By Sandra Rose  | 


Photo for illustrative purposes only

From a loyal reader (edited for clarity):

Ok, so I recently had a conversation with one of my homegirls, a girl who I was "talking to" but somehow I fell into the "just friends zone." We talked about our past relationships. Never knew this conversation would cost me my life...

So she starts by telling me 'bout her past. She told me the story of how she was dealing with these two men (not at the same time), and how she had been dealin with the first guy, who didn't own a car and was a broke student.

So I asked, 'was that the problem?' She said, "he told me he loved me."

'So, what's wrong with that?' I asked, confused like a hoodrat on campus. She explains, "he was really 'into me' and somewhat jealous." So, why did he love you? She replied, "because I inspired him to be better".... Okay? Still Confused. She said, "I felt like I was a mother to him, had to pick him up in my car etc."

So when I asked about the other brotha (relationship), she explained she really liked the other guy, but the relationship quickly became about "blackberry booty calls." He was fun and charming, but she cut it off when he invited her to the Hilton for what she thought was a romantic evening. Soon as the sex was over, my man got dressed and bounced like she was 'bout to ask him for child support.

So I'm like, at least you know now what he was all about. She responds, "he really hurt me, I was really feeling him." So I ask about the the other guy who told her 'I love you?' She replied, "much more" than him. Wow, I just got schooled.

So basically, she rejected the guy who loved her because he didnt have a car and wanted a relationship (mabye too soon, in her defense). All the while the man who treated her like a hoe, she was more attracted to, "more compatible with." So, if I'm reading this thing whole thing right: women prefer a man who is into himself, non emotional (tough guy), cocky but also charming and exciting. Do I have that right ladies?

And I had it wrong all these years, who knew? Time to go back to school. I called one of my boys (who has 3 baby mothers) and he explained that women are attracted to a man who is NOT into them, plays by his own rules, cancels dates, doesn't fawn over them, so they are hoping to tame him in the long run. They like the challenge. (I start taking notes.)

Continued after the break...

I asked why I never knew this before? He answers, "no woman gonna claim they attracted to Mr Wrong." He said, "when you're nice and want a relationship, it's no challenge. You're too wimpy. They will start to see all your flaws and grow tired of you." He hung up laughing: "thats why your a** aint gettin none, pu$$y boy!! We don't love these hoes!!"

Wow, could this be the reason three women actually had babies for this fool? Was I too nice? Too considerate? Too available? Looking back on my dating history; I was always taking things slow, dinner dates, vacations, basketball games, sending “have a good day” text messages. Shoot, even introduced some women to my moms. All that was wrong?

I have to become the slick talking, date breaking, too busy to call, into me right now, Mr Playa to get ahead with women? So with that it saddens me to announce....

The funeral service for Mr Nice Black Man will be held at Malvern Baptiste Church 85 Millner Ave, Scarborough Sunday April 11 10:00am to 12:00 pm.

Mr Nice Black Man is survived by his family and friends.

A fund has been established by the departed's family. Donations can be made payable to the "Estate of Mr Nice Black Guy." A sad day for the Theo Huxtables of the world.

The NEW Mr. Playa will be making an appearance at a club near you: slick talking, good looking, charming, exciting, emotionally unavailable..... Personality, you ask? Not necessary because he's good looking.

Character what for? He has nice teeth. Education? Not an issue: he drives a nice car and he is about his paper. Emotionally affectionate? Thats for wimps. He'll give you thug love. Good family? You won't care cause he's from the States. How exciting!

Who needs happily ever after when there's good eye candy?

Signed,

Mr Playa

  • nika405

    So Sandra you couldn't find any other picture to post with this story huh? WOW! @Civil don't ever send SR your picture!

  • Daisy

    :rofl:

    DeAD and walking round heaven at the funearl services

    There goes that fine azz Joel :heart:

    :popcorn:

  • nika405

    Oh and :yawn: at this post, listening to you, one would think every man is gay, DL or only interested in LSLH or white women!

  • FloridaChick813

    Well damn, I thought it was the same thing for males. Dont they like the women who play hard to get?? The ones who arent clingy??? am I wrong??

    Civil???

    Man???

    any other men on SR?????

  • LaTechGrad02

    Can someone please summarize this novel?

  • Anna

    LaTechGrad02 Says:

    Can someone please summarize this novel?
    ~~~~~~
    She don't want no broke azz man that loves her. She wants the man that treats her like a hoe.
    With age comes wisdom.

  • CivilEngineer

    LOL @nika...point taken!

    Who are these loyal readers?? And this was the longest letter EVER!! And I'll continue to be the nice guy who plays by his own rules! :yes:

    SN: Where's missy??

  • http://www.inowweb.com thedoll

    What is the point of this post? I lack interest. Please, no more of these kind of post Sandra :nono:

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    I hope this man don't sue you for using his pic...probably got his people thinking he died. you know people don't read captions.

  • http://createspace.com/3393054 iscream

    First off. How old are these people? This attitude is usually displayed by young people. I know because I've been there. The older I got my priorities changed and so did the men I was attracted to.

  • Anna

    ms.truth Says:

    I hope this man don’t sue you for using his pic…probably got his people thinking he died. you know people don’t read captions
    ~~~~~~
    That's Birds brother Joel. He was on The PeP Show.

  • FloridaChick813

    :lol: @ ms. truth

    My first thought was "GOOD GOD!!! BIRDS BROTHER DIED!!!!" :sad:

    :clap: @ Civil - There are plently of ladies who still love the good/nice guys! I do ;)

  • sbabyface29

    This may be true at times, but I believe in today's society, it's far more men that want the eye candy with no kids, has a nice ride, degree, & job to flaunt in front of his friends. Then, as soon as he gets a chance, he's over to his baby mamas' house or boyfriend or girl who has kids by someone else gettin' what he really wants, freaky sex & super head!

  • CivilEngineer

    @Flo...yep! When it's too easy it's boring but if it's too difficult we'll bounce.

    But the chick he's "talking to" played herself up as a whore for meeting him in a hotel room anyways...what's romantic about spending the night in a hotel? No dinner? Movie? Sounds like a :hump: night to me

  • shakura80

    Forget all that...
    Swimming across the Altantic Ocean to find me an XL portion of @Civilif thats really him!!!!You sexy piece of dark choclate, you! :grin:

  • LaTechGrad02

    @Anna, LOL, thanks :) Sounds like my coworker, I wonder if she wrote this....

  • biglegs36

    ms. truth, I was thinking the samething. the caption needs to be changed, because I thought this post was about Joel being died.

  • VIBABY

    If all women want bad guys then all men want loose coochie swinging from a pole near you whores........ :coffee:

    @civil: Keep being you and continue to swat all these e-panties these heffas throw at you.... :lolol:

  • shakura80

    okay then just found out its Joel but @ THE REAL Civil...:wink:
    Sorry I am bored waiting to go home here just trying to pass the next 2 hours away :)

  • sbabyface29

    ^^For example, Rocco.

  • ReeAngel318

    What strong black man compromises who he is for the sake of finding a woman? He should have signed off as Goodbye Strong Black Man, Hello Weak Black Man. We don't need him on this team. Good ridance!

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    no scream i wouldnt say its a young people thing i see this all the time the more im unavailable the harder a woman pushes and thats for all ages because i normally go older but i seen it young and older alike

  • http://createspace.com/3393054 iscream

    And if you were going to use a picture of Joel I wish it would've been one with his shirt off. Dang... :rolleyes:

  • Anna

    shakura80 Says:

    okay then just found out its Joel but @ THE REAL Civil…:wink:
    ~~~~~~~
    That pic above does Joel no justice, the brother is fine.

  • tampa813

    There's a difference between being mr nice guy and mr damn fool. I've been both, but learned if somebody doesn't respect or love you back just let that person go and go on with your life.

  • free

    LAME! but thanks for bird's bro's pic.

  • CivilEngineer

    :lol: @VI...will do!!

    @shakura...it's me in my gravi (<--) but that's Bird's brother up top

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    Why is this a post? I thought this was common knowledge.

  • Daisy

    @Civil I am going to have to start sending you some e scriptures cause the flesh is weak and these e ladies are coming on strong to my e brother in Christ :pray: :lolol:

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    now, back to the topic...this has got to be a young, hoodrat typish...the one that walk around patting her weave talking about, "uh huh girl, that nigga broke. he can't pay my bills. but this nigga on the other hand, he driving around in a lexus and my phone bill due. I know he messing with them other hoes, but he aint paying they bills." :rolleyes: I was once that girl and finally realized, why am I selling myself short? yes, he may look good, but he treats me like dirt and got several other females on the side. It's not even worth it. I need a man that's going to treat me like royalty. After all WOMAN is God's gift to MAN.

  • FloridaChick813

    :lol: @ Civil - My sweetie says he almost "gave up" on me. I played that boy for about 3 months before I actually started gettin "interested". And she def. played herself. A hotel shouldv'e been the "end" to a nice, romantic evening.

    Ooh well :shrug:

  • CivilEngineer

    She should have stuck with the college dude. He might be on in 3-5 years :lol:

    @Daisy...thanks!! I have my shield up LOL

  • biglegs36

    I believe this is true. I speak from experience. It seems that if you show to much interest in a man, he will run from you like you stole his money! But you if act like you don't give a damn, you won't be able to turn for his ass! This works both ways.

  • FloridaChick813

    iscream Says:

    And if you were going to use a picture of Joel I wish it would’ve been one with his shirt off. Dang…
    ___________

    :cosign:

  • nika405

    @Daisy you do that casue they are lusting after this man something fierce lol.

    On Topic: when I was younger I wanted nothing but thugs, as I got older I began to realize if I ever wanted to build something w/ someone I needed to date men who had the same things I had or more. How can we build up when I have to reach down and bring you up to my level?

  • CivilEngineer

    @Flo...tell him he had to play the game to get the prize :yes:

  • FloridaChick813

    ms.truth Says:

    now, back to the topic…this has got to be a young, hoodrat typish…the one that walk around patting her weave talking about, “uh huh girl, that nigga broke. he can’t pay my bills. but this nigga on the other hand, he driving around in a lexus and my phone bill due. I know he messing with them other hoes, but he aint paying they bills.” I was once that girl and finally realized, why am I selling myself short? yes, he may look good, but he treats me like dirt and got several other females on the side. It’s not even worth it. I need a man that’s going to treat me like royalty. After all WOMAN is God’s gift to MAN.
    __________________

    I agree. I just had this convo the other day.

  • lexdiamonz

    well one thing i learned about a nice guy (love you boo to hubby) they may finish last but they dont CUM first and bounce !!!!! and what dildo wrote that email GET A CLUE!!!!!

  • BROWNSUGAPOET

    nothin like a good nice college guy that can BLOW YOUR BACK OUT!

  • http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

    So are we supposed to proof-read this thesis? This is not new news...Okay? Maybe am hyper sensitive this morning....IDK? BUT I was really alarmed to read the letters R.I.P above Ms.Byrds brother's picture..Imjussayn..a lil to early for that Ms. Sandra.

  • MIZZ.I_REP_ATL

    LOL @ ms. truth..."I hope this man don’t sue you for using his pic…probably got his people thinking he died. you know people don’t read captions."
    ---
    ^^^ came across my mind as well. :)

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    ok...who is Bird? is that the member that used to comment on here?

  • FloridaChick813

    @ ms. truth -

    :yes: Bird is a commenter on here, and the man in the pic above is her brother.

  • http://createspace.com/3393054 iscream

    @east

    I'm talking about wanting a "bad boy" as oppose to a good dude. You are a good dude so that's why a woman would try hard to push up and try & lock you down. As you said these are older women. Older women want stability and that is something a young thug can not provide for you.

