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Ladies, don't be discouraged if the pool of good men seems to be getting smaller. Good men are hard to find, but you can increase your chances by following the simple advice of experts who spent hundreds of hours interviewing longterm couples.

So how can you luck up and find a good man? First, lower your standards. The handsome, charming guys tend to come with a lot of baggage - and I don't mean luggage.

The following are 10 signs you are with a good man (these signs are not listed in order of importance).
 

1. He makes you feel safe and secure

 
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Ladies, you want a man who makes you feel safe and secure. Children look to their parents to feel safe in an unsafe world. If a child doesn't feel safe, they grow up to be insecure and socially awkward. If a man doesn't make you feel safe and secure, dump him!
 

2. He has good character and empathy for others

Good men have good moral character and empathy for others. A man who volunteers his time in service to others is a great candidate to raise a family with. If you meet a guy who sends you links to fight videos on Worldstar that shows people being hurt or assaulted, he's not the guy for you. Launch him.
 

3. He is confident, but not narcissistic

 
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Confidence in a man can be sexy and endearing. You want a man who is confident in himself and his abilities. A man with quiet confidence is typically ideal. You don't want a guy who constantly brags about his accomplishments or how much money he has in the bank. He shouldn't command attention when he walks into a room. People in the room should seek him out because his reputation precedes him.
 

4. He is mentally and emotionally stable

If you meet a man who tends to be a loner and keeps to himself, avoid the urge to bring him out of his shell. He is not a turtle or a crab. If he's in his shell, leave him in there. Unless you're a licensed therapist, it is not your job to bring him out of his shell. Let some other woman deal with that drama. Some women see a challenge in men like that. But he is not a good candidate to raise a family. If his mom couldn't help him, you can't either. Dump him.
 

5. He is honest, community conscious and action oriented

 
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Some single women shy away from dating police officers, but more often than not they are the best candidates if you want to raise a family. Police officers are very family and community oriented. They are dedicated to serving others and they put their lives on the line for total strangers. A candidate for the police force must pass a background check and have no criminal record. They must also have a good credit rating, which speaks to their honesty and sense of responsibility. Most officers join the force because of some injustice that was done to them or a loved one. So they tend to be good judges of character and they have good conflict resolution skills, which comes in handy when your kids are fighting over the remote. Who better than a police officer to make you feel safe and secure? Unfortunately, most officers are married because their wives knew a good catch when they saw one. Your best bet is to wait outside the police academy and grab one before they graduate.
 

6. He loves children

You know you have a good man if he loves children. I don't mean the way Michael Jackson or R. Kelly loves children. I mean a man who loves his own children. If a single man has children, it's important that he is very involved in their lives. Does he talk about his children constantly? That means he will gush about yours. A man who isn't proud of his own kids will not be proud of yours. If you feel some kind of way about a man who dotes on his children, you might not be mature or secure enough for a serious relationship with a man who has kids.
 

7. He inspires you to do better

Does your man often bring up the subject of you going back to school to get a degree? Does he ask you to apply for a newly opened position at your job? A good man is never satisfied with complacency. He wants to see you continually improve and do better because he is climbing up the ladder professionally. He sees longevity in your relationship. If you plan to start a family, he may want you to wait until you get your degree first. Going to school while your children are still young is out of the question.
 

8. He always makes you feel beautiful

During that time of the month, some women may feel bloated. Or a woman may have difficulty losing her pregnancy weight and she feels she doesn't look her best. A good man will always make his woman feel beautiful. Regardless of how she views herself, a good man will find a way to ease her mind and make her feel beautiful inside and out.
 

9. He's a gentleman

Men from other cultures pride themselves on being gentlemen. But there is no emphasis placed on being a gentleman in America. For that reason, American males do not practice chivalry or good manners such as opening car doors for women, pulling out her char, or simply saying, "Ladies first," before entering an elevator with a woman. If he's a gentleman it means he was raised by someone who took the time to instill these traits in him. And he will take the time to instill these same manners in your children.
 

10. He's good to his mother

 
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This should be no. 1. Behind every successful man is a good woman - usually his mother. A man who speaks ill of his mother will not think twice of mistreating you. The true measure of a good man is not how much money he has, but how well he treats his mother. If a man disparages his mother during your first dinner date, execute your exit strategy. Tell him you're going to the ladies room, then run to your car. Block his number in your phone and block him on social media. You deserve better.
 

11. He has other girlfriends

 
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This may sound crazy, but if all else fails, sometimes a man with multiple girlfriends can be a good catch. Run a background check on him. Does he have a good credit rating? Does his portfolio include income from investments and real estate properties? That means he's financially secure and responsible. Also, a man with more than one girlfriend means he's a great catch to multiple women who don't seem to mind sharing him. Is he good to you? Does he make time for you? Cultures that practice polygamy have the lowest divorce ratings in the world. Don't count him out just because he has more than one woman.
 

Photos by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images, Kali9/Getty Images, Instagram.com

  • Guest©

    Number 11???

  • Renee26

    All good... But I ain't with #11... That must be for dudes like Pee who has 2 BM's pregnant right now

  • Renee26

    IKR

  • morenYAHdelsur

    #11 “Ain’t no waaay” *Aretha Franklin voice*

  • Guest©

    I'm here for the comments, lol.

  • Reenaface

    I'm dying at this write up especially at the running to your car if the man is bad mouthing his mother on the first date.?????? What if his ass follows you outside?? Number 11 is a no no for me but I understand that some people are into the polygamous lifestyle hence that "Sister wives" show.

  • Reenaface

    ????

  • cleopatra04

    Don't forget to make sure he's not an alcoholic, excessive gambler or drug addict. And I personally will not date a smoker.

  • Mikayla

    So lower your standards to accept a man who already has kids (so you can assess how he treats them), is juggling women, is in the profession with the highest percentage of domestic violence abusers (police officers)...

    I see your angle, Sandra. You want em to see that black women are the most loving and protective and suitable mates for today’s black woman.

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    That's the trend now. Women realize men are out there cheating. So they might as well join the team. ?

  • Well$$Well$$?

