Thanksgiving is fast approaching and you are planning a large gathering of friends and family around the dinner table. Thanksgiving is a good reminder to brush up on your etiquette and table manners.
You can’t just say anything to people anymore. As Whitney Houston put it so eloquently, “Watch what you say, baby girl!”
We’re living in an era when everything you say can easily offend someone – especially Gen Z who take offense to everything.
A simple conversation at the dinner table can turn into World War III – pitting your side of the family against another side.
The following is a list of words or phrases that you should avoid if you don’t want to be the one who ruined Thanksgiving.
These once-common phrases can be viewed as racist, sexist, rude, or homophobic.
1. “Are you pregnant?”
As innocent as it may sound, avoid embarrassing yourself or your guest by assuming she’s pregnant. She may have simply gained weight or she has a medical disorder that she may not want to discuss. Asking “are you pregnant?” is considered rude and offensive to some women. There are other ways to ask if she’s pregnant without seeming rude. For example you can ask, “Are you planning on having any children soon?”
2. “Ghetto”
It’s common sense that you shouldn’t use the word “ghetto” at the dinner table during Thanksgiving. You don’t know a person’s situation, or they may not live in the best neighborhood.
3. “I’m colorblind”
According to Cultivating Comfort blog, saying you’re colorblind to someone’s race is like saying they are invisible to you. Experts argue that this phrase dismisses the realities of systemic racism and the lived experiences of people of color.
4. “That’s so gay”
Most people know this phrase should never be said in mixed company. Using “that’s so gay” to describe something negative is seen as homophobic. If you have teenagers who still use that phrase, school them expeditiously before heading to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving dinner.
5. “Rule of thumb”
This phrase may not seem offensive, but it is. “Rule of thumb” derives from English and American laws dating back to the 1600s. It is a measurement for a stick to beat a man’s wife. The law dictated that the stick should be no wider than a man’s thumb. Now you see why you shouldn’t use that phrase at the dinner table.
6. “Grandfathered in”
If you use the phrase “grandfathered in” to describe an individual or group that is allowed to continue following an old law, just stop it now before you arrive at your sister-in-law’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. The term originates from allowing people in southern states to vote if they had a grandfather who voted before 1867. Most Black people had grandfathers who were slaves and couldn’t vote.
7. “Mental illness is just in Your Head”
Decent folks know how offensive it is to tell someone that her mental illness is all in her head. You would be surprised how many people in the Black community still use that phrase. It can be very damaging and stigmatizing to people who suffer from mental disorders.
8. “Just relax” or “calm down”
You know how easy it is for tempers to flare after certain family members get enough alcohol in them on Thanksgiving day. Avoid the temptation to tell them to “just relax” or “calm down” if they try to flip the table over. It can come across as dismissive and belittling. Allow them to express their individual feelings in a non-destructive way.
9. “Sold down the river”
“Sold down the river” is another common phrase that reminds us of a painful time in history when Black people were sold like chattel. Slaves were separated from their loved ones and “sold down the river” where they experienced harsh conditions. Try not to use phrases that conjure up slavery times.
10. “Blacklist”
I use the word “blacklist” on my blog, but it’s best to avoid using the word in mixed company. Back in the day, “blacklist” was used to deprive an entire race of people of their rights and dignities. It also can play into racial biases. Just don’t use the word “blacklist” at the dinner table. Consider using a phrase like “denied access” instead.