    But I'm curious to know the extent that some of the chicks will go to push up? Care to share... :popcorn:

  • speakinmymind

    yall know SandraRose penned this weak, full of stereotypes letter all by her lonesome. loyal reader my @$$.
    anyhoo, ain't nobody but hoodrats checking for this type of man, and hoodrats ain't always young in age.

    :newpost:

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    thanks Flo

  • FloridaChick813

    BROWNSUGAPOET Says:

    nothin like a good nice college guy that can BLOW YOUR BACK OUT!
    _____________

    Okay! I had this one guy, he was such a sweetheart. I really doubted him.. But when we started doing the "do" - All I could say is "WHOA!! Where have you been all my life?!?"

  • Daisy

    When yall ask for a new post can u request a NON Prez Obama pls n thank you :lol:

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    Everybody likes a challenge... You have to get in where you fit in sometimes.

  • ShoYaRight

    the appeal of the "bad boy" is strong, but his lack of respect and mutual interest will get any self-respecting person together quick!

  • ShoYaRight

    Is Joel the journalist (aka former car thief) that Jackie reconnected with?

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @EAST POINT VET
    "no scream i wouldnt say its a young people thing i see this all the time the more im unavailable the harder a woman pushes and thats for all ages because i normally go older but i seen it young and older alike"
    __________________________________________________________________

    Yup.

  • Cinderella

    Why are people sending Sandra emails about their idiotic behaivor?

  • BROWNSUGAPOET

    I thought my other half was too nerdy in high school so i wasn't up nothin and plus I dumped him a week before prom but that's another story but yrs later it is the BEST SEX I HAVE EVER HAD!!!!!

  • Cinnamon Kisses

    I tell my lil sis all the time....you gonna phuck around and pass up the good guy standing @ the bus stop.....phucking around with a ninja that will phuck you and go upside your head.

  • http://createspace.com/3393054 iscream

    :popcorn: so what's up with this Swizz cheated on A keys and had a baby in London? RWS is reporting...

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    @scream
    just try to make themselves available at all times, offer gifts, trips or just really be catering. ive also seen women i would pursue before and got tired of the "hard to get" thing and stopped trying, snap into the realization that i stopped and then at that point do a complete 360 and go hard after me after ive lost the interest

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    @iscream...she couldn't have expected him to be faithful. karma will get you every time.

  • FloridaChick813

    :popcorn: @ Iscream -

    Say what?????????????

  • shakura80

    @Civil I see you chocolate boy! Hot Bournville on a blog :wink:

    I used to like bad boys when I was younger my first love went to prison for attempted murder but I was young and dumb and stayed faithful for 4 years until I got vex at the fact that I'm saying I got a man but when I'm cold at night and need my back broke all I have is my pillow and one of Eric Jerome Dickey books so I said forget that. One of my last 'street pest' boyfriends went to prison for murder and he is only 25 he has to serve a minimum of 30 years but then the next guy I had after that was down for me wanted babies and would give his life for me but I kicked his butt to the Kerb because he was not 'exciting' enough for me....never satisfied I think it was a younger thing every girl likes a thug but they grow up out off it (EXCEPT TINY)...it took me a lot of lessons to learn that, now the only men I have to answer to is my twin siamese tabby cats Tupac and Baby Boy (BB) lolol x

  • Daisy

    @iscream has that story been confirmed or is just a rumor I don't know what RWS is. I vote for it being a rumor but anything is possible :shrug:

  • SoulWithSass

    @ EastPointVet

    That must be true only in the South and among a certain level of female because not I, nor MOST ("most," not all) of my friends have EVER got down with that.

    If you're disrespectful, "hood", with kids, got drama, a "playa", a criminal record, immature, or otherwise UNAVAILABLE-I don't push or even entertain conversation AT ALL!

    Replacement is too easy for me. I'm 24, unmarried, no kids, own place, own car, with two bachelor's and about to start working on my two master's, no jail record and fly as hell..... I'm a hot commodity and a rarity up here. So all that "women want the playa, hard, disrespectful, thuggish, we-dont-chase-em-we-replace-em types" mentality can GO!

    Put your grown man a** in a suit, a tie, some hard-bottom shoes, a briefcase and a GROWN-MAN wallet, get some couth, manners, class AND THEN come converse with me. Try to come at me in the former way and you'll see "if-HE-DONT-chase-em-I-replace-HIM."

    Start talking to grown women worth their weight and leave the hoodrats alone babe. If that's the only type of woman you can attract, it's something about YOU, not THEM!

    @Civil

    Stick to what you're doing, sir. I may not be able to make it down to LA to scoop you out, but a real WOMAN who knows you're more than worth that trip WILL. :-)

    *now leaving my soapbox*

  • Cinnamon Kisses

    @ Isc.....that baby looks just like his azz too. :popcorn:

  • http://pearlswindow.com Carrington

    I STARTED reading the letter, but after I realized that it wasn't going to stop, "I quit that b*tch!" -

    The writer is correct in his summation though - In my experience MANY black women don't want a good man, they want a thug for whatever reason, even if he don't bring $hit to the table except a good f*ck and 3 baby mama's that he ALREADY don't help - the typical requirement seems to be that all he needs to be is "fine" and "hard" (both ends of that).

    Most women will take a "Wacka Flocka Flame" type over a Will Smith type and it's unfortunate - particularly for brothers like myself who would be considered more the Will Smith type (minus the 6 pack... I got TWO cans and that's all you get)

    You can tell the "standard" of most black women based upon the comments in the "Morning Wood" section here on this site - 90% of the brothers who rock a nice suit, some designer glasses and probably has a degree in his back pocket is called what? GAY, suspect or DL... but if the brother has braids, is tatted up and smoking a cigar/cigarette, gets the coochies moist every single time.

    Does it help that Sandra goes out of her way to help push that stereotype along? Nope... but it is what it is? "Simple" black men who don't carry themselves as classless imbiciles with no tact or respect (self or otherwise) are thought of as either "soft" or gay.

    And that's why you have so many "fake thugs" on these college campuses... the guys who carry themselves with respect and tend to respect the sisters are the ones who get the least amount of play, while the thug whose on the BB squad on scholarship who screws everybody with a hot box, continues to get it in.

    Go figure.

  • DeCori J

    That's a messed up situation, but I've been there. All I can tell him is stay true to himself. Women go through phases.

  • Daisy

    @cinnamon let me let google be my friend so I can see the baby pic! I am forever team Akeys :cheer:

    Christina and the dream have a cute babygirl

    Jill scotts baby boy is a cutie pie as well

  • FloridaChick813

    :lol: @ shakura80 && the siamese cats

  • shakura80

    getting on the plane to LA, Civil what gate will you be waiting for me at,hun? :hug:

  • Cinnamon Kisses

    @ Daisy....go to RWS its a side by side.

  • SoulWithSass

    And I've always noticed that a lot of people say they were attracted to the "bad boy" types when they were younger. Can I ask why? I never understood that.
    -
    I was always really popular in school, (a little "hood"-yes , I won't lie), but EXTRA studious so I always attracted studious types. I NEVER looked at the kid ditching classes and hanging out like "oooh-he's cool, he's sexy." I was like: "mmmh. This negro will be broke, and still iliterate in 5 years trying to rob me to get his THIRD strike to go back to prison."

    Hell-my VERY FIRST boyfriend was so sensitive and sweet, he turned out to be gay now! But he was smart and respectful, and very classy and fun and I thought he was great.

    Anyhow-I've just always wanted to know what attracted females who were let's say "of a different league" to the bad boys? I didn't get it....Hell, I STILL don't.

    Help me out.

  • Daisy

    Found the story the baby is 2 now this will be intersting IF the baby reall is his :popcorn:

  • DeCori J

    Hey anybody... How do can up load a pic to my Sandra Rose profile so that crying baby picture won't be beside my name?! LoL :newbie:

  • CivilEngineer

    Awww shucks @Soul...thanks!

    Negros must be beating the door down trying to get at an educated, independent woman. What did Webbie say? LOL

    Thanks!! @shakura :D

  • Anna

    I have never been attracted to a thug nor dated/married anyone w/a police record. I don't like the pretty boy types either.

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    @soul
    its not a regional thing i travel i talk to women all over and its not a hood thing either professional women guilty of it as well. and im not speaking on being hood and disrespectful towards women and not being worth anything. and this is not a 100% across the board answer because there is not one and there are always exceptions, but more often than not, if u are emotionally available, attentive, spending time or really pursuing a woman so to speak they a lot of times dont appreciate it until it stops. that goes for young, old, north, south, east, west, educated, non educated

  • gypsyeyes

    OK. All the men on SR are coming out. @Carrington and Tampa I had no idea you were men. My friends have often times laughed at me for dating the soft spoken clean cut men. Shiat I know what the deal is. A bad boy is nice to look at every now and then but my best experiences have been with the good guy. Most time I see with my heart so that I can't get things messed up. So this is the classic line for me and I will use this ofter:
    I STARTED reading the letter, but after I realized that it wasn’t going to stop, “I quit that b*tch!” :rofl:

  • SoulWithSass

    @Carrington

    I don't even think that's the type that MOST Black women want. It just seems to be the type that many women express or own up to. Maybe it depends on where you look. I went to majority-White schools and college from high school on up and NONE of the Black girls there wanted that type. (Most of us were from the hood and knew that "type" all too well so we KNEW BETTER.)

    Nonetheless, most of the Black girls wanted the Will Smith type, and the Wacka Flocka type got no play from anything but "Night-Stalking" White girls.

    So it's definitely not all of us, because I never have and never WILL like that type. I need you to have an education, decent credit, a job, ambitions, MANNERS (let me say it again), MANNERS!, decorum, civility, chivalry....man, don't even get me started.....

  • FloridaChick813

    :clap: @ carrington

  • ohpretty1

    @ letter's author - QUIT CRYING! Stop trying to talk to that eyecandy woman with no aspirations and look for a real woman. Same to the women in that boat: stop seeking 'thugs' that you think you can change. Then and only then, can we stop having these endless crying sessions.

  • shakura80

    @DeCori J

    make sure the email you signed up to sandra rose is also the same email you use to sign up to Gravatar then the rest is self exlpanatory...That baby is the best contraception EVER just the thought of hearing the noise that could come out of his mouth Id rather hear Nicki Minaj :)

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    @Soul...I was always the smart girl who had class and was cool. I was an honor graduate, worked, danced for the school, sports, honor programs, EVERYTHING. Went to college, got a good job. I was even voted Most Respected in school, BUT I had been with a guy for 3 years, throughout high school. He was older, former drug boy, and still lived that rough lifestyle. He had 3 kids, and I was ALWAYS dealing with babymomma drama. I was the smart girl that had a hint of hood in me. I went to her town and tried to fight her. She called the police and I left. Even through all of this, I THOUGHT I was head over heels in love with him. My mother HATED it because she knew I could do so much better. Now that I'm older, I realized that I was blinded by money. He still had the dope boy money, even bought me a BMW while I was in high school. I would NEVER date another guy like him. But being young, it's easy for a female to be fooled.

  • SoulWithSass

    @ Civil

    You're welcome and yessir, I got to beat them away with sticks.....White, Black, and Hispanic alike. I'm taken but I know my worth.

    @EastPointVet

    I feel what you're saying. But I also think that's just what may be portrayed in society a litle more (television or whatnot.) Think about it. I hated that Destiny's Child song "Soldier" because it was stupid and encouraging foolishness, but a female friend pointed out to me that even though many females don't want that type, they'll play into it because it's not as "popular" to be talking about "a want a man in a straight-leg suit with a briefcase." (I totally went off topic there, but I hope you get my point.)

  • Anna

    SoulWithSass Says:

    @Carrington

    I don’t even think that’s the type that MOST Black women want. It just seems to be the type that many women express or own up to. Maybe it depends on where you look.
    ~~~~~~~~
    We get what we attract. Plain and simple.

