Fan Mail: Fruitful advice to women who bed other women’s men

Here’s a fan mail from a loyal reader who wants to set all the groupies and hoochies straight on a few things. She wanted me to school you, but I have no experience in that area of groupie-dom and hoochie-ism.

There’s an entire cottage industry of websites devoted to women who can’t leave other women’s men alone – and this site is not one of them.

Anyway, it’s a long read, so grab a cup of coffee and make yourselves comfortable at your desks:

Hello Sandra,

First and foremost I’d like to say that I absolutely love your blog, and I read it everyday.

A few days ago, one of your posts about women making it easier for men to cheat (the one with BX and Usher). That is so true. The reason that I am emailing you, is to ask you to give some fruitful advice to all the women who end up bedding these “famous” men, thinking that if they sleep with them or have a baby by them that it will keep them from straying.. or even worse, get them to leave their wives & fiancees.

The fact of the matter is, when everything is said and done, the women are just another notch on the guys belt.. a groupie.. a jump off… a summer fling..etc.

Today, I received an email from an unknown person (who obviously wanted me to see something.. (which I am still trying to figure out what that something is) with a link to a website (for sports entertainment players & their fans) that has a forum that groupie’s apparently frequent.

The link I received in particular was a “fan site” for an individual that I had dated (we no longer have any contact) on and off for a period of 3 yrs (he was in the NFL and is now on the waiver wire) on Talk-Sports.net.

I checked out the link, which was for the “girlfriend forum”. There were multiple posts of jilted females that had encounters with this man. Most of them left nasty messages towards one another, which to me didn’t make any sense. Females, most of which are older than myself (I’m in my early twenties) claiming to be women bashing one another and attempting to place him on front street, instead of facing the music themselves.

They know they aren’t the only ones, yet they talk about how wrong he is and how they still love him all in the same paragraph!!!

I am from KS, and the city that this “man” is from has a close-knit black community. So, naturally EVERYONE knows EVERYONE and their business. Anyone that crosses this man’s path knows (or will find out after doing a little poking around) that he is indeed engaged to be married; and he is just doing what many guys like him that aren’t ready to face the reality of settling down do.. which is sowing his royal oats.

There are several players from different areas of the sports industry on that site alone that have threads from different women doing the same thing.

I am sure there are other forums out there like this one, where women comment thread, after thread, after thread…Now, keep in mind the purpose of my email is not to try to gain attention from the situation (If you should decide to do a post about my request~ Id rather remain unknown ), or to cry on your shoulder about what happened between that guy & myself, or to even put the women on blast (they do that themselves by stooping low enough to comment on their indiscretions)…

It’s just time for someone that has an influential voice in the black community to speak up to these women, so they can stop wasting their time chasing after what isn’t theirs and find happiness with a man that is actually interested in and willing to appreciate them.

We are all QUEENS, it’s time for us to start acting like it; and hopefully if more influential individuals speak to these audiences they can start getting the respect that they feel they deserve.

Thank you for your time.

hellava10

Once a jump off, always a jump off. The same way you get him will be the same way he leaves. #2 will ALWAYS be just that.
The Divine Ms. K

Man, those chicks are sad and lost. Chicks like the ones on that forum and those like the Flavor of Love girls just make it hard being an educated and in control and non hoochie/groupie REAL black woman.

Reading that stuff, it’s like all the strides that so many of us make are just negated by stereotypical actions of our counterparts.
AreUForReal

Aaawww shucks Sandra is an ” influential individual”. Get it Auntie Sandra!! LOL

But, nah, seriously I feel where she’s coming from, but exactly what does she want you to do about these chics? A trick is gonna do what a trick wants to do. Bottom Line. YOu can’t force someone to have higher self-esteem. That’s why it’s call SELF-esteem.
Sister Toldja

I agree, but we also have to afford a fair amount of the blame to the the men, as well as the girlfriends and wives who turn a blind eye to their man’s indescretions! The same way groupies sell a$$, these women sell off their right to be respected by a loyal man in order to have the trappings of money and/or fame!

Also, a lot of these “groupies” have been sold dreams by these men! The blame has to go both ways. At the end of the day, the groupie has less obligation to the wife thanher husband. And a lot of those wives were groupies too! They won the groupie lotto, lol!
cupcakes

Just about All those NFL, MLB, NBA players try to have a groupie in every state! And there will always be a hoochie or jumpoff waiting in the wings! Sad but true! That is something that will never go away! if the player allows a big butt and a smile to lead them to stray, thats what their going to do!!
Terry .W

If any woman needs to be told this about “other peoples men” or “famous men” or just “men” in general, then something is seriously wrong with them….its common sense, not rocket science…I mean damn!

You can’t generalize men as a category, there are very many good ones out there…but, certain situations require simple common sense – thats about all kids!!
Mia

You can’t save anyone but yourself. I don’t know why that lady sent Sandra that email or why Sandra posted it. It sounds like a bunch of boo-hooing to me. The only person that lady needs to concern herself with is herself. Why is she out trying to save the world of groupies?
http://www.myspace.com/birdshu Bird

It’s not always that serious. I have dated a professional athlete in the past and it was just fun. They have lots of money so they are fabulous dates. If you have never gone out on a date with a rich man before at least try to. It’s worth it even if nothing comes of it. Some woman get attached and want it full time, but that is no reason to call them dumb. They’re just going after what appears to be a good catch initially.
kat

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
NEXT!
Doganr

One shouldnt touch what aint theirs in the first place!!!!
Bsoul

Is the “influential woman” Kobe’s wife?

