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First-time mom Jeannie Mai-Jenkins opened up about her struggles with postpartum depression after giving birth to a genderless baby.

The Real co-host and her husband, rapper Jeezy welcomed their first child, Monaco Mai Jenkins, earlier this month. The baby’s gender is still a well-kept secret. Sources say the couple want their child to choose their own gender.

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Jeannie, who is 43, said she originally planned to hire a surrogate, but she decided to conceive naturally despite the high-risk.

In a post on Monday, the new mom revealed her struggles, saying her “fourth trimester is the hardest”.

“While being a new mom is the most exhilarating moment I have ever experienced in my life— nothing prepared me for postpartum. NOTHING. No book I’ve read, advice I’ve gotten, that could have compiled ALL the things I’d need just to sit, lay down, walk, or even hold our baby… The 4th trimester has been the hardest trimester yet, but I’m a happy, healing mom over here. #postpartum.”

Jeannie responded to a social media follower, saying her hormones are fluctuating all over the place:

“hormones… girl I can’t control my crying. Good news or bad news has me bawling. Then you see the dark hole you COULD crawl into, but you fight it by all means to avoid depression–it’s CRAZY.”

Jeannie may be second-guessing her decision to raise a genderless child. Her social media is flooded with rude comments like this one:

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The baby is Jeannie’s first and Jeezy’s 3rd or 4th.