  • BROWNSUGAPOET

    SHAKURA please don't make me gut you like a fish please and thank you

  • SoulWithSass

    @Ms. Truth

    Thank you for trying to explain it to me. I kind of get that you were attracted to the money and floss and luxury of his lifestyle. Okay-I see that point. But I've seen many females who like bad boys only because they were "bad." No education, no "dope-boy" money, no house, no car, just shiftless negroes with a record, kids, babymamas and a bad weed habit. Where is the reasoning in those cases?

    And you were from the hood, so I assume you knew what eventually became of MOST drug dealers at some point. Weren't you afraid of being accidently shot or something while riding in that "dope boy" BMW. I don't know. Maybe everything I saw in my lifetime on my block spooked me, because I just couldn't....

    But thank you for explaining. :-)

  • Al-Ameera

    If you had told me this 4 years ago, I like iscream, would have said it was a young girl thing because when I was young I wanted that hood dude but once I started getting my grown woman on, working in Corporate America and thinking about my future, my priorities shifted. I started thinking about 401k, benefits, retirement, buying property, etc. And the reality the bad boy couldn’t give me that.

    However, I noticed that since moving to NYC, this seems to be the mentality of 90% of the women I meet. And these are not chickens. These are women with MBA’s, BA’s, that have good paying jobs in Corporate America, have good credit, own houses and the whole nine. It bugs me to no end. I am thinking we are in are 30’s….are you serious?!?!

    But to top it all off, was reading some of Pepa’s (salt and pepa) book and she said that she liked thugs and how Treach use to beat her so bad and drug her by her hair soooooo much that she is permanently bald on the sides and will have to wear a wig for life! She also said on the radio how when she was in her teens on the road with Will Smith, he was in love with her and would buy her anything but she didn’t like him, instead she liked MC Hammer’s brother who wore a pimp hat, carried a cane and always referred to women as b*tches and H*es. Now my point is til this day, like no even six months ago Pep was on the radio talking about what’s up to the thugs

    My question is….is she F*ckin for real? Like you have been nothing but abused by thugs and are 40 years old and still talking about a thug? She could have been Pepa Smith but you want a thug instead? Black women do it to themselves and really need to do better!

  • tampa813

    All in all, there's somebody for everybody so keep looking if you haven't found the one you wanna spend time with.

  • shakura80

    y'all making me think a bit now...cos for a while these were all the types of guys I had (criminals and Nino Browns), I am not a 'going out' type of girl at all! my friends have to tell me four weeks in advance and then I still switch my phone off on the day I change my mind too mind, my friends say unless its the TV repairman I aint ever getting a man I am just gonna be a spinster with my 10,000,000 cats rocking back and forth in my rocking chair aged 70 talking 'bout Tupac Shakur back in 1994 :) many of my criminal exes have approached me on the street (where they belong i might add apart from my first love) so maybe I should get myself out to clubs or wine bars and see what's up instead of waiting for the next Frank Lucas to scoop me up (ALTHOUGH i do know my own worth now so that dont happen anymore!)

  • shakura80

    @brown...WHAT I DO? :confused:

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    @Soul...I can't explain about the no money part. LOL! That was never me...and no I wasn't from the hood. I have respectable parents, my mother worked in the school system at the time, my father in law enforcement. As I said, I guess I was ms. goody too shoes with a little bad side to me. I didn't see the danger I put myself in at that time. But once I got older and stepped back and looked at everything, I was like wow! that was really dumb and dangerous. Even with the incident with his babymomma, I rode around HER hood asking for her. And I mean she actually stayed in the HOOD. Just young and dumb. And that's why I saw a lot of it has to do with being young, well not necessarily young, just immature. Because I know it's some 40 yr. old women out there that would act the same way. I just thank God I let go of that.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    The young attractive women like thugs/gangstas as a general rule. Who wants a woman after they have been used up, baby mamas and old and chit?

  • SoulWithSass

    @Al-Ameera

    I like Pepa, but she's a hoodrat if ever I've seen one. Maybe Treach needs to go knock her upside her head a few more times and just a little harder....maybe THEN she'll get it together.

    You DO attract what you are sometimes.

  • BROWNSUGAPOET

    I'm a rare commodity since I still don't have kids!

  • http://createspace.com/3393054 iscream

    @east

    So a woman going out of her way to show you that she is feeling you is a turn off? Isn't that sortve like the chick in the letter being turned off by the man who loved her?

    I'm glad I'm not a dude bc if someone is buying me gifts, making time for me, offering to take me places that would not be a bad thing :shrugs:

  • SoulWithSass

    @Man I Just Don't Care

    Who wants a man like that?! I lie to you not, as fine and great and cahrming as a dude may be, the minute he does any of the following:

    1) Acts in a manner which embarasses me in public (loud, cursing, no decorum)

    2) Pops up with a criminal record or has involvement in any illicit activities

    3) Mentions he has "kids"

    4) Mentions he's involved with anybody else in any other way

    5) Drops any signs or talk of being "emotionally unavailable"

    6) Makes me realize he's just an utter and complete idiot

    ...my p*ssy dries up IMMEDIATELY and I lose interest. Who has time for that crap whether they are male OR female?

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @ISCREAM
    "So a woman going out of her way to show you that she is feeling you is a turn off? Isn’t that sortve like the chick in the letter being turned off by the man who loved her?

    I’m glad I’m not a dude bc if someone is buying me gifts, making time for me, offering to take me places that would not be a bad thing "
    _________________________________________________________________

    Yup. That's a turn off. Seems "desperate" and "clingy" and chit.

  • SoulWithSass

    @iScream

    I kind of get it. I think that EastPointVet is saying that he doesn't want a woman whom he has to chase, but he doesn't want a desperate one either. A lot of females nowadays confuse "single" with "desperate" and will go to embarassing (and annoying) lengths to try and net a man (especially if he's a good catch.)

    I'm assuming (now, I could be wrong), EastPoint meant he wants a woman who likes him but is not obsessive about having him to the point it reeks of desperation and "trying to hard."

    Now again, I COULD be wrong....

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @SOUL WITH SASS
    "Who wants a man like that?! I lie to you not, as fine and great and cahrming as a dude may be, the minute he does any of the following:

    1) Acts in a manner which embarasses me in public (loud, cursing, no decorum)

    2) Pops up with a criminal record or has involvement in any illicit activities

    3) Mentions he has “kids”

    4) Mentions he’s involved with anybody else in any other way

    5) Drops any signs or talk of being “emotionally unavailable”

    6) Makes me realize he’s just an utter and complete idiot

    …my p*ssy dries up IMMEDIATELY and I lose interest. Who has time for that crap whether they are male OR female?"
    ___________________________________________________________________

    Hey, I understand where you are coming from. But, like the others have stated, most women (particularly the younger, more attractive women) find that "exciting" and "inticing" and stuff.

    That's just how it is.

  • tampa813

    I've noticed also from female friends that they'll get with a dude and try and change him which will never work ladies. You can't take a coal and make him or her a diamond unless they willing to put in work for themselves.

  • Al-Ameera

    Exactly @ iscream. Just like women seem to love thugs, good men seem to love h*es, I've seen it a thousand times, the good man in love w/the hoodrat with 5 different baby daddies.

    It's a vicious cycle...

  • DeCori J

    @shakura80
    Appreciate it!!! I put up my symbol...LoL :clap:

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @AL-AMEERA
    "Exactly @ iscream. Just like women seem to love thugs, good men seem to love h*es, I’ve seen it a thousand times, the good man in love w/the hoodrat with 5 different baby daddies.

    It’s a vicious cycle…"
    __________________________________________________________________

    I think a lot of hoes give the "nice guy" a chance is all. Part of that "opposites attract" thing...

  • LaTechGrad02

    @Al-Ameera, Comment 100, so true!

  • Al-Ameera

    @ Soul, I guess you are right, water seeks it's own level.

    I am so proud to say I have a good man for a husband and that I wouldn't trade my "sometimes quirky, has the tendancy to be a homebody and a book worm, ashy feet African" for the world...Nope, never!

  • Shauny

    I think Bird would have a fit if she came across this post with RIP above her brother's picture. Sandra your intent was good but you need to edit the subject or something because you make it seem as though HE died.

    I didn't get past the 2nd paragraph of the short novel before I gave up

  • SoulWithSass

    @Tampa

    I kind of agree and disagree with that. I don't think you can "change" a person, but I think you can "inspire" a change in somebody.

    When I met my current, he was working (boy kept a job), but a high-school dropout, had no car, no place and was a bit ignorant....but he was so cute and charming, females loved that. Once I found out he was a HS drop-out, I was immediately turned-off, but I believe in helping people rise up instead of hindering and kicking them (if they're willing to help themselves.) After 2 years, he didn't get anywhere and I was getting EVERYWHERE, and then he started all that ignorance and "playa" crap, I dropped him like he was anthrax.

    I left him for 2.5 years....he came BACK to me.....in college, with a GREAT job, with his own place, with TWO cars and with a MUCH better demeanor: maturity, class and otherwise.

    He credits me leaving his a** where he stood for "inspiring the change." So, no-you CANNOT and WILL NOT change somebody, and you shouldn't try to....but sometimes, unknowingly, you can inspire a change for the better.

  • http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

    This man sounds salty, he needs to gone somewhere and kill himself if thats what he really wants to do. One woman and her experience does not speak for most women much less all women.
    NEGROID BYE!

  • CivilEngineer

    Since I don't wanna deal with kids right now, a woman with kids is out of the question. People like what they like but some should WAKE UP and realize they offer way more than what they're receiving. I refuse to sell myself short...sometimes seen as selfish :shrug:

  • http://createspace.com/3393054 iscream

    :shrugs:

    Like I said I'm glad I'm not a dude. Sad that showing affection is viewed as weak or desperate by men and its okay.

    Yet, if a woman disses a dude who does ish for her she is killing the good guy and that's wrong.

    @ Al

    Who are these people in NY you are hanging around :lol: I think 90% is pretty high. I know me and my girls do not look for thugs but a dude who is about something.

    One more thing. Just because a woman comes into a relationship with a kid(s) does not make her hood.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @MR. PLAYA

    Try white girls dawg. You will automatically be considered a "bad boy" because of your race. Just a suggestion.

  • Ms.Everything

    All I gotta say is wow...

    The man I kinda date now is a nice guy who recently fell on hard times but always had his stuff together I love him just the same if not more and he loves me because I could care less about the material and just care about him. Most mature women would take the nice guy over the thug booty call anyday

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    @scream
    soul pretty much summed it up correctly

  • http://oneperfectassistant.com ggouch

    Give me the God Fearing, educated, confidant, book reading, cnn waching, sports knowledged, political awared, Go GREEN Thriving, gainfully and mobile-ly careered, BLACK is Beautiful, Head of the househeld maintaining, sex everywhere giving, symmetrically pleasing in thy sight, communcative...Brother!!!

  • tampa813

    @soul that's cool that brotha could do right for himself cause some of us stay stuck in our ways.

  • SoulWithSass

    @Civil

    I have the same problem. Some people view it as selfish, but that's fine. If I don't come to the table with kids, baggage, a criminal record, a bad attitude and so forth.....I don't expect anyone sitting across from my table to have those things either.

    I'm trying to start and build my own family, not wing it off of what you made with the chick before me. Me and the kids WE have together will need to have 110% of your time, energy and income, so yeah....I can't share you with ANYBODY...offspring or not. Sorry. :shrug:

  • SoulWithSass

    @Tampa

    Yeah- I know! LOL! Everyone says I lucked up on that one because most dudes would not have gotten it together. But I do believe that when you set standards and actually STICK to them, people who REALLY want you and appreciate you and your WORTH will rise to meet those standards or risk getting left behind.

