Top 10 Signs That You’re Dating a Borderline Personality
*Bumped*
How many times have you met a man who by all intents and purposes seems like your perfect match? It’s love at first sight as you fall head over heels for him, only to realize later that he was the Devil’s spawn?
This is happening more and more frequently as upwardly mobile, successful single ladies sacrifice starting a family to focus on their careers instead. By the time a successful, independent sista in her mid 30s decides to settle down with a man and start a family, she finds the pickings are very slim.
Among the down low men, the cheaters, the con artists and the play boys, there is a more sinister man lurking: the Sociopath.
You’re probably thinking you can spot a psycho from a mile away, but you’re wrong. These sociopath/borderline personalities are the dudes you see up in the clubs who look like walking Billboards. They’re fine, suave, debonair, charming, and one look from them can melt your panties off.
But before you give him your number (or your panties); ask yourself: why is he single? Often times these men are sociopaths on the hunt for prey: and you are their perfect victim. They’re not looking for a relationship, and they will tell you that right off the bat. So please listen to them.
I found the following tips on how to spot a Sociopath/Borderline personality on another blog. Ladies, study these tips so you don’t fall victim to a sociopath who destroys you mentally and financially.
How to Know When You’re Dating a Psychopath
1. Charisma and charm — He’s a smooth talker, always has an answer, he’s quick witted and never misses a beat. He seems to be very exciting. If he’s too good to be true, it’s because he is!
2. Enormous ego — He acts like the smartest, richest or most successful man in the club. He wears expensive clothes, shoes and jewelry (all bought by his last victim). He is handsome and charming and he knows it. He will brag on himself and often parties with his “boys” who back up his lies.
3. Overly attentive In the beginning, he will call, text, e-mail or Tweet you constantly. He will make you feel like you’re the special one who deserves all of his attention. But don’t be fooled! This is important because all that attention does not mean he’s that into you: it’s really the beginning of a stalker relationship.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality — One minute he loves you; the next minute he’s upset with you. His personality changes like flipping a switch. This will begin about a month or two after you meet him. That’s when he lets his guard down and his true dark side begins to emerge. He will apologize for his outbursts — even as they increase in intensity.
5. Blames others – Nothing is ever his fault. He always has an excuse for everything. Someone else causes his problems. Pretty soon it will be you who causes his problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story — You ask questions, and the answers are vague. He tells stupid lies, outrageous lies. He lies when he doesn’t have to. This is a classic sign!
7. Intense eye contact — Call it the predatory stare. If you meet a guy in the club who seems like he can’t take his eyes off of you when you speak, do not be flattered. Most normal/healthy men often look away when they speak to you.
8. He Moves Fast — He wines & dines you every night and picks up the tab (for now). He quickly proclaims that you’re his true love and soul mate. He wants to move in together or get married quickly. If you find yourself asking him “what’s your hurry?” — Please run!
9. Pity Play. He appeals to your sympathy. He always has a sob story. He wants you to feel sorry for his abusive childhood, psychotic ex, troubles at work or financial setbacks. If a man starts out making you feel sorry for him; please run!
10. Can’t Let Go — This is very important: if you meet a man for dinner, and he starts off talking negatively about his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, baby mama, or even a friend: you need to excuse yourself from the table, find the nearest exit and leave! Just cut him off completely because that relationship won’t end well.
This type of sociopath has issues letting go. He wants to make himself out to be the victim in every situation. A perfect example of this would be Chris Brown crying for sympathy during the 2010 BET Awards. Real men suck it up and move on with their lives. They don’t blame their problems on others or look for sympathy for problems that they cause themselves.
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hold on i always look at people in the eyes when i talk to them lol
This is a lot to read from Dr. Rose, MD-Psyc
@the pic…Oh lawd the Illumanati then stole CB’s soul!! He looked at those smiling pics of Beyonce
I warned yall
This is so irresponsible…and eerily reminds me of you.
Whats new though?
“Most normal/healthy men often look away when they speak to you.”
I think thats liars that do that, Sandy.