    I was with you until you said he had other girlfriends...??

  • Mikayla

    Accepting a woman juggler up front is perfect for women who just want a man.... any man. She opened the article telling y’all to lower your standards if you want one.

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    I never mentioned women or becoming lesbians in this post.

  • Reenaface

    A woman juggler is fine for about five minutes but women tend to catch feelings and will not feel like sharing a man with a someone else forever . We have that emotional/attachment trait built into our DNA.

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    Sometimes you have to lower your standards if you can't find a good man.

  • Mikayla

    Might as well get with the program and let him know you’ll take it. He’s gonna be stepping out anyway. In modern days, especially for black women who want black men and for all desperate women...

    The MAN is the prize. She pursues.

  • Mikayla

    I didn’t say you mentioned it. I said I see your angle.

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    LOL....look at you Sandra slick checking these hos living in glass houses with these so called good men at home.

  • morenYAHdelsur

    ????? LOL

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    When is your next eye doctor's appointment? You're seeing things, hun. ? ?

  • Faithz

    Will , and Jada look Younger then their Children.

  • IyanlaVanzantoftheInterWebs
  • IyanlaVanzantoftheInterWebs

    Porn addict too

  • IyanlaVanzantoftheInterWebs

    BUNCH of desperate chicks out in these Streets!

  • Seldomseen

    #11 Sandy...Sandy....Sandy....you never disappoint!

  • Faithz

    With every man, and Woman on the planet Earth, each and every one of them both men and women are different. And Relationships can't be bought, they are built , and that take two people who respect, love and look after each Other Pulling Together, and Children before Marriage isn't a bad thing get in there and kick together and make and build your Family make it strong, and make for sure the Foundation is built on trust, patient, love, , caring,wisdom, and understanding for each other.

  • Mikayla

    I understand that these “finds” are subpar, but you wrote:
    “So how can you luck up and find a good man? First, lower your standards.”

    Some of the qualities correlate to good men but The lowered standards Will yield anything but. That’s why I detected sarcasm. Look, I ain’t mad at you. I agree!

  • Faithz

    Remember ...There are street tr00ls out there who will try to buy your
    man/woman from you if they start treeing them, and like them.

  • Mr.LeBrickJames

    I'm just here for the comments.

  • Mielle Downey

    I agree, kanye is out and Kim has a handful with all them kids and a manchild

  • Mielle Downey

    Sandra I would have to say no to that. GOD has worked miracles in people's live. Be humble yes but lowering standards is next level to just being alone in a relationship.

  • bemetoo

    what about finding a good woman

  • Chicagowise

    Is the Chicago police department going to go after her the way they are gunning for Jussie Smollett? She lied. Faked a robbery and blamed it on an imaginary black man!

    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-met-grant-park-stabbing-20190307-story,amp.html

  • Notatall

    Cannot take this list seriously...Lol

  • WhoKnew

    It's a no for me dawg. I'm not into sharing my man. And iff n I ever find out he's doo wooping he's out the door. If him lucky I'll let him pack a pair of clean drawers and socks and fix him a boloney sammich to go.

  • Chicagowise

    R. Kelly agrees with number 11.

  • Renee26

    They wouldn't fall under #4

  • ShadesofEMPRESS

    Auntie was the last one a joke? If not i cackled. Anyway I do not want any kids or a man with kids. People make me feel weird but I do not want to bring nothing into the world that I do not have money to take care of.

  • Renee26

    I can't do it

  • jeniefrumdabloc™

    With Jada and Will as da thumb nail????? .... I can't take this shyt here seriously ....!!!! Final word! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/236ffd248f6d917306fb8afa3e1c0fbaafad1639eeb5cd577c3b63edf5867757.gif

  • jeniefrumdabloc™
  • NewNew
  • jeniefrumdabloc™
  • jeniefrumdabloc™
  • abby500

    #11 was funny as hell... but true

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    #11 use to be called wife in law. Some of these women have a wife in law and don't even know it.

  • XoXo

    Does this work for lesbian relationships too?

  • brooklyn23

    Well Im not saying in agreeing with it but.... there is a man shortage now if you're planning on not staying single ?

  • Applebum

    First, lower your standards.
    ———————————-

    ???? OMG

  • WinterIsComing

    These type of posts stay on Buzzfeed, NYT, Washingon Post, Essence and folks are none the wiser. How about use common sense and wise counsel.

  • Scromes1212

    It takes a certain level of maturity for a female to be able to deal with number 11 and still have a healthy relationship. But most women deal with men that have other side chicks anyway. Better to be real with yourself and try to make it a positive and healthy situation

  • WinterIsComing

    Everywhere and more often than you’d like to think. Some just refuse to see it.

  • WhoKnew

    A friend was telling me her niece has been married for 20 years and they have two kids. He has been on his guv-a-ment job for 30 years and she has been a stay-at-home mom. She had a gambling problem and they lost their beautiful 4 bedroom home to foreclosure. So they moved into a luxury apartment paying more in rent than they were paying for their mortgage.

    Fastforwarding they moved into another house. She has a job at a fast food clothing store making probably $12 an hour. She once had a curvy shape, kept her hair ka-pow but now she's pushing 250 lbs and don't give a damn about her appearance and she wants to leave her husband because she feels like he hasn't provided the kind of lifestyle she was once used to. I was like bish please. Who in da entire hell do you think going to support you and your 2 kids? I think she may have met someone and she wants her husband to move out of the house, pay her alimony and child support. Then the new nicca (who probably peeping around the corner waiting) will come in, not work, eat her damned food and ignore her kids. The stupidity of it amazes me. Instead, she should hit the gym, take a few pounds off and work on her marriage. Give that man something to look forward to when he comes home. Have the damned house cleaned and a hot meal on the table. That last part sounds subservient but it's not if you alternate doing that for each other.