    I left him...but he decided to run to catch-up. :-)

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    @soul
    so you saying you wouldnt date anyone with a child? i can see civil because he a guy and its different most women have there kids so if he dont wanna deal with that its kinda understandable but guys generally dont have there kids full time

  • EricaDenese

    The roles are changing here in America. Women are acting more like men, and Men are acting more like women.

    WTF is going on?! :shrugs:

  • LaTechGrad02

    @east, I'm with soul. One of my coworkers is dating a guy who has 12 kids with 5 different mothers. It's not my business but I couldn't do it.

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    @Soul...I agree! After dealing with 3 kids and babymommas, I couldn't do kids anymore. I tried with a guy who had one, but then he popped up another one on me and I quickly bounced. He swears to this day that I did him wrong, but who cares! My fiancee has no kids and won't have any until we have some together. Keeps confusion waaayyy down.

  • SangriaSugar

    So...why the letter?? This dude sounds like he isnt secure enough with himself to keep being the "Nice Guy." Does he wanna change his whole personality for some azz? If this is the case then he is not mature and he will end up missing out on a woman whom he could grow and develop with as opposed to someone he is going to get tired of in a couple of days/weeks/months!!

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @EAST
    "so you saying you wouldnt date anyone with a child? i can see civil because he a guy and its different most women have there kids so if he dont wanna deal with that its kinda understandable but guys generally dont have there kids full time"
    _________________________________________________________________

    They are taking into account the funds that will be going towards that child. You know how that goes...

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    @LaTech :blink: 12 kids?????? :blink: oh no....what is she thinking? because I KNOW he can't be taking care of all those kids.

  • http://createspace.com/3393054 iscream

    @east

    EXCUSE ME!!!!

    Most women have 3 kids???? Really? And if they did and was by the same dad, and was drama free then what!

    Not every person with a kid has baby momma/ baby daddy drama.

    And the older you get the smaller that pool of finding a mate with NO kids become.

    I'm happy I was able to find love post having a baby. With a person with No kids, educated, good job and loves me to pieces.

  • Al-Ameera

    @ iscream, I had a child before I got married so I agree.

    Actually I wouldnt say that any of them are friends but people I associate with at work or maybe friends of associates. I am being totally honest when I say I know two women that have a men that are gainfully employed and are not living off of them.

    The others are men that are supposedly record label owners, artist manager, producers or something in the industry but not seeing any money that are living off them or they sell something.

    Also, the women are generally older, like 35-40 and the guy is 30. And then they will talk your ear off about him clubbin and pants hangin off his behind. I'm thinking, isnt that what you chose?

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    @scream
    i was asking soul about her not dating a guy with a kid. i really dont care i probably wouldnt do like 3 kids with 3 baby daddys but 1 or 2 fine i dont have a problem with someone having a child long as its not a bunch of drama involved. like you said the older you get the smaller that pool gets

  • SoulWithSass

    @EastPointVet

    I'm sorry...but I'm selfish. (Actually, no- I'm NOT sorry.) I don't want to deal with YOU or your babymama/ex-wife/friends-with-benefits drama! I don't have kids and I still like to be free. I expect the same of my man. When I want to travel, I don't want to hear "but I got lil man-man this week, I cant."

    When I say, "babe-let's start saving up for this house." I don't want to hear: "I can try, but you know so-and-so just started getting child support garnished out of my check, so I'm going to be short on cash for a while." WTF?!

    This is going to sound harsh, but I am keeping it honest all the way: just like a female's "stock" plummets once she is an unwed mother with a kid, so does a male's once he's an unwed father with a kid!

    The double standard does NOT exist to me. If you got a kid, go find you a person who has one as well and get with them, you will both be on level ground. But at age 24, as of right now....I'm NOT on that ground with you. So no- I will NOT date you. I'm selfish and I know it. And should you be so trifling as to start neglecting your child to make me happy, I would definitely dump your sorry a** anyway....so consider this me saving you the trouble.

  • LaTechGrad02

    @ms. truth, yes ma'am, 12 kids. He doesn't even have a place to stay, he's living with one of the mothers. When my coworker said she might be pregnant as well, I nearly ran over one of the security guards on the base while giving her the side eye and trying to drive.

  • speakinmymind

    @ iscream
    some people with children don't have babymama/babydaddy drama but most do, and if you're the person in the relationship without any children, it can become an emotional drain dealing with the other person's ongoing drama.

    my ex boyfriend paid child support and had court-ordered visitation and it was still DRAMA all the dang time concerning those children. even after reporting her to the courts for not adhering to the visitation schedule, it was still drama. it takes a toll whether the person says it or not.

    neither me nor hubby had kids when we got married and we both commented that it was 'easier' (for lack of a better word) dating someone without kids...less stressful.
    #jussayin

  • SoulWithSass

    *Sidenote*: I will make an allowance for a really nice guy if say...he has a kid or two, was previously married and the wife or such DIED unexpectedly or something. I get that. That's you having kids responsibly and maintaining that responsibility. (Plus my pity and "nurturing" gene kicks in.)

    But Joe-Joe up the street who got 2 kids by Shamika and nem, never been married, don't plan on it, only gets his kids every third week?

    No sir. No cigar.

  • http://twitter.com/mrs_truth ms.truth

    wait wait...he's living with a baby momma (who he's more than likely still having sex) and your friend still wants him? So when she visits him, she has to visit the babymomma and kids too?? :rofl: that is TOO much

  • Anna

    I don't date men with kids. I had 3 of my own when I got married/1 baby daddy. :lol: Hubby has no kids. It's my preference and my way of keeping me and my life drama free from baby mamas. Call me selfish if you want but it's my choice.

  • SoulWithSass

    And thats another reason why I won't date men with kids unless the other parent is deceased.....

    @Ms. Truth

    I have friends with kids where the kid's other parent is in a relationship......

    All of them are STILL screwing each other from time-to-time. EVERY....SINGLE...ONE...OF...THEM.

    No ma'am. I can't. I'll be in jail somewhere. Nope. I pass.

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    @soul
    so what if there is no drama and money is not an issue nor time?

  • speakinmymind

    oh, and even though we still don't have kids all these years later, i'm still glad neither of us had kids when we got together. prior to my ex, i didn't have a preference whether or not a guy had kids, but after that i def had a preference for no kids. and my ex boyfriend was a hard working, responsible guy. the babymama was his high school girlfriend who just refused to move on with her life.

    and i agree with Soul
    the babymama would have to have been deceased for me to date a guy with kids.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @ANNA
    "I don’t date men with kids. I had 3 of my own when I got married/1 baby daddy. Hubby has no kids. It’s my preference and my way of keeping me and my life drama free from baby mamas. Call me selfish if you want but it’s my choice."
    _______________________________________________________________

    DAYUM! You must have that "Great-Great" down there!

  • cheeks8683

    Shoot I LOVE nice guys!!! I'll pick cute over fine any day. With fine his looks are universal, with cute it depends on your taste. The fne ones are always on some other ish. I will say this there are some fine men that are nice guys but here in OKC that is rare. The Fine ones feel themselves too much and always have options. Like my mommna says find someone that loves YOU...loves you raggity, in between perms, on a bad outfit day....lol!

  • SugarPieHoneybunn

    SoulWithSass Says:

    @ EastPointVet

    That must be true only in the South and among a certain level of female because not I, nor MOST (”most,” not all) of my friends have EVER got down with that.
    _______________________________________________________
    Now that was just some pitiful, ignorant mess to say right there. :nono:

    There are dumb/immature chicks worldwide. Not just in the SOUTH. There isnt an age cap on this either. I've seen women that are over 50, still hoeing around at the club, talkin bout they cant find a good man.

  • Anna

    Man, I just don't care™ Says:

    @ANNA
    “I don’t date men with kids. I had 3 of my own when I got married/1 baby daddy. Hubby has no kids. It’s my preference and my way of keeping me and my life drama free from baby mamas. Call me selfish if you want but it’s my choice.”
    _______________________________________________________________

    DAYUM! You must have that “Great-Great” down there!
    ~~~~~~~~
    You made me choke on my chip. :lol: I'll tell you why I don't date men w/kid(s) and it's real simple. I am a baby mama. Enough said. I have been married for almost 13 yrs now and those baby mama days have long been gone. But I can guarantee you this, if your man is going to visit his kids after 10 pm, he's not visiting his kids.

  • Stormy

    Well, as BROWNSUGAPOET stated above: I am a RARITY too because I do not have any kids! AND my boyfriend does not have any kids either (EXTREMELY RARE) !!!!

  • SoulWithSass

    @EastPointVet

    Unless he's a deadbeat dad (in that case, I definitely DON'T want him as that speaks volumes about his character), there will ALWAYS be a time & money issue. He will have to provide or spend time with them SOMETIME, won't he? Or unless his kids are fully grown (20+), but I don't date men that much older than me anyway. LOL!

    And drama just comes with the territory. You arguing with the mama about the kids = DRAMA. You have to go over your ex's house to help her do something cause she don't have a man around= THIRSTY DRAMA. Shuttling the kids back and forth between each other's house on opposite weeks = DRAMA TO YOUR & OUR SCHEDULE. Drama is universal in this scenario unless one of the parents is deceased. :shrug:

    I just choose to avoid that struggle altogether. I know it sounds harsh and narrow, but at least I know where I stand on it and I let everybody else know up front too.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    I almost give a black woman around the age of 30 the side eye if they don't have ANY children.

    Start thinking something might be wrong with their "plumbing" or something.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @ANNA
    "I can guarantee you this, if your man is going to visit his kids after 10 pm, he’s not visiting his kids."
    _________________________________________________________________

    I guess this is meant to be rhetorical right?

  • Anna

    Man, I just don't care™ Says:

    I almost give a black woman around the age of 30 the side eye if they don’t have ANY children.

    Start thinking something might be wrong with their “plumbing” or something.
    ~~~~~~~~
    Not every woman wants kids. I know a few women over 40 that never wanted kids. Not that they couldn't. Didn't adopt or foster any. They like to travel at a moments notice.

  • Anna

    Man, I just don't care™ Says:

    @ANNA
    “I can guarantee you this, if your man is going to visit his kids after 10 pm, he’s not visiting his kids.”
    _________________________________________________________________

    I guess this is meant to be rhetorical right?
    ~~~~~~~
    :lol:

  • Stormy

    As far as the women who are only attracted to men they have to chase and men who have kids/other women....that is very true and happens to a lot of younger/older women!

    I used to go for the " thug " type of guys AKA no sense, illiterate, no jobs....but I finally learned that I was tired of doing everything on my own AKA working two jobs, paying the bills and spending nights alone wondering why he had not come home....

    Now my little sister (28) is into a thug and it drives me bonkers! But the difference between me and her is that she is pregnant...cannot wait for my niece, though :-)!!! So she is stuck with her " thug " for life at least because of my niece she will have to see him....but not be involved with him as in a relationship. I think she is finally getting tired of his lifestyle and may get rid of him...hopefully sooner ~ then later *LOL*.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @ANNA
    "I almost give a black woman around the age of 30 the side eye if they don’t have ANY children.

    Start thinking something might be wrong with their “plumbing” or something.
    ~~~~~~~~
    Not every woman wants kids. I know a few women over 40 that never wanted kids. Not that they couldn’t. Didn’t adopt or foster any. They like to travel at a moments notice."
    __________________________________________________________________

    Yeah, I know. It's just a rarity, particularly where I'm from.

    You know, old people say that people of a "certain age" with no children and that have never been married are:

    :homoswitch:

    You know old people can say some chit that make you think!

  • tampa813

    This post is more entertaining than anything else on here today.

  • Candi Apple

    Great convo. I'm happy to see not all women settle for less than what they deserve. NO thug syndrom is a good thing. I have so much to add but I digress.