“Real men suck it up and move on with their lives. ” @Free you still think ALL women were made for men? LOL
This sounds like a typical Cancer
Sounds like T.I.
Hey Civ!
This site….this post…..why do I keep coming back here?
This is a funny one!!!
Hey Bama!! You come back because even with Sandy’s craziness there’s no other place to be.
Yeah i’m really gonna take relationship advice from you Sandra… you have ALL the answers :-/
Ooops :/
This sounds like a typical Cancer
__________________
SMH OMG why was I about to say Thanks Sandy did you post this for me cuz I see all of those signs
Choco says:
This sounds like a typical Cancer
__________________
SMH OMG why was I about to say Thanks Sandy did you post this for me cuz I see all of those signs
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LOL! I told u! Leave him alone!
Sandra, are you going to post about Mel Gibson admitting punching his ex-girlfriend in the face while holding their infant child. He punched her so hard that he broke her tooth and he also stated she deserved it, can u post about this…I’ll wait.
“Real men suck it up and move on with their lives.”
@Sandra You continue to bring him up so it looks like you’re the one that hasn’t moved on yet
Sounds like ……. nevermind
florida_girl says:
Sandra, are you going to post about Mel Gibson admitting punching his ex-girlfriend in the face while holding their infant child. He punched her so hard that he broke her tooth and he also stated she deserved it, can u post about this…I’ll wait.
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Please do a search on my blog for Mel Gibson. The search box is in the right upper corner… I’ll wait.
OMG GOD is soooo GOOD thank you both my Fathers in Heaven with the help of His and Mean I have made some serious break-thru’s today
florida_girl says:
Sandra, are you going to post about Mel Gibson admitting punching his ex-girlfriend in the face while holding their infant child. He punched her so hard that he broke her tooth and he also stated she deserved it, can u post about this…I’ll wait.
_____________________________________________-
If this is true…where is her family? Like Dave Chappelle said if it was my sister they would have found the bloody glove at our house . Knocked teefus out, my family would did hoot ride on his azz.
eastpointvet says:
hold on i always look at people in the eyes when i talk to them lol
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@Mean
I’ve left him alone but now I know to absolutely not be-friend
**wipes brow for passing Sandra’s psychopath test**
I only have #1: Charisma and Charm
You’re right, Civ.
Although, this post is just another attempt to keep us entertained while she works on us a great post
ITA @ Corporate………………
@ Man, Good for you.
I think thats liars that do that, Sandy
@ civil
CONVINCE??? That’s already been proven.lol
5. Blames others – Nothing is ever his fault. He always has an excuse for everything. Someone else causes his problems. Pretty soon it will be you who causes his problems.
I don’t “blame” others, it’s just that I’m never wrong and I politely let other people know of their errors.
This advice coming from a woman who has never felt a good peen in her entire life….I’ll pass
or did you get these tips for Sarah the babymama fashionista
@ number 5…it does sound a lot lik Tip don’t it.
Choco says:
This sounds like a typical Cancer
__________________
SMH OMG why was I about to say Thanks Sandy did you post this for me cuz I see all of those signs
——————
I’m glad you are aware of the signs so you won’t make the same mistake next time.
Sandra have u EVER liked CB?
Man, I just don’t care™ says:
5. Blames others – Nothing is ever his fault. He always has an excuse for everything. Someone else causes his problems. Pretty soon it will be you who causes his problems.
I don’t “blame” others, it’s just that I’m never wrong and I politely let other people know of their errors.
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Sandra if you didn’t hit on the nail!..I dated one of those losers and was head over heels in love…or so I thought…The deep part, I thought I didn’t have to look any further he was so charming…I look back and just say “wow” (in my best flava flav voice). I got out early enough before he totally railroaded me, and haven’t spoken to him since… !
@Sandra
You are correct and thanks again
7. Intense eye contact — Call it the predatory stare. If you meet a guy in the club who seems like he can’t take his eyes off of you when you speak, do not be flattered. Most normal/healthy men often look away when they speak to you.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Well, I do be lookin cause a nigga got to study they face and chit. See if they cute or not. It be dark in the club.