LOL!
http://www.myspace.com/bettathaniwasb4 2bme

there will always be groupies and jump offs..she truly wasted her time writing this..real women don’t need it, they know thier worth and these superhead wannabes couldn’t care less..if they’re too stupid to cherish their bodies to begin with what makes you think they will take heed to an “influential individual”?
aqtpie

I read a few of the comments from the other site and all I can say is that is truly sad and I agree with 2bme.
brwnsugga4you

this jump off stuff is really old news. these women have been carrying on like this since the 80’s. same thing different year.
http://notenoughrealmen.blogspot.com 2thick4u

Is this new?!!!
ms.peaches

Yeah I agree this isn’t anything new!! you will have groupies, jump offs & whatever else until the end of time so it’s either up to you to deal with the man that will stray that way or kick his ass to the curb!! I personally don’t think I can deal with it, I could care less how much money the man makes if he is suppose to be mine then there is no need to step out if so then keep it moving!! Hell if Juanita can leave Micheal Jordan than it ain’t hard!!!(lol)
free

i am familiar with this site and have actually posted in it to clarify information. it contains lots of lies sometimes about the guys. anybody can post anything; you don’t even need a userid.

anywho, it trips me out that someone would think the guy would w/h/o/r/e all over the place and then suddenly get married and this means he’s ready to fly right. we all have been young and sometimes reckless but you can’t change a leopard’s spots and neither can he.

the word “wife” and “fiancee” have come to mean very little in today’s society except a way for a man to shut a woman the hell up. sorry but it just ain’t legit like it used to be. that’s why nobody respects the title. most of them wives and fiancee’s jammed the dude up just to get the paper/ring in the first place.
shhhh

Sandra, I don’t think you should’ve even played into this obvious need for attention. It’s amazing that it you go the that site someone is posting a link to this story. Whoever emailed you just wanted their voice to be heard a larger scale. As you can see most of the comments are quick and snippets. There was no way for the person that wrote to you to say all that in one comment and it be read. That’s why she played on your intelligence, knowing you always have something to say about stupid chicks like herself and knew you would jump on posting her message.

The truth is. This message is trageted to a small group of woman. Most woman, the ones I know and including myself are NOT out chasing rappers, atheletes, or drug dealers (and believe me, we have the look and know how to do it.) We’re all getting our own. Most of us have advanced educations. We own and rent out property, have local businesses, or in top level management positions.

These chicks are on some little girl type shit and it’s sick. There are plenty of men that have a lot going on for themselves that aren’t in this line of work. In most cases they’re turning to the white woman, because of chicks like this. I bet half these chicks look like sh*t anyway.
plushlush

If he is not married that he is a muchright man…much right mine as much right yours…if he is engaged then that’s different…..the difference is commitment. If you date someone for more than two year three max than that is your business if he is not engaged or married to you then he is SINGLE. That is YOU waiting and holding on forever..So if he in the NFL or at UPS….if he is SINGLE he is single…Stop dating men for 5 years and having babies with them without a commitment……I will go with who I want….thats you holding on for dear life..
Available men: The ones not married and the ones not engaged. Available men: The ones that have been going together with their girlfriends for more than 3 yrs without an engagement ring and a wedding date.
plushlush

@sshhh what luck…..punnanny don’t have no face….LOL…
plushlush

what look i meant….LMAO
SouthernLegalDiva

And this is why Black women are the leading new cases of HIV….just sad.
http://www.myspace.com/millyly milly

Shhh says:

The truth is. This message is trageted to a small group of woman. Most woman, the ones I know and including myself are NOT out chasing rappers, atheletes, or drug dealers (and believe me, we have the look and know how to do it.) We’re all getting our own. Most of us have advanced educations. We own and rent out property, have local businesses, or in top level management positions.

***********************************************************
Thank you for putting that out there! The real successful black women arent on this ish, we are out there making our own loop and getting our education on. Please believe it!
stefany

These ho’s don’t screw these famous rich man for committment or love most of these tramps are looking for a meal ticket or a brush with fame…I put the blame on both the man and the woman….Men use money to get women and women use Pu*** to get money.
katgirl33

Available men: The ones not married and the ones not engaged.

Available men: The ones that have been going together with their girlfriends for more than 3 yrs without an engagement ring and a wedding date.
__________________________________________________________

Why would you get down with a man who has been in a serious relationship for 3 years or more?? This would make you the sidekick chick……
Maxdan

We all have stones to through. Depends on how you define what a “real man” or “real woman”.

Around the professional sports world there will always be grit and grime. If a man is going to just be himself…his woman could be a freakin model having all his babies and still weigh 140 lbs solid dyme. He will still find a chick to cheat with. Women who keep their head in the game and just don’t build their hopes and dreams on these lames get what they want and walk away. The problem is when you get the things that you don’t want either…of course they talk a good game as a groupie but there is humiliation, disrespect, self image issues and everything else that comes with being that “other” woman…you can never win.

The men need to be slapped, the wives need to be slapped for settling…no more than just a groupie who got the ring and dress. Is it worse to just be used for sex or have your man disrespect you/your vows/your family?
Maxdan

^^^^ throw (sp)

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