  • cheeks8683

    I always get the side-eye for not having kids...I'm 26/have a degree/and a well-paid job and I cannot count how many times a dude asked me what's wrong with you? I was at a relatives funeral on this past saturday and folks kept asking me why I was not married lol? The guy I'm talking to is an engineer with no kids and in his 30's...we both get the side-eye? Hey we have a mutual belief that we want to be married when we take that step...thatsall...to each his/her own i say :)

  • SoulWithSass

    @Man

    I have two cousins who don't have kids near and over 30 and their plumbing is just fine. But they are rather "successful" for their ages so they are choosing to wait until they get the guy they want (one is about to get married so I think she'll drop on sooner or later.)

    I think that many women who are of a more "rare" league (I'm trying to put it nicely) wait longer for kids because there's no rush and they'd rather get all of their LIVING out of the way before they settle down with kids.

    I'm the same way. Don't look to see a kid from me before 28 (if I'm married, finish my master's and have a house). It'll be even later than 28 if all three of those things haven't been accomplished yet.

    No matter what though...I refuse to be a "babymama." They are some strong women and I applaud them for that, but it's just not the road for me. Wife first, mother second-that's my motto. (And master's and buying a house somewhere in between those two.) :-)

  • SugarPieHoneybunn

    Man, I just don't care™ Says:
    You know, old people say that people of a “certain age” with no children and that have never been married are homo
    __________________________________________________________
    LOL, u are a fool for that!! Old folks will call ur ass gay if dont have somebody at a certain age!! LOL

  • Stormy

    I am 33 and I have never wanted kids....but my boyfriend does....so I may change my mind one day but I doubt it. We have been together for six years now and I told him when we first met I did not desire any kids but I guess he thought I would change my mind or he thought that since he was a good guy and would stick around if I got pregnant (unlike the previous thugs in my life), that I would want kids later in life....but I still am not too crazy on the idea!

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @CHEEKS8683
    "I always get the side-eye for not having kids…I’m 26/have a degree/and a well-paid job and I cannot count how many times a dude asked me what’s wrong with you? I was at a relatives funeral on this past saturday and folks kept asking me why I was not married lol? The guy I’m talking to is an engineer with no kids and in his 30’s…we both get the side-eye? Hey we have a mutual belief that we want to be married when we take that step…thatsall…to each his/her own i say "
    _________________________________________________________________

    You sure that plumbing work for both of yall?

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @SUGAR PIE
    "You know, old people say that people of a “certain age” with no children and that have never been married are homo
    __________________________________________________________
    LOL, u are a fool for that!! Old folks will call ur ass gay if dont have somebody at a certain age!! LOL"
    ________________________________________________________________

    You know they say that chit.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @SOUL
    "I have two cousins who don’t have kids near and over 30 and their plumbing is just fine. But they are rather “successful” for their ages so they are choosing to wait until they get the guy they want (one is about to get married so I think she’ll drop on sooner or later.)

    I think that many women who are of a more “rare” league (I’m trying to put it nicely) wait longer for kids because there’s no rush and they’d rather get all of their LIVING out of the way before they settle down with kids.

    I’m the same way. Don’t look to see a kid from me before 28 (if I’m married, finish my master’s and have a house). It’ll be even later than 28 if all three of those things haven’t been accomplished yet.

    No matter what though…I refuse to be a “babymama.” They are some strong women and I applaud them for that, but it’s just not the road for me. Wife first, mother second-that’s my motto. (And master’s and buying a house somewhere in between those two.)"
    _________________________________________________________________

    Don't say what you WON'T do...

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    lol @soul
    ill give you a perfect example me!!!!!!!!! lol i spend time with my daughter but me and her mom cool to where its not an issue with when i get her or so forth or if im scheduled its nothing to say something came up let me get her another time. she is married now and we havent slept together since before my daughter was born so thats never a problem i have no drama in that department. and money is not an issue with me. you just cant bring the baggage of what another guy situation was before whoever you dealing with. even if you dated 5 guys with kids and they all had drama and slept with they baby mamas its gonna be one who doesnt

  • tampa813

    Lol@man yeah old Southern folks will wonder what's wrong with you if you're not married or have kids.

  • http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

    Man, I just don't care™ Says:
    I almost give a black woman around the age of 30 the side eye if they don’t have ANY children.

    Start thinking something might be wrong with their “plumbing” or something.
    --------------------------------------------------------------

    See why I don't think you're crazy and just plain old foolish. So if a woman is 29 and made a decision not to have children something is wrong with her :rolleyes:

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @KARAZ
    "I almost give a black woman around the age of 30 the side eye if they don’t have ANY children.

    Start thinking something might be wrong with their “plumbing” or something.
    ————————————————————–

    See why I don’t think you’re crazy and just plain old foolish. So if a woman is 29 and made a decision not to have children something is wrong with her"
    ______________________________________________________________________

    Didn't I say ALMOST give them the side eye?

  • Anna

    Man, I just don't care™ Says:

    @ANNA
    “I almost give a black woman around the age of 30 the side eye if they don’t have ANY children.

    Start thinking something might be wrong with their “plumbing” or something.
    ~~~~~~~~
    Not every woman wants kids. I know a few women over 40 that never wanted kids. Not that they couldn’t. Didn’t adopt or foster any. They like to travel at a moments notice.”
    __________________________________________________________________

    Yeah, I know. It’s just a rarity, particularly where I’m from.

    You know, old people say that people of a “certain age” with no children and that have never been married are:

    You know old people can say some chit that make you think!
    ~~~~~~~
    Old ppl do say some chit. :lol: But think about it, even gay/lesbium ppl adopt. Some ppl just don't want kids. When you come from a big family and mom is still having kids and her kids are having kids you get tired of kids.

  • http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

    Man, I just don't care™ Says:

    Didn’t I say ALMOST give them the side eye?

    ------------------------------------------------------------

    So you give them a quarter side eye? *side eye*
    Where i'm from it's not normal to have children unless you're married. I never dated anyone with children, I never saw the reason to. For every nice guy with a child (or children) who expressed interest in me, there 3 or 4 others without children who met the exact same criteria. I don't have any kids and can get up and go if I wanted, I always dated people with the exact same flexibility as I did.

  • cheeks8683

    @ Man, I just don't care™ Says:

    Everything is just fine :)

    I'm a fan of birth-control...we are very fertile on my side of the family and I'm just not ready yet...I'm enjoying life right now...

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @ANNA
    "Old ppl do say some chit. But think about it, even gay/lesbium ppl adopt. Some ppl just don’t want kids. When you come from a big family and mom is still having kids and her kids are having kids you get tired of kids."
    ________________________________________________________________

    I'm not saying it as if it is FACT. Just that I can follow the logic.

  • SoulWithSass

    @EastPointVet

    Well- you may be a special case. But still, you will still have to deal with your daughter from that woman and provide for your child as well, so you would still have a time/money/energy conflict when it came to me. But like I said, I'm selfish, so maybe it's just an issue for me.

    But I don't have any baggage from dealing with guys and kids. I've never dealt with a guy who had kids. EVER. I've rarely come across them and when I meet them and one or two convos into it, they mention it, I immediately stop the chase. (Kind of mean, I know, but I don't lead folks on.)

    @Man

    I usually don't say "never" or "won't." But I'm steadfast on that issue. You want kids, I need a ring and a house at the VERY least.

  • SangriaSugar

    @ CHEEKS8683

    I get the same question!! They look at me like something is wrong with me. I'm 29, working on my Master's in forensic psych, got a house, about to pay off my car, got a great job , investments, savings, got good credit and no kids!! I do want them one day but I want it to be with the right man. Shoot one of the women I work with is trying to marry me off to someone...anyone...because she feels I should have kids!

    I told her the reason I havent settled down is because I have standards & I know my worth so I'm not going to compromise myself just to be with guy. Relationships have to grow together and if you are allowing yourself to play catch-up and wait with someone who has baby mama drama then you will always being playing games and selling yourself short.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @KARAZ
    "So you give them a quarter side eye? *side eye*
    Where i’m from it’s not normal to have children unless you’re married. I never dated anyone with children, I never saw the reason to. For every nice guy with a child (or children) who expressed interest in me, there 3 or 4 others without children who met the exact same criteria. I don’t have any kids and can get up and go if I wanted, I always dated people with the exact same flexibility as I did."
    __________________________________________________________________

    No, not a "quarter eye." I just close one eye and give the side eye with the remaining open eye. Therfore making it a HALF EYE and not a QUARTER EYE (wtf?).

    Now, that has been established, congrats to you on your dating technique! :D

    Hey maybe it's just that majority have children where I'm from. :shrug:

  • Ms.Everything

    @east and civil, I'm kinda insulted cause I have four kids by one man, zero drama cause my ex took off and left the state and have never brought my children around any man I'm dating (except two and only cause we were childhood friends in both cases and my kids only know them as friends of mommy) and would never ask or expect any man I'm not married for help raising or supporting them (or me truth be told) period and the majority of single mothers I know are the same way. I think, especially as you get older you need to look at things on a case by case basis because you could pass by Ms. Right simply because she falls short on one or two or your requirements. And that goes for anybody. I used to have a list of what I needed to be with a man and I was really lonely so now I have basic standards, meaning job, not a criminal, has goals that he's actively working towards and treats me like I should be treated with respect and like a woman (which doesn't mean buying me stuff cause I can buy my own and if I can't I don't need it). Everything else is negotiable depending on the man because I once found a man who met every requirement on my list (when I had one) and I fell in love thinking I found Mr. Right and he hurt me like no one ever has worse than my husband so screw a list. Ill just keep my standards and see where things go

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @MS. EVERYTHING
    "I’m kinda insulted cause I have four kids by one man, zero drama cause my ex took off and left the state and have never brought my children around any man I’m dating (except two and only cause we were childhood friends in both cases and my kids only know them as friends of mommy) and would never ask or expect any man I’m not married for help raising or supporting them (or me truth be told) period and the majority of single mothers I know are the same way. I think, especially as you get older you need to look at things on a case by case basis because you could pass by Ms. Right simply because she falls short on one or two or your requirements. And that goes for anybody. I used to have a list of what I needed to be with a man and I was really lonely so now I have basic standards, meaning job, not a criminal, has goals that he’s actively working towards and treats me like I should be treated with respect and like a woman (which doesn’t mean buying me stuff cause I can buy my own and if I can’t I don’t need it). Everything else is negotiable depending on the man because I once found a man who met every requirement on my list (when I had one) and I fell in love thinking I found Mr. Right and he hurt me like no one ever has worse than my husband so screw a list. Ill just keep my standards and see where things go"
    ________________________________________________________________

    Ok, real talk, this is the part I don't get:

    "and would never ask or expect any man I’m not married for help raising or supporting them (or me truth be told) period and the majority of single mothers I know are the same way..."

    Exactly what does that mean? Do you think it's realistic for you to be living with/married to a dude and he not have any responsibility as it comes to your kids? I just don't think that's realistic.

    I don't question your intent, just not sure how that can realistically be executed.

  • SoulWithSass

    I'm in the exact same state of mind as KaraZ and SangriaSugar.

    I only deal with people who have the same amount of freedom I do, and I REFUSE to lower my standards. It's nothing wrong with having standards and it seems like Black women are the only race who constantly gets told that our "standards are too high" or that we need to "settle before we miss out." I'm almost to the point where I could understand going back to the old days when the parents picked their kids suitors.

    @Man

    It's a rarity here to find a female over age 21 without kids as well. And to find one educated, with her own stuff, a good job AND without kids is damn near impossible, hence why my cousins & I sometimes get the *side-eye*, but we also get the pick of the litter. I'd rather be the rare commodity than the common one. Jsut saying...

  • http://www.twitter.com/karazinatl KaraZ

    Man, I just don't care™ Says:

    No, not a “quarter eye.” I just close one eye and give the side eye with the remaining open eye. Therfore making it a HALF EYE and not a QUARTER EYE (wtf?).