Sandra why did you just write he? Shouldn’t it be he/she
2. Enormous ego — He acts like the smartest, richest or most successful man in the club. He wears expensive clothes, shoes and jewelry (all bought by his last victim). He is handsome and charming and he knows it. He will brag on himself and often parties with his “boys” who back up his lies.
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I NEVER do no chit like this. I mean, I do have exquiste taste and chit but I don’t be bragging. Everyone already knows how great I am in every way.
No that intense eye contact is something different and effin weird
Wow Man, I never realized you were so WONDERFUL.
Hey florida *waves* long time no chat
#teambreezy
Crazy comes in all forms
Let’s see how much grief if any the world gives Mel
SN – I left my gym bag n the car
@MZ.DIMPLEZ
“Wow Man, I never realized you were so WONDERFUL.”
___________________________________________________________________________
Just wonderful in EVERY single way. That’s all.
Haven’t you been reading my posts?
This by far the STUPEDDDEST shyt….
@ Man…I have but, I guess I wasn’t paying attention like I should’ve. LOL
LMAO @ Krysi
@Krysi
It may sound like it but it’s really not I saw a website a while ago where a girl who had a hard time getting out of relationship ended up going to a therapist and explaining all these things to her the therapist told her her man was a Sociopath-chick started a blog about it-I forget the name tho-I’v experienced everything on that list
@MzDimplez-ITA?
@ Corporate…….ITA = I totally agree!
@MZ.DIMPLEZ
“…I have but, I guess I wasn’t paying attention like I should’ve…”
___________________________________________________________________________
Clearly.
Choco says:
No that intense eye contact is something different and effin weird
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It sure is. And it should be the FIRST sign. But as usual, our women only see how cute he is.
@ man…..You’re TRULY A SPECHUL breed. LOL
Ebony says:
Sandra why did you just write he? Shouldn’t it be he/she
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You’re absolutely right. Crazy goes both ways.
Choco says:
It may sound like it but it’s really not I saw a website a while ago where a girl who had a hard time getting out of relationship ended up going to a therapist…
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It’s always the victim who ends up going to a therapist because the sociopath convinces her that SHE’S the crazy one. The sociopath never thinks anything is wrong with him/her. They will never change so please leave them!
Oh Lord I’m a Psychopath. Jesus take the wheel!!! lol
It’s like when they are looking at you they are trying to look into your soul- he still looks at me like that like WEIRD just not a comfortable look almost trying to get a sense of your own self…. his eyes even look crazy to me at times
Aren’t these the same signs for a narcissist?
@Sandra
You are so right he see’s none of his wrong doings and has so many
I have to admit something a couple of years ago all your negativity made me ache and I used to be like why would someone who has the opportunity to reach out to thousands promote so much negativity- and I lurked and noticed the growth in you as well as the growth in myself I just want you to know that GOD always knows best-I’ve grown a lot more since coming here and learning keep doing you – the first dose of you may be bittersweet but at least it’s sweet-
Thanks again I’m certain from us all for allowing our voices to be heard
I’m out Stay Blessed Folks!
7. Intense eye contact — Call it the predatory stare. If you meet a guy in the club who seems like he can’t take his eyes off of you when you speak, do not be flattered. Most normal/healthy men often look away when they speak to you.
___________________________________________________________________
who’s rules are these???
Sandra’s comments are funny.
She means every word of it.
@Choco I pointed out the cash part. You never wanna listen to me
@Candi
you are crazy
Shut up I did listen to you but it’s not only the cash thing as you can tell from this list
I’m speechless….well Im gonna be type-less
The cash part is always the first sign…
In the voice of big worm
Playing With My Money is Like Playing with my EMOTIONS
Y’all laughing. Better get hip to some game. Sociopaths are out there STRONG. They don’t all beat/kill women either. Whoever wrote this is spot on.
