Over the weekend 'Saturday Night Live' aired an unfunny skit featuring SNL's Maya Rudolph as Beyonce, and singer Justin Timberlake as musician Bon Iver. In the skit, Beyonce and Jay Z are visited by their quirky celebrity friends, such as Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift, who stop by to see their daughter -- or son -- Blue Ivy.
Now we know why Beyonce was in the hospital for so long in January after her surrogate allegedly gave birth to her baby, Blue Ivy. Last night, Beyonce stepped out in public for the first time to attend her husband Jay Z's concert at Carnegie Hall. It was her first public appearance since the baby's birth. No one outside of the Metropolitan New York area even knew Jay Z had a concert last night. Which is a strong indication of the media's decreasing interest in him.
It is obvious from these pics that Beyonce had recent breast enhancement surgery. Beyonce wore a red dress with a plunging neckline so the paparazzi could get good shots of her padding, in a desperate attempt to fool the public into believing she's breast feeding. How pitiful is Beyonce? Well, you won't have time to come up with an answer because the attention whore will be in our faces every day for the next few months -- until the paparazzi grows tired of seeing her.
Rapper-turned-comedian Snoop Dogg gives sound advice to hopeless romantic Kris Humphries, who followed his heart -- and not his brains -- when he married narcissist Kim Kardashian in a made-for-TV wedding last year.
It's not entirely Kris' fault. It's a holdover from evolutionary days that some men lose all common sense when they are in the presence of a pretty woman.
In another video making the rounds on the Internet yesterday, rapper Young Jeezy, weighed in by saying he would rather die than marry a Kardashian. We're sure he meant Kim, not Khloe.
Yesterday, one of my Twitter.com followers informed me that comedienne Roseanne Barr went IN on Beyonce and President Obama for disrespecting Etta James while she was alive. It seems Miss Barr took offense to Obama giving Beyonce the honor of performing Etta's classic "At Last" for his first dance.
Miss James herself expressed outrage at the snub. Particularly since Beyonce did such a horrible job of singing. Everyone agreed that Miss James would have done the song more justice than fame whore Beyonce.
But Roseanne Barr settled the score for Etta on Saturday when she tweeted:
"i have not listened to anything beyonce or jay z has said or recorded since they did that to Etta. Their arrogance was disgusting."
Roseanne also dissed Beyonce's singing, her lacefronts and her fake azz all in one classic tweet!
Naturally, Beyonce's deranged Stans, who have nothing else to do with their boring lives, came for Miss Barr on Twitter with all the ferocity and venom of a pitbull with rabies.
And Roseanne pushed back!
She didn't mince her words either! She let those fools have it with blasts from both barrels of her B*tch Be Gone shotgun! I wish I could have gotten in on the fun on Saturday. But it's never too late to show Beyonce's Stans for the desperate, lonely, psycho losers that they all are.
After the break, I have compiled more of my favorite Roseanne Barr tweets for your entertainment pleasure. Enjoy!
On Monday night, VH1 aired the much-anticipated "fight" between newcomer Erica Mena and Juelz Santana's bustdown, Kimbella Vanderhee. As with Kimbella, Erica was introduced to the cast by Jim Jones' manager, Yandy Smith, aka Don King. It is no coincidence that both women immediately began snatching wigs within 5 minutes of meeting each other.
By now we are all familiar with how these "reality" shows work. Each show has totally scripted "fight" scenes that usually commences when one cast member tosses water on the other one.
But according to Erica, her fight scene may not have been totally scripted. In fact, Erica claims that she was caught completely by surprise, and she thinks she was set up by VH1.
Steve Harvey's best-selling book Think Like A Man has been turned into a movie with a star-studded cast. The movie is about 4 womanizing men whose girlfriends start reading Harvey's book -- and taking notes. The men get together and plot a strategy to turn the tables on the ladies by reading the book as well, so they know what they're up against.
Think Like A Man stars Gabrielle Union, Morris Chestnut, Michael Ealy, Regina Hall, Taraji P. Henson, Jenifer Lewis, Terrence J, Meagan Good, with cameo appearances by Keri Hilson and La La Anthony. Watch the trailer for Think Like A Man after the break! Think Like A Man is in theaters March 9!
They say there is someone for everyone in this world, and it seems that former NBA star Shaquille O'Neal has found his perfect match in former reality TV personality, Nicole "Hoopz" Alexander ('Flavor of Love'). Hoopz works out regularly, but carrying a 400-pound man on her back while balancing herself on 5-inch heels is a feat in itself. She should be commended for that.