    ------------------------------------------------------------

    You actually described the action... I;m so done with you, I'm not laughing anymore today my stomach hurts too much

  • BROWNSUGAPOET

    If my marriage doesn't work out I don't think I'll ever date anyone else with kids because chances are I won't have any! If the kids are grown and out of the house and that's a huge IF then i might consider but as of now that ain't happenin!

    So guess what Civil!!!!!!

  • cheeks8683

    Sangriasugar says:
    I told her the reason I havent settled down is because I have standards & I know my worth so I’m not going to compromise myself just to be with guy. Relationships have to grow together and if you are allowing yourself to play catch-up and wait with someone who has baby mama drama then you will always being playing games and selling yourself short.

    GIIIIIRRRRRLLLL!!! Story of my life! I have so many people try to hook me up with so-in-so, I'm like can I chill and build my fortune in peace? LOL! And I had some tell me they want me linked up with someone because they feel in-secure when I'm around. Please, I'm not a thirsty chick trying to steal your man and I don't get down like that lol! The one that I was talking about earlier is the coolest guy I have met in a long time. He understands the craft of courting and getting to know a girl...If anything we are great friends...He could be plotting on me but so far so good...he's fun, I'm fun and we are having fun together :)

  • Ms.Everything

    @Man simply put I would never live with any man I'm not married to and I said even though I may not of been clear that the only way id expect a man to assist with my kids is if we were married. I've said on here before I don't believe in bringing my children into any relationship where marriage is not in the very near future and my kids will be the final test in seeing if marriage will happen. I refuse to let them see me with a variety of men and I've never believed in living with a man you're not married to. I've lived with one man and that was my husband for two weeks before we got married.

  • Anna

    BROWNSUGAPOET Says:

    If my marriage doesn’t work out I don’t think I’ll ever date anyone else with kids because chances are I won’t have any! If the kids are grown and out of the house and that’s a huge IF then i might consider but as of now that ain’t happenin!
    ~~~~~~~
    Don't think because they are out of the house it's all good. My daughter is getting married and called me for money for her dress. I told her I am not the father of the bride, she told me it's ok "I already called my dad and you guys are sharing the cost". Don't think that because the kids are older that the money is staying in the household w/the new family. :lol:

  • Ms.Everything

    Also @Man I'm not your typical woman at least that's what the man I'm seeing now has always said because I like my independance. I'm there for him when he needs me and vice versa but there's times when I wanna be left the hell alone. I don't need or want someone at my every beck and call, nor do I need a bunch of gifts and attention to keep me happy. Every now and then is a great surprise but keep doing it and I start feeling like you're trying to buy my affection. I am perfectly happy spending time alone and secure enough not to worry about what he does when he isn't with me. He's annoyed with me now cause I've been off work just over two months and it took a while to get my unemployment so halfway through March I ran out of money and food. He never knew how bad things were because I never let on and refused to ask for help. I called my best friends and they helped out with food for the kids and some bills and we made it through. I let it slip out a couple days ago and he asked why I didn't tell him and I told him point blank my kids are not your responsibility so why would I? My mom was the same way until she got married and I respect her a lot more especially now that I'm in this situation. I just can't bring myself to put my responsibilities with my ex off on someone else UNLESS he's my husband in which case my problems become his and vice versa

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @MS. EVERYTHING

    I feel ya, just think you are sort of putting the guy in a bad posistion for him to be dayum near ready to "walk down the aisle" and still not be familiar of the MOST important thing in your life.

    Your children too, I mean, they are going to get to know this guy they are unfamiliar with and out the gate he is the "husband."

    I guess I just have a different perspective.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @SOUL WITH SASS
    "It’s a rarity here to find a female over age 21 without kids as well. And to find one educated, with her own stuff, a good job AND without kids is damn near impossible, hence why my cousins & I sometimes get the *side-eye*, but we also get the pick of the litter. I’d rather be the rare commodity than the common one. Jsut saying…"
    ___________________________________________________________________

    With the exception of having children, that actually describes most of the black women I know.

  • BROWNSUGAPOET

    Man Man Man the devil on my shoulder wants to ask for your email

  • Candi Apple

    Which says alot for the black men who walk out on their children because they are not feeling the baby momma. Shame to both black genders for allow these children to suffer through the same state generation after generation. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have children with the right person. It is better to build a house out of brick than straw.

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    its just a balancing act you get 100% of no person man or woman and if you do then they probably have nothing going on in there life to have to balance. you gonna have a career, personal interest, and just me time that you have to balance. adding a child and time with them is just another thing you have to balance. i probably travel more than anyone in here and at a moments notice and having my child doesnt stop that. its no different than me making a call to my job and saying hey im taking a couple days off. if children stop you from doing anything i think you are not motivated enough from the start and use them as an excuse.

  • Anna

    eastpointvet Says:

    its just a balancing act you get 100% of no person man or woman and if you do then they probably have nothing going on in there life to have to balance. you gonna have a career, personal interest, and just me time that you have to balance. adding a child and time with them is just another thing you have to balance. i probably travel more than anyone in here and at a moments notice and having my child doesnt stop that. its no different than me making a call to my job and saying hey im taking a couple days off. if children stop you from doing anything i think you are not motivated enough from the start and use them as an excuse.
    ~~~~~~~~~
    Are you a full time 24/7 parent?

  • CivilEngineer

    @Ms Everything...I'm 22, in college and my little 3 year old cousin is enough for me to deal with at this point. But I'm also not trying to get married or settle down until I actually have a career and some stability. I wasn't trying to insult women with kids. Good single moms are heroes in my book

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @BROWN SUGA POET
    "Man Man Man the devil on my shoulder wants to ask for your email"
    _________________________________________________________

    JCSTANSB @ GMAIL

  • http://twitter.com/eastpointvet eastpointvet

    @anna
    not now but when i was it was the same way

  • LaTechGrad02

    :offtopic: Are the rumors about Tiki Barber cheating on his wife true?

  • Sweet-D

    I can see some truth coming from the post. Some women seem to be drawn to Mr. Wrong because I think it keeps spontaneity in the relationship. An unhealthy spontaneity, but spontaneity nonetheless. Men do it too. Claim they don't like drama, but most men who say that have been in a drama filled relationship for a while. I don't know what it is.

  • Ms.Everything

    @Man I know and its not for everybody but its working for us. I mean I tell a guy from the jump no sleepovers when my kids are home, I have a great sitter who will take them at a moments notice and I would never get that close to a man without knowing his perspective on children and parenting anyway. I'm not going to one day bring a man home and say meet your daddy but I will start making introductions and start gradually including him in our daily life so I can see how they interact. If it works great if it doesn't then I guess it wasn't meant to be. But children get damaged watching their parents jump from man to man. And my children have already been through a lot of pain so I refuse to add anymore confusion or heartache to their lives especially since they get attached easily, my son especially because he wants a man in the house. I have to put them first so if that means I'm gonna be single a long time then so be it but so far it hasn't posed a problem and were all happy

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @MS. EVERYTHING
    " I know and its not for everybody but its working for us. I mean I tell a guy from the jump no sleepovers when my kids are home, I have a great sitter who will take them at a moments notice and I would never get that close to a man without knowing his perspective on children and parenting anyway. I’m not going to one day bring a man home and say meet your daddy but I will start making introductions and start gradually including him in our daily life so I can see how they interact. If it works great if it doesn’t then I guess it wasn’t meant to be. But children get damaged watching their parents jump from man to man. And my children have already been through a lot of pain so I refuse to add anymore confusion or heartache to their lives especially since they get attached easily, my son especially because he wants a man in the house. I have to put them first so if that means I’m gonna be single a long time then so be it but so far it hasn’t posed a problem and were all happy"
    __________________________________________________________________

    I understand. :D

    I guess as long as they aren't "sprung" on each other all out the blue and chit it can work out.

    I agree with not trying to subject them to meeting a lot of people and all but life is life. Can't protect them from everything... :D

  • pinksghetti

    I don't believe all women like "bad boys" or don't like nice guys. I think people are a little nervous around people who may like them too much because they might snap on them one day. At least when someone is "naughty" you know from the gate what you're getting. I prefer a nice guy but one who wouldn't think their whole life revolves around me and will go off if I leave him :) FloridaChick is right guys can be the same way with women but for some reason no one wants to acknowledge it that much.

  • http://myspace.com/dannyblaq dblaq

    Everybody think they have the relationship part figured out, saying ain't doing this and ain't doing that. That's why majority of relationships don't work in America period because everybody has baggage like a mug and then setting standards for the opposite sex. Don't put standards on someone if you ain't up to par, if you got issues, are broke, got kids, or whatever don't expect someone else to come correct.

    Women like a thug, player, or whatever until that sh!t backfires on them then they run around likea woman scorn.

    If we just all stay single then we wouldn't relationship issues!!

  • Ms.Everything

    @Civil wow I didn't realize how young you were... you just focus on school and career right now and then worry about finding someone. I wouldn't trade my babies for anything in the world but I always wished I could have the actual college experience instead of working, parenting, being a wife and going to school at once smh I don't know how I did it

    And thanks :)

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @DBLAQ
    "Everybody think they have the relationship part figured out, saying ain’t doing this and ain’t doing that. That’s why majority of relationships don’t work in America period because everybody has baggage like a mug and then setting standards for the opposite sex. Don’t put standards on someone if you ain’t up to par, if you got issues, are broke, got kids, or whatever don’t expect someone else to come correct.

    Women like a thug, player, or whatever until that sh!t backfires on them then they run around likea woman scorn.

    If we just all stay single then we wouldn’t relationship issues!!"
    _________________________________________________________________

    Yup, I always say "Never say what you WON'T do." Life is funny in that it will make you change your perspective real quick.

    As for the "staying single," I've always advocated for "open relationships" so I guess in a way, we are in agreement.

  • pinksghetti

    @Carrington #64, I think a lot of young people, male & femlae have been influenced by entertainers as to how a man (or woman) is supposed to behave. On top of it a lot of young people in the communities have grown up without a male role model in the home so some look to tv/movies/music videos as a guide on how men are supposed to behave. The men imitate it and the women see it as the "norm" for male behavior.

  • Ms.Everything

    Lol @ dblaq but very true that's why I said have standards but take things on a case by case basis unless you plan on being alone and even someone who meets all your requirements can still hurt you

    @Man I know but I can still try to protect them from the things I can control

  • SoulWithSass

    @DBlaq

    I can't speak for EVERYBODY, but I know myself, and several other ladies on here stated that we weren't open to dating a man with kids because we DON'T have kids.

    As I said earlier, I don't expect my man to come to the table with anything I don't come to the table with. Whether it be kids, credit, cars, houses....you get the point.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @SOUL
    "As I said earlier, I don’t expect my man to come to the table with anything I don’t come to the table with. Whether it be kids, credit, cars, houses….you get the point."
    ___________________________________________________________________

    That sounds so materialistic. He can have all that and lose it the day after you get together (not married). Then what? Or YOU could lose yours, should he walk out the door?

    Again, assuming you aren't married because I'm sure you will site "marriage vows" and how each is "obligated" to each other. :rolleyes:

    If people make you happy and you enjoy being around each other, everything else is extra.

    Just my two cents.

  • pinksghetti

    You know, old people say that people of a “certain age” with no children and that have never been married are:

    You know old people can say some chit that make you think!

    @Man, I Just Don't Care

    I live in a neighborhood with two sets of BW who are lesbians and out of the two couples each has at least one child so that old saying of been married or having children by a certain age means someone is straight doesn't apply today. Heck (yes I said it, lol) look at the Governor of NJ who was married twice w/kids and gay.

