Most women who seek advice on men and marriage look to their friends who are already happily married.
Tracy McMillan is a three-time divorcée and daughter of a former prostitute. She doesn’t fit the typical image of a relationship guru who is in high demand on the television talk show circuit.
But her divorce status didn’t matter to readers of the Huffington Post, where her blog titled Why You’re Not Married Yet was the most read post ever.
McMillan told MSNBC‘s Kathie Lee and Hoda: “I’m just your best friend who’s been through all kinds of stuff in relationships and I’m here to kind of tell you the real truth.”
And the truth, according to McMillan, is that women lie to themselves rather than face cold hard facts.
She explained: ‘A lot of times, it’s because there’s a guy, he’s cute, you like him but he says, “you know what I’m really not ready to be in a relationship”. And you say to yourself, “well I’ll treat this like a temp job so if I really wow on the job maybe he’ll hire me full time.”‘
McMillian believes that when a man wants to get married he will know. There’s not much that women can do to make a man settle down when he’s not ready.
Most women force a man to get down on one knee — and most men oblige, even though they are not interested in a wedding. Which is what happened with Ms. McMillan — three times.
McMillan suggests that women ask themselves, do I come across as a bitch? Am I being superficial? — And if the answer is yes, McMillan urges women to change who they really are if they want a ring on their finger.
“You really have to be soft and vulnerable to form a relationship,” not bitter and defensive — she explained.
In her book, McMillan urges her readers to treat love as a “spiritual assignment” not as a list of physical requirements.
“If you’re not married and you want to be, you need to express more love. Not get more love,” she writes. “Express it. Feel it. Be it. See it everywhere.”
And I might add, while you’re expressing and being love, continue to express love long after you’re married.
A lot of women think it’s the man’s job to express love and treat them like queens, when in reality, men wanted to be treated special, too. If you forget that a man wants to be treated like a man — he will go out and find a woman who will.
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