fanMAIL: Child Abuse

Child abuse

Please click the link to read a very informative email about child abuse from the perspective of a surgeon who treats abused children and struggles to undo the damage that parents inflict under the guise of discipline.

A loyal reader who asked to remain anonymous writes:

Dear Auntie,

I always appreciate your attempts to educate your readers on all color of things from the dangerous pursuits driven by the transient pleasures dopamine provides to child abuse. It saddened me deeply to see so many people in the comments defending the brutal violence this man inflicted on those two girls. Some said that he was right to do it because it would “keep them off the pole” or “it would keep them from doing it again.” Piffle. I wonder if that father lives in the home or is close enough with his daughters to give them paternal guidance. That, not vicious beatings, is the way to influence your child.

And anyone who thinks this sort of beating will benefit these girls is ignorant of peer reviewed studies from the CDC, Justice Department, NIH, Mayo Clinic, AMA, APA, American Pediatric Association, and other institutes covering child development. All these commenters have is what is derisively known as “anecdata” which are anecdotes from their lives they present as actual data on behavioral trends when they are little more than their own life stories.

The well-regarded and authoritative bodies I’ve listed above concur with your conclusion: that children who have violence inflicted upon them by enraged parents are more likely to further engage in bad behavior, run away, and, for girls, get into abusive relationships. The girls grow up thinking that if her father can beat her to get her under control, then what’s the problem if her boyfriend beats her down as well. Boys grow up to be abusers or engage in violent criminal activities. Some of these children absorb their parents’ rage and turn it inward by getting into drugs. I am hard pressed to see how any of these consequences are worth allowing a petulant parent exorcise his or her anger or frustration with their child by beating him or her. Abuse is not parenting, it is just violence; violence, unfortunately, our people embrace far too often.

I’m a surgeon now, but when I was doing my ER rotation. I can’t tell you how many children I see with broken bones, burns, bruises, and welts from abusive parents. And, because our people have been conditioned to accept violence as a solution to disobedience (I believe that this is a carry over from slavery), no one, even the relatives of these children, intervenes.

Last year I pronounced a two year old child dead. He had dozens of fractures (old and new), a punctured lung, and massive internal bleeding because he did something his father had repeatedly told him not to do. The relatives of the child, who had to know that this boy was being systematically abused, all fell out and acted brand new when I told them that the boy had expired. They are just as guilty as the father because they too have adopted the mind forged manacles of cyclical abuse. They knew damn well what was going on, but could only muster up feelings about it when that precious beautiful boy was nothing but a broken bag of bones. I didn’t have a shred of sympathy for any of their wailing because none of their hands were clean. They had the blood of an innocent child on their hands because they’ve adopted the mind forged manacles of “biblical justice.”

Maybe one day these people would like to take a trip to my ER or the morgue in the hospital to view the broken bodies of murdered children; the broken spirits and bones of girls of violent parents who’ve grown up to be the partners of violent men; or the self-destructive black men who were once sweet little boys who are killed or wounded because their counterparts, who were raised in similar environments, were taught that violence is the solution to disputes; or the drug abusers of either gender whose lives are nothing but a spiral of misery. Maybe then they will see the hard and cruel realities, backed up by hard numbers and statistics, of those who didn’t make it through the violence as unscathed as they did.

They should count themselves lucky that they didn’t meet the fates of these unfortunate others, not as success stories of violence. The KKK doesn’t have s**t on inflicting violence on our people anymore; they’ve outsourced it to us with great success. We have to do way better.

Keep educating and spilling tea,

A Loyal Reader

More from Sandrarose.com:

  • Man charged with beating 2-year-old stepson to death
  • Woman arrested for beating 3-year-old with belt
  • Pilar Sanders released from jail, ordered to stay away from Deion
  • Suburban Couple Take Turns Beating 16-Year-Old Girl into Submission (video)


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    25 Responses to “fanMAIL: Child Abuse”

    1. 1
      daprinceofradio says:

      :(

    2. 2
    3. 3
    4. 4

      You know what let me log off :peace:

    5. 5
      Lady_Elle says:

      There is a HUGE difference between giving a child a spanking… and child abuse!