  • Daisy

    33 single no kids doesn't matter if a man has kids or not never really cared or not I have a pref but I won't exclude a man w/a child or 2

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @PINKSGHETTI
    "I live in a neighborhood with two sets of BW who are lesbians and out of the two couples each has at least one child so that old saying of been married or having children by a certain age means someone is straight doesn’t apply today. Heck (yes I said it, lol) look at the Governor of NJ who was married twice w/kids and gay."
    _________________________________________________________________

    Yeah, I know. I didn't say it was 100 percent fact, but you know "where there is smoke there is fire."

    I also read a study that found black lesbian couples were just as likely to have children in the relationship as hetero couples.

  • Candi Apple

    The people who have kids think the statements made are unfair and others should be open to explore the possiblities.

    People without kids are saying h3ll to the naw cause I don't want to take on anyones baggage that will change my life or the lifestyle that I have provided for myself therefore grown accustom too.

    I think we are attracted to what we are mostly. We change as we age (some people just don't want to grow up different subject). Every couple of years, our personalities change and so do a list of things we like, some things people live by suddenly don't mean as much. With experience and time less is tolerated from people as a whole and mostly with a mate. When people are young they maybe attracted to the bad boy because they are bad themselves or they are being rebelous. I guess thats why my personal belief is if you are 30 and under just live life to its fullest. Have kids later so the man you choose will be more settled and so will you and vice versa. Having kids young yes even in your twenties can possibly lead to being a single parent of one or many. And because being so young with kids men in that age brackett most of the time do not want to take on the responsibilites of step father. The less baggage the more options. Women and men with more options tend to want someone with more options too. I can't call it. I can go on and on but I digress.. Marriage is a business anyway because after a while it becomes less about love and more about respect and the life you built together.

  • Ms.Everything

    @Soul this guy I'm sorta seeing (its complicated) when we first started out he had everything looks, a nice car, his own home, great job making good money in finance, great personality, no kids but liked kids, perfect credit score.... just a perfect beautiful chocolate man. Then the recession hit and he luckily jumped ship before his company went under but took a massive pay cut, traded his car for a cheaper model, sold his house to protect his credit score and it didn't bother me at all. We've been off/on for two years, more on than off but always remaining friends even during the off times. Both of us have seen each other through job loss, financial struggles, a baby for him (conceived on an off time), basically we've both had our lives turned upside down and shook up a few times and I still love him and he loves me because he says I'm the realest person, male or female, he knows and he said that he can tell I actually love him not what he has and can do. Never base a relationship on material cause that can all leave tomorrow. I will date any man with a job and aspirations to go forward in life be it a stockboy at Sears or a lawyer as long as he is a good man.

  • SoulWithSass

    @Ms. Everything & Man

    Wait a minute now. I never said I would only date a dude because of what he had/didn't have. If you look at my earlier post, I clearly used my current as an example of somebody who had NOTHING when I met him, but I was more than happy to help him build.

    However-I do expect the minimum. Nobody I date is under 26 at this point. I expect you to have 1) a job (unless you are the victim of the recession- I can understand that); 2) NO KIDS (cause I don't have any); 3) No Criminial record (cause I don't have one)...etc.

    I also said in comment 196, as a person "I don't expect my man to come to the table with anything I do NOT have." That was in reply to DBlaq saying some folks expect so much but offer so little. I never said my credit was good (it's really not) or that I had a benz or anything. But what I said is that if I DON'T have something, I don't expect my partner to have it either. It's about not expecting way more than you can offer-being level.

    I don't know where you two got: "materialism" and thinking I implied that I would only date a dude on the merits of what he "has" from. I actually pretty much stated the opposite. So ya'll are kind of jumping the gun here, no?

    @Man
    Read it again THEN jump off the deep end. You took that staement far away from what it said and kind of took it a bit personal. Wanna talk about it? :-)

    It's all love though.

  • Anna

    Candi Apple Says:

    The people who have kids think the statements made are unfair and others should be open to explore the possiblities.

    Marriage is a business anyway because after a while it becomes less about love and more about respect and the life you built together.
    ~~~~~
    My husband thinks it's unfair of me to say that I wouldn't date a man with kids, being I have kids. :lol: It is what it is. Marriage is a business, it's not what can you do for me it's what can we build together. I find myself more and more in love as the yrs go by. I am sure It may dwindle around or 50th Anniversary.

  • free

    Candi Apple Says: People without kids are saying h3ll to the naw cause I don’t want to take on anyones baggage that will change my life or the lifestyle that I have provided for myself therefore grown accustom too.

    ***************************************************

    AND IT WILL. in long-term relationships, your significant other's kids will cost you money, time, and many times a lot of damn drama so if you ain't down with it, say so and don't be ashamed about it.

    the only thing that's bad is dating someone with kids when you really don't want the kids because you cannot separate the two in the long run.

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @SOUL WITH SASS

    ¿¿¿ :surprised: ???

    DA HELL???

    This is YOUR comment:
    “I don’t expect my man to come to the table with anything I do NOT have.”

    Then YOU describe yourself as:
    “It’s a rarity here to find a female over age 21 without kids as well. And to find one educated, with her own stuff, a good job AND without kids is damn near impossible, hence why my cousins & I sometimes get the *side-eye*, but we also get the pick of the litter."

    So putting 2 and 2 together, that means your man should have:

    1. An education
    2. His own "stuff"
    3. A good job
    4. No Kids
    5. "his pick of the litter"

    These are YOUR words boo and they sound materialistic. I'm not the only one that thought so. If you don't like it, YOU need to express yourself better babe.

    Now, as for ME. Why would I take something personal for the way YOU do chit? I think Sandra has found another "narcissist." LOL. Get over yourself boo. You a dime a dozen.

    IT'S ALL LOVE THO! No hate and no shade. :D

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    Well I don't chase em I replace em.....Pretty much how I live my life!

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    Well I don't chase em I replace em.....Pretty much how I live my life!

  • Ms.Everything

    @Soul it did kinda sound that way because of the things you listed that you'd expect to be equal, cars houses etc but I'm glad that's not what you meant. I did read the comment about your current man and I'm glad he got his stuff together and was able to come back with something to offer

    @Candi, have you ever been married or have kids? Just wondering because anything in life is a gamble. I know people in their 60's who've been married to same person since they were teens and are still in love. Many people get married in their early 20's that's not uncommon at all, some of the marriages work and others don't and often children are born into the marriages. I was married at 20 and still managed to have a career, home and establish myself. Did my marriage last? No but not because I failed to know the man I was marrying or because I didn't do my research but because he had a crisis and turned in the wrong direction. Many women decide to stay childless and single way into their older years and established only to find that its harder to conceive and the man pool is smaller while many couples marry young and grow/build their life and career together. Just because you have children does not mean you lose your options. The road is a little rougher but still open and as I stated earlier many young, single (for whatever reason) mothers are not looking for a stepfather to their children. That assumption is why I believe many men hesitate before even casually dating a woman with children. Some women don't want to be married and just wanted kids, some women with children have fathers who are active in their life and don't need a replacement. The vast majority of single mothers do not go into relationships looking for a man to help raise their children even though people seem to think that. You are right though that marriage is a business

  • http://nwmasssmedia.com NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com

    how did this convo turn to kids? Shrugs it way to much mess to read, listen we all want what we want rather it be good are bad. But just because you don't have kids, do have a degree, do own a house, do have money in the bank~~ doesn't mean you wont get played like a fiddle by a man. It does not make you Top grade A of women either. Bottom line is, it depends on what that man wants for himself. I don't compare myself to no other woman...... You have women that own big businesses with kids and you some women with no kids working for someone who's the better chick? Well that depends on the guy not us as women.... Just like we choose men they do the same.......so hey at the end of the day it's to each it's own....

    The End

  • http://myspace.com/thegameoncw Bird

    First of all women are different. We don't all like the same kind of guy. Obviously there are women who are attracted to idiots. It could also be that she just wasn't feeling the other guy. That happens. Just because a guy is nice doesn't mean you're going to be into him. Chemistry is chemistry.

    Secondly, don't worry about Joel. He's cool with Sandra using his pic. He's the one who called me and told me about this post. He wasn't mad.

  • Anna

    Bird Says:

    First of all women are different. We don’t all like the same kind of guy. Obviously there are women who are attracted to idiots. It could also be that she just wasn’t feeling the other guy. That happens. Just because a guy is nice doesn’t mean you’re going to be into him. Chemistry is chemistry.

    Secondly, don’t worry about Joel. He’s cool with Sandra using his pic. He’s the one who called me and told me about this post. He wasn’t mad.
    ~~~~~~~
    You're right some women are attracted to idiots. They may have a new man every few yrs. but their all idiots. Joel reads Sandra Rose?

  • SangriaSugar

    @ Bird How's the pregnancy coming mama??

    Joel reads SR?!!

    HEY JOEL!!! :cheer:

  • Anna

    You’re right some women are attracted to idiots. They may have a new man every few yrs. but their all idiots. Joel reads Sandra Rose?
    ~~~~~~
    They're

  • http://myspace.com/thegameoncw Bird

    Someone told Joel about the article on Twitter so he checked it out of course.

    Sangria,

    I didn't want to make a big ole announcement, but once again I lost the baby. Don't feel bad for us. Me and my boo boo will continue to have fun trying!

  • Man, I just don’t care™

    @BIRD
    "I didn’t want to make a big ole announcement, but once again I lost the baby."
    _________________________________________________________________

    I'm sorry to hear that. Good luck in the future and keep on having fun trying!

  • Ms.Everything

    I'm sorry to hear that Bird. I don't know you but I've been reading SR long enough to know a lot about you. It'll happen and have fun trying, hell I'm in the middle of a drought so have fun for me too lol

    Anna, I had a friend who would turn her nose at a good guy but date any man who said he was somebody big in the industry and get mad when it turned out they were club promoters, interns or broke asses lying to get laid. I had enough after she tried dragging me to see some guy who was a club manager only to get there and see he was a promoter, couldn't get her in the club, old, ugly and married

  • electrik

    i think she genuinely thought the other guy cared about her.

    personally, i'm attracted to men who have things together and have a goal in life because that's how i am as a person. i need someone to match me. maybe that's how she felt and unfortunately she got burned b/c she trusted him too much or fell too hard

  • Anna

    Bird I am sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing well.

  • SangriaSugar

    I'm sorry to hear that Bird. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Have lots of fun trying...you still working on those dancing booty moves??

  • Anna

    Ms.Everything Says:

    Anna, I had a friend who would turn her nose at a good guy but date any man who said he was somebody big in the industry and get mad when it turned out they were club promoters, interns or broke asses lying to get laid. I had enough after she tried dragging me to see some guy who was a club manager only to get there and see he was a promoter, couldn’t get her in the club, old, ugly and married.
    ~~~~~~~
    I know women who chase after men by the vehicle they drive, and ususlly that vehicle is the only thing going for him. He lives in his mama's basement and the only bill his has is the car note and it's getting ready to get repoed. I know women that won't give a man the time of day if they run into him in the streets and his finger nails are dirty. They don't know he is out and about picking up a part to take back to the shop he owns repairing cars. Ppl pass up their soul mate all by themselves.

  • Ms.Everything

    I know. I don't mind dirty fingernails as long as he washes his hands before he touches me and his body is clean and could care less about the car he drives. It seems like too many women are worried about stuff that really doesn't matter and wonder why they're single

  • SangriaSugar

    @ Anna

    I don't mind things like that either. To me its not so much the little things its the big things that count. Like can the man hold an educated conversation, in which we can both state our opinions & not get butt hurt if I don't agree with him and turn right back around and have a convoluted conversation which makes no sense at all but has us rolling? Can he act silly/dumb with me cause thats how I am sometimes? Does he have a problem being spontaneous & doing off the wall shyt...cause I don't always make plans...I like to just do?? Can he understand that I will not be up under him everyday all day...I got my own life and sometimes I don't want him around because I like being alone so I can read or paint?