It's highly doubtful that Shaq's ex-wife and baby mama, Shaunie O'Neal, would have given Shaq a ride on her back the way Hoopz did on Jimmy Kimmel Live show on Tuesday. Shaunie seems a little too stiff to bend over for any man to ride her back. But true love is expressed through actions, not just words. It is abundantly clear that Hoopz and Shaq share a special kind of love for each other. Good for them!
Watch the video after the break. Animated gifs courtesy of VH1 blog.
Cartoon rapper Nicki Minaj tweeted this pic today of herself posing with a very wooden looking Beyonce backstage at the Victoria Secret Fashion show in New York on Wednesday. Normally, Bey's bump looks like a pillow. But in this pic it looks like she stuffed her laundry and the linen from her hotel bed up under there.
This explains why Kim Kardashian looked like she was in tears last night.
Thanks to loyal reader Sidney D. for sending in this video clip from last night's episode of 'Saturday Night Live!' That was wrong how they did Kris Humphries. But Kim needed a stooge, and, well, he was an easy mark. The black guy was horrible as Khloe Kardashian's malleable husband, Lamar Odom. Overall, this skit was hilarious!
Webcomic artist Ryan Casey tackles the Hollywood elite with his comic strip parodies of the #Occupy Wall Street protests.
In his hilarious comic series, Casey shouts out the privileged, narcissistic, wealthy Hollywood elite, referring to them as the "asshole %" -- a pun on the top 1% of taxpayers who pay less taxes than the middle class.
His hit list includes Beyonce, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Chaz Bono -- and our personal favorite: Anderson Cooper.
The only celebrities missing from his set are Oprah Winfrey, Ashton Kutcher, Sean Combs, Jay Z and Kanye West.
Beyoncé watchers know that the 30-year-old singer rarely ever responds to rumors and innuendos about her personal life. So the very fact that her publicist released a statement to ABC News is highly significant. It means Beyonce is definitely feeling the heat from all that extra padding she's been wearing.
The media inquiries into Beyoncé's latest desperate grab for attention reached a fever pitch yesterday with The Washington Post calling it "weird" while ABC News asked: "Is Beyoncé's bump as big as she’d have us believe?"
ABC news wrote a report on Bey and Jay Z hiring a surrogate mother to bear their spawn while Bey parades around with a hi-tech prosthetic device. Beyoncé’s publicist Yvette Noel-Schure responded to ABC News with a terse statement, calling the prosthetic belly reports: “Stupid, ridiculous and false.”
But if the reports really are “stupid, ridiculous and false”, Ms. Noel-Schure has only her client to blame.
Look at the 1st screen shot above. Notice how Beyoncé's belly looks like she's 8 months pregnant? Now look at the last frame -- her belly has completely collapsed. Even if the fabric of her dress was the cause -- where did the huge 8 month belly go? Huge bellies don't just vanish behind some fabric. If that was the case, someone would patent that magic fabric and sell it! Who needs spandex when you have magical fabric that can make your pot belly disappear when you sit down?
To understand how narcissism can make a celebrity such as Beyoncé go to such extremes for attention, please click here.
If you still don't believe that Beyonce is a narcissist, ask yourself why is she doing so much right now? If she really is pregnant (and we're not saying she isn't), why doesn't she go sit down somewhere and rest her nerves?
Tweets are talking about Beyoncé's prosthetic baby bump on last night's Sunday Night HD. At first we couldn't believe that she would actually wear her prosthetic on a show with HD -- high definition -- in the show's title. But you know what they say about narcissists who think they are smarter than everyone else around them.
So there was Bey sitting down on the set -- and there was her prosthetic baby bump, folding, crumpling and collapsing in full, vibrant high definition!
Luckily, the prosthetic is that memory foam type that bounced right back into shape. Rumor has it that Beyoncé is wearing a fake prosthetic while her unknown surrogate carries her baby to term.
No, that wasn't your imagination. Bey really does look like she went "OOPS!" after she sat down.
Thanks to everyone who sent this tip in! There are too many of you to name.
Comedian Kevin Hart's "Laugh At My Pain" Los Angeles Premiere after party had more stars than the BET Awards! The event was held at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood last night. Hart is pictured above with his "trophy" date Eniko Parish.