    Example. I went over to visit my grandson the other day who had been home sick for a week with a stomach virus. My son and his girlfriend had alternated taking days off to stay home with him because you can't bring a sick baby to daycare. There were unwashed dishes, laundry, toys everywhere, etc. I told my son let's get to work. You can't have her come home to clean up and cook and you've been here all day (granted with a sick baby who was keeping them up all night). I took the kitchen and he did the rest of the house. When she came home he had candles burning, dinner ready and the baby had been bathed and put to bed. She had a very peaceful and serene home to come to after work. We hugged, kissed and fist bumped and I carried my ass on home. I think that's what makes a relationship work is when both people put the work into it. My friend's niece gonna phuc up and leave her good man and I don’t blame him if he don’t take her back.

  • Junkanoo

    These men aint shit the gay or the straight ones. I saw an article a while back that said beta males make better partners alpha males tend to have a lot of toxic masculinity.

  • WinterIsComing

    Please! Beta males will cheat too! It’s always a hoe with low self esteem ready to fawk a beta. He makes her raggedy ass feel better and she makes his basic ass feel better. I’ve dated both.

  • WhoKnew

    If he follows you out to the car stop dead in your tracks, muster up your scariest exorcist voice and face, then slowly turn around and say: "Nicca, if you don't get the phuc out of my face, I'm going to cut you up into small pieces and feed you to my dogs."

  • WinterIsComing

    AMEN! And your son is lucky to have a wonderful mom like you!

  • Applebum

    11. He has other girlfriends
    ———————————-
    WTH?! The only part I don’t agree with. I’m not sharing my man with anyone. And I wouldn’t want him to want to share me.

    As for #6.......Please keep Michael Jackson name out of the shade. ?

  • Scromes1212

    Your friends niece sounds miserable smh

  • WhoKnew

    Thank you. A man has to be a man and if mama got to help you become a better man than so be it. After a while, it will become natural. He'll want to do it for "his family"

  • WhoKnew

    She is very miserable and now she's making her husband unhappy but he's hanging in there while she wants out.

  • Patricia

    funny!

  • WinterIsComing

    Better late than never!

  • KcoolMuziq
  • WhoKnew

    Absolutely!

  • WinterIsComing

    I have to train my guy now. It’s mad annoying but by the way his sister keeps her home (nasty and blames it on having a 2yo) I’m not surprised our definitions of cleanliness are different. So I’ll go on strike and only wash and fold MY clothes, leave his dirty dishes in the sink, won’t empty the dishwasher. Mind you, I HATE DIRTY DISHES IN THE SINK. We have a whole dishwasher, empty it out and put your dishes in it!

  • Thee Jaguar Doll

    Way to go Mama! Your Son and His wife are blessed to have you, You are heaven sent!

  • WhoKnew

    Who is Pee? The peeing pervert R. Kelly?

  • WhoKnew

    Keep training him as annoying as it might be. And his sister just making excuses for blaming her dirty house on having a 2 y/o. That's not an excuse. Put that 2 y/o in a playpen where he can't get into anything and clean up. That's what me and my son did the other day. We put his butt in that playpen and we started cleaning up.

  • WhoKnew

    Thank you. I don't know what it is but I'm the type that never stops mothering and trying to help my "grown chirren" become better people. It might sound weird but I just want them to be good, solid and reliable men for their families.

  • WinterIsComing

    Will do.

  • Rent em Spoons ?????????

    +1

  • WhoKnew

    Breaking News: George Foreman's 42 y/o daughter Freeda has been found dead in her home. They are currently awaiting an coroner's report.

  • Reenaface

    Oh my goodness... Please log out!??????

  • Vonn
  • ClaireHuxtable

    LOL!

  • WinterIsComing

    Damn.

  • Brown & Proud
  • WhoKnew

    I know, right? I was just sitting here wondering what made her do it. I think when women take their own lives it's usually over a man. I knew a woman who helped me get my first government job over 20 years ago shot herself because her boyfriend repeatedly cheated on her. And Then I don't know if you'll recall Phyllis Hyman killed herself over a cheating man.

    Man are hard eggs to crack so when a man kills himself it's kind of hard to know why but I think for most men it is financial ruin.

  • NYTimes#1Bestseller

    ?????

  • ClaireHuxtable

    Oh no! How sad. Condolences to the family.

  • WhoKnew

    I know it is very sad.

  • Seldomseen

    Who, what is a fast food clothing store?

  • ClaireHuxtable

    Or they find out they have some type of illness. They don't want to live like that.

  • WhoKnew

    Right. I was thinking that also. Maybe she had an incurable illness and didn't want to continue on that way.

  • WhoKnew

    Stores like Gallos and Dress for Less where you can go in and get a complete outfit including shoes for $10.

  • Jethro
  • ClaireHuxtable

    Many people think mothering/guiding/influencing ends at 18. Not by a long shot l0l!

  • WinterIsComing

    Let me find out I have alzheimers or Lou Gehrigs or just am in an accident and end up paralyzed. I’ll be taking myself out on my own terms. I respect Robin Williams for his decision

  • WinterIsComing

    Naw. White men pop themselves for all kind of reasons particularly when a loved one that doesn’t love them back or if life is just “unfair”. Poor coping mechanisms are to blame along with a sense of entitlement.

  • ClaireHuxtable

    That may work for a lot of people, but not me.
    Most of the men I know can't handle more than one woman at a time.

  • Panther Charleston

    I was like uuuuuuuuuurt! Pump the damn brakes. Even if he got 1-10, 11 is still a deal breaker.

  • ClaireHuxtable

    Many try to juggle, but don't do it well.
    Even if they have a threesome, eventually two will pair off and leave the other stranded.

  • ClaireHuxtable

    *turning up the volume til the windows rattle*

  • WinterIsComing

    ??????

  • ClaireHuxtable

    I knew there was some connection!

  • Yup, I said it

    Sho' cant. In polygamost cultures the man provides all the support for the women. In Islam a man can have as many wives as he can afford. These busters in the USA can't afford to take care of one1 woman, after child support and student loans are paid. Plus those women get vicious in those sister wife situations.

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    Oh see now you are going to be accused of giving R. Kelly a pass?.

  • jeniefrumdabloc™

    Exactly ..... I ain't sharing shyt !!!

  • jeniefrumdabloc™

    Exactly ..... I ain't sharing shyt !!!

