Picture this: you're a successful, strong, independent woman with all your mental faculties intact who still has yet to meet that one man who will sweep you off your feet and put a ring on your finger.
Like all secure sistas with higher than average self-esteem, you have similar friends who share your values and goals in life -- but they're all married to seemingly good men. "So what's wrong with me?," you ask yourself.
One day, a good friend -- sensing your anxiety about not being married yet -- sets you up on a blind date with a man whom she describes as "sensitive, fun loving, with a good sense of humor, but not so cocky that his machoism will turn you off."
"Have an open mind when you meet him," your friend suggests to you over the phone.
So you swing into high gear and spend all day shopping picking out the perfect dress, the perfect handbag and the perfect shoes for your big date. That big day finally arrives and your heart races with anticipation as you prepare for your date, knowing in the back of your mind: HE JUST MIGHT BE THE ONE!
"Calm down girl," you tell yourself as your doorbell rings. You rush to the door but you slow your pace just as you get there. You adjust your outfit and with your heart beating out of your chest in hot anticipation, you reach for the doorknob and open the door.
You stand there in stunned silence as you take it all in -- the spiked hair that looks like a kid poured grape flavored kool aid all on it, the tribal markings engraved on the side of his head, the black fingernail polish, the soft, dainty hands (that looks like he never misses his manicure appointments), the tight jeans, etc.
Your mind races to put the pieces of the puzzle together. And when it all comes together, it forms one word:
But in your heart of hearts you refuse to acknowledge what your brain is telling you. Your heart is still beating out of your chest -- but for a different reason this time. Slowly, he turns around and faces you. A smirk dances on his lips as he waits for you to acknowledge him.
He does not compliment you on your dress, your hair, your bag or your shoes that you spent so many hours picking out for this special night.
"Hi, my name is Nokio," he says slowly. "You might know me from the group Dru Hill?"
This is what took place in 2003 when Tamir "Nokio" Ruffin met NY radio personality Angie Martinez, according to a close friend of Angie's who asked to remain anonymous. "We tried to tell her he was flaming, but she was in love and love is blind," said the friend.
The friend also said Martinez is attracted to "soft, cornball" types of men (like the rapper Q Tip) who "won't challenge her fear of intimacy with real men."
Now, I don't know if any of that is true, so please don't quote me on it.
A few months after their fateful meeting, Martinez was pregnant with Nokio's son. Niko Ruffin came into the world on June 12, 2003.
My question to you is -- despite the obvious glaring red flags that a man is gay, would you still sleep with him and have a baby by him anyway?
Photos by Prince Williams/ATLPics.net