Does The Black Woman Know Her Place in the Family?

What!!???

First, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Black women never “wanted” the role of head of the family; we were forced there because so many black men refused to take the reigns. No black woman truly wants to run the roost, she does it because she has to. She does it because he is not there to do so. And the independent attitude comes as a RESULT of the black men level of disrespect for the black women for decadesssssssss! Black men don’t now, and never have held their women to the same esteem as other races of men have their women. Black men don’t now, and never have protected their women, revered their women, as other races of men have their women. After this was done so much, black women got the picture that hey, i can’t lay down here and cry, i gotta pick myself up, and i got kids to take care of.

Their are so many singles female head of household families not because the woman refuses to submit to the authority of the black men, but because black women refuse to let the abuse of their minds, bodies, and spirits to be abused by black men. I’ve heard this argument before, and it’s usually from women who either are a part of, or close associate of the islamic culture. Black men somehow convince these women that they are the cause of the breakdown of the black family, even though for years, black men have revered white woman and think they are better, stepped out on black women making multiple babies outside of the marriage, some having whole families on the same block, refused to see our value, and refused to recognize our strength. It’s insane to think black women want to be single mothers, that we would rather be unmarried in order to avoid being submissive, that our thinking is so independent that we could never come together for the sake of family.

Most black women bend over backwards for their men, and even though they know their men are cheating and lying, they internalize it as their fault, and when he leaves, it’s their fault too. Most black women refused for years to date outside their race (thank god we finally wised up and dating outside our race), hoping and praying that black men would see their beauty and value. Most black women would lie in the faces of their parents, employers and best friends to save the reputation of their black man, even though they know he doing them wrong; they’d rather shoulder the hurt, pain, and dissappointment alone in the dark by themselves. And why, all for the sake of the love and respect of a black man. And what’s the payback for this loyalty? Black men in record numbers have deliberately sought out to make families with white women, they have abandoned their black female spouses and children because they simply don’t want to shoulder the responsibilities of fatherhood and being the head, especially when times get hard; they refuse to curtail their infidelity and continue to run all up and around town with the next willing female no matter her race, and they refuse to put us on that pedestal. Simply put, we are not, and never have been revered and truly valued by the black men, even going back to slavery days when we were sleeping with the white man so he wouldn’t hang or sell our children and men.

Black men have never wanted to admit their fault in the breakdown of the black family. They never thought black women would be strong enough to truly be independent because they knew, even along time ago, that black women are the least revered in society. They knew that black men were more “valued” then black women. Women as a whole were thought to be less valuable than men, and don’t have the nerve to be a black woman (you basically had no value, except being a sex object, breast feeder, or field worker). Black men never thought women would rise to the challenge of being a single independent mother, raise families by themselves, get a college education, and do it all by looking fierce as hell. For so many black men, this is threatening and they see it as usurping their authority.

The tables flipped and now they don’t know how to get back what they lost…oh well, we’ll leave that to them to figure out, since in my opinion, they are the ones that didn’t recognize a good thing when they had it.

Jesus Christ people, let’s not make this conversation a beyonce/ jayz conversation…PLEASE!! Let’s give them a rest and take a break on that. Good lord, i swear their names come up and EVERY conversation, no matter the topic. Damn, could they truly be the center of the universe? Maybe i’m blind and can’t see it…gheesh!

@35 Naima

Some black men leave black women because they don’t like themselves, they were taught not to, and it’s so deeply ingrained…because they don’t truly like themselves, they don’t want to roll over at night and see someone that looks like them cause they don’t like themselves. They would rather see what the world says is beautiful. That gives them a false sense of well being, false sense of confidence, and a false sense of belonging…But guess what, sometimes it don’t last because..

Eventually black men leave white women because they were only there for the submissiveness of the white woman, they were there because she allowed him to take the backseat, and they were there because that white woman made them feel better about themselves. But for the natural inclination of a man, not only a black man, but the respect was never there for that white woman (that’s why they snap and beat them like they do), and that black man get tired of dominating something so easily. There’s a bunch of other reasons to, but they are deeply psychologically ingrained.

That’s my take.

@krysi who said:

They know how to get back what they lost, we’re not that hard on them….but they don’t want to step up, they have it too good, being low lifes?? Why should they care if we are holding it down and taking care of the kids they helped create…thats not what they consider “their problem”….its complete detatchment…no emotions what so ever, no change of heart, no better man for the sake of his child….If you aren’t going to allow a man to do what the hell he wants, have his cake and eat it too, slap you around, totally disregard your worth, and try with all his might to lower your self esteem to HIS level, then they will eventually leave you for a bytch who will… Now, me, I leave FIRST, I will never let a man one up on me, dog me out, and LEAVE ME with a broken heart….I have to at least have my dignity. Cuz they surely don’t want a woman to have any with the way they do shyt now a days….leave ya for a MAN, leave ya for a TRAMP HO* BYTCH (Bernadine), and WHITE trailer traSH!
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Girl, we agree on that!!!!! You sound just like me on this topic…we are definitely thinking alike on this post, yep!

@PA Hairston & flygtnva

You cannot blame the 60’s movement and feminism for breakdown of black families. Why do you think that notion of being independent among black women were so attractive when that movement came along? Because black men had left black women with such a void that when this movement came along, it was a novel thought that women can accomplish things on their own, raise families, and supply a roof over the heads of their children. It helped not only black women, but all women to see their own power, their own gifts individually as women and collectively as women. Black women had no choice but to embrace it, and thank god this movement came along and gave us some of the tools in which to see ourselves in a light that we could accomplish much for ourselves instead of crying over spilled milk.

To this day SOME black men don’t appreciate the strength of the black women, instead taking all of her accomplishments as a slap in the face to them, instead of seeing it for what it is, and that’s a person down, just trying to pull themselves up, without the help of her so called man. And as far as popping off at the mouth, yep, that happens alot among black women admittedly. But why? Because we don’t want to be in this position, we resent it, and it hurts that our beauty and value isn’t seen by our own men. When your only options are, put your kids up for adoption, let your family raise your kids, or DO FOR YOU AND YOURS, then that can be a bitter pill to swallow, and it can make one incredibly defensive, bitter, and just plain angry. By choice, no woman would choose that fate. Now can we make better decisions regarding our partners, ABSOLUTELY! I’ve been saying that for years.

Women got to start picking better. We gotta get a new gage in which to compare these men against. Getting with men cause he got a hood rep, a no-no, getting with a man because he got loot, a no-no, getting with a man cause he got a nice ride, house, or job, a no-no, getting with a man simply because of his swagga and sense of style, a no-no, and getting with a man cause he’s stolen your heart, you guessed it, a no-no. Instead we need to make choices based on a man’s ability to provide both physically and spiritually, a man’s willingness to want a family, a caring man, one that’s nurturing and thoughtful, one without pretenses, someone who have strong values in terms of family, a man who deeply respects and values the family unit, and one who above all things, would put his family first next to God. These are things i would say women need to work on, who we are choosing.

But in terms of starting all this bull, from way back when, black men owe us alot, and they haven’t starting paying that bill off yet. I’m waiting for payment arrangements knee-grows!

@iscream

No problem girl…I just called it like i saw it…don’t cry, put away that tissue..lol

@Anna

Amen!