      I did not dish a spanking out often… but I did when/if needed. Typically the threat was good enough.

      I love children too much to abuse them.

    6. 6
      Anna says:

      The KKK doesn’t have s**t on inflicting violence on our people anymore; they’ve outsourced it to us with great success. We have to do way better.
      ~~~~~~~~~~
      I have to agree.

    7. 7
      lovezoe says:

      So I got nothing,.

    8. 8
      JMO says:

      There is a HUGE difference between giving a child a spanking… and child abuse!
      ____________________________________________________________

      … was just typing this but refused to waste my font and elaborate…

    9. 9
      Gigi26 says:

      I don’t have kids so let me exit stage left :kona:

    10. 10
      that_VA_thickchick says:

      :newpost:

      THANK GAWD!

    11. 11
      Bird says:

      I’m a surgeon now, but when I was doing my ER rotation.
      **********************************

      I’m going to stop right there because that sentence explains why this shat wasn’t in laymen’s terms.

      Dear Loyal Reader,

      I don’t like the idea of a surgeon who gets paid goobs and gobs of money having time to not only read Sandrarose, but all the comments as well. You should have more important things to do. I’m not an advocate of spanking either, but I know it’s a personal choice. I don’t break my kneck telling other parents how to raise their children and neither should you. The next time you want to leave a patient waiting while you read gossip blogs write that shat in laymen’s terms mkay?

      And I don’t give a damn what you no Sandy say. I loves me some dopamine.

    12. 12
      NaijaGal says:

      nobody here has ever advocated abuse…ever

    13. 13
      iAmChan says:

      Why they photoshop them scars like that tho?

      P.S. Ain’t nobody reading all of that.

    14. 14
      NaijaGal says:

      BIRD – my nigguh :fistbump:

    15. 15
      Nakeya_j says:

      Guess what? If my child does something like try to touch the hot stove after I keep telling him not to, he is gonna get popped. Popping your kids, and Abusing them are two different things. And does this person who wrote this dissertation have kids?

    16. 16
      lovezoe says:

      Bird- I too was wondering how a “surgeon” had all that free time

    17. 17
      MissHarlem says:

      :newpost:

    18. 18
      INTENSEMOCHA THE ANTAGONIST says:

      I DIDN’T WATCH THE VIDEO NOR DO I PLAN TO, HOWEVER IT’S NOT ILLEGAL TO SPANK YOUR CHILD IN NYS STATE, OPEN HANDED SWAT TO THE BUTT WITH NO MARKS LEFT BEHIND IS SUFFICIENT

      I DO AGREE WITH THE E-MAIL SOLELY BECAUSE OF THEIR FRAME OF REFERENCE, THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SEEN THE MOST EXTREME CASES OF ABUSE, I CONCUR THAT, THAT TYPE OF ABUSE IS NOT DISCIPLINE AT ALL, IT’S THE ACTIONS OF SOMEONE WHOSE NOT IN ANY MIND SET TO CALMLY AND EFFECTIVELY GUIDE OR CORRECTY ANY CHILD, BUT THE ACTIONS OF SOMEONE WHOSE LOST COMPLETE CONTROL

      I THINK EDUCATION IS THE KEY, THE FATHER’S INTENTION WERE SKEWED HOWEVER HE SHOULD HAVE GONE ABOUT IT DIFFERENTLY, WE SAY MEN DON’T STEP UP AND RAISE THEIR CHILDREN, WE SHOULD CONSIDER THE RAGE A FATHER FEELS WHEN HIS DAUGHTER IS GYRATING HER BODY FOR THE WORLD TO SEE AND THE PERPS WHO SEE THIS BEHAVIOR AS AN INVITATION FOR SEX-