  • WhoKnew

    ...and I'm sure once again nothing will be done about it to remove him from office. He's a vile ass snake.

  • Seldomseen

    Oh ok. I thought they were frying chicken and selling short sets in the same spot

  • WinterIsComing

    You know what ?????

  • girlyardie

    That is not a rarity a lot of good women out here single, most of the time too good for our use, cook, clean, wash, loyal , faithful to no good cheating azz useless nigga, no disrespect to women, that's just how I see, and that's why when I see nigga talking bout I can't find a good woman I see a fycking clown, a liar, a user and abuser a player who don't want to style down

  • dru and neil

    I’d add one thing here, does he treat animals humanely? Also, I think I said this before in here but I had a therapist tell me flat out we need to lower our standards as stated above. It’s why so many Americans are sitting around dejected and dissatisfied, assuming we are not getting what we “deserve.” Sometimes we want what we were not meant to have.

  • Jethro

    I'll survive.

  • girlyardie

    Well if a so then a so, what's wrong with having some one who is committed , loving ,loyal and trustworthy, to give you understanding and companionship. Over someone who is abusive, useless untrustworthy, lying sack of shyt. Loneliness or no dirty dyck nigga is not going to kill me , sorry not sorry.

  • ClaireHuxtable

    They sure do and sometimes gang up on another wife. What happens if he's supposed to rotate, but spends 3 nights in a row with Sanaa?

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    LOL!

  • hi-liter

    ?????????????????????? To #11

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    Ray Charles' wife knew he was out there raw dogging women, but she stayed at home and raised his children to be upstanding citizens. She even knew the break baby's name, the date he was born, and she sent him money. I wish more women could be like her. The world would be a better place.

  • WhoKnew

    Yeah, white men do seem to go off the rails very easily over anything.

  • Rent em Spoons ?????????

    WTF ? DAMN HOPE this aint true, but if so R.I.P

  • Pamela

    They keep trying to besmirch MJ name. Sad.

  • WhoKnew

    I have dated a few cheaters. But years ago I met a man who did something none of these other men had done. He told me the truth up front. Right off the bat he said I am dating other women but I'd also like to date you. He gave me a choice to stay or go and because I'm in the category of only wanting a monogamous relationship, I chose to go. But I respected his honesty because no other man had done that. They were too busy lying and trying to cover their tracks.

    I was talking with my cousin recently and she was telling me about a guy who is very successful financially and gives her everything she wants except his time. I told her point blank it sounds like he is either married or has someone else on the side. She said sometimes he won't call for 3 or 4 weeks and then will call her like everything is honky-dory. I said you need to check him out a little more because there are too many red flags.

  • Thanos of Titan

    I was just about to praise you for posting a positive and insightful topic, and then I got to #11.

    "Cultures that practice polygamy have the lowest divorce ratings in the world."

    I want to say this without being offensive, but this is a very short-sighted, very narrow-minded, and misinformed statement...especially coming from a woman.

    1) In most cases where polygamy and monogamy are practiced in the same culture, the divorce rates are higher among families that practice polygamy. Often times the husband will divorce an aged wife to seek younger wives.

    2) The men are allowed to marry multiple women at once, but the women are only allowed to marry one man. In the very rare cases where women are allowed to marry multiple men, the woman typically marries two brothers.

    3) Women in families that practice polygamy tend to be less educated than women in monogamous families.

    4) There is a general consensus that polygamy is bad for women and may be even worse for children for a myriad of reasons.

    It's socially irresponsible to make a statement like that regarding polygamy without providing the full picture.

  • bella28498 .

    Number 11 is what’s bringing black ppl women down and lowering their self esteem.

  • bella28498 .

    ??? right

  • bella28498 .

    Then don’t get with a beta

  • Renee26

    ? ? ?

  • Renee26

    Awwwww ?

  • anonymouse

    interesting take on it. People can call it immature, insecure, unrealistic or whatever but I'm not dealing with anyone's kids. Honestly, these guys aren't even worth all of the effort that women put in them or hype them up to be. They are just good for what they're good for and just send them on their way afterwards.

  • Renee26

    The greasy tent nose negro that has the record label Migos and Cardi are on .

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    The world is changing as the population growth rate increases. We see examples of successful polygamous relationships in the media daily. Hello? R. Kelly, T.I., Rick Ross, and Pee Thomas all support more than 1 woman. The competition for men out here is fierce. Men are in demand because women outnumber them. Some women will be left out in the cold if they don't get with the program.

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    There is no shortage of women in the lesbian community. So the answer is no.

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    That's because you're not socialized to do it. If you lived in polygamous culture you wouldn't blink an eye.

  • stav

    Nothing about spirituality! I'll pass! As should everyone else. Some things are significantly more important than others.

  • http://sandrarose.com SandraRose

    Deep down she knows there are other women. She may be in denial.

  • WhoKnew

    Yeah, she hemmed and hawed when I suggested that there are probably other women.

  • Juliaquan C Spain

    Okay you was doing good until you posted # 11.....Hell to the nall.

  • Fodderwing

    This is going to be highly debated bc of the subjective nature of the topic...depends upon the woman and her inherent expectations of her mate/relationship...there are some women who will deal with this and some who won’t.

  • stav

    You're stupid!

  • Reenaface

    This culture of microwave relationships are skewing people's views on what it takes to make actual relationships work and these silly ass songs and reality shows ain't helping either. No one wants to work anything out anymore instead it's straight to the divorce court. It is not reality what we see in the world today. Kudos to you for helping your family out because it takes two to keep a family unit together. That's a real feel good story there! No words for your friend's niece but don't worry because life will show her that it's not always greener on the other side, she'll see.

  • Logan Roberts

    ???

  • Reenaface

    Nothing wrong with that at all. I wish there were more examples like your son because a lot of these men are ruined and I am being so serious about this. They come to you with some screwed up preconceived notions about relationships.

  • CookieMobster

    Dis meff pipe made me laugh so!!

  • Thanos of Titan

    Believe it or not, the ratio of boy to girl births is 1.05 to 1. Meaning that the number of boys born actually outnumber girls. And this is on average all over the world. The ratio may have changed slightly but on average there are more boys born than girls.

