Actor Laverne Cox opened up about being in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. Cox, a transgender whose real name is Roderick Laverne Cox, says low self-esteem kept him in the abusive relationship for four years.

In an interview with Grazia magazine, the Orange is the New Black star said his low self-esteem issues kept him in the abusive relationship, and he didn’t leave because he felt he couldn’t find another white man willing to date a black transgender.

“I believed that because I was black and trans, he was the only man who would ever love me. The relationship almost killed me,” says Cox, pictured below left with fellow transgender TV personality Miss Lawrence in February.

Cox said after he found the strength to leave the abusive relationship he looked for love on an online dating app, but a male he communicated with for months didn’t work out.

“Years ago I was on OKCupid. I had an hour and a half to finally meet this guy for a drink – I’d been talking to him for months,” Cox tells Grazia mag. “He arrived and looked nothing like his pictures but I persevered. I realized I was doing all the talking. I hate that, and he said, ‘I’m just imagining being back at your apartment naked’. I looked at him, took $20 out from my purse and said, ‘I’m going to go now. Have a nice day’.”

Cox bemoaned his struggles to find a white man in an interview with E! news last year.

“I very much believe in love,” Cox said. “I want to be in love and in a partnership with a man. I see myself in love and in a fierce partnership with someone who loves and respects me.”

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