Loyal reader L wrote in to express her dismay at the comments under my post titled "Put 'Em On Blast: Rolling Out TV" (LINK):

Hi Sandra,

I came across your blog today after looking up some info on an old musician. I decided to look at your current postings and saw all the beautiful Christmas photos. Then I saw that video. It was heartbreaking and hard to watch. I know people are supposed to be grateful for being given gifts when they can't afford to buy their own. But I can also see how this could be someone's breaking point, as you put it. Perhaps mommy really needed her children to believe that she and their community would provide that day.

There are women feeling like that all the time, and they react in all kinds of ways. They have my sympathy.

But that's not my real point. My heart really dropped when I realized that none of the commenters understood why you posted the video or why PBrown was so upset about what Rolling Out TV had done -- even though the letter accompanying the video was very explicit. No one read it. Or if they did no one cared about the point being made. Which to me means no one cared about the bigger harm done to the community and consumed the story as it was fed to them, as they are used to doing.

    Less than 3 minutes of a 7-hour event means this sister hardly destroyed it. This kind of problem can and does happen at any kind of event no matter what the background of the people involved. The black/self-loathing exhibited by the commenters was much more disheartening than the woman's tirade (I'm not going to call her ignorant. Who knows what she saw there. While I can't fault the sponsors because I wasn't there, often events like this are over-promoted and under-supplied so the real ignorance or lack of preparation could have been evident to her.) Of course there was a better way to handle her disappointment. And I hope that she learns that she's going to have to figure that out and use it if she ever finds herself that upset again, especially in public.

    But that's not where the real harm to our community was done. No one had to see this. It wasn't important, it wasn't meaningful, it didn't teach anyone anything, it was less than 3 damn minutes, and no one got hurt. Why are people not seeing that a black news outlet (one of our few, for what it's worth) decided that this was news? I would hope that most people would have rather watched children play with their toys or dance or eat or whatever other wonderful things could have happened there. Or maybe interviews with the sponsors or the parents, ANYTHING but an angry woman upset about the lack of toys. I would hope, but I would be wrong. Clearly most people would rather find yet one more reason to not love and support our community. I believe that someday we will grow out of this cycle of self-hatred. I love black people enough to believe that will happen some day, so I'm going to move out of being disappointed in those comments and offer my love and sympathy to those brothers and sisters who haven't yet figured out how to give or receive that kind of compassion.

    And yes, Rolling Out needs to do better than this.

    Keep up the good work,

  • Charles

    Controversy = News, notice people are still talking about it which = more hits for the news media = more advertisng dollars

    Its a really simple system, she doesnt get it?

  • Charles

    It speaks more to socitey in general as opposed to black people i dont think any of it had to do with self hate or loathing, controversy and drama sells, peopel still talking about it still watching the clip obviously they are doing something right, perhaps not in the best inerest of the black community but times are hard and media outlets need to make money too................... I think shes blowing this out of proportion

  • http://myspace.com/iyonah iyonah

    FILE this under __________________

  • Kymystry

    @ Iyonah ... or as the old folk used to say ... File it in File 13 .. the garbage ... lol

  • http://myspace.com/iyonah iyonah

    Oh and @ L .. You don't know what anyone read or interpreted the letter by P to mean – so stop assuming. As with any post, many comments are about what the individual once to speak on. How many times does Sandra post something and one sentence that she makes is what is discussed. Are you the comment police? You decide hwo we discuss a blog??? We (the commentors) aren’t the one who posted the blog, we view it and comment, what we say is up to us. You are not ME or anyone else that posted a comment. Comments were made about the event, the female and Rolling Out TV. Maybe you didn't understand or comprehend what the COMMENTORS were saying.

    "Why are people not seeing that a black news outlet (one of our few, for what it’s worth) decided that this was news? "

    Weren't comments made about Rolling OUT TV, yall don't read??? It was a poor showing on there part - this is fact. Bottom line is that I find it quite interesting that approx 12 comments were made and someone decided to take there time out to write to you Sandra and complain. Two paragraphs and no VALID point made.

    I am done.

  • CaramelDrop

    File this under:

    Rambling BullSh!t

  • CaramelDrop

    Auntie can you see what you can scratch up on this alleged "lil mimi" rumor?

  • Krysi J

    Man.......................didn't we already verify the ignorance of this shyt? Well said LADY, we GOT it. Im sorry you had to experience GHETTO and ignorance all at once but....what can you do? You can't control people like this, you can't educate people who don't want to learn, and you can't give to people who don't know how to recieve, have faith, and believe. You can raise all the money you want but at the end of the day, people like this have to be shown where their blessings come from, because helping them only makes their situation worse mentally.

  • Mississippi16

    Shame on Rolling Out TV for exploiting the situation.

    On the other hand... She sounds ungrateful.

    And is probably used to being "helped". She was probably saying to herself "They gave us way more stuff last year" as if this is how she does her yearly shopping.

    If your azz is used to showing up EVERY year and getting hooked up but mad cause you didn't get hooked up this year, then you're trifling.

    I had a cousin like that. She stopped buying her kids anything at Christmas cause she got used to me "helping her" cause she didn't have much. Got