    Also, I define polygamy as being married to multiple partners at once which is actually illegal in most developed countries including the US. Being involved with multiple partners at once is not the same as marriage to multiple partners at once.

    Lastly, I'm not completely familiar with the intimate relationships of all the men you mentioned, but I see no evidence than any of them had successful intimate committed relationships with multiple women at the same time. And they all have dealt with some kind of baby mama drama over the last year which has been publicized.

  • rockstar2142

    I loved her king of the hill episode. May she R.I.P????

  • Reenaface

    I don't agree with abuse of children at all. But I sure was jamming to my MJ playlist at the gym today. I don't give a f*ck what the Lynch mob have to say. The day I see Harvey, Kevin Spacey, and Charlie Sheen sharing the same jail bench as Bill Cosby then we can really speak about it. But until then it's selective outrage about 20+years too late, as far as I can see Bill is the only one in jail.

  • ClaireHuxtable

    He has a dark side. I'd be running a 100 yard dash in 10 sec. to get away from him.

  • Rhyme and Reason

    #11 is so prevalent and disproportionate! Women get into offering bribes to get top billing, main access, NOT HEALTHY!

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    More like running to the clinic....

  • ClaireHuxtable

    I'd rather be left in the cold. At least my private parts won't be burning.

  • ClaireHuxtable

    or a police station. He probably has 4 wives in states.

  • dru and neil

    I let that one go too...you take the good with the bad I guess.

  • dru and neil

    My father said that to me once...accept that some of us women are “gonna have to share a man.” I say HELL NO that! I’ll stand in the cold.

  • dru and neil

    Your cousin’s man may be a serial killer who travels out of town for his kills then calls when he gets home. I would just dump him.

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    The older I get the more I become self aware. I fully understand why there are soooooooo many single ladies 40 and up. Once you start taking your health seriously you will value your lady parts more seriously. I mean having to take annual Pap smears and breast exams have taught me to REALLY value and love myself.

    I don't want NO any Tom, Dick or Harry jumping up and down in my body. I refuse to settle for anything less than what I want in a mate. I'd rather be single and alone than to live with the outcome of what poor self esteem brings. HIV ain't the only thing women need to worry about. There are all types of cancers and health problems that go along with lowering your standards ladies.

  • Mikayla

    I’m not sure what exactly you’re saying, but it doesn’t seem like you’re disagreeing with me. Are you agreeing that black women are the best mates for other black women? Because that’s what I’m saying. I’m agreeing with Sandra.

  • Reenaface

    Shoot. They barely want to pay to go on dates.

  • Mikayla

    WTH? They’re better off “in the cold” if that’s the alternative.

    And how are those famous problematic men’s polygamous relationships “successful?” Because the women keep quiet and we don’t know what they’re going through? We don’t know if they’re happy. We don’t know how their kids are going to turn out, if the boys are going to be ruthless womanizers who won’t except it if they don’t have a woman who accepts with their mothers accepted. The girl will probably grow up to be doormats.
    Bad advice.

  • Coy little wink
  • Mikayla

    Faulty logic skewed to stand loyal to rapist black men. Cosby never saw a damn jail with all these accusations over all these decades himself. He had 50+ accusers. All of the cases you named are new. Give them a chance.

  • Reenaface

    Looking at your break down of facts I'll take the life of the cat lady... Cats are cute...????? I never wanted for every Tom, Dick, and Harry to know my nether regions either.

  • morenYAHdelsur

    LMBO I can hear the background vocals now ??

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    Tom, Dick, and Harry is another name for community d_ck.

  • Reenaface

    Yep, community dick never interested me.

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    LOL......you do know that some women are unwittingly married to or in relationships with these types. Then you have #11.

  • Yup, I said it

    Sanaa will get her azzxzz whooped the next morning at the breakfast table.

  • A D N

    lol other girlfriends? lol. Nope. But 10 out of 11 ain't bad lol.

  • OvertheMississippi

    Is you a fool, Sandy????

  • Junkanoo

    Rubbish give it a rest this isn't 1959.

  • Junkanoo

    You already know the answer

  • Ni Ni

    The nerve of pops to say something like that. I'm glad you had better sense than to accept that.

  • Ni Ni

    Sandra Mae, you do know how to get the board going!

  • WinterIsComing

    Duh! But that’s not the point of this comment.

  • Anji

    She was repressed, suppressed and oppressed. Don't believe she was happy even though she was moral.

  • bella28498 .

    Oh my!!! ?? bribes for top billing. Can u share a little more???????

  • bella28498 .

    Just say u have to share. What u presented made no sense.

  • bella28498 .

    Polygamy isn’t apart of the black American culture... those damn Africans came here with all that nonsense. A guy told me he know an African dude that was knocking up American women left and right bragging about it. Those women didn’t find out until it was tooooo late. Men like that try to force women into a polygamous lifestyle because they know at least 3 will be desperate enough to go with it out of 12. I’m with u I will stand in the COLD before I accept some mess like that ?

  • bella28498 .

    I never read long post but I read yours ?

  • bella28498 .

    Yea your right. I didn’t read the top comment so now I have to agree.... beta males will cheat as well.

  • What???

    That’s not polygamy that’s promiscuity.

  • bella28498 .

    I can roll with u on that as well.

  • more

    and what about STDs Sandra

  • more

    agreed! Less is more

  • more

    and it is our downfall, Men lead the relationships

  • Heat2Hot

    Before you can find a good man you must look at yourself and determine whether you have the mentality of a girl or a grown woman:

    Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans. GROWN WOMEN make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in. Girls want to control the man in their life. GROWN WOMEN know that if he’s truly hers, he doesn’t need controlling. Girls check you for not calling them. GROWN WOMEN are too busy to realize you hadn’t. Girls are afraid to be alone. GROWN WOMEN revel in it using it as a time for personal growth. Girls ignore the good guys. G ignore the bad guys. Girls make you come home. GROWN WOMEN MAKE YOU WANT TO COME HOME. Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man. Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man. Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it. Grown women know that that was just one man.