HE MUST BE LOOKING AT JAYZ
I know one living in Atlanta who has everybody on his Facebook and Twitter fooled. They all flock to him like he is delivering sermons. Its quite sad when one can convince other people(koolaid)—>
that NOT paying child support and being involved in his child’s life is actually beneficial to the child.
I’M damn sure looking at Jay-z but that damn Beyonce keep blocking his view.
correction and NOT being involved
@ Honeygrahm
Are you talking about Lyfe Jennings?
Well these are good points Sandra…also, sociopaths have no real emotions..they are unable to feel remorse or guilt…I have a friend (and I say friend because our parents are best friends and my uncle is married to her aunt so we have known each other since birth) that I feel is a sociopath….she is also a pathological liar. She fits all these descriptions and more.
all you can do is laugh with SR. too funny. going by this leans means there’s a lil borderline personality in all of us. i too heard the looking away instead of making eye contact means you’re lying. not totally true. if you’re nervous, you may look away or look down. i find it odd myself when people have this direct contact like their beaming a hole thru ur head. wth is that? we continue.
Sandra, leave breezy alone. I dont think there’s anything more damaging ur posts can do to the poor guy’s career. oh hell, there i am feeling sorry for him. he got me.
Seriously, at #2, I paused there cuz if ur this fly chick and still looking to meet or have anything serious with someone in the club, that’s ur fault. the minute the guy leaves you, he’s on to the next one. the objective for men is to get as many numbers as he can. that’s it. someone will buy his wack game when he calls. he can’t walk away with one number, he has to have several prospects. he’s a man.
it’s really not complicated, this ole dating thing. people make it harder than it has to be.
Nobody is worth this much time. I really think it’s time to move on.
Cinderella says:
Aren’t these the same signs for a narcissist?
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Yes they are. Good observation!
Narcissists share some of the same symptoms of people with borderline personality disorder.
Jerrie says:
Oh Lord I’m a Psychopath. Jesus take the wheel!!! lol
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Don’t worry, there is treatment available for you…………………………………….. j/k
Choco says:
It’s like when they are looking at you they are trying to look into your soul- he still looks at me like that like WEIRD just not a comfortable look almost trying to get a sense of your own self…. his eyes even look crazy to me at times
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I’m sure you’re familiar with that look that comes over them when they flip. They look like pure evil. Their features change like they are a completely different person.
Smokie says:
Y’all laughing. Better get hip to some game. Sociopaths are out there STRONG. They don’t all beat/kill women either. Whoever wrote this is spot on.
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Exactly. They are among us deep. They don’t look evil until you get to know them and they flip on you. But by then you’re hooked. They’re the ones that often make you wonder why they’re single.
renegadesince1985 says:
Well these are good points Sandra…also, sociopaths have no real emotions..they are unable to feel remorse or guilt…
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True. But they’re good at masking their deficiencies until you get to know them. They’re not always romantic interests either. Sometimes they hook up with you as a “friend” so they can mimic your emotions and behavior since they have no personality or emotions of their own. This type of chick is drawn to you because you’re popular and you dress nice and wear name brand clothing. She tends to buy the same clothes that you buy and use the same phrases that you use. Almost like a twin. People will think you’re sisters. She’ll tell you she loves you and what a great friend you are — then she’ll snap on you for no reason. An excellent example of a sociopath is the chick in the movie ‘Single White Female.’
I studied BPD for two years and what SR is speaking of is the truth. For all those who laughed and mocked, I pray you’re lucky enough to never run across one of these mental manipulators, cause their aim is to destroy you. Literally. They play the victim and will do everything in their power to create a smear campaign against those who stand up. I did a study on “why men kill women” and during most of the interviews, the men usually said the same thing “I didn’t INTEND to kill her, it just happened”. Even after murdering someone, they take no responsibility. Be careful ladies. As the judge would say, “Look deep, before you leap”. Life is real and while there are great men who will treat you well, there are also many predators. With everything you should do thorough investigation, especially when you’re thinking of sharing your life with someone. As the Bible says, be anxious for nothing. Take your time and the truth will reveal itself.
