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I received some responses, not a lot, to the video I posted yesterday titled “Does the black woman know her place in the family?” I’m posting two of those emails after the break. But before I do that, I think I should clarify my position on this touchy subject.

Yesterday I had an appointment so I posted the video and left out before I could read the responses. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to see that only a few of you got the point of the entire video and of my post. It has always been my position that marriage is NOT for everyone, and that I am not in favor of couples marrying just to make someone else happy.

Since some of you decided to make a comparison between Monica and Rocko and the statistics that I quoted about unwed single mothers, I should point out that Monica is not single. Not only is her baby daddy living in her home with their children but he is providing for his family as a man should. A piece of paper will not change that fact.

Some of you need to get off that trip about marriage being the ultimate goal to live happily ever after. Statistics show that over 50% of marriages in the black community end in divorce because most of you get married for all the wrong reasons. Maybe if some of you started concentrating on finding the RIGHT man as opposed to worrying about some fool putting a ring on your finger, our community wouldn’t have the problems that we have now.

I also want to touch on the fact that more than half of you blamed the “trifling” black man for all your troubles. And quite a few of you typed that oft-repeated mantra that you can “do fine all by yourself,” blah blah blah… Let me just say this: who do you think raised that trifling black man? I’ll give you a second to think of the answer…

Make no mistake about it, the disintegration of the black community started when the black woman decided that she could do better than any black man! Black women have castrated our sons and husbands and stifled their natural instincts to be our supporters and protectors. Some of them are at the point where they no longer feel like they are a viable part of the black community. And for those men, white women or Ethiopian/Eritrean women are their only options.

Every community is only as strong as its backbone, which is the women. In some communities, the women know their place. For instance, the Hispanic women know that in order to make their communities strong and to keep their families intact, they have to stand behind their men and support them — not stand in front of them berating them and belittling them in front of others.

Once the black woman lost respect for herself, she lost respect for the black man. You ladies — YOU are the sole reason why our community is in such disarray. Don’t blame it on slavery. The slave master didn’t tell you hoochies to lay up under some dog and get pregnant by him.

Some of you need to fall back and swallow your pride and let that black man be a man!

As one friend pointed out, black women were the architects and organizers of the civil rights movement in the 60s. But the women fell back and allowed the men (Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, etc) to be MEN and to be the faces of the revolution. Everyone knows that the black woman runs the household. But the responsibility falls on the black man to bring home the money and the bacon. It’s alright for the black woman to share that responsibility but you can’t take over his role completely just like you can’t walk into your boss’ office and tell him you’re taking over his job. When the established roles reverse, that’s when you have anarchy.

I could go on and on about how you continuously disrespect yourself in front of your children (cursing, talking down other black men, women, etc) — but you expect your kids to do better. Children learn by the examples that you set for them. If you raise your son to be a bitch ass nigga then don’t complain when you lay up under another woman’s bitch ass son and he gets up and leaves you for that next chick who will willingly open her legs.

And finally, I have a question: if you walk down the street and several black men say “Hey mama” and acknowledge your fineness, do you:

A. Roll your eyes and keep walking,
Or
B. Acknowledge them back and say, “thank you brotha”

The majority of you black women will roll your eyes and keep walking because you feel you are better than that black man. It’s as if you have some kind of problem with a black man acknowledging you on the street. It is never disrespectful for a black man to say hello. A confident, self respecting black woman will acknowledge those black men and thank them for acknowledging her. Because as I said, once you lose your self respect as a black woman, you lose respect for the black man.

Some of you will get it and some of you are a lost cause. To the women who get it, I thank your mothers and aunties for respecting black men in your presence. Our community will not be saved if we don’t change our attitudes.

Loyal reader Tara Thomas wrote:

OMG Sandra. On point for posting this truth. You don’t see white women screaming on the mountain top “I can get my own this and that”. They wait on their HUSBANDS to provide. We are so busy providing for ourselves our black men look at us like “what does she need me for”? The video shouldn’t be taken out of context. No one is saying lay down and be a door mate. Only step aside and be a helper not a hinderer. Stop volunteering to do every dog on thing and stop feeling sorry. Let that black man be a man. Let him put some bills in his own name. We take over too much! White women can’t wait to say “let me check with my husband first”. They say that all the time. And they have the bills in the husbands name. Most of the bills.

The only difference is when a black man walks out we can continue on because we’ve been doing everything ANYWAY, white women don’t fair so well. It’s okay to have your own thing going on BUT step aside, take a breather and let that man be the man. You just prepare yourself in case you need to wing it own your own. Stay home with the kids and teach them something. White women are home ALL THE TIME!!!


A loyal reader wrote:

Sandra, In response to Does the Black Woman Know Her Place. I can’t believe you agreed with her. Do you know how many black men dog black women who are loyal to them. Being loyal to a Black Man is an invatation for a black woman in most cases to be disrespected and taken advantage of. That’s why balck men will date white women, because they will take thier shit, If a black woman does not let her man disrespect her, She has an attitude or to strong for her man, trying to be the man. PLEASE. Your blogger mimi08, Had it right on point. You need to have that up everyday for your readers. Not this crap.

True the Black Man is suppose to be he head. Bu they don’t want that job. Being the head to them usually means controlling the woman. In a negative way. I know of so many facts of Black women standing by thier men only to be.

Beat
cheated on
disrespected
Non protected.

I watched a white man call a black woman a N and her black husband did NOTHING.
The rappers cal us B and o’s. What is this girl talking about. The balck men dis black women so hard that the women started acting like the men. Always remember the song by Motown Great! The Temptations. Poppa was a rolling stone not Mama.