The roll of B and C-list stars who attended the event was a Whose Who of black celebrities current and present, including Gabrielle Union (pictured above), Jamie Foxx, LisaRaye, Arsenio Hall, Cedric the Entertainer, Claudia Jordan (remember her?), Tisha Campbell and Duane Martin, Eddie Murphy, Eva Pigford, Marlon Wayans, Affion Crokett, Meagan Good, Melody Thornton, Michael Ealy, Niecy Nash, Adam Rodriguez, Snoop Dogg, Tami Roman, Shaunie O'Neal, Mario, Tichina Arnold, Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa and Toccara Jones just to name a few!
Rapper Wiz Khalifa and socialite Amber Rose couldn't keep their hands or lips off each other at the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards last night at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles. I don't know about you guys, but I get a chuckle out of watching wildlife make out in public.
Ladies, is your man a linebacker in heels? Does he roar like a lion but has the heart of a pussycat? Does he throw drinks in your face? Do you come home from work to find your closet rearranged and your husband blames it on the kids when he's actually playing "dress up" in your closet ?
If you say yes to all of the above, you might be with a flagrant brotha.
A flagrant brotha is not to be confused with a flamboyant homosexual like Derek J who dresses up in heels and carries a purse just to get attention. At least you know what you're getting with Derek J.
YouTube comic Paul Mooney Jr. has just uploaded the latest installment of his "Flagrant Brotha" video series to teach you young ladies how to spot a flagrant brotha who is the worst type of role model for your sons.
As Mooney says: "Black women, please want better for yourselves!"
YouTube comedian Affion Crockett premiered his new comedy series titled "In The Flow with Affion Crocket" on FOX last night. Crockett, who gained YouTube fame with his dead-on impersonations of narcissists Tiger Woods and Barack Obama, is quick to say his show is not an imitation of (nor a replacement for) the Chappelle Show, which ended its wildly successful run in the 3rd season in spectacular fashion. Comedian Dave Chappelle had become disillusioned performing for his TV show's audience, who he referred to as "stupid people." He quit the show during production for the 3rd season and briefly moved to Africa to find himself.
This is part 1, [Pass The Torch] which features the skits Tiger Woods' comeback; American Idol spoof; arrogant Gospel singer; Hustles with Russells and convo with Dave Chappelle sketch. Videos courtesy of Pokerface at Seethatagain.blogspot.com.
As I told you yesterday, the "planking" craze has taken over black Twitter. Here are NBA stars, Basketball Wives, and baby mama's laying down in unusual places. That's Gilbert Arenas and Dwight Howard double planking a luggage rack above. Hopefully this silly fad will fizzle out by the end of the week.
Tami Roman (Basketball Wives) planks her mom
Evelyn Lozada (Basketball Wives) lays face down on an unsanitary baby changing station inside a public restroom (that's just nasty)
The 2011 BET Awards are in the can. And while most of Twitter.com is buzzing about BET's shameful attempt at a stunt gone horribly wrong, everyone else is talking about comedian Kevin Hart's off-the-cuff "Househusbands of Hollywood" skit, starring Hart, aka Little Trick; Bobby Brown (aka Da King), Nelly (aka The Juice Man), Anthony Anderson, Nick Cannon and Tami Roman as Little Trick's wife. I still don't think Kevin Hart is funny at all.
Comedian Tracy Morgan has added his voice to the growing anti-gay sentiment in this country. Tracy Morgan's homophobic rant in Nashville was met with a smattering of boos -- and several people also walked out of the show -- this according to TMZ, who quoted a person who was at the show.
According to reports, Morgan took the stage at the Ryman Auditorium (pictured above) and went off about gays -- saying, "Gays need to quit being p**sies and not be whining about something as insignificant as bullying."
He added, "Gay is something that kids learn from the media and programming."
When talking about the possibility of his son being gay -- Tracy said he "better talk to me like a man and not in a gay voice or I'll pull out a knife and stab that little n**ger to death."
Afterward, Tracy told the crowd, "I don't "f*cking care if I piss off some gays, because if they can take a f*cking d**k up their ass... they can take a f*cking joke."
While his rant was distasteful and offensive to some, Americans such as Morgan, who have a live and let live philosophy, are reacting to being bombarded by stories of gay youths committing suicide due to bullying.
Rarely in these reports does the media touch on the chronic depression, and other mental problems, that often drive troubled youths, both gay and straight, to end their lives. Nowadays if a gay teen commits suicide, it is automatically assumed that he took his life because he was bullied. Millions of school children, gay and straight, endured bullying growing up, without taking their lives -- this writer included.