    To me these are the things that matter cause material things come and go but bonds that hold a relationship together are what really matters...if you loose those then your relationship is over!!

  • Ms.Everything

    :cosign: @Sangria

  • Anna

    SangriaSugar Says:

    @ Anna

    I don’t mind things like that either. To me its not so much the little things its the big things that count. Like can the man hold an educated conversation, in which we can both state our opinions & not get butt hurt if I don’t agree with him and turn right back around and have a convoluted conversation which makes no sense at all but has us rolling? Can he act silly/dumb with me cause thats how I am sometimes? Does he have a problem being spontaneous & doing off the wall shyt…cause I don’t always make plans…I like to just do?? Can he understand that I will not be up under him everyday all day…I got my own life and sometimes I don’t want him around because I like being alone so I can read or paint?

    To me these are the things that matter cause material things come and go but bonds that hold a relationship together are what really matters…if you loose those then your relationship is over!!
    ~~
    Correct a mundo. I don't like a girly man or a lazy man. If I have to call AAA to fix my flat that's a darn shame. If my car is broke I would rather keep money in the house for other things and not paying someone something you can do. I know I have a broke car now and hubby would fix it if he could. I don't want a man who can't fix shyt around his own house and has to hire others to do it. "I married The Maintaince man". :lol:

  • Daisy

    @Bird sorry to hear that I asked you about the baby in another post dont know if you saw it or not. Enjoy trying :hump:

  • Daisy

    Just like all women cant cook(I can cook) all men cant fix things so that doesnt bother me :shrug:

  • http://myspace.com/thegameoncw Bird

    Thanks for the well wishes guys. Daisy, I didn't see your previous post. Sorry I missed it. I figure I won't mention again until I at least hit 3 months.

  • Daisy

    @Bird no problem and good luck :pray:

  • Anna

    Daisy Says:

    Just like all women cant cook(I can cook) all men cant fix things so that doesnt bother me
    ~~~~~~~~
    To me there are some simple things a man should know how to do. Putting in a new commode, kitchen faucet, changing a fuse, flat tire, charging a car battery, changing spark plugs. There are men who will marry a woman and they can't cook to save their lives. Some men know how to fix a car when it's theirs. :lol:

  • Daisy

    @Anna those things are NOT simple and most men I know couldnt even begin to fix anything but a tire from the above list. I am watching 16 and prg where the girl is having twins.

  • CivilEngineer

    Thank God for a great dad! He taught me pretty much everything I need to know to live on my own.

    @Anna...I can do everything but change spark plugs...even though I know you just unscrew them but newer cars don't need them replaced anyway.

    A father's role is irreplaceable :yes:

  • Anna

    CivilEngineer Says:

    Thank God for a great dad! He taught me pretty much everything I need to know to live on my own.

    @Anna…I can do everything but change spark plugs…even though I know you just unscrew them but newer cars don’t need them replaced anyway.

    A father’s role is irreplaceable
    ~~~~~~~~
    Damn, see what I know. A new car does not need spark plugs? :lol: My newest car is a 1998. I can say that hubby learned from his daddy. His mom and dad are still married and my father-in-law made sure not just the son but the daughters knew how to be fix-it's. My son has watched my husband work on cars since he was very young. What does my son know? Can't be much, his car is sitting in front of my house broke. :lol: My son has worked on his car so much w/help and it still stalls. It's ok he gets a limo ride everyday when he wants to go somewhere, it's called "Plubic Transportation".

  • Anna

    Public Transportation.* Or Enie and Menie. His two feet.

  • CivilEngineer

    :lol: @Anna...cars still use spark plugs, they just have a long life span now

    And my dad FORCED me to learn but now I appreciate it :)

  • Ms.Everything

    Anna I know how to do everything you listed and my ex husband couldn't. It used to drive him crazy so if something broke he'd try and beat me to fix it and end up messing it up even worse. I used to get mad then towards the end id start breaking little stuff on purpose and watch him sweat and whine trying to fix it til he finally would break down and call me. :rofl:

  • Anna

    CivilEngineer Says:

    @Anna…cars still use spark plugs, they just have a long life span now

    And my dad FORCED me to learn but now I appreciate it
    ~~~~~~~
    Back in the day it was a child/father bonding moment. Yes some were Forced, and I do understand that it was appreciated. I appreciate that you are in this room. My son is your age and I am still trying to let him find his way. He made me a first time grandma a few months ago. I can say that he was on my computer and did register his classes for college. Nagging a child is like nagging a husband, it does not work. Civil keep reminding the "Cougars" how old you are. :lol: Nothing wrong with wanting a man of your caliber but I want one in my age bracket. Your parents/family must be so proud of you. I know you are doing what you are suppose to do, but for some it takes them longer to get on the righ path. Give yourself a pat on the back. You earned it.

  • Anna

    Ms.Everything Says:

    Anna I know how to do everything you listed and my ex husband couldn’t. It used to drive him crazy so if something broke he’d try and beat me to fix it and end up messing it up even worse. I used to get mad then towards the end id start breaking little stuff on purpose and watch him sweat and whine trying to fix it til he finally would break down and call me.
    ~~~~~~~
    Now that is funny. Why can I picture him sweating bullets, shaking his head, and cursing like a Sailor to figure it out. :rofl: I know he hated those phone calls for your help. Men have egos/pride. Did you break his spirti and that is why he is your ex husband? Sorry, I am still laughing.

  • Anna

    sprit*

  • CivilEngineer

    Thanks!! @Anna...and your son will get it together. Sounds like he's already pulling it together. It's all there, he's learning how to use it :yes:

  • Anna

    CivilEngineer Says:

    Thanks!! @Anna…and your son will get it together. Sounds like he’s already pulling it together. It’s all there, he’s learning how to use it
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
    I will be the first to adimt that it is not easy raising a son. My son is not fem or gay, but I can't even sell him a vowel or give it away sometimes. I love my son. ex was so right when he said "some kids/ppl just have to "bump their own head". My/Our son is that perfect example. My ex and I have a child w/ a Masters and she is only 24. We also have a daughter in college and our son just got on the ban wagon and made us grandparents and yes enrolled in college. Hubby, ex and I do want all kids to thrive. Kids will try you and some want to pit parent vs parent. I don't play that. I talk to my my husband and if need be call their dad. Kids love to "triple dip"

  • https://sandrarose.com Sandra Rose

    @ Bird: I'm sorry to hear about your loss as well. I didn't know. I will keep you in my prayers. :(

  • SoulWithSass

    @Man (this is late but I don't get on the computer after I leave work.)

    “I don’t expect my man to come to the table with anything I do NOT have.” ----->I DON'T. IF I DON'T HAVE A CAR, HE DOESN'T NEED TO HAVE ONE EITHER. IF I DON'T HAVE KIDS, NEITHER SHOULD HE, ETC., ETC., ETC. {PLEASE BARE IN MIND THAT THIS PART OF MY RESPONSE WAS IN REFERENCE TO AN EARLIER REMARK POSTED BY DBLAQ. CONTEXT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS WHAT IS WRITTEN.}

    Then YOU describe yourself as:
    “It’s a rarity here to find a female over age 21 without kids as well. And to find one educated, with her own stuff, a good job AND without kids is damn near impossible, hence why my cousins & I sometimes get the *side-eye*, but we also get the pick of the litter.” -----> IT IS RARE AND YOU CO-SIGNED THIS YOURSELF IN YOUR EARLIER POST.

    So putting 2 and 2 together, that means your man should have:

    1. An education---->WELL WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT?! AN EDUCATION! [YES, HOW DARE I WANT AN EDUCATED MAN?! WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?! DON'T I KNOW MIDDLE-SCHOOL DROP-OUTS HAVE THE BRIGHEST FUTURES AND ARE THE MOST MOTIVATED?!

    2. His own “stuff” ------> NOBODY I DEAL WITH IS UNDER 26-27 AT THIS POINT, HOW DARE I ASK MY MATE TO HAVE SAY SOMETHING LIKE....A CAR [MAKE/MODEL/YEAR DOESN'T MATTER]....OR A BANK ACCOUNT....OR EVEN NOT BE STILL LIVING IN HIS MAMA'S BASEMENT?! ONCE AGAIN-SILLY ME, DON'T I KNOW HIS MAMA MAKES THE BEST FOOD?!

    3. A good job ----> ME? WANT A LEGALLY, GAINFULLY EMPLOYED MAN....WHO THE F**K DO I THINK I AM?!

    4. No Kids ----> DAMMIT IF I AIN'T A MATERIALISTIC TRICK!! I REALLY NEED TO JUST BE SATISFIED WITH RAY-RAY, HIS 4 BABY-MAMAS & 8 KIDS, IN HIS MAMA'S BASEMENT, PLAYING PS3 WHILE SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH HIS NEWEST INFANT LAYING ON THE COUCH BESIDE HIM.

    5. “his pick of the litter ---->THIS IS SUBJECTIVE. ANYBODY & EVERYBODY IS GOING TO THINK THEIR OPTIONS ARE UNLIMITED, SO THIS IS A MOOT POINT, MORE RHETORICAL THAN LITERAL.

    These are YOUR words boo and they sound materialistic. I’m not the only one that thought so. ------> SO....A MAN WITH A JOB, AN EDUCATION, NOT IN HIS MOTHER'S HOUSE, WITH NO KIDS EQUALS "MATERIALISTIC." WOW! WHAT HOODRAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM WHERE THIS IS MATERIALISTIC AND NOT CALLED...OH...I DON'T KNOW...."HAVING STANDARDS!!" BUT THEN AGAIN...YOU ARE A SUPPORTER OF "OPEN-RELATIONSHIPS" [VIA ONE OF YOUR EARLIER REMARKS} WHICH TELLS ME THAT YOU PROBABLY DON'T HAVE MANY STANDARDS WHICH YOUR MATES SHOULD FIT EXCEPT A WARM AND TIGHT VAGINA. SO...I'M NOT SURPRISED AT YOUR LOGIC.

    I think Sandra has found another “narcissist.”---> I'LL TAKE THAT CHARGE.

    Get over yourself boo. You a dime a dozen.-----> REALLY? IN COMMENT #147 YOU SAID "I almost give a black woman around the age of 30 the side eye if they don’t have ANY children.....Yeah, I know. It’s just a rarity, particularly where I’m from."

    AND IN COMMENT #178 AFTER I SAID IT WAS RARE TO FIND MY TYPE WHERE I'M FROM, YOU RESPONDED: "With the exception of having children, that actually describes most of the black women I know." ------> SO JUDGING BY YOUR STATEMENTSM SEEING AS I DON'T HAVE KIDS....I GUESS I'M A LITTLE BIT LESS COMMON THAN "A DIME A DOZEN," HUH?

    PICK YOURSELF UP & TRY AGAIN, BABES. STOP TRYING TO CUT YOUR NOSE OFF JUST TO SPITE YOUR FACE.

    AND...IT'S STILL ALL LOVE. :-)

    **Sorry for writing this long a** novel, ya'll.**

  • Krysi J

    :rolleyes:

    I can't stand "the playas" and their usually "Wanna be's", It only took one of those to set me straight after that I became less fawning, and less impressed by flashy dudes. My response to a man really responds on whatever type of dude he is....I am, whatever they are. Mr Playa = Mrs. Playa....Mr. Nice = Mrs. Nice, Mr. Broke with no future = Mrs. don't even waste your time boo boo.

  • Krysi J

    *depends* not -responds-

  • Candi Apple

    @mseverything

    I don't know how my personal life fits in. In everything you said its small detials to the final truth of what I said. You have more people breaking up when they grow up. You said it in your post. It's confirmed

  • tamtamrhodes

    Not every woman is attracted to Mr. Wrong. I hate when they throw everyone in the barrel together.

  • Pingback: It Could Happen To You « NWMASS - When Hollywood Needs A Reality Check()