Most narcissists (75%) are males. Male narcissists tend to emphasize their money, power status, good looks, or social status.
Female narcissists tend to emphasize their beauty, body, feminine wiles, charm, sexuality, social or celebrity status, and money.
Female narcissists use their own children as significant sources of narcissistic supply. They present their children to the world as an extension of themselves. Children of a narcissist are expected to be perfect - like their mom.
They Seek Out Vulnerable Men
Narcissists use their beauty and feminine wiles to obtain more narcissistic supply by getting their hooks into vulnerable men. Some men can't believe they lucked up with such a beautiful woman.
When a narcissist meets a vulnerable (weak-minded) man, she tends to bring up the subject of marriage and children early and repeatedly.
Be wary if your son suddenly announces he's engaged within 90 days of meeting his new love.
Masters of Control
Narcissists use control tactics to reel in vulnerable men. "Love bombing" is a tactic the narcissist uses to reel in and control her victim.
Flattery gets a female narcissist everywhere. She begins by lavishing him with almost non-stop attention, such as constant and persistent text messages, phone calls, or social media messaging. The texts and calls will be relentless -- sometimes 100 text messages per day.
The calls and texts begin early in the morning and end late at night. Part of her motivation is to keep tabs on her victim. She learns his daily routine, habits, and work schedule so she can use them against him later on.
She will even use YOU to keep tabs on your own son for her.
Singer August Alsina discussed an emotional phone call he received from Jada Pinkett Smith while he was on tour.
"That was the thing. To feel your emotion and to hear you bawling. That was a reality check for me. I was like, 'Wow, if someone else can love you that much that it hurts them, why doesn't it bother you that you are actually hurting yourself?' That moment really changed the trajectory of my life."
If she has money she will lavish him with gifts or exotic trips in the beginning -- only to pull back and drain him of his financial resources later on.
Be wary if your son brags about how much money his new woman spends on him. The attention can be overwhelming and intoxicating in the beginning. But it won't last. They use control tactics to win his trust and to manipulate him. This behavior is toxic.
Another tactic she uses is non-stop compliments and expressing her love for him in a short period of time. If a woman says she loves him after one week - that's usually a bad sign.
Common phrases used by narcissists include:
These phrases seem harmless, but they are calculated to gain maximum control.
"True love does not want all your time and energy focused on them alone. They respect other commitments, ideas, and boundaries." ~ Tabitha Westbrook, licensed professional counselor
He is convinced he met his soulmate
If your son is convinced he's met his soulmate after a short period of dating, he probably hasn't.
Some phrases she might use on him include:
She's very needy or clingy
Teach your son that true love is never clingy or needy. She is never satisfied with the time he gives her. She always wants more. She knows his schedule and his daily routine like the back of her hand. He is expected to give her all of his free time.
Projection and Gaslighting
This is a defense mechanism used by narcissists to protect their fragile egos.
A narcissist will always accuse their victims of behaviors that they themselves are guilty of. Explain to your son that she will accuse him of the same things she does. She will deny saying or doing the things she accuses him of.
She will say that his friends or strangers noticed the same behaviors in him ("Your friends even say that you [fill in the blank]"). She will distort reality to confuse him and make him doubt his own sanity.
The more he resists, the more she argues. She will then abruptly change the subject. If he refuses to change the subject, she will fly into a rage unlike anything he's ever seen before.
Narcissistic rage is an intense, over-the-top anger or aggressive outburst. It is a reaction to "narcissistic injury" - which is caused by refusing to let a narcissist have her way.
Narcissistic rage is usually followed by the silent treatment until he either apologizes (for causing her narcissistic injury) or he submits to her demands.
Stay tuned for the final installment of Teaching Your Son to Spot a Narcissist.
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