Unlovable

Charlene deGuzman's new film Unlovable tells her story of survival in this honest portrayal of sex and love addiction. ‘Unlovable’ is a movie for all women who struggle with love addiction and dependency.

DeGuzman, 34, wrote and directed the comedy about her personal experiences with sex and love addiction.

“I think there’s one perspective of sex addiction in films,” deGuzman told Fox News. “But it’s important to show sex and love addiction, which is more of a dependency and attachment issue. For me, it was pursuing unavailable men. And that desperate need for validation, anything to get that hit of validation because of this strong hunger for love that I wasn’t giving myself. That’s the perspective I wanted to show because it’s [one] that is shared by so many people, men and women.”

She describes her lifelong dependency on males which started when she was only 12.

“I was always jumping from boy to boy,” she explained. “I had my first boyfriend when I was 12. And then I had never been alone since then… I actually started recovery from sex and love addiction because I was trying to save a relationship. And I thought, maybe if I join this program, I would get better and the relationship would get better. So I had no contact with this boyfriend for four months. Then I went back to him. I had sex with him. And then he went MIA like he always does.”

DeGuzman describes her epiphany -- that moment when she realized she was a love addict.

“I wanted to kill myself because I felt so horrible,” she said. “I felt so much pain. I couldn’t believe I was here yet again. And that was the day I really was trying to kill myself. And then after hours of pacing around in my apartment, trying to decide how I was going to do this, he called finally. Just seeing his name and picture on my screen, I felt the pain and anguish I’ve been feeling dissipate from my body immediately… It was at that moment I realized how sick I really was. And that’s when I started taking recovery seriously.”

The best way to describe love addiction is like being addicted to cocaine and heroin. It's great when you have a good supply, but when that supply ends, you begin to feel the debilitating effects of withdrawal.

Famous love addicts include Khloe Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez, women who can't live without a man for 15 minutes without feeling the withdrawal effects.

Your auntie previously shared my own experiences with love addiction and situational depression.

I'd just suffered yet another painful breakup, and I decided I couldn't go on. I was unlovable and life wasn't worth living anymore. I was tired of women treating my heart like a football.

Unlovable

I should've been blogging that day, but I couldn't find the strength. So I reached out to a nurse friend, a former co-worker of mine, and I described my heartache and my suicidal ideations. I told her that I was on the floor and couldn't get up. She told me not to do anything until she called me back.

She reached out to a doctor, who, without meeting me, prescribed an antidepressant. It took all the strength in me to drive to the drug store to pick the medicine up. I felt hopeless; I had taken antidepressants in the past that did nothing for me.

But this medicine was different. It worked almost immediately. I felt so much better and my mood lifted. But most importantly, I was able to get up off the floor.

I can't remember the name of the drug, but the fact that it was so effective in lifting my depression motivated me to research it.

I learned that, unlike most antidepressants which block the reuptake or reabsorption of Dopamine in the brain, this drug actually decreased the levels of dopamine in my brain.

Dopamine is one of the neurotransmitters (chemicals) that stimulates the reward center of the brain. It is one of the chemicals that causes our dependency on drugs, alcohol, food, and sex.

DeGuzman's movie, Unlovable, is for all women who find themselves on the floor, unable to get up and move on with their lives after yet another heartbreak.

“I really want to help get rid of the shame and stigma around addiction,” deGuzman said. “If we talk about it more, people heal. But if we keep it as this taboo thing people aren’t allowed to talk about, then people are going to continue to suffer. I felt it was really important for me to share this and bring awareness so that other people could feel less alone."

  • http://batman-news.com Roderick2011

    It's all starts with low self-esteem and/or early childhood sexual abuse.

  • Oh Tommie

    Doesn’t appear to be showing in my area...I’ll have to wait for Netflix or On Demand

  • FukkFolks2018

    God bless you Sandra *hugs you tight*

  • Yoni7

    Oh Sandra, I'm so sorry to hear of your heartbreak and pain. Sometimes "love" will do that to you. I hope you're all better.

  • Yoni7

    GIRL!

  • http://www.mylifeinlame.com/?m=1 Kimberly

    Seems very interesting. Good write up, Sandra. I'm going to check this movie out.

  • Yoni7

    O'an......I'll pass. This season (Oct 31- tax time) is too dark and sad. I will be burning sage, drinking tea, protecting my spirit, my heart, giving back, staying away from the uglies and the crazies and embracing life.

  • FukkFolks2018

    I felt what she said. Every bit. Made me tear up. And a thugstress like myself doesnt even do such activities.

  • Trace da Ace

    Thank you for sharing that Sandra....I have a few friends and a sibling that seems to suffer from that as well.....and I will be sure to pass on this information and watch this movie. Great write up. :)

  • PhillyFacts

    Hope it gets better for you Sandy! Blessing!

  • Yoni7

    Sandra, hit refresh and approve my message. I fixed my wording. Sheesh!