  • Ms..N

    Alot of men treat their mother and grandmothers like queens and treat their wives like dirt!!

  • What???

    Polygamy is about women empowering themselves and building more and faster with their family through humility in relationships with HONORABLE and RESPONSIBLE men, not sex trysts. The man has a LOT of responsibility in polygamy but BW don’t know that their strength with men isn’t aggression, it’s humility. You can’t beat men at being men and men damn sure shouldn’t try and be women and beat them at their game. They gotta pick the right man BEFORE intercourse with all these dycks that they had that never spiritually disappears because sex is internal for the woman. There’s a lifelong permanent price for being a hoe where they’re now not a good woman forever and can’t genuinely connect with a good man.

  • smartchickfl

    Wtf at # 11? ??

  • T Willis

    I don’t know about #5-#7, #10, & #11

  • T Willis

    Single motherhood has become ingrained in the black community culture, along with high rates of STDs, crime and poverty. If the polygamy stats posted above are true, then it can’t do too much more damage to our already f*cked up communities

  • T Willis

    I’m confused, you stopped DATING a man because he was DATING other people? Has the definition of dating changed? Isn’t the purpose of dating to eliminate the pool of potential mates? You can date multiple ppl and it’s not considered cheating. Unless a guy tells me that he’s in a RELATIONSHIP with someone else and wants to date me too, only then would it be a problem.

    No one has time to be stuck in this only dating one person at a time rut. You gotta explore your options and take your time. Men and women have layers, and if you’re rushing too quickly into monogamy then you miss out on a lot of signs that could show you their true character

  • T Willis

    Probably not

  • Alextra Ballard

    In my ‘Sesame Street voice’ the number of tidday is #12...when you’re man look at you all smitten like Harry looks at Meghan yew might have yourself a ‘good man’. Its sad to think that men having ‘chick chixs’ is becoming the norm. I believe yew have more married men or men who are supposed tew be in an exclusive relationship has a side chix

  • T Willis

    I don’t know about this lol...
    I used to say the same thing because I know so many “good women” in my circle of friends and family until...
    A male friend of mine said “have you ever been in a relationship with these ‘good women’?” And then I had to think about it..
    Unless you’ve been in a relationship with what appears to be “good women” then how do we really know they exist? Lol I mean I have girlfriends that are engineers, doctors, lawyers, and business owners who are all single. And it’s not because they’re not attractive, or overweight etc but because they’re insecure and overly complicated. Do I still view those ladies as “good women”? Not necessarily lol because if the roles were reversed and I had a guy that was insecure or overly complicated, i would not view him in a positive light. Whereas with women we tend to pass out excuses for their behavior. Oh she’s light/dark skin that’s why she has x trauma. Oh her baby daddy cheated 5x that’s why she’s x trauma. Yet I rarely hear women excuse the traumas and insecurities in men. We seem to always view women as above reproach from any form of criticism which takes shape in narcissist comments like “there are so many good women!!” Naw sis there really aren’t lol ?

  • Indies beauty

    This was a cool read, I wonder what makes a good women?

  • Joi Williams

    It was good to I got to #11, WTF. FOH.

  • Brown Sugar Babe ?

    What in the sister wives bullsh!t is #11 ?

  • Reenaface

    Which goes to a point that I made earlier. Men are supposed to lead in relationships but women have taken that option away from them by giving them everything too soon. Men are hunters they like to pursue but it's women who insist on being too easy so there's no challenge for them. What you will find now a days is that men are docile and beaten into submission by all of these idelogies and agendas.

  • Reenaface

    Isn't that why that Sister wives show exists? I've never watched it but I hear that it's a hit.

  • Reenaface

    Okay, but again Cosby is the only one in jail when there should be more sitting right beside him. I won't hold my breath but I am certain that Harvey and Kevin won't see a day in jail. At most they'll get a slap on the wrist and that's it. There's no faulty logic about my opinion either, if my logic was faulty then there would be more pedophile celebs in jail right now. They have the system protecting them you know it and I know it.

  • Rayne

    I skipped over number leven... lol I have a great man. ?

  • WhoKnew

    Should have clarified that he said he was dating and having sex with all of these women. That's a no for me, dawg.

  • WhoKnew

    He might be. She said she wants to ease her way out of this "non-relationship" because she just doesn't know who he really is and she don't want to end up like the lady in Baltimore.

  • WhoKnew

    Yeah, something is definitely up with him. And then she said out of the blue he'll call her 4 weeks later as if it were yesterday since they last spoke. I was like, girl, please. You too old for these type of men or games.

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    Yes it's the same thing but not all the women are happy in the relationship.

  • TRUTHbeabsolute

    Narcissit.

  • dru and neil

    It’s because he’s always been a dog himself...good dad, bad husband for as far as I can remember. Some people are not meant for married life but in his day, you married the woman you knocked up whether you want to or not. He was dead serious about men cheating, and women just having to deal with it.

  • Kimocha

    Really?... Lmaooo!...OK!

  • bella28498 .

    I totally agree.

  • Reenaface

    All I know is I'm tired of running into men who don't know how to properly date a woman. They think going over to their places is a good time. But not when I don't even know you like that, it may work for some women but not for me.

  • bella28498 .

    I don’t roll with polygamy and I don’t care about empowering another woman with my husband. Build that community with 1 responsible man and 1 responsible woman in a respectable union. Realistically the nature of the man is not being in a polygamous relationship to be responsible and build. It is about the sexual tryst and sexual variety for the man. In my opinion any woman who accept polygamy as a way of life is desperate and hit rock bottom. A woman who can get their own man isn’t interested in sharing her husband with you and your kids. I’m not here to sell or get anyone to agree ijs.

  • PetiteButterScotch

    They really could have done without the R Kelly n MJ jokes ? too soon n trying hard to get a rise out of readers.

  • ClaireHuxtable

    Or Al Green grits in her lap.

  • tintin

    As i was reading this post I said to myself "wait for it, Sandra is gonna post some foolishness in this post"...#11 !!! Come on. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e8b5794076eeb9725c7327c38785ef1212e16dc404ab8d9454a7f02658cce325.gif

  • Prettybrowneound35

    Chileeeee, number 11. The devil is a liar.

