I found a quote on a left-wing urban blog and it got me to thinking: do black men date and marry outside of their race because they believe women of another race are a better catch than black women?
Zabeth of Zabeth’s blog asks why couldn’t Lamar Odom “marry his former girlfriend of 10 years, who is also the mother of his 3 children but, somehow has the balls to marry the childless woman he’s only known for 1 month!”
She goes on to say that “Khloe (and any children she may have with him) will reap ALL of the legal benefits, priviled[ges], and guarantees of being a wife while [high school sweetheart] Liza Morales will get child support.”
But isn’t that the image we see portrayed over and over in rap music videos? Black women are cast as “bitches”, “hoes” and “baby mamas” who always have their hands out for child support, while the childless LSLH/white women are cloaked in furs and diamonds.
It should come as no surprise then that the black community leads the nation in single family homes headed by black women.
It wasn’t always that way though. At one time, the black man was proud of his black woman. In 1966, for instance, 85% of black households were headed by black men. Today, it’s more like 29%.
As Zabeth concludes, “[We don’t] need to spell out the implications and lessons learned here.”
Check out what Pastor Manning and I had to say about Black males (athletes) marrying white women on his September 23, 2009 show:
http://www.atlah.org/streaming/manningreportondemand.html
Those numbers are so disturbing. I am glad my household falls within that 29%.
I truly believe there is something wrong with black men and as time passes the same is becoming true for black women. Family values are being determined by Hollywood and America as a whole seems to be adopting a loosey goosey attitude toward family. At least he’s getting married. Getting a black man to the alter ain’t easy. Just ask his baby mama. Either way I still think this marraige is a publicity stunt. Hollywood rearing it’s ugly head once again.
It wasn’t always that way though. At one time, the black man was proud of his black woman. In 1966, for instance, 85% of black households were headed by black men. Today, it’s more like 29%.
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This I always felt came because segragation ended and we were given “freedom”. Once we had nothing to fight for it seems that the race as a whole just started to distant themselves from each other.
I’m not a black man so I can’t speak on why they date outside their race. This example you are using isn’t a good one to me because I think this is a marriage of Convenience not love. But I’m sure there are people out there who see past color and are with someone just because they love them. I hope.
First and for most i need you to separate LSLH from white women……
im lightskined and im black im im no less black than someone that is darkskinned.. these kardashan female are not black nor LSLH they are white…please dont group or isolate light skinned Black females or group us with some white broads
im glad ive got me a good husband, who loves taking care of our children.
his baby momma was latino, not black, and im sure she was light skinned with long hair. and maybe… just maybe she didnt want to be married to lamar
The Kardashians are women of color just not the color black
85% of black households were headed by black men. Today, it’s more like 29%
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How many black men are in jail, thereby forcing the black mother to be the head of the household? Not all black males in jail are guilty. We see stories all the time of black males being released from prison after serving over 20 yrs. for a crime they did not commit. Our system is taking our black men away from being the head of the house and throwing them in jail because “Becky” said he raped her.
I don’t know if that number means that black men aren’t proud of their black women anymore. I think that number is more reflective of the attitude of having a baby mama/not getting married/playing house is ok in our society now. It’s not a stigma anymore.
As for the LSLH/White woman debate – I guess I’m in the minority when I say, Who Cares? If a brother chooses to be with a woman of another race – why would I wring my hands and wonder why? Maybe he loves her and if he really does, love is too hard to come by in this world. If he’s only doing it because black women have attitude, are too bossy or whatever other excuse they come up with – let him go. Why fight and wonder about a brother who OBVIOUSLY has issues with himself??
I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out why rappers constantly have other races in their videos like black women (and not just darker skinned black women, but ALL of us) are not as desirable as the Puerto Rican or Hispanic or whatever. It’s obviously hang-ups on the director/casting agent’s/artists part and I can’t calculate my beauty and value on someone else’s issue. It’s up to us to teach our black girls (ALL of them, light/dark/whatever) that they are beautiful and don’t need Hollywood standards to redeem themselves.
Hello All. Women choose to have 3,4,5 babies by men that will most times never marry them. As for black men preferring white women or LSLH black women, this thinking is residue from slavery. But WHEN indeed will black women realize one thing: Having a man’s baby does not guarantee anything except that someone has to take care of it. Hmmm, when Kim gets upset with Odom, I wonder what’s the first word that comes to her mind?
This is an interesting topic. Of the Black men I know who are involved with women who have one or more European features they pretty much say the same: Black women emasculate them, they complain too much, refuse to give their man oral sex, they undermine their role as head of the household, etc. On the contrary they say that women from different cultures encourage them to participate as the head of the household, they maintain their appearance – even after the children, they don’t say things like “tell ya mama to suck ya dyck cuz I ain’t suckin shyt!”. Also for years Black women have proudly proclaimed the mantra “I’m an independent Black woman, I don’t need a man”. So now a great majority of the Black men are either dating white women or either men for that matter. It appears that since a shortage of Black men exists the routine is to point the finger at the Black man and blame him. Personally I don’t know where the problem lies. As with most situations I look at it from my Grandma’s point of view: “sweep around your own porch before you sweep of mine.” At the end of the day Lamar Odom may marry anybody he chooses. Who are we to pick apart his choice of a mate or that of anybody else?
Sandra, please approve my comment. It is so on point with your post.
Now spongebobfan- u know sandra dont like light skinnedededed women (exept for RIRI), beyonce, obama, halle berrrrry ( i love saying that), jayz and the rest of dem folks :coffee:.. As far as the “lamar” is concern- he will get his lesson learn (just like the others) when she takes him for everything he has.. Black men haven’t learned yet but they always seem to find their way back to black women when they are broke and aint got ish – imagine that.. We just need to turn their arsese down when they come running and crying.. like frankie said HOLLA
PAHairston Says:
Hmmm, when Kim gets upset with Odom, I wonder what’s the first word that comes to her mind?
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It’s Khloe but I know the answer because one of my dads gf did/said the same thing.
DAisy what color are they? They look like tanned white women to me..
@Love they are Armainian (sp)
@Shannon SHOTS FIRED and more
“tell ya mama to suck ya dyck cuz I ain’t suckin shyt!
For real Shannon,seriously SMH….
Fuck black men real talk
They are Armenian (sp) and I’m not sure if that means they are a women of color…olive maybe?
This is a joke, especially him. It’s sad that he can’t marry the person he had 3 children with but marries someone he’s dated for 3 weeks. I don’t give a hell what color the babymama and soon to be bride is.
And Sandra, the name Liza Morales doesn’t scream DSLH to me. Can we get pictures of baby mama?
@ Shannon
you better duck for cover.
Oh and ladies can we please start a list on why men (black and white) are triffling. Nicca’s (not you Shannon in general)always got some shyt to say about a bytch like their skid mark shiddy drawls don’t stink.
We don’t suck dyck.. that’s a damn lie. & mf’er if you want me to keep up my looks then you take these kids and let me have a day. matter of fact why don’t you just take out the trash. Men who blame women for why they date outside their race are punks and can’t fess up to the fact that they just weren’t good enough to please a beatiful strong black woman. You want to play head of household but you want me to work full time. GTFOH!
I read and then reread Shannons comments because I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Lets just say I’m glad I’ve never met your loser azz friends if they use the reasons you’ve just mentioned as to why the date women with “European features”. Does those “European features” omit them from having the same tendincies as someone of color (give oral, let them wear the pants and just bow down, keep up on Kanyes workout plan, roll over and spread them under any circumstances etc…SMDH
The “a black woman wont give head” excuse is beyond played because we all know that chit ain’t true. I also think the Black women have taken the Independent women role because it either was passed on to them either by watching a man dawg out their mother or by previous experience on bad relationships. I think most black women or women in general don’t automatically adapt this “I don’t need a man” attitude. As far as keeping themselves up WTF am I missing? So is there really a sterotype out there that black woman don’t keep themselves up BUT other races do? That one is new to me.
WOW just WOW. I’m glad that I have a strong BLACK man who didn’t look for things NOT to like in a strong Black woman but found the qualities he LOVED in one.
go head iscream !!!!! and to add -if i have to pick up a screw driver for any occasion then NO you cannot be head of the house hold- Naw its not happening AT ALL..
Well I’m not a black man so I can’t answer that question. I do however have brothers that have dated Black, Asian, Hispanic, Italian, Venezuelan, and White women. Sometimes people aren’t looking for a certain race or look to date, they are open to dating all races and it just so happens the person they chose to marry is of a different race.
I am DSLH and have NEVER had a problem with dating. Thank you heavenly father for my BLACK MAN!!!!
I’m not getting in to the LS vs DS thing – no ma’am – but isn’t Lamar’s ex Hispanic?
The black women that I know aren’t submissive doormats either!!!!