Sandra u are a funny mess for putting CB pic attached to this post
WOW!! Where was this post 2 years ago? Actually I got involved with a sociopath, and I tell it, it’s not anything I would wish on my worst enemy. It was the worst experience in my life and the best because I learned from it and saw how truly evil people can really be. When we think of evil people we often think of murderers but not all sociopaths are murderers…only in extreme cases. All of the points that were outline in the post are 100% absolute truth.
The person who wrote this spoke of a predatory stare. That’s totally different from “you’re beautiful, I can’t take my eyes off of you.” A predatory stare is a person who’s stare looks creepy..and they do this because they’re sizing you up and trying to see if you’re someone they can get over on or trying to figure out how they can use you. They will encourage you to pour your heart out to them, and they do that by being charming. The charm is to disarm you and bring your guard down so they can get in and take advantage of you in anyway they can. And once they’re done with you, they toss you. Thanks for posting this information. I don’t know how serious anyone is taking it, but I hope they don’t have to learn the hard way.
Sandra this post is spot on. People (especially desperate women who are fooled into believing that time is not on their side) fall for sociopaths every day because they tend to dismiss the little signs that mean so much.
whowhatme says:
The person who wrote this spoke of a predatory stare. That’s totally different from “you’re beautiful, I can’t take my eyes off of you.” A predatory stare is a person who’s stare looks creepy..and they do this because they’re sizing you up and trying to see if you’re someone they can get over on or trying to figure out how they can use you. They will encourage you to pour your heart out to them, and they do that by being charming. The charm is to disarm you and bring your guard down so they can get in and take advantage of you in anyway they can. And once they’re done with you, they toss you.
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This is so accurate. The predatory stare means they have you in their trap and they can do whatever they want with you. Most healthy people run when they see a creepy stare like that. But women who are desperate for love will easily fall under their spell. Once they have you where they want you, they let their guard down and begin to verbally abuse you and demand money and gifts from you “to prove your love.” If you tolerate the abuse then they will ratchet the abuse up. At the same time they have someone else on the side who they are grooming to take your place once you get tired of all their abuse. The key is they will never change, so you need to leave them before they destroy you mentally and financially.
KaraZ says:
Sandra this post is spot on. People (especially desperate women who are fooled into believing that time is not on their side) fall for sociopaths every day because they tend to dismiss the little signs that mean so much.
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True. Sociopaths are also parents who treat their children very nice while others are around and then abuse them behind closed doors. That’s how little sociopaths are created.
@Sandra
Yes! This is so true! And she goes through friends like clothes! She lies so much I think she actually convinces herself it’s true! Her parents have alot of money so she uses that to entice people. You know, “woos” them if you will cause she drives a nice car, will take you out, will buy you expensive gifts for no reason….then when you piss her off (and by piss her off I mean confront her about her lies) she gets mad and starts to name everything she’s ever done or bought for you. Not me though
I peeped game years ago…plus I think i’m too close to home to mess with. All I do is sit back and watch the mayhem.
Sandra Rose says:
Once they have you where they want you, they let their guard down and begin to verbally abuse you and demand money and gifts from you “to prove your love.”
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THAT IS MY EX ALL THE WAY!!!!!
Good Morning Fam
i lurked all day yesterday…but I’ll come out of hiding on this…
this scares me…
1. Charisma and charm – This is me to a T
2. Enormous ego – Only on Saturdays when i get a clean haircut…quickly fades by Monday.
3. Overly attentive In the beginning – Guilty…i’ve caught myself wanting to everything about a person…when i first meet them.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality – for the first 2-3 weeks I’m head over heels then like a switch its just leave me alone and stop calling me every time you do something with nothing to talk about.
5. Blames others – finally one that is not me…I’m quick to blame myself before anyone else.
6. Lies – I’m a Horrible liar…so i don’t do it..no need to lie when your single.
7. Intense eye contact — Call it the predatory stare. I’ve had females tell me you got that look in your eyes again…i’d be like “what look” they would respond “like i’m dinner or something.” i’d reply “nah i’m just focused on you..giving you my full attention” Guilty!