  • Pebbles

    I think that Sandra has a touch of mental illness, plus she posts foolishness to keep her site revenant. It is like a car wreck, people gotta watch.

  • Mr. Poopybutthole

    TF. Auntie you all the way bugging with #11. No and thank you.

  • Chapter29Chick

    #11 should include a higher rate of STDs with more people in a relationship. Trust me someone will feel neglected and step out and hop on a STD and bring it back like roaches and ants do with bait. Oh and don't let kids be in the mix, that will put the STD icing on the cake. This whole article is a joke to me. I won't waste time being with anyone but my imaginary man... BLOOP AUNTIE! Got a ring and all and will flash to avoid trash. I already have self love and love people, family, and friends with my spirit.

  • Chapter29Chick

    ?, that's why we luv auntie. We would have it no other way.

  • Chapter29Chick

    ? I would have me a side thang going for sure lmao ???? the jokes keep rolling. The men keep trolling ??????????

  • Mikayla

    Cosby got protected too, so if Weinstein and Spacey skate, don’t worry. They’ll get jailed in 20-30 years at age 80 like Pound Cake Police.

  • Chapter29Chick

    Can u write an article on men who exhibit all of these things and have a family ots or chix in the mix? Now that's the worst kind to me those men deserve piss and turd cereal every morning imo ijs. Thanx in advance Auntie ?.

  • Reenaface

    Yeah Cosby was protected until it ended but the others still have their protection. I won't hold my breath because the punishment never fits the crimes with them. The hypocrisy makes me sick.

  • T3

    I don't mean the way Michael Jackson or R. Kelly loves children.

    AuntTEA you play tewwww much ?

  • Chapter29Chick

    Thanku so much for ur wisdom! I'll be passing this on... Many blessings 2 u!

  • Chapter29Chick

    Guys I think she is joking sarcastically. These type of men STILL can't be trusted. Look at Cosby he was this type of man and was still getting illigal cooty cat. Didn't care bout nobody or nothing but swanging that dangalang. Now he look stupid and everyone else associated with him. I'll cut my losses than lose my heart on a LOSER!

  • Chapter29Chick

    Ill smoke crack before I become some bodies play thang. Take that to the bank and cash it Auntie.

  • What???

    "I don't care about empowering another woman with my husband"?? First of all, you don't own a man/husband if yours were indeed a real man and he surely doesn't own you..but you're right, EVERY MAN wants sexual variety with other women but that must be controlled within the confines of other women NOT SUPPRESSED. That's why polygamy done righteously protects a man's wives.. but the fact you don't want another woman empowering another man means your mind as a woman is damaged. You're finished and you have a non-virtuous, egotistical, pathological, selfish and destructive mentality. YOU will be a SPINSTER but more so, you're probably REALLY meant to be a mistress IF you're even physically desirable to begin with. Not every woman has the grace and productivity to be a wife, nonetheless a sole wife. Don't be ashamed, you're just less dangerous that way.

  • Harley

    This has got to be the stupidest article I have ever read. I wish I could get my 2 minutes back. Whoever wrote this is clearly delusional ....

  • Harley

    So true.

  • Renee26

    Why do you think that? Are those not desirable qualities in a mate?

  • Renee26

    Well damn

  • Renee26

    TI huh?? ?

  • Hazel

    He can have more than one woman....until the end of our first date. If he wants a second, those heffas have to go. Either you're in, or you're not...sharing...no bueno.

  • MrsSpice1

    How you know you have a Man worth keeping because there is NO such thing as a Good man, but there is a Man that is good for u!
    He loves God.
    He loves you flaws and all
    He loves himself flaws and all
    He provides protect and persevere
    He is stable mentally and spiritually
    He is committed to love over lust.
    A ONE woman’s man!
    He is his own leader and not a follower.
    He Chose u because u both share love unconditionally.
    His confidence uplifts yours through care.
    He Leads by allowing u to walk ahead.
    He defines his manhood by his choices not his s e x.
    .......
    Everybody loves differently, please choose assertively.

  • Bam Bam Li

    I was about to say the same thing!! And the same for number 10 lol. I know men who are great towards their mothers but are the biggest dogs ??????????

  • Bam Bam Li

    That's what I posted above!! That is NOT an indication that he'll make a good partner/husband.

  • Vonn

    Absolutely.

  • Alicia.Ashe

    If he can have two girlfriends can one of his girlfriends bring in another dude???!!?????

  • Solstice

    Sandra really included the “he has other girlfriends?!?!” ??????? Classic Auntie!!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/68ee09801157215b0c9d738e0fa772b506f35184bc287dcb31ede534141be756.gif

  • Chapter29Chick

    Auntie is on point with that.

  • Chapter29Chick

    Nope, it will mess with his ego trip. Answered that 4 u. Ur welcome booskie.

  • Christopher Gibson

    ??????

  • justlooking

    Not crack.

  • Tammie Reed

    Sandra crazy but from 10 up yep! Right on the money!

  • BOSS

    PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Rhyme and Reason

    Like paying ALL the bills, loaning money, lux vacations, buying him expensive gifts, or paying his car note and cellphone bill!

    All that seems missing is a man, so we man-share, and vie to be number one, if there isn’t a wife or long-term common law partner! With a wife, the side-chick hopes he’ll leave because she offers so much!

    Or, a side-chick who has a husband or live-n partner, just looking for ses, not looking to break up her home! Or a single woman, wanting the same thing, and it’s often, the man who wants more!

    Some men will flip the script, and have the woman pleading for ses, some to punish the woman because she has it all, well, almost (as they see it)!

    Becky does it, all the time (bribing), and some men fall for it, some don’t. Some women, like men, will use their money and gift-giving to control an individual!

    Real Talk: If a man really wants you, nothing will keep him away, and you don’t have to do anything, but be yourself! A man knows within 6 months, if he would wife you, this told to be by a man!

    Do less talking (about yourself, a double-edged sword), and more listening, and believe what you see the first time!