I knew this would be a great topic. I have a very good friend (Black Woman). She is the best mother and wife I’ve ever seen. I would even go so far to say that she’s a better Mother and Wife than my own Mother and Grandmother. She complains about how her husband doesn’t help around the house with the children (they have a 17 year old and a 3 year old), he doesn’t help with the chores, he doesn’t talk to her, he doesn’t do this, he doesn’t do that. Men are providers by nature. In this particular case he gets up at 3am Monday through Saturday to work a 12 hour shift! In his defense he pays the ENTIRE mortgage and the balance of the household bills as well as her car note (she gets a brand new car every 2 years)! They go on 1 family vacation per year and 1 vacation with just the two of them. Her paycheck is her own. I tried to explain to her that men are simple. They want to come home from work to a clean house, eat something other than Hamburger Helper, get some head or watch TV. They don’t want to be bombarded with stories about what Shaniqua nem did at your job that day and don’t want you asking him 50 questions about his day. On the flipside, women are very complicated. They ask you tricky questions: Is my butt fat? Does this dress make my butt look wide? Can you see my cellulite? Why won’t you talk to me? I don’t know. I guess it’s just one of those battle of the wits things.
Judging from the pictures of his kids, I can go out on a limb and say his baby mama is LSLH, so can we really use Lamar Odom as an example?
Let me read the comments before I add my two cents
@Daisy, what “color” are the Kardashians. Their mom is German of caucasian descent and their father is Armenian of European(caucasian) descent… so unless white is their color what classifies them as women of color?
and shanonn, your saying that a White women would just obey and be happy and keep his d!ck in her mouth when hes not working said shift? cause us black women are unappreciative, non d!ck sucking complainers that talk about Shaniqua and em 24/7 ? thats what we are?
Shannon Says:
I knew this would be a great topic. I have a very good friend (Black Woman). She is the best mother and wife I’ve ever seen. I would even go so far to say that she’s a better Mother and Wife than my own Mother and Grandmother. She complains about how her husband doesn’t help around the house with the children (they have a 17 year old and a 3 year old), he doesn’t help with the chores, he doesn’t talk to her, he doesn’t do this, he doesn’t do that. Men are providers by nature. In this particular case he gets up at 3am Monday through Saturday to work a 12 hour shift! In his defense he pays the ENTIRE mortgage and the balance of the household bills as well as her car note (she gets a brand new car every 2 years)! They go on 1 family vacation per year and 1 vacation with just the two of them. Her paycheck is her own. I tried to explain to her that men are simple. They want to come home from work to a clean house, eat something other than Hamburger Helper, get some head or watch TV. They don’t want to be bombarded with stories about what Shaniqua nem did at your job that day and don’t want you asking him 50 questions about his day. On the flipside, women are very complicated. They ask you tricky questions: Is my butt fat? Does this dress make my butt look wide? Can you see my cellulite? Why won’t you talk to me? I don’t know. I guess it’s just one of those battle of the wits things.
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Great way to redeem yourself Shannon. Women and men are wired differently but I don’t care if he pays all the bills I still have to be able to communicate with my husband and would want him to want to know how my day went(and I do get that from my husband). You can’t shut yourself off to your spouse because you are the “provider”. But thanks for the info. I am sure your friend would trade some of her income and help pay the bills for alittle conversation and moral support.
@Shannon you know you’re friends are full of shyt right? Just say I pick the woman I’m with based on her personality & our compatability. Saying I exclude black women because they have a laundry list of faults is a cop out. Those faults listed cut across racial lines btw because most african women I know who are black are just like the good “white” women you described, but we don’t date black american men because y’all are broke no good sperm sharing momofukus who never stay gainfully employed *insert your stereotype here* blah blah blah.
Yes, SOME black men have issues. However, Odom’s girlfriend of 10 years CHOSE to have children with him without being married. Why give a man that many children and he has not made a commitment to you. White girls DEMAND a commitment. Black women want BABIES! Horrible! Sad! Shameful!!!! Khloe probably put the law down on his ass whereas his girlfriend waited and waited…and waited…and waited…and waited…SAD!!! Now, what message is he sending to his daughter(s)? You’re good enough to sleep with but not to marry! That’s half mama’s fault!
@ Shannon – my husband and I both work full-time jobs. And yes, he is a provider. But being married is not only about making sure bills are paid and the house is still standing. Women and men just have different needs. Saying men are simple and women are just complicated just excuses behavior and actions. Don’t paint with such a broad brush.
If there is not an emotional connection between a husband and a wife, trust me, there is something lacking. And I bet this is what your friend is missing. And if she is making sure the house is clean, the kids are fed and he gets his head – then he should be able to hear about her day or talk to her for five mintues before the game comes on.
That’s just the the thing Shannon you have women of all races that are in the EXACT position as your good black friend, it’s just not a black race thing. Trust me there are white men/women, hispanic men/women, asian men/woman etc… that talk/vent amongst themselves about the same exact things that black ones do!!!!
@Shauny
I also think the Black women have taken the Independent women role because it either was passed on to them either by watching a man dawg out their mother or by previous experience on bad relationships.
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This is a sorry as excuse. I had terrible parents. My childhood was horrible. However, this does not give me a free pass or a reason to be a terrible parent. Hell my mother is a drug addict and has been one since I can remember. Does this mean that I have to adopt the same behavior and use it as an excuse? No. As an adult I have choices. I may either choose the wrong path or the right path. Why would you want to emasculate your husband and say oh well its okay because that is how my mother treated my father? By nature the man is supposed to be the head of the household – period. I’m not saying that this gives him a pass to “rule over” the woman or even to make her feel less than. To answer your question about staying in shape, I work in an office so I will use me as the example. The White women eat very healthy foods. They work out. They’re always counting calories and reading labels and undertaking some sort of physical regimine. On the other hand the majority of the Black women gorge all day long. They’re the first in line when we have food catered in and generally are the first in line to pack the food up to take it home. We have a get fit initiative at work and they encourage people to walk up two floors and down two floors instead of taking the elevators. I never ever see Black women taking the stairs. Why? Because my back hurt, my feet hurt, I’m tired, shyt they don’t pay me enough to walk no stairs – among other answers. On the other hand the White women band together and some of them even walk up 20 floors in the morning and down 20 in the evening just to get the exercise. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that all Black women are lazy nor am I saying that all White women are fit (I live in Texas so we got some bigguns down here) I’m just simply stating how I see things on a day to day basis.
I’m so glad that you have a “good black man, really a good man in general”. Maybe the rest of the world will be so lucky.
p.s. none of my friends are losers – I don’t surround myself with any.
@Anna
I am sure your friend would trade some of her income and help pay the bills for alittle conversation and moral support.
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Its funny that you suggested that because he asked her the same thing and she said you allowed me to get accustomed to this lifestyle so you need to maintain.
I think this is why I’m not married. I’ve been in a long term relationship (6+) and it works fine. We haven’t had an argument since the 3rd year and I think thats because we don’t get off into all those titles and roles.
Hello .. not touching this topic …
Jessie, I think you’re on to something. Somehow in the balck community, illegitimacy no longer became a thing of shame but a badge of honor, and I think when this shift happened, the rate of legal marriages among black couple declined accordingly. I think culturally white Americans & black Americans are fundamentally different in the values their children are raised with, white people are raised with the expectation that they will get married and have their own families, so when these kids grow up, they tend to meet the expectation; black people seem to not be setting the same expectation for their children.
Even though this is a fake, I agree, but I was one of the lucky ones who had the Black father who stayed with the black mother until death did them part. A lot of this is based on them taking the Martin Luther dream the wrong way and slavery also. Dont look at that white woman! The thing that gets me is when a brother says, they dont nag; yes they do and more. They see how hard we had it raising them and then they go the other way. Let’s be honest and women not of the black race will get together with anything; they can have one eye and half a nose he can still get a women not of the black race.. Them kardashians are the worst thing any many would, should, or desire to marry. They became famous being little sluts and that’s putting it nicely but we live in an society that agrees with it because of that color (non). I honestly do believe that black men are proud of us.
Black men saying we emasculate them, won’t let them be the head of the household, etc. is a bunch of CRAP! I know too many black women that are married to black men that WILL NOT stand up and be the HEAD. These women desire their men to be the head. Some won’t save their money and buy a house, some make less money and fell their woman is trying to emasculate them because she makes more money. Note to black men: GO TO COLLEGE, get a good education, pull your pants up, and act like a man and you will be respected and treated as one. These “other” women take your bull crap and that’s why you put up with them. BE A MAN!
@Shannon, why you dragging your feet? Make an honest legal woman out of your woman if you’ve been getting her goodies for free for 6 years.
@KaraZ
Culturally it sppears that Black women have stronger more aggressive personalities. Black women consistently say “I’m a strong Black Woman”. That is the mantra of many. Whenever have you heard a White woman scream “I’m a strong White woman” or a Chinese say “I’m a strong Chinese woman”?
@Sandra, I am taking it personal that you are not approving my comment. :- (
Zabeth, you better preach!!!!
jessie said
White girls DEMAND a commitment. Black women want BABIES! Horrible! Sad! Shameful!!!! Khloe probably put the law down on his ass whereas his girlfriend waited and waited…and waited…and waited…and waited…SAD!!!