      HE TOOK IT TOO FAR, BUT SOMETHING DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE, AND THE FACT THAT IT WAS THEIR FATHER SHOWS THAT HE’S AT LEAST CONCERNED, RE-EDUCATE IF ANYTHING ALL INVOLVED THE DAUGHTERS AND THE DANGER OF THEIR BEHAVIORS AND THE FATHER REGARDING HIS EMOTIONS, EXERCISING CONTROL, AND APPROPRIATE DISCIPLINE

      WE CAN ALL POINT FINGERS AND CONDEMN FOLKS TO HELL REAL QUICK, HOWEVER COMING UP WITH A SOLUTION IS REALLY WHAT WILL STOP ABUSE

    19. 19
      Sandra Rose says:

      The KKK doesn’t have s**t on inflicting violence on our people anymore; they’ve outsourced it to us with great success. We have to do way better.
      ~~~~~~~~~~
      Anna says:
      I have to agree.
      ___________________

      Sad but true. What we call “discipline” today is nothing but a carry over from slavery. Whipping our children like dogs is so shameful. We have to do better — and some of us are doing better. Can you imagine President Obama beating his girls with a belt? That would never happen. Only in the hood. :no:

    20. 20
      BAD Angel says:

      Thanks for this post Sandra. :clap: It’s too bad and so sad that so many people, especially Black people, are just not going to ever “get it”. :no: The child abuse cycle is in full effect and vicious. BTW- For anyone that cares, April is National Child Abuse Awareness and Prevention Month

    21. 21
      ReadingIsFundamental says:

      God Bless the children.

    22. 22
      MSVALLDAY says:

      Sorry but when I got punished with spankings as a child I never had bruises or broken bones. There is a HUGE difference! If you are spanking your child to that point then yes it is abuse. However, just because a parent chooses to spank their children does not mean they are child abusers. There is a limit and a difference. Do I believe children should be spanked for every little thing? No. Do I think spankings can curve behavior? Yes. Do I think there are other forms of discipline that are effective? Absolutely. Do I think spankings work for all children? No. Bottom line is parents need to know when spankings are appropriate, and what forms of discipline work for your children. I think we do need to step out of the box and try alternative styles of discipline at times. There are times when we are locked into the this is the way my mama did it so it has to be right mentality. Well this is a new day and age so you need to try something new. My daughter hasn’t received half the spankings I did! Honestly, if parents are doing their jobs in the first place their kids shouldn’t want to twerk on camera for all the world to see. This goes back to having self-esteem, and cultivating self-respect at a young age. Where was daddy when they were younger re-directing them and teaching them appropriate behavior before they got to this point?

    23. 23
      KrayZKat says:

      I’m so glad that you are bringing more awareness of this subject, Sandra. After reading the vast majority of positive replies to the father who beat his girls with a cable cord, it scared me. I could not believe that so many people thought this father was justified. How could a person with a conscience hear those girls screaming and pleading and it not affect them. I thought about all the children in so many communities around the world who are being beaten and the people around them don’t even recognize it as such. Many used the excuse that if these girls had become strippers or such, people would be wondering where the parent went wrong. Well, prisons are FULL of people whose parents hit them. There are no guarantees that hitting a child is going to make them grow up into responsible, law-abiding adults. If anything, I think it makes people more angry and violent. JMO.

      Many say, “This is the way my parent whipped me, and to this day, I love and appreciate my parent for doing such.” Most abused children love their parent(s). That doesn’t mean your parent was right. I know all to well, especially in the black community, that children get beaten and many turn a blind eye to it saying, “It’s none of my business.” It IS our business. My aunt used to hit my cousins with whatever she could put her hands on, including hitting my cousin upside the head with a broomstick. To this day, they hate their mother.

      I hope that the word gets out that there are many ways to skin a cat, and hitting doesn’t always have to be the first resort. I think abusers are bullies and they know their children cannot defend themselves.

      Like RIF said, “God bless the children.” AMEN!

    24. 24
      Sandra Rose says:

      @ KrayZKat: Thank you for that thoughtful message. And thanks to everyone who made the vow to turn over a new leaf and stop assaulting your children. :clap:

    25. 25
      KrayZKat says:

      Hi Sandra. You are welcome!

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