  • CaramelDrop

    Aww Sandra! So glad you’re better now and shared your personal experience of depression with us... that’s brave.... I’ve had a floor moment I’m still to ashamed too share.

  • Yoni7

    *hugs you* I've never had a "floor moment" per se', but I feel her sadness and pain.

  • Jennifer

    You've got it!

  • CaramelDrop

    ?? thanks Booskie! I did girl.... I didn’t know my worth. It was all wrapped up in his opinion of me. Like Roderick said down below.... self esteem.
    Fawk’em now though every time I see him I ask myself “WTF was wrong with you??” Lol

  • CaramelDrop

    A few of mine have been in moderation too. Guess it’s time to expand my vocabulary on this blog?

  • Yoni7

    Right. No cursing. LOL

  • Yoni7

    GIRL! Like "THIS was the prize?" Naw, dawg. LOL

  • CaramelDrop

    Know what I’m sayin??!!!

  • Yoni7

    TOTALLY!

  • PLEASEDontTellMe

    WOW! This is one of the best post i've read here. Sandra, thank you for sharing. I agree, i believe every woman can see themselves in what you have just shared about your own experience. The word "Unlovable" is truly a feeling that i have experienced more than once....even recently. I will definitely be watching the movie.

  • free

    i had one in college. forever thankful dude's older roommate found me and talk me through it. he was an angel to me that day and i think about it every now and then. i plan on sharing it with my child.

  • Quitedeliteful

    Love addiction and depression are no joke. I have a friend who has been with hundreds of men -- all are white, except for one who was Chinese. I can't tell you what she is looking for but if she doesn't have a man, even if only for the night, she is depressed. She's been on all types of serious medication and has done a couple of stints in the looney-bin but nothing seems to work. I don't even try anymore to convince her that this behavior is not normal.

  • SingleGalCrazyWorld

    Sandra thank you for sharing. Your brave and and for your to share your experience will help others n the long run. Thats why I got into my field so I could let others no that there will be no one on earth like you, walks like you, talks like you, loves like you and that alone is a unique star in its own universe...we invest so much in love and nowadays when the world is so shallow its hard to find that....

  • CaramelDrop

    Me too! I don’t want BabyGirl to ever be that weak... in the event she is, I’m praying our bond is strong enough she will come to me so I can remind her of who she is and Who’s she is. So hard being a woman with these emotions and hormones and sheit!

  • Quitedeliteful

    When I was out of work or barely employed for a long stretch of time I was so depressed that I considered suicide. Life seemed too hard. Thinking about my family and the sorrow they would feel kept me from doing anything rash. Doctors asked me if I wanted to talk to anyone but I always declined the offer. I really didn't know how depressed I was until I was out of that situation. I will never allow myself to get into such a sunken place again...

  • CaramelDrop

    Hugs

  • Yoni7

    Wow! THAT is depressing. Does she suffer from low-self esteem? Was she without a loving family?

  • Karen Brady

    Very depressing

  • Karen Brady

    !!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Karen Brady

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All this. Got some fresh sage sitting on my kitchen bar waiting on me right now.

  • Pauline’s Daughter

    pretty sure that is a pic of a male. . .ijs

  • NYTimes#1Bestseller

    I'm so glad you're still with us. I've had my own battles with suicidal thoughts so I definitely understand the struggle. Be encouraged

  • Quitedeliteful

    Her dad died years ago. Her mom is a very nice, 'normal' woman. I don't know if she every tried to get her daughter help but in front of me she acted as though her daughter was just like everybody else. I was wondering if she was molested by her brother. They weren't really close. Her mother knew that she slept with damn near every (white) man in town and made her move to another state.

  • Mr.LeBrickJames

    Nah. That person clearly has a woman's face to me... and is wearing a dress... and women's shoes. That's a female.

  • Trace da Ace

    hugs luv!!!!!

  • Renee26

    How you forget the name of a drug that immediately made you feel good??? When I read that I felt jilted cause I sure wanted some ?

  • HalleMerry

    Did Ya'll PEEP the TAGS in this POST? LMMFAO?????

  • Renee26

    Well she called them out in the write up too

  • Renee26

    Dang why her brother though...spill it

  • Quitedeliteful

    That's the only thing I can think of. He's kind of harsh towards her and they are not really close....

  • Renee26

    ? chile he probably just an azzhole like my older brother is to me. I avoid his negative energy... My mom said he was crazy about me when I was a baby, then one day he got in trouble for dropping me...and he's disliked me ever since. Petty Pisces

  • HalleMerry

    Indeed,bro! Childhood sexual abuse can mess people up! Hell,that's why I'm drunk now at 10:30am? PSA: Get help...don't let the actions of others take over your soul!

  • Coco Mcluvin

    Sounds like a good watch. I'm here for it.