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Khole’s sister is about to have a baby by a man she isn’t married to. And just so you know the majority of women (any race) want babies. It’s apart of being a woman. It’s what God made us for and it’s why we bleed every month. It’s in our DNA.
& how do you know his children’s mother didn’t demand to get married. What was she suppose to do drug him and force him to marry her. You don’t know the reason why a woman has her child/children. Maybe she doesn’t believe in going to the butcher shop. HE is the punk ass who keep skitting off in her and not tying the knot. stop trying to place all the blame on the woman… AND BLACK WOMEN AT THAT!
@KaraZ
Ha! For free? I beg to differ. As far as marriage, whew look at the time! It’s 9:45am, I better do some work. Peace!
Now we have to deal with “Becky”. Yes, country azz rappers are now glorifying white punanny donny. SMDH
@Shannon: You are dancing around the question Karaz asked
SMH@so many people painting with a BIG BROAD BRUSH
@Shannon does your girl want to get married that you know of?
Not ALL black women are or want to be baby mama’s. I have MORE gfriends who are SINGLE, NEVER BEEN MARRIED, NO KIDS then I do that are single mothers.
Shannon just said he has been dating for SIX years now IF his lady wanted to be married(just an ex) she isnt and she cant FORCE or DEMAND that he marry her he is good and GROWN. Now what she could do IF (just an ex again) she wanted to be married was walk after 2-3 yrs and she saw that he was not ready and may not ever be ready BUT if she is cool w/ the way things are then that is a blessing and good as well.
SO is it such a crime when women only go for LS men? My thing is you like what you like! Those PEOPLE that base their lives around color usually flock together, and I say good you chose the “other” side cause thats shallow as hail! My darkskin friends dont have a problem “catching” so I dont see the problem! People that seem to keep this topic going need to examine what it is about themselves that even tweek their minds to focus in on this bull! Maybe its your attentiveness on other people’s lives, or maybe its your own insecurity regarding your skintone? At any rate, I got 99 problems and what a nucca want aint one of em!
Shannon I have NEVER said I was a STRONG BLACK WOMAN that is a myth and neither do my friends. Not all black women go around waving that banner.
Attymom Becky is about giving head FYI
i just asked a brotha this question .. are we REALLY that difficult .. here is his response..
Every race of women have their issues….but some black women do make life more complicated than it needs to be…lol…But men that date outside of their race; tend to be men that have other internal issues going on…
@Shannon
I’m glad you used the word SEEMS. Tell you the truth, I think many american women (regardless of race) are overly aggressive, do not understand the power in submission and have lost their feminine touch (it’s not found is a plunging neckline). I think that stereotyping has assigned the aggressive thing to black women and call it assertive when it comes to white women & ambitious when it comes to asian.
@ Shannon – that is reminding me of something I learned in college.
How black women were not really apart of the feminist movement because, well – we didn’t have TIME to think about ourselves only when there was a whole race to uplift. So, yes, if you ask a black woman who she is – she’ll probably say “I’m a strong black woman”. But also think about this – people see our race before they see anything else.
When I was in college, on the eve of finals, there were guys making noise in the hallway. I asked them (nicely) to please tone it down so people could sleep. Not only did they call me a b**ch – they had to stick the word “black” in front of b**ch. So not only was I a b**ch – I was a black one.
So, the world has us identifying ourselves by this black woman title as well.
I don’t think we are just that much more aggressive. But when you look at the roles women have to play and how many times, we DO have to step up to take care of our parents, our families, our co-workers, etc… black women ARE strong creature. It’s just that simple.
Now, as far as letting a man be the head of the household – I have no problem doing that, just like I had no problem saying I will obey during my wedding vows. If you are with a strong man who will not lead your house down a wrong path, mentally, spiritually and financially – there’s no problem to defer to them. That is what I have, so I have no problem letting my husband be the head of the house. As my pastor says – the husband may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck that turns that head.
Memo to Black women: close your damn legs. We can stop this ish today. We have the power.
We (including myself) have allowed this disrespectful ish to go on for too long. It is time to train the world (including Black men) on how to treat us. Let’s start by respecting ourselves and each other and stop casting our pearls before swine. Rule #1: Don’t have sex with any woman period. Rule #2: Don’t have sex with any man that is not your husband. Rule #3: Don’t have sex with another woman’s husband, I don’t care what his azz tells you. Your motto should be: “Get a divorce, beyotch, then come holla at me.
@KaraZ
Culturally it sppears that Black women have stronger more aggressive personalities. Black women consistently say “I’m a strong Black Woman”.
I hate that darn song. If you ask me it’s just a way for nicca’s to get a chick to pay her own way.
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And you got black men making songs called… miss independent that’s why I love her
Women became independent because we weren’t getting equal rights. In that men took that a slap in the face and stop being a man. stop opening doors, stop walking on the outside of the woman, stop pulling out the chairs, ect.
Hey Kym (waving)
Shannon Says:
@KaraZ
Ha! For free? I beg to differ. As far as marriage, whew look at the time! It’s 9:45am, I better do some work. Peace!
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You know you trifling right? You didn’t have work to do writing out your epistle like Paul earlier in the convo, now you can’t share why you wasting that woman’s time for 6 cutdamn years??? She’s foolish for letting you drag your feet & her family isn’t doing their job… that’s some damn bullshyt!
attorneymom Says:
Memo to Black women: close your damn legs. We can stop this ish today. We have the power.
We (including myself) have allowed this disrespectful ish to go on for too long. It is time to train the world (including Black men) on how to treat us. Let’s start by respecting ourselves and each other and stop casting our pearls before swine. Rule #1: Don’t have sex with any woman period. Rule #2: Don’t have sex with any man that is not your husband. Rule #3: Don’t have sex with another woman’s husband, I don’t care what his azz tells you. Your motto should be: “Get a divorce, beyotch, then come holla at me.
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A bunny is sad somewhere in the world today because I agree with attorneymom on this…
@Ice I loved that song but I aint paying for stuff all like that lol I think the idea behind the song was she has her own but still WANTS to be with him and let him take over maybe
They don’t want to be bombarded with stories about what Shaniqua nem did at your job that day and don’t want you asking him 50 questions about his day.
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If you cant sit and have a conversation with your s/o your marriage is doomed, doesnt matter if hes paying on the bills are not. you have to communicate with each other, its not always about sex
THANK YOU @ LadyJustice. Don’t know why men can’t figure out that if you touch my heart and head, I’ll be happy to let you touch something else.
KaraZ Says:
@Shannon, why you dragging your feet? Make an honest legal woman out of your woman if you’ve been getting her goodies for free for 6 years.
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I was going to tell him the same thing. Marriage is what you make it. It’s not necessarily a title or a piece of paper but I think of it as a “insurance policy”. No one can come in if hubby dies and take away what we worked for, no ex wife/husband, parents, children. I think it’s one of the reasons why I did not have a problem with same sex marriage. Anyone can step in to claim/take whatever if one dies. There are female same sex couples where one carries a baby and dies and the surviving lover has no rights to that child. The bio grandparents end up with custody. Marriage to me is beneficial. I look at marriage more than loving my spouse and having a best friend but it’s also in our best interest. (I am still sending this comment although it’s late, I do have to stop and work sometimes).
@LJ (comment #60) Totally AGREE !!!!!
Shannon I think you took my point wrong and my “excuse” isn’t sorry. You used your childhood as being horrible as an example and said you don’t have to follow down that road in being a bad parent. I used a young woman seeing her mother being used, abused, etc. or this woman being physically, emotionally cheated on, not feeling equal, taking advantage of etc. in a previous relationship as a reason for a woman to adapt the mentality of being more Independent and not waiting on or feeling the need to have a man taking care of them and you say this is a sorry excuse?…..ok your opinion. Yet you accept and seem to agree with “your friends” and from you latest comments maybe your own as well” points of why Black is whack and White is right when it comes to women. Calorie counting and eating healthy is what the white women on your job do while all the Black women do is snack on Coke and Oreos and wont walk up the stair and watercooler talk about Keisha and dem…huh? So there isn’t ONE Black women that is walking those stairs and ONE white woman on that elevator? I think it’s a POOR excuse for you and your friends to use they past experiences of SOME Black women as a reason to jump ship and date White women..oh wait women with “European features” because if they have one or more “european features” they could NEVER fall under any of the examples you labled about the Black women.
I aint read through all the posts but at the end of the day here’s my take as a married Black man.
The main overriding reason so many BW remain unmarried has more to do with many sisters not knowing what they really want in a man. Many say they want a “strong man”, but do they really?
I’ve seen more than a few BW resist at every turn said “strong man”, resist “staying in their lane” when ceratin household/relationship issues surface.
Plus, to be candid, what quite a few BW have fell into believing was envogue, being this purported strong BW, flies in the face of what many men want in a woman. Sorry, but far too many BW took the womens lib movement to extremes. “I don’t need no man”, “I can do bad all by myself”, think about it….What other race of women have you seen so fiercely adopt such mantras?