    I don’t see the value in man-sharing, more married couples have open marriages and sister wives, but we don’t see “brother-husbands,” ok!

  • Solstice

    Ikr!! ??? She never fails…

  • Robert lee Bennett OG

    Boring

  • bella28498 .

    Thanks for the in depth information but I don’t see any value in having an open marriage.

  • Rhyme and Reason

    I agree with you, none!

  • Jethro
  • bella28498 .

    Don’t hold your breath and wait on this divine man to practice polygamy the way u think it’s suppose to be done. In most cases women are cheating more than men. ? Polygamy can go both ways if that’s the case. Polygamy is just a word thinly disguised For predatorial behavior on women that are desperate and has given up. A beautiful woman at her desired weight and mentally stable will NOT see any value in polygamy. A man that is with the woman he truly desires isn’t thinking about no damn polygamy. Ppl out here cheating and in polyamorous relationships are mentally ill and desperate. I would want variety if I was settling.

  • Harley

    No they are not. To say American men don’t treat women right and men in other countries do is ridiculous. Women in many countries can’t work or even speak without permission. And then to insinuate being in a polygamist relationship is the answer is ridiculous. I don’t even have to go into the rest. If this suits you then more power to you

  • T865!

    You lost me at numma leem’

  • B.Loveitt

    HAAAAAAA...

  • What???

    That was the most discombobulated disjointed talking points I’ve heard all year. You need a man in your life that can make sense FOR you. Go to bed shorty, you’re done for the day.

  • Fodderwing

    India.Arie said it best with her lyrics from “I’m Ready For Love”...

    If you give me half a chance
    I'll prove this to you
    I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
    To a man who loves music
    A man who loves art
    Respect's the spirit world
    And thinks with his heart

  • Malificent

    What does the Bible say about startua relationship with a man who’s already with someone else????

  • bella28498 .

    already married....try again

  • Ni Ni

    I figured he must have been about that life to say that, smh.

  • Melanated Goddess??

    Why are women always told to look past a man's looks as well as his phaldering penis? How about finding someone that's you ideal mate and not what society claims you should date.

    I'm not compromising a damn thing. I like my men handsome, financially stable and faithful. When I say handsome, I'm not talking about men that have a bunch of women in their face. I'm talking about men that are attractive in my eyes. I don't care if other women don't find my man attractive.

  • Look@m3

    Its 1am and I'm hungry. That's all I got. Night folks...

  • DroneRivers

    lmao

  • Yoni7

    she slid 11 in there like.........gotcha bitches! LMAOOO

  • Yoni7

    LMAOOOOOOO pass dat pipe and not the one between his legs. LMAOOOOOO

  • LYRICS

    Tenk u BERRY MUCH!! EXACTLY! I say that I like my men "traditionally handsome"

  • SpiceGirl

    Ummmm.....I don't know about that #11

  • BeUtFullSoul

    Numba 11. smh!.................... Good mor'Ting Roses!

  • Chipswife
  • Guess Who

    LMMFAO @ Sandra still throwing elements of all covering SHADE in this!

    LMMFAO!!!!!!

  • SingleGalCrazyWorld

    I was with the list til #11......I literally argued with this Scorpio man the other day because he said that he doesn't see himself being locked down with one woman and "maybe" if he had two he would be happy...I reminded him that women my age's libido is off that charts and he can barely get it up w/o the help of a Percocet..Men talk big shit about wanting two women but after 30 they need Life Alert just to get hard again...

  • EasyBreezy

    Exactly!

  • SingleGalCrazyWorld

    I agree...

  • Renee26

    You have to look at the qualities not the messy additions Sandra threw on there to spice things up.

  • SingleGalCrazyWorld

    I agree...call me Tyrone Biggums then cause aint no way I'm settling for nonsense with any man...
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fb82e1bdf9e0954dcacbb70be58660e12d3ce106a02c1f494647796e023f93eb.gif

  • Jersey Girl

    she on point for the atlanta scene! not sure that flies everywhere tho

  • smartchickfl

    ??

  • Dahl

    So a woman in America must not want marriage if she’s going for #11, considering polygomy is illegal and all...

  • Shawty

    Was ok with it all until...#11
    Now you telling us to let him cheat willingly. Ah hell naw....I'll be single!

  • Parent

    I'm blessed to have a great man. And even though I believe in polygamy, I ain't with #11.

  • Parent

    Greatest song ever!

  • Harley

    That’s the thing why would one take an article serious when someone adds ignorance in for click and bait

  • CoTToNCaNDie SWeeTAsGolD

    OMG #11 just did me TF in!!!! I can't with Sandra!!! Good morning Rosebuds!!

  • Renee26

    You know how Sandra is ?

  • Ms. Cree

    #11 Took me OUT!!! lol

  • Trace da Ace

    yeah.... #11 is a funny one....I am happily married...sooo......moving on--->

  • Memphis TN

    uhm... sounds good.but uhm.. yall can keep #11. lol.

  • What???

    Well I can tell who has the dyck.

  • bella28498 .

    ?

  • Stacey J

    I was with you till we got to #11...

  • Mrs. S. O.

    I get what you're saying. However, a "good man" can also have a life-long STI like herpes. That's not to say *you* have to date them but people sometimes get caught up. Many have been duped by their long-term partners.

  • Dee Mitchel

    SIKE!!!!!!!! Should be popping up any second now on #11....This got to be some sort of jokey jokey on that last one...right????

  • MistaO

    I was told by an old Black woman years ago that black females don't typically want good men. She said when they do they are old and worn out. Years have passed and I must say time has proven her quite correct.

  • Blue

    Y’all forgot #12. “N*gga dead cause of #11”

  • Michelle

    That’s not cheating. It’s only cheating if he’s being deceptive. If you know he dabbles and dips every once in a while than all is fair ?

  • Shawty

    Have fun with that ladies. I'm not the #1 type of girl. I'm the ONLY one type of girl. I'll be alone before I settle for some sister wives bs.

  • Shawty

    Have fun with that ladies. I'm not the #1 type of girl. I'm the ONLY one type of girl. I'll be alone before I settle for some sister wives bs.

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