  • Mr.LeBrickJames

    True. I've known a few folks with some seriously messed up lives... who later told me about some of the abuse they endured as kids. After hearing what they went through, it kind of explained a lot.

  • Quitedeliteful

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! That's crazy!!!!!!!!

  • Renee26

    He's a petty Pisces ? I love him from a distance

  • Renee26

    He's a petty Pisces ? I love him from a distance

  • HalleMerry

    I'm thankful for this messy blog,and y'all sharing your stories.You never know how your words can help a stranger.Thanks Auntie Sandra and all of my Rose Garden ? Cousins??

  • Yoni7

    Oh my! Family secrets will kill a family from the inside out.

  • Gloria

    Sandra, I'm curious, which antidepressant did you take to make it work almost immediately?
    The therapeutic effects of antidepressants occur weeks after taking them regularly and there is a black box warning on many of them, meaning that you may have MORE suicidal thoughts.

  • MistaO

    Oh mercy? more females and their problems ? it's to the point where all this "I'm a s lut because...." is just redundant. This crap is pathetic.

  • Quitedeliteful

    So true...

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    Sorry, I don't remember the name. It was a generic with a looong name. It didn't take effect within minutes, but it did work to lift my mood and make me feel better within days. No other antidepressant worked for me.

  • CookieMobster
  • MsAmour22

    I'm happy and give praise for anyone that has conquered love and sex
    addiction. I'm not a love or sex addict but I've been depressed and
    suicidal over someone I was seeing when I was 25. Was on the floor too
    and couldn't get up, don't know how I was able to get over it, I didn't
    take any medication, I had to dig deep to the depths of my soul. I
    promised myself that I would never go through that again. About ten
    years later I met my ex fiance and he was a love/sex addict who was
    abused when he was a child...when I broke up with him I basically had to
    rebirth myself. I flew out to Honduras to heal with Dr. Sebi and his
    herbal compounds (it worked wonders), I received numerous
    bodywork/energy sessions and did a 30 day water fast in Costa Rica. I
    had to drastically shift my consciousness and health to completely get
    over my ex fiance and it was truly liberating. If you're not into taking
    anti depressants like myself, I would also recommend vaping the pure
    South African sativa cannabis Durban Poison (in flower, kief or
    hash...lower thc form). It's a powerful mood/energy boosting
    anti-depressant strain and Its one of the only pure cannabis strains
    left, all the rest are hybrid/crossbred with very high tch which could
    adversely affect health.

    https://www.leafly.com/sativa/durban-poison?q=dur&cat=strain

  • PLEASEDontTellMe

    yes for the Dr. Sebi. I would love to hear more about that experience.

  • MsAmour22

    Sis try the pure South African sativa cannabis Durban Poison (vape the flower, kief or hash...these have lower thc). It's a powerful instant mood/energy boosting anti-depressant strain without adverse side affects.
    https://www.leafly.com/sativa/durban-poison?q=dur&cat=strain

  • MsAmour22

    It was absolutely phenomenal/life changing. Here's the link to my testimony https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIsEX6pdfOE

  • Pauline’s Daughter

    what about 'her' adams apple? Dress & shoes make one a female. . . .

  • Pauline’s Daughter

    what about 'her' adams apple? Dress & shoes make one a female. . . .

  • Mr.LeBrickJames

    I don't see an Adam's apple on her. Maybe you do.
    Anyway, no reason for me to argue about this. Have a great day.

  • Mr.LeBrickJames

    I don't see an Adam's apple on her. Maybe you do.
    Anyway, no reason for me to argue about this. Have a great day.

  • dontgetblocked

    Sounds boring.

  • Karen Brady

    You poor thing. I know what that's like but look how you came through TWICE!!!! Thanks for the tips!!!! Blessings to you!

  • TMW

    What you said! xoxox

  • TMW

    I have sage on my kitchen counter too!

  • Bashi22

    Honest

  • MSGREENMINUSTHEENVY

    LOL!

  • PetiteButterScotch

    Omg i should have been in this movie ?i was thinking about writing something like this smh

  • abby500

    I have had a few break-ups that left me feeling worthless and unlovable. I don’t bounce from man to man, but I have taken breakups badly. Now I have learned to show myself more love and value and it’s made me stronger when things don’t work.

  • KB

    Maybe suggest it as a movie night out.

  • millz

    I was having a moment today... I was thinking about the things men want in a woman... all things that I’ve always had... a car... job... crib... educated... a lot of good stuff... I realized that I never put value on them because I dated men who didn’t appreciate or acknowledge them... the infamous unavailable man... this movie and topic hits so close to home... I was once that girl... depression and addiction are real but once you identify your triggers you gotta guard everything... my last relationship was so horrible that I needed time to heal and deal with the bigger issues inside...definitely will be trying to see the movie.

  • NYTimes#1Bestseller

    Do you have any suggestions about something i could take as an energy booster?? Im exhausted from sun up to sundown and its really affecting my life