I’ll tell you, none! Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting to I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T, but many took that crap so far that you now have lil faggity man/boy rappers even promoting this idology. You see very few women in other races so actively adopt these lines of thinking.
Our women have taken these credos to the limit.
Other side of the coin. BM.
Now yes, there are BM who have an open and expressed slant towards “other” women, but I’ve noticed an almost common theme among many of the brothers I’ve known in this camp. Almost all of them were raised in single mother households!!!
Go figure. You’d think that they would have a closer alignment to BW vs. the contrary. Pop’s had an interesting take on this. He said that most of those men were probably raised up in chaotic households with little to no order. The momma more than likely had numerous “male friends” who came through the house at different periods in the childs life and this contributed to the unstable nature of his/her development. As a result, the boy grew to resent BW and what many represent as the “strong BW”. So once they hit adulthood, they recoiled from any woman who remotely fits within that catagory.
I believe there is merit to this observation. Sad thing is, most of the no good men that most women complain about come directly from these Strong BW managed households. Thus these cycles just continue…
PEOPLE not just women, only NEED Jesus, now WANTING a mate is something different. If thats the problem, so be it! My motto still stands, no I dont NEED you, I WANT you here.
@Karaz, LMBO. Hell just had a snow storm if you agree with me. LOL
Yep they sure are because they bruise better when you beat them
@iscream;
I agree that it’s normal for women to desire children. However, CONTINUING to have babies for a man you’re not married to is ridiculous Maybe Odom’s “baby mama” did demand a commitment. Well, that’s a trip because she could have stood her ground by closing the “baby shop”. As a woman, I can understand one baby out of wedlock. I feel bad for the children. They are the ones that get the short end of the stick because children DESERVE 2 parents…in the same house…raising them in love! You settle for less and that’s exactly what you get!
*side eye* @ 68 smh
Didn’t read all the comments but this has been a constant conversation piece for myself and a few friends. I will say what I have said for years……Men have gone along with Western Civilizations idea of beauty. They pass up nice dark skinned, motivated, driven sisters to look for others that may not share their ideals or struggle, but hell she is LSLH and that’s the only requirement. Now I can’t speak for all situations, but I can speak from what I know. That’s not to say that LSLH woman don’t expeience struggles, but I don’t know theirs, I know mine.
I stopped talking to a twice divorced man who had no idea what he was looking for in a woman. He constantly told me that I was a great woman…degreed, homeowner, self-suffient, career-oriented; but continues to deal with the first ex-wife that has no job, no nothing. The only attribute she has is LSLH. It gets them everytime.
@Jessie not every 2 parent household is filled with love. Children need to be raised in a HOME FILLED WITH LOVE PERIOD be it 1 parent, 2 parents, grandma, 2 moms, 2 dads, aunties etc.
@Sandra, please give me your feedback on my call to Pastor Manning.
@72
He’s a VERY simple-minded male (He’s a BENCH-WARMER)
They SAY all the right things to get on the field to PLAY …
But ALWAYS comes up short when it’s TIME to execute-n-produce
I also think this LSLH position is also used by some BW as a sort of crutch to sort of justify why they don’t have a man.
“Well I aint got a man because they all want LSLH women”…Bulldookie…
I promise you, that aint it. We loves some brown skin but whats probably the real problem is that SOOOO many of you have internalized this though process that says, well no matter what I do (or have, go figure) he aint gone want me because I’m not LSLH….Bogus, and that mental process is the problem.
If you keep telling yourself something long enough, trust, you are going to internalize that on some level and then it becomes a self fulling prophesy! Your charting your own course with non-sensical thinking and with thinking like this, these are the same women who should they be lucky enough to get a good man, will literally drive him away with the insecurities that go along with self defeating thought like this.
Plus, I’ve always found it so ironic that the same BW who lament these issues are the same ones who go all ga ga over any WM with a BW?!?! Strange if you ask me. It’s like saying my beauty is only substantiated if the WM desires me, and the same women who think like this will sneer at a BM who expresses an appreciation for her “beauty”….Then usually after 30-40 or 50 years of living like this, they finally “get it” and by then most dudes aint hardly checking for an old head who finally got her head on straight…
@MistaO:
PREACH
Sidebar: Sorry Sasha, we need more than just put a ring on it. We need respect, love, understanding, good income, mental stability and good sex in the confines of a marriage between one man and one woman.
Jessie said:
I feel bad for the children. They are the ones that get the short end of the stick because children DESERVE 2 parents…in the same house…raising them in love! You settle for less and that’s exactly what you get!
************************************
So you think a child that’s raised with their parents living apart isn’t raised in love? What about children of divorced parents? Are they raised in love because their parents once were married. In a perfect world all children will be born in a married situation, white picket fence, with a dog in the yard. But this is not a perfect world. & just because children are raised in a two family home doesn’t mean that house if filled with love. Most children of married parents who don’t get along secretly pray that their mother would leave.
For all we know he promised his kids mother he would marry her. Oh, wait till this happens, wait till that happens, I just need to do this, I just need to do that. Yeah she could’ve done something about it but maybe she loved him. & sometimes love can make you blind. Then when you wake up you got some baggage that people are now labeling you for.
@MistaO, sit your azz down.
I believesome men quick to categorized us black women as all the same. They tend to think we’re either ghetto, golddiggers, hoes, bitches the list can go on. They feel a woman of another race isn’t what they know or come acustomed to which is probably why they go outside their race. The men that do think all women of our race are the same are just ignaorant one minded fools. All women are different ain’t one woman the same. I know spanish, white, even a girl who is pakistan in my opinion is more ghetto than some of my homegirls. Men just need to realize just because 2 or more women in the same race did wrong don’t mean all women in that race are the same. Far as Lamor & Khloe we on the outside looking in maybe they been messing around a long time but kept it hushed(I doubt it). I still think its a publicity stunt & we giving them exactly what they want which is publicity. She needs it for their show & I don’t watch bball like that so he probably has a business deal coming or something who knows
@attymom
#80
This is why I said
and why I knew not to even comment on the LSLH thing. I think the convo moved from LSLH a long time ago though lol
LSLH black women are just as single as the rest of the black women last time I checked lol So who is blaming them that is beyond simple.
Black men and women can date and marry who they want more power to them
@Daisy:
Thats what I feel as well, but…..my LSLH friends are the ones single.
this is better than the child support topic when it comes up on here…by far…
I ain’t blaming LSLH women for this ish. They are just as much a victim of this nonsense as our darker hued sisters. I blame the residue of slavery for this continued problem. I blame dumb azz black folks (mainly athletes and rich house negroes) for being obedient to Masta Willie Lynch’s relationship rules.
FUG A NICCA THAT DONT’ WANT YOU AND A DOUBLE CUP OF FUG YOU TO THOSE WHO GO ON AND ON ABOUT LSLH/WHITE WOMEN TO EACH THEIR OWN
THEY AINT THE LAST MAN ON EARTH AND I’M A BLACK WOMAN AND WHAT I WANT/DO ETC. DON’T CONCERN THEM ANY HOW AND VICE VERSA
THERE ARE PLENTY BLACK MEN OUT THERE WHO LIKE BLACK WOMEN
IN MY CHURCH AND MY FAMILY I SEE GREAT EXAMPLES OF BLACK MARRIED COUPLES WITH CHILDREN-I REFUSE TO BUY INTO THE HYPE
IGNORE THESE NICCAS AND THEIR LATEST CONQUESTS-I PAY THEM NO MIND WHEN I SEE THEM ON THE STREETS AND THEY THINK SOMEONE’S JEALOUS OR ENVIOUS
BIATCHES PUHLEEZE-I GOT MY OWN BLACK MAN AND I GREW UP IN A HOUSEHOLD WITH A BLACK FATHER WHO SHOWED ME LOVE FROM DAY ONE, UNCLES, BROTHERS, COUSINS ETC. EVEN MY CHURCH FAMILY FULL OF BLACK MEN WHO SHOW THE SISTERS LOVE FROM THE BABIES TO THE GRANDMAS OF THE CHURCH
I WAS BLESSED TO LIVE IN A COMMUNITY THAT A BLACK MAN WOULD WINK AT YOU AND TELL YOU THE BLACKER THE BERRY THE SWEETER THE JUICE AND IT NOT HAVE ANY SEXUAL CONOTATIONS TO IT
I DON’T KNOW WHY PEOPLE DON’T SEE ALL THIS HYPE AND MEDIA FRENZY JUST FEEDS INTO TENSION BETWEEN BLACK MEN AND WOMEN A OVERT ATTEMPT TO KEEP US DIVIDED AS A COMMUNITY
WHY IS IT ALL STEREOTYPES ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE BECOME ALMOST FACTS IN THE MEDIA AND FOR EVERY OTHER RACE STEREOTYPES ARE JUST WHISPERED AMONGST ONE ANOTHER-BUT IT NEVER HITS THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEWS
NOBODY HAS TIME TO BE WORRIED ABOUT A MOFO THAT AINT CONCERNED ABOUT ME-WHAT BLACK MEN AND THEIR WHITE WOMEN EAT DON’T MAKE ME SHIAT-SO WHY GIVE THEM SO MUCH ATTENTION
What about darkskin women that “prefer” LS men? Is that much of an issue as well? I hear that ALL the time from my darker friends, but I never see it discussed in the media.