8. He Moves Fast – Not Moi..phew!
9. Pity Party – See 7.
10. Cant Let go – rule #1 never talk about past with what could be your future. unless the possible future asks. and then make it short.
10a. They’re not looking for a relationship – I’m not looking for one…but if one “happens” i’ll accept it…that count?
gawd…thing arnt looking good for moi…i’ll have to work as few of these out..
IT’s Friday!
I’m guilty of the “intense eye” staring thing too however I’d like to classify my stare as giving my bedroom eyes….lol. Again, I’m well aware I do it therefore I make a conscious effort not to look someone directly in the eyes. I’ll tilt my head to the side and kinda glance at you but never look directly at you.
renegadesince1985 says:
@Sandra
Yes! This is so true! And she goes through friends like clothes! She lies so much I think she actually convinces herself it’s true! Her parents have alot of money so she uses that to entice people. You know, “woos” them if you will cause she drives a nice car, will take you out, will buy you expensive gifts for no reason…
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She sounds like a classic sociopath. Also, malignant narcissists fit this description too. These men and women are usually very attractive but they can’t seem to maintain a steady relationship. Google the words “malignant narcissism” to see if that fits her. Malignant narcissists are “pathologically envious” of you. Even though they are beautiful and have material things, they envy you for your beauty, your intelligence, your clothes, your car, etc.
yvonne79 says:
I’m guilty of the “intense eye” staring thing too however I’d like to classify my stare as giving my bedroom eyes….lol.
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Some people who survive relationships with Borderline personalities/sociopaths end up becoming one themselves. They begin to exhibit the same symptoms and characteristics of a BPD, though to a lesser degree. I’m not saying you are one, I’m just saying that that is the prevailing pattern.
Sandra Rose says:
yvonne79 says:
I’m guilty of the “intense eye” staring thing too however I’d like to classify my stare as giving my bedroom eyes….lol.
————————
Some people who survive relationships with Borderline personalities/sociopaths end up becoming one themselves. They begin to exhibit the same symptoms and characteristics of a BPD, though to a lesser degree. I’m not saying you are one, I’m just saying that that is the prevailing pattern.
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Let me ponder on it for a moment ….
this chit is real so yall look out pls
I divorced mine
but not before we had 2 kids
I did learn though
and I will never be naive like that again
that fool tried to kill me..SMDH
but I survived and have thrived
This was my ex all the way! Got me in and did a complete 180, when he got mad one night and pulled all my hair (sewn in weave at the time) I saw my life flash before my eyes and couldnt have my mom bury her oldest child. I left that fool and never looked back. I never thought I would be ‘sleeping with the enemy’ someone who claimed to love me. Not worth it all. I am so much better and happier being single instead of dealing with someone who deep down was jealous that I was making more money then him and had my life together. I hope women read this and pay attention to the signs! Man, he was so good at staring intensly, I thought I was sexy but that idiot was crazy!! I thank God Im here to talk about it
yvonne79 says:
Let me ponder on it for a moment ….
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Children of sociopaths often grow up to become sociopaths themselves. For instance, the daughter of a malignant narcissist will grow up to shun her own children. She might even abandon her children to run off with a man because her needs comes first before the needs of her children. An example of this would be Susan Smith who drowned her two boys in a lake because a man she was stalking didn’t want children.
@ mjoylaw and misslee21: I’m happy the both of you got out of your relationships safely and with more awareness about these sociopaths.
I was involved with a sociopath a couple years ago.he was fine, overly attentive, really sweet, very charming,smart and the sex was great. I wondered why he was single. The real him showed up 3 months later, when he snapped on his mother in front of me.it was like two different people.he admitted that he had a abusive and very troubled childhood. He lacked remorse for some horrible things that.he’d done.I left him alone after he disclosed his past and especially after he told me his granny said he didn’t belong in society. I saw him recently and.he.told me that he was glad I left him alone because he’s messed up a lot of chicks life and he didn’t want to mess up mines.