@AL-AMEERA
“you know I’m tellin the truth you just like you get us women all worked up. I think you like being one of the few men around all us women.”
________________________________________________________________

I think I just have a different perspective and that gets some of yall all mad and chit.

And yes, I LOVE being one of the few men around. **I emailed Sandra to close registration**
http://chokolatemilk.blogspot.com Choco

@Man
Ahahah you are missing it hot topic on S E X
Al-Ameera

@ Soul, as grown people we can only be responsible for one’s self and the choices we make, if a man is not worthy, don’t choose him. There are plenty of good black men out there. But we need to fix ourselves first so that we don’t run our blessings off.

Have you ever heard the saying water seeks its own level? Well, you have to become what you want to attract. My bother always complains that he wants a good woman and I always tell him, he wants to find a good girl but then he is a man wh*re, why would a good woman want him as a man…. I mean really? And it works vice versa.
FloridaChick813

Man, I just don’t care™ Says:

@AL-AMEERA
“you know I’m tellin the truth you just like you get us women all worked up. I think you like being one of the few men around all us women.”
________________________________________________________________

I think I just have a different perspective and that gets some of yall all mad and chit.

And yes, I LOVE being one of the few men around. **I emailed Sandra to close registration**
_____________________

You def. have a different perspective, but thats what makes you a man. H3ll, even the gay men I know dont have the same perspective as women.

And I dont think the ladies in here get mad “per se” – but dammit they are gonna defend their beliefs and feelings!!!
OutsidetheBox

Well duh @Krysi! These the “new” kids. Aint no hope. Stay prayed up.
SangriaSugar

Im packin his sh.it tonight..

He’ll come in from outside and be like “so and so did this, so and so did that”. Finally one day my boyfriend was like “IF YOU COME IN THIS HOUSE ONE MORE TIME AND TELL ON SOMEBODY, IM KICKIN YOUR AS.S”…. But he still does it, he just whispers it to me.. And then I be like “IF YOU COME IN THIS HOUSE, ONE MORE TIME AND TELL ON SOMEBODY, IMA KICK YOUR AS.S”
____________________________________________

I know kids who do this
Krysi J

Don’t think you can do whatever to get him and then change him, it will never work, if he shows who he is believe him. And have enough love for yourself and enough faith in God to move on.
———————————————————–

couldn’t have said it better myself babe

KRYSI J HAS IS THE MOTHER OF 2 KIDS??????

WHY DIDNT I KNOW THIS?????? IM LATE!!!!

and a 9 year old and a baby?????????

Thats what I think is gonna happen to me, cause he’s already 6!!!
———————————————————–

gurl YES…..you’ve never seen me type about my bad azz chullen! SR Fam knows….hell I’ve been on Sandra so long I remember posting when my son was all by his lonesome years ago…and I was just like you so happy to say I only have one child……but things change, and even though she bad azz hell, I wouldn’t change her for the world. She’s my lil mini me.
OutsidetheBox

LOL@Man…hell yeah they do. But the 3yo (Ma’am the RingLeader!) rolls with the boys even though she is a girl! Too funny! Her and her brothers be looking at THEIR sisters like, “Try us…”

LOL
OutsidetheBox

I was fixin’ to say…you reap what yo usow @Krysi…..

I know your grandma told you ’bout “meeting yo’ match” LOL!
Krysi J

Her and her brothers be looking at THEIR sisters like, “Try us…”
——————————————————

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwww that is sho TUUUUte… my bookey is like that, she runs my 9 year old….but he loves her to death…..it took a while but now he does….he went through a lil stage of jealousy unexpectedly…now he

Ceeley – “WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIte, WRIIiiight”

Nettie – “Nothing but DEFF can keep me FROM eTT!!”

and yea I know to expect minez 10 foldz…..I was SO DAMN BAD…..as a child, oooh lawd, matter fact thinking bout it….i deserve…LOL!
http://www.blogger.com/profile/14609144495895919568 Sunkissed404

OMG… I was actually at this event…I don’t even know why I bothered to show up. It was soooo disgusting to see so many single black women out there…Utterly ridiculous. And, they didn’t talk about anything we needed to hear.
fancyfacefree

Sandra, your comment about successful black women feeling they are above black men couldn’t be further from the truth. If anything it is quite the opposite. Don’t you think that once a black man becomes successful, he then considers himself too could for us? Or what about the fact that black men have just giving up on us altogether. What about Kobe Bryant, Taye Diggs, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, and any other one who I’ve missed.

One thing I know is that I am a strong black woman because I have refused to give up and turn gay or date outside of my race. I still believe in the ‘Black’ man. The problem is, he doesn’t believe in me.
http://myspace.com/docjam1 Doc Jam

This debate will always exist.

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