@Intense:
On a roll today, I couldnt agree more!
Another bit of unsolicited advice for the single ladies out here.
Look, if you know (or are yourself) single females, chances are quite good that there exists some serious reasons why she is single.
Trust me, us dudes ARE NOT complicated. All’s it really takes to get and keep us are some real simple variables:
Be nice
Be trustworthy
Be considerate
Dont’ be selfish and stank in attitude, no man really thinks this is cute.
Don’t be “loose”. Now I know most of yall gonna fall out on that one but a sad thing is that over sexuality of women has been so promoted the past couple of decades that many women actually believe that most men don’t have a problem with a female who’s “been around”.
Let me let yall in on a lil secret. No matter what a man says, almost none of us really want to hitch our wagon to a slut! Double standard? Well yea it is, but that’s just how most men are built. It’s a hard truth that many females who live like this just find distasteful and hard to accept.
Don’t kill the messenger, I’m just letting yall in on how most men really think. Yea we will lay up with a skank, but at the end of it all, most will not wife one up. That’s why so many remain single today and the old cover up tricks really don’t work on men the way they used to.
We can sniff out a skank pretty easily now a days, it’s kind of hard to conceal. I’m just saying, you can choose to do you, but just don’t be all up fussing about why no man ever wanted to wife you if that how you live….
@keely107 writes, “What about darkskin women that “prefer” LS men?”
_____________________________
Perhaps some of them suffer from the “MJ” syndrome: They want light skin children. Selah.
@intense… I’m witcha All The Way ON THAT ONE
@ MistaO, the problem is that you men have double standards.
For example, Mr. Attorneymom made me take down my facebook page and change my cell phone number because I gave out my cell phone number to two of my ex(s) who both live in different states and are married with children. I was wrong so let’s move on.
Rewind to a few months ago, Mr. Attorneymom sent a facebook message to a White woman (who son plays on our 10 year old son’s football team) telling her that he missed talking to her. WTH??? Now, did I make him take down his facebook page and change his cell phone number even though the heffa does not live too far from us. Of course not.
So again, I tell you, “Sit your azz down.”
@attorneymom:
See I dont see it that way, IMO, opposites attract! But I dont have an issue with the skin thing either way, so maybe Im biased, or just dont focus on it that much. (shrugs)
Listen to the show for yourself. Eveyone had something to say to me, but did not have one thing to say to him.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bridgingthegaptalkshow/2009/09/15/HOTT-FACEBOOK-MESS-This-Is-MY-Story-The-411
Mr. Attorneymom even did a youtube video on the ish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XfXciBIOrQ
@Mista O why must something be wrong with a woman or man if they are single? Maybe they just havent met the right person. Nobody is perfect we are all flawed. I dont think anything is wrong with me and I am single. I just havent met my king yet. I live in the A where straight single men are scarce. Before married ppl were married they were what SINGLE! They just finally met their mr or ms right.
I see why Hill Harper wrote his new relationship book conversation there is way to much finger pointing going on.
@Keely although I dont get caught up on skin I do LOVE me a dark choc brotha lol The last guy I talked to was light skin pretty rickey type. Cute is cute but I do love me a BLACK man lol
Daisy says:
why must something be wrong with a woman or man if they are single? Maybe they just havent met the right person. Nobody is perfect we are all flawed. I dont think anything is wrong with me and I am single. I just havent met my king yet. I live in the A where straight single men are scarce. Before married ppl were married they were what SINGLE! They just finally met their mr or ms right.
——
Well said! And we aren’t willing to settle for the BS mean are trying to sell us…
@attorneymom
Dayum, no disrespect intended but wit what you just posted you might wanna consider jumping off this board and do a lil more work on ole boy?!?!
Just wow! Yea that’s pretty serious right there. I’m just saying, everybody is different but if you giving out numbers to ex’s (no matter if they as far away as China), Houston we have a problem…
And if yo dude hollering lightweight at some broad around the cona, well, like I said, you gots some work ahead of ya…
Cause Ima tell you, having somebody close down a stupid facebook or myspace aint even scratching the surface of what’s really going on. I wish you the best though…
Side Note: Relationship folk and Married folk especially, aint it bout time most people realize that this computer and these “social networking” sites can be more troble than they are worth? Folks all posting pictures and phone numbers all manner of crap they aint got no business doing (that is if they got good sense and exercise it). I stay up off that crap, plus I just aint got the desire to be keeping all up with folks I haven’t been around in years, hell I got kids to raise and a wife to tend to….People showl got a lot of time on their hands today…
@Daisy:
I love em dark too, but my hubby turned out to be light! LOL. It doesnt matter to me, but how do LS people feel about US that “prefer” DS? I know they make jokes to my hubby all the time telling him “they” went out with high top fades. I just think the whole game is messed up period and it has fairly little to do with complexion and more to do with mindset.
@Mista O why must something be wrong with a woman or man if they are single? Maybe they just havent met the right person. Nobody is perfect we are all flawed. I dont think anything is wrong with me and I am single. I just havent met my king yet. I live in the A where straight single men are scarce. Before married ppl were married they were what SINGLE! They just finally met their mr or ms right.
thank you.
*************************************
People sit on their throne “This is what you should do.” No, what people need to do is be themselves. Don’t be someone who you think that man/woman wants you to be because you can’t fake the funk forever.
@daisy
I was really leaning towards those eternally single women who like stay single AND complain about it. Now a youngish woman 20-25 I can see, but these broads all like pushing 30, 35, 40 and whatnot…Steady crying and making excuses up for why they can’t get or keep a man all that instead of doing some mirror checking and taking an inventory of what and who they are as possible reasons no man ever wanted to stay around.
Again, men are real simple. However, it takes more than just decent looks to keep a “good man” around and have him motivated to wife you up, is all I’m saying. Sad thing is, those simple things I speak of are many time things most of these females are unwilling to do. (And no I aint talking stupid about fallicio or none of that simpleness)…
@ MISTY O OR WHATEVA
NICCA PUHLEEZE AS IF A BLACK WOMAN’S GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IN LIFE IS TO GET FUGGIN “MARRIED”!
TOO MANY PEOPLE PLACE TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON THE ABILITY TO OBTAIN A MAN-WHEN IN FACT IT’S HUMAN NATURE AND HAS BEEN HAPPENING SINCE KINDERGARTEN BOYS AND GIRLS LIKE EACH OTHER DUH!
DON’T GET ME WRONG MARRIAGE IS GREAT-BUT MY FUGGIN WORTH AINT MEASURED BY IF I HAVE A MAN OR NOT OR IF I’M MARRIED OR NOT
TOO MANY BRAIN DEAD WOMEN RUN AROUND BRAGGING ABOUT “MY HUSBAND” AND DON’T EVEN HAVE A SKILL SET OR AN EDUCATION, BEFORE THEY KNOW WHAT THEY LIKE OR WANT, THEY KNOW WHAT A MAN LIKES AND WHAT TO DO TO PLEASE HIM, TOO MUCH STOCK IS PUT INTO A MAN AND NOT ENOUGH TIME IN SELF
MEN LIKE AIRHEAD NON-LIFE HAVING, LOYAL, DEVOTED, WOMEN WHOSE ONLY AGENDA IS TO PLEASE, GET, AND KEEP A MAN AND IT’S QUITE OBVIOUS WHY-MEN ARE VERY SELFISH AND OF COURSE THEY WANT SOMEONE TO MAKE THEIR LIFE EASIER-
CLEAN UP AFTER THEIR ARSES, COOK FOR EM, RAISE THEIR KIDS, AND CONTRIBUTE HALF ON THE HOUSEHOLD BILLS, AS HE SITS AT THE HEAD OF THE TABLE AND BEATS HIS CHEST AS IF HE’S A KING
BLACK WOMEN HAVE ACHIEVED SO MUCH FINANCIALLY, PROFESSIONALLY-OBTAINING DEGREES, BECOMING BUSINESS OWNERS, HOLDING PRESTIGOUS POSTIONS AT FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES AND THE “ONLY MOTHER FUGGIN THING A NICCA CAN SAY IS NA NA NA YOU AINT MARRIED” GTFOH
YALL KEEP TRYING TO DEPICT BLACK WOMEN AS ANGRY BITTER LONELY WOMEN-BUT IN FACT BLACK WOMEN HAVE BEEN COMMITTED TO RAISING FAMILIES AND STANDING BY THEIR MAN FOR SOO LONG THAT THEY HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO PURSUE WHAT MAKES THEM HAPPY WHICH MAY NOT INCLUDE RUSHING TO THE ALTER-HELL SOME HAVE CHOSEN NOT TO MARRY AT ALL
DO YOU THINK THAT MEANS THEY NEVER SHARE A BAD WITH A MAN OR THEY DON’T HAVE A MAN-HELL TO THE NAW
I AINT NOBODYS FUGGIN VICTIM-AND YES I HAVE A MAN BUT GUESS WHAT MY LIFE ISN’T ON HOLD JUST BECAUSE WE’RE NOT MARRIED AND WHEN AND IF WE DECIDE TO GET MARRIED BECAUSE JUST BECAUSE HE ASKS I STILL HAVE TO ACCEPT-SO ITS BOTH OUR CHOICE-IT WILL BE FOR THE RIGHT REASON AND I’M ALREADY EDUCATED, FINANCIALLY STABLE, AND I HAVE ESTABLISHED MY OWN IDENTITY OUTSIDE OF HIM!
@iscream,
A, say and feel how yall will, I’m just trying to drop a lil flavor from this BM’s perspective is all.
That’s why most are and will remain single, not willing to even remotely consider that what they’ve been doing or their thought process in general has been flawed.
Make a change and then see what happens. Some one said that women aint willing to settle for BS that BM are pushing, but think about it like this, how many men do you know sitting around upset because they aint got a woman?
I mean really. I’ll bet cha none…
*doing the cabbage patch dance* Go Intense aww www ww
*doing the cabbage patch dance* Go Intense aww ww ww
IT’S A GREAT TIME IN AMERICA FOR BLACK WOMEN-BETTER FOR BLACK MEN BUT NOT THE BEST
DO SOME RESEARCH AS TO WHY BLACK WOMEN AREN’T MARRIED
BLACK IN AMERICA-MY DEAR
DON’T FEEL SORRY FOR US-IN FACT I FEEL SORRY FOR YALL ARSES
WE’RE PROGRESSING AND OUT PERFORMING BLACK MEN IN ALL CATEGORIES EXCEPT WHAT-YALL MARRYING OUTSIDE OF YOUR RACE
THAT AINT BOUT SHIAT-CAUSE SOON AND VERY SOON THEM WHITE/OTHER WOMEN ARE GOING TO GET TIRED OF COW TOWING TO YORU EVERY DEMANDS AND TAKING CARE OF YOUR SORRY ARSES
MistaO Says:
@iscream,
Make a change and then see what happens
*********************************************
Make a change for who? A man! pssst I wish I would. It’s TOO many men out here. Black white and other who will love me for who I am. I’m happy with me and if I wasn’t I don’t know how I could make someone else happy. My man aint got no complaints. Not even the ” (And no I aint talking stupid about fallicio or none of that simpleness)…”
@Mista I am 33 single, no kids and I don’t make any excuses or BLAME men or women for that matter like I said I am good I know who I am and what I have to offer/give and more importantly WHOSE I am. I do want to be married but I can’t snap my fingers and make mr right for me appear and I will not settle. Until that day comes I will keep doing me and handling my business and serving God.
@intense
Oh that’s all well and good and that’s why some of yall stay without a man.
See it’s just as simple as all of what you’ve written. A woman can adopt all of that stuff and whateva and she then shouldn’t sit and have the audacity to wonder why many men don’t necessarily view her as desirable for a wife.
I’ll tell you, you are correct, those more simplistic women are in fact the one’s who are scooping up plenty of dudes out here today. I mean this dude might not be the best example since some of what we are discussing does center around a racial angle but the best example I can think of at this moment is Tiger Woods and his wife.
I mean lookit, she was a Nanny, a nanny for heavens sake. An educated, highly talented, brand building, billionaire genius and who does he pick to wife up?
Not some “savvy” career minded “I’m the shid” broad, no, he picks a humble nanny. A woman who knows the value in supporting her man, taking care of home, and makes those her priority.
Now don’t get me wrong. To each her own. I understand many of you simply recoil at the thought of being a traditional housewife, and that’s fine. Alls I’m saying is if that is the path and demeanor you choose, don’t get all perplexed when that clock keeps ticking and now you wonder why no man stayed around….
BLACK MEN WILL KEEP A PIECE OF ARSE ACTUALLY MORE THAN ONE-BUT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP IS TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS
STOP TRYING TO BEAT US IN THE HEAD WITH THE BULLSHIAT
MOST BLACK MEN ARE NOT IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP-THEIR FUGGIN AND THAT’S ABOUT IT
@Daisy:
“No kids” go girl!
Damn I missed a good convo!!
@MistaO, you’re really trying to stir it up in here huh?
WHY THE FUG WOULD I CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT
SEE MY DEAR WHAT YOU HAVE FAILED TO REALIZE ONLY SOME WOMEN ARE LOSING SLEEP OVER A PIECE OF D$CK OR COMPLAINING ABOUT NOT HAVING A PAIR OF LEGS IN THEIR BAD
BUT I AM NOT ONE OF THEM
YOU ARE ON THIS SITE ASSUMING EVERY WOMAN IS LOOKING FOR A AMAN, WANT’S TO BE MARRIED, AND OR IS SINGLE
NICCA PREACH THAT SHIAT TO THE SIMPLE BIATCHES THE ONES WHO DONT’ HAVE A MINDSET THOSE WHO ARE MORE LIKELY PRONE TO EAT THAT SHIAT AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR ARSE
AND BY THE WAY-WHERE IS YOUR WIFE AT WHILE YOU PREACHING FROM THE PULPIT DO YOU DRINK YOUR OWN DAMN KOOL AID
@daisy
Oh, 100, 33 and no kids, smart and probably a good looker!
Yea you won’t be single too much longer. But the A? Yea, too many man/boy’s in that piece.
Trust, there are plenty of BM out here looking for sisters like you…
@iscream:
I understand what you’re saying and I NEVER said children were not loved who were in a single parent home. What I am trying to convey is that children need and deserve both parents and a 2 parent home filled with LOVE is the BEST scenario. And yes, maybe Odom did promise his children’s mother he would marry her. But, after one baby and it didn’t happen, she should have protected herself and waited for him to keep his promise before having more children. Yes, love make you do some crazy things. But, she has to share in the responsibility of this situation. And maybe she realizes that, I don’t know. Men will do whatever women let them get away with doing. He’ll have 10 children with one woman and then marry another. We as women need to look out for ourselves and put a demand on men to respect us more. Khloe Kardashian is not a good catch but guess what, she knows how to play the game. What if he changes his mind and decides he doesn’t want to marry Khloe. She’ll get over it real fast because she doesn’t have the attachment of children with him. As a matter of fact,she’ll move on and by next week, she’ll be out with another black athlete or entertainer. A white man won’t have her but a black man thinks she’s a prize. Shameful!
@pinky
Nah, I just find some of these discussions intriguing and they can be thought provoking (that is until people have epic fails and degenerate into name calling).
I really have an affinity for Black people and believe that it’s imperative that we be honest about why we are in our current state.
It’s just high time to recognize and do away with all those stupid mantras and “ways of living” that have led us to this seperation between BM and BW….
NICCA PUHLEEZE AS LONG AS A WOMAN HAS A PUZZY THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A MAN TO SNIFF HER TAIL
TRUST AND BELIEVE
YOU CAN’T FEED ME THAT BULLSHIAT ABOUT THE CLOCK IS TICKING
MEN AINT GOING NO DAMN WHERE-WHEN AND IF IT’S TIME FOR ME TO GET MARRIED I WILL AND NOT A MINUTE SOONER
AGAIN I HAVE A LIFE AND A MAN AT THE MOMENT-BUT I’VE BEEN SINGLE BEFORE FOR QUITE SOME TIME BEFORE
IF I WANTED TO DRESS UP, PERCH UP, AND FLIRT I CAN EASILY CATCH A MAN-AS WOMEN WE LEARN THAT SHIAT QUICKLY
BUT THE POWER IS IN MY HAND I CHOOSE WHEN AND IF I WANT TO DATE SOMEONE-I HAVE THE CONTROL/POWER
MOST MEN ARE ALWAYS LOOKING TO MEET WOMEN-THE FACT OF THE MATTER MEN NEED WOMEN MORE THAN WE NEED MEN
WE CAN GO FOR LONG TIMES WITHOUT SEX AND A RELATIONSHIP
YALL MOFOS GO THROUGH WITHDRAWAL-THAT’S WHY YALL SO QUICKED TO GO OUT AND FUG AFTER A BREAK UP OR HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE MOST MEN ARE LEAD BY THEIR D$CK WHICH GETS THEM IN TO SO MUCH TROUBLE LIKE BABIES BY WOMEN THEY DON’T EVEN LOVE OR CARE FOR-LOL
I CAN GO ON AND ON……..
I don’t even have the energy…Im tired of this….SMH
*walks out*
mean lookit, she was a Nanny, a nanny for heavens sake. An educated, highly talented, brand building, billionaire genius and who does he pick to wife up?
Not some “savvy” career minded “I’m the shid” broad, no, he picks a humble nanny. A woman who knows the value in supporting her man, taking care of home, and makes those her priority.
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And look at Kobe Bryant he married a video ho. Look at Sam Jackson he married a strong black woman as well as Dezel. To each it’s own and Tiger isn’t black anyway.
Jessie said:
He’ll have 10 children with one woman and then marry another. We as women need to look out for ourselves and put a demand on men to respect us more.
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And why is his lack of committment the woman’s fault? I get what you are saying and agree to an extent but the blame lies in both parents. as the old saying goes it takes two.
@intense
I WAS with you up UNTIL comment #108
The “Out Performing” and “Progressing” isn’t something to be Trumpeting OR EVEN Rejoicing IN because that’s a systematic SYSTEM-of-DESTRUCTION that black woman are so willing to be a part of and adhering to THAT ATTITUDE is far more destructive to Our Community than the other obvious ONES that continue to keep us unsettled — IMO
We as women need to look out for ourselves and put a demand on men to respect us more.
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I had to come back and speak on this….men now a days come up with every excuse to speak negatively about the essence of a black woman….so when we “demand men to respect us more”…they classify this as an attitude, or they say that we “always complaining”….there is always something wrong with the way that we act and carry ourselves and with the ways of the world being forced upon them as well, they start to see us as less of a woman because of this, despite the fact that we are doing everything YOUR mother did to get you where you are at now…taking care of, providing, working, cooking, cleaning, feeding, clothing,obtaining education, making progress, etc…they see it all as NOTHING worth paying attention to. They would rather wife the golddigging, ex-stripper, homey smashing whyte gurl, dope head, siddity bytch.
I’m in between classes….can u bump this topic in the morning….lol
LOL@Starr
@Keely I ain’t know you were married lol
@Elove I see your point as well as Intense. I want to see more of our young black men become more succesful in education and work places.
@elove
YOUR RIGHT BUT AGAIN IT WAS JUST A TACTIC TO THROW BACK WHAT WAS THROWN TO ME
ALTHOUGH A HIT BELOW THE BELT-IT DOES HOLD SOME TRUTH TO IT
ONE DAY I’LL LEARN TO PLAY NICE-BUT HONESTLY THE BROTHER DESERVED THAT ONE
YOU CAN’T KEEP POINTING OUT WHAT YOU SO CALLED BELIEVE IS WRONG WITH BLACK WOMEN AND NEVER ADMIT YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS
@iscream: His lack of commitment is not the woman’s fault. His having a bunch of children with a woman he’s not married to is BOTH of their faults.
@KrysiJ: So what if he says we have attitudes because we demand respect. Actually demanding respect can be accomplished without argument or drama. Tell them what is acceptable and what is not and stick by it. For instance, no man can talk me into shacking up. In MY opinion, that’s the very essence of a relationship without a commitment. If I met a man and he insist we live together without the benefit of marriage, I would tell him that I will not do it because I don’t want the responsibilities of a wife without the benefits of a wife. If he said he doesn’t want to be with me for that reason, I haven’t lost a thing. I might be disappointed or even hurt, but there are some lines I don’t cross for anyone. If he wants the benefits of living with me, then he has to make me his wife or else….to the left..to the left.
@Daisy:
6-19-09 Newlywed. YAHHHH!
well, read thru half the comments, laughed at most, agreed with others. in the case of Lamar, he didn’t marry the baby mama because from the beginning, she allowed her own standard of self drop. i dont know of many women who dont want to be married, but are all for having kids again and again?? that makes no sense and should never be said again.
WOMEN set the standard in a relationship, not the man. Khloe’s free, no kids, he’s free and will get some fame in the process. Is it right; hell no. You see this time and time again. The man has kids with one chick, leave her and go start a real life with a new chick. and hell, sometimes, he starts that new life with a chick and HER kids. I think black women need to look in the mirror and truly BE WHAT YOU’RE CLAIMING you are–a strong black woman. There’s a fine line between tolerance and being door mat. If you dont lay down to accept it, a man can’t walk all over you.
What do you want; what are your expectations for you? Put that ish out there and where it like a badge of honor. Black men have a lot of flaws and often times I see some who are so trifling with the best women, yet HE IS STILL choosing not to wed her.
He can only do what you allow him to. seriously. And please stop with the shacking and living together. It’s ok to have standards cuz trust me, not many black men will lower their standards or give in–distancing themselves from what they believe in and WANT. why yall black women do it, not even God knows.
@intense … OK I gotcha (Well let’s Play-Nice from now on)
@Jessie
Oh trust honey….I wasn’t speaking of catering to a man like all the things I listed, we do. I was speaking as a single mother raising children…the same way most of the men I know was raised by a single mother. They have so much love for their mothers and what she accomplished/overcame to take care of them in place of their father….and they admire us for doing the same, but the world has lead them to think, they shouldn’t appreciate it/or RESPECT a woman peer that does these things. I don’t give a damn what a man do….I do me at all times….so if Im not satisfied with the treatment Im recieveing from a man, even if im knocked up, Im OUT! Im not going to sit around and let a man cause me to loose my mind over his lack of commitment/ controlling/ insecurity issues…Niccas need to get on dey job straight up…because there are so many things that we surpass them doing now a days its almost as if WE are the ones settling for less…and the nerve of them, looking down on us….or expecting us to act timid about them sitting around wasting their time with small city hustles, instead of connecting with us so that we can set higher goals and accomplish them together…
dudes don’t value that type of shyt anymore.
@Keely why you aint tell nobody lol CONGRATS
I heard he was a dog. I thought he and Liza were engaged. We also have to remember they lost a baby, it either makes you or breaks you. All this gossip and hear say going on I wonder if it is their wedding day will the even take place. I was on another site and his jumpoff says he still pays her bills, bought her a car and that Kris Ho’s her daughters out and there are no black folks invited to the wedding. The jumboff said that when the baby died Lamar was not there to comfort Liza because he was with her. She typed a few paragraphs of stuff.
@point… YOUR whole comment is ON-POINT and I wish you would’ve commented LIKE over 100 comment ago!!!
I WILL FOCUS on your last part thou —
He can only do what you allow him to. seriously. And please stop with the shacking and living together. It’s ok to have standards cuz trust me, not many black men will lower their standards or give in–distancing themselves from what they believe in and WANT. why yall black women do it, not even God knows.
———-
THERE IS a true message within that portion of @point’s comment and LADIES… there is A DISTINCT DIFFERENCE between a Black Male, A Black Man & A REAL BLACK MAN !!!
Congrats Keely…I knew there was a reason you weren’t on here like you used to
@yvonne:
LOL! No thats not it, new gig, extra busy…..except today obviously!
spongebobfan Says:
First and for most i need you to separate LSLH from white women……
im lightskined and im black im im no less black than someone that is darkskinned..
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No disrespect. But you are mixed with white are you not? That makes you mixed, not black.
I missed the convo today_ I have two books to get done and I’ve been glued to my keyboard. I started not to comment but I just wanna say,
Firstly to Shannon and all the women on the post–the first thing we have to do is find somebody on the same page. No matter how good you are to a person how much you submit—if he or she is not ready then it will be a waste of time. I agree with attymom–we as women have to demand respect other than that we will never get it.
This is a ongoing debate however I am a black women–in my past relationship–I worked a fulltime job plus I had dreams of becoming a writer—I cooked a home cooked meal, breakfast and even made him homemade chicken salad for his lunch. I never back talked him and I did whatever he wanted me to. No matter what time he came in I jumped up and fixed him a plate-in fact the whole 12 year relationship he had never fixed his own plate -i served him. I looked over my needs to make him happy-He came home from work and sat down-I had his shower running and even lotioned his body when he was through. I served him his meal and yes sucked him off to sleep every night almost. I let him control our fiances and all while I hustled my dream of being a writer-I lacked sleep because i stayed up late nights writing after I was done with him—I didn’t club hop or ran the streets-I did what I felt a respectable girlfriend should do–But guess what Shannon???
The nigga still cheated like crazy, slapped me around when he didn’t get his way, gambled us into debt and treated me badly. So my point here is it does not matter if you submit, don’t complain or let a man be the head of a household. A nigga gon be a nigga so you can say men choose different races of women because she loves him that way—that doesn’t matter to a looser.
The truth is it doesn’t matter what your skin color is–the only thing that matters is finding somebody who wants what you want. Respects you and wants nothing but the best for you, just because your a white woman it doesn’t make that same loser be a goodman!!! He still wont be shyt at the end of the day..I feel it is such a excuse for a man to say they pick a certain type of woman because she submits and say damn a black women because she don’t. It’s so untrue and makes men who say that look weak if you loving a good black women treat her ass right then it won’t be no worries,
And ladies don’t let that nicca tell you we get treated badly because we don’t submit. We get treated badly because we allow it–I allowed it for so many years but once I woke up–I realized it doesn’t matter how good you treat a man if he ain’t shyt he ain’t shyt. Point blank find a man who values you but first you have to value yourself because you are worth it…..
Once I packed my bags up I wasn’t looking back and until that man dies he will always miss me…..but I had to wake up and see you can’t change nobody and stop treating people better than you treat yourself…. So I don’t buy into the white women are better talk–because I know first hand that a lot of black man ain’t shyt and don’t know how to treat a good women because they have never been taught. So if you submit or not make sure your not wasting your valuable time and good coochie up and a dusty ninja who’s not worthy of you…
sorry for the book lol
141 comments dang it I actually had work to get done today. Now I have to play catch up!!
@point…
I agree with alot however I disagree with
not many black men will lower their standards or give in–distancing themselves
_____________________
Most of them do these days–look at Kanye with Amber men now will rather have a stripper than a hardworking woman. It has taken over even with Khole she has been with at least 5 men I know of This year alone yet she can still get married. Men don’t value themselves any longer. So I don’t agree I believe black men have set there standards low, it was a point where a man wouldn’t dare try to turn a hoe-into-a housewife but now that’s what they want damn a good woman…
@143
THOSE are not BLACK MEN or Real Black Men …
They ARE IN FACT Black MALES and some very simple-minded and very misguided ones AT THAT … And I will ADMIT that some Black MEN get caught up within that F-ed up mentality at times (Such Is Life …)
@140
THANKS for sharing that was truly outstanding …
And IT IS a damn shame when LOUSY AZZ NICCAS get the treatment that YOU gave him during that long-term relationship
I DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM & I CAN’T STAND THE MUTHER-PHUCKER !!!!!
SORRY AZZ NICCAS ALWAYS PHUCK-UP S-H-I-T FOR REAL MEN …
spongebobfan Says:
First and for most i need you to separate LSLH from white women……
im lightskined and im black im im no less black than someone that is darkskinned..
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No disrespect. But you are mixed with white are you not? That makes you mixed, not black.
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No ma’am
My momma (RIP) was black and puerto rican, my father Black…
spongebob I’m with you. I’m light skinned also and found the whole grouping of LSLH and white women together extremely offensive.
Why would you assume that someone was mixed with white cause they’re light?? Most of the light skinned people I know have to two black parents.
We come in all shades of brown light dark and in between. You better get wit it.
Good Shit Nichelle
And good for you!!
sorry that was ish I got carried away with the cuss words.
I know I’m late (had to do something today) but Nichelle GURLLLLL #140 is post of the day!
Thanks guys and I call it a lesson learned…
i always tell myself
live, learn and laugh
live your life to the fullest, learn from all your mistakes and grow and don’t be ashamed to laugh at all the dumb shyt you’ve done in life it helps you to keep pushing..
@NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com
girl all i wanna know is was that ni@@a ur husband…cuz if he wont ………. u know the rest….WHY?
@ flyqtnva Says:
No he was not but he wanted to be, I gotten in that relationship when I was 16 and he was 22 I was very young when we hooked up. When it was time to be married I had my dress, a hall and I was going to go through with it–but I wasn’t happy and he was abusing me so I called it off at the last minute. My uncle who is a preacher kept asking me why wasn’t I excited to get married and I told him it don’t matter we’d been together all theses years and we got kids so whatever. Then he refused to marry me and told me “no matter what the world says, he says are what people will say about me calling it off. That does not matter you do not marry a man if you have doubts. ” He said “it is a reason your so unhappy and only me and God knows and he was not going to marry me.” I felt a weight lift off of me once he told me it was okay for me not to marry him–I needed to hear that–He told me “let people judge and keep on living your life because your the one who will suffer not folks.” So after that point I called off everything I still have my 1500$$ dress but it was the best choice I could’a made.
We sometimes feel like getting married for kids are any other reason outside of truely being in love will work itself out. But it never does–so that’s why I don’t judge women who have kids and haven’t married there kids father. He might not have been any good for her and once she realized she had to move on.
But that’s the soundtrack of my life….
Amen … to Nichelle … I was in a 5 yr relationship that went nowhere … I submitted .. did all that for him .. (I never was subjected to physical violence thank you Lord) and in the end .. he told me .. he never loved me .. just felt obilgated to be with me cause I loved him …
I’ve promised myself to Love me .. the Authentic Me from now on … let my standards be known and don’t compromise like I did for 5 yrs …
@flyqtnva Says:
Amen to that at least you didn’t waste a decade like I did and I rather be alone because I have no faith. I will never settle again ever…
MistaO Says:
Another bit of unsolicited advice for the single ladies out here.
Look, if you know (or are yourself) single females, chances are quite good that there exists some serious reasons why she is single.
Trust me, us dudes ARE NOT complicated. All’s it really takes to get and keep us are some real simple variables:
Be nice
Be trustworthy
Be considerate
Dont’ be selfish and stank in attitude, no man really thinks this is cute.
Don’t be “loose”. Now I know most of yall gonna fall out on that one but a sad thing is that over sexuality of women has been so promoted the past couple of decades that many women actually believe that most men don’t have a problem with a female who’s “been around”.
Let me let yall in on a lil secret. No matter what a man says, almost none of us really want to hitch our wagon to a slut! Double standard? Well yea it is, but that’s just how most men are built. It’s a hard truth that many females who live like this just find distasteful and hard to accept.
Don’t kill the messenger, I’m just letting yall in on how most men really think. Yea we will lay up with a skank, but at the end of it all, most will not wife one up. That’s why so many remain single today and the old cover up tricks really don’t work on men the way they used to.
We can sniff out a skank pretty easily now a days, it’s kind of hard to conceal. I’m just saying, you can choose to do you, but just don’t be all up fussing about why no man ever wanted to wife you if that how you live….
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You forgot to add “be quiet”. Some women have so many ppl in their business on beknownst to the man. I am married and if I have a problem with hubby, I go to hubby. Some men are dogs and will lay down with anyone. If a man has not introduced you to his mama after 6 months of dating “he’s not all that into you”. You are just a “booty call”. Men are simple. Women just make things omplicated. Some women don’t know the difference between talking and communicating. A man just wants undivided attention while having a conversation, don’t answer the cell phone or text messege. My theory is that most men are jealous when we do this because they can’t multi task. Men are simple. Most men don’t expect a woman to come home and cook dinner every day. We are busy working, running errands and those with young kids have to play taxi and go to school functions. If a women who does not have a man that goes to all the kids activites knows that hubby/s/o can’t attend, make a sandwich for him before you do all the after work mommy duties. When he comes home from work it really is not about the sandwich but the fact that you thought enough about him to make one. Hubby knows we both work hard for the money. When I came home from work today, hubby was alreay here. He asked if I picked anything up for dinner(we don’t mind eattng leftovers, but two days is the limit) I said “no, he said good , I picked up some steaks”. If that is not special I don’t know what is.
@Anna writes, “If a man has not introduced you to his mama after 6 months of dating ‘he’s not all that into you’. You are just a ‘booty call’.”
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Anna, you better preach!!! Every man that I dated took me home to met their parents. Never had that problem.
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Anna writes, “Men are simple.”
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Wwwwweeeeelllllll!
@140NichelleWalker/nwmasssmedia.com, you better preach!!! Cheating is a choice, period. A man cheats because he wants to cheat. It has nothing to do with whether you are or are not a good wife. End of discussion. Next.
Sidebar: Every couple should watch the movie, FIREPROOF. In a nutshell, never leave your partner (husband/wife) during a fire. Selah.
@NicehheWalker writes, “live, learn and laugh.”
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I will definitely buy your books. I needed that. This is my 2nd favorite motto next to “I am the President of my own fan club.”
ay yi yi aunty sandy being what you may call LSLH I am offended
once again it is the black womans fault why black men are not with us?? ladies i say screw them i have been with a jamaican man for about 17 years who treats me like a queen and hello he is dark skinned- i.e. black, i for one don’t have the time for the brothers bullshit, it is always me, me, me. they bored they out in the streets, you smarter and got a better job than them oh sistas emasculate them SERIOUSLY if their old fucked up azz’d mammies had a man then she would not have spoiled and ruined their azzes then they would have had some balls and became a man and not looked for love, acceptance and family out in the streets, and for TV to teach them how to be a man!!! yall sistas better wake the hell up MOVE ON there are PLENTY of non-african american men who are willing to treat you how you need to be treated what the hell why are yall being so loyal to something that has proven time after time they are not loyal to you. NEWSFLASH to lamar, kobe, and all the rest of the sambos when the money is gone watch how quick “becky” bounce !!!
spongebobfan Says:
No disrespect. But you are mixed with white are you not? That makes you mixed, not black.
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No ma’am
My momma (RIP) was black and puerto rican, my father Black…
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Your mom (RIP) was mixed with Puerto Rican and black. That makes you mixed. You can’t put cream in black coffee and still call it black.
Sandra if that’s the case at least 95% of your posters are mixed. At what point does it wash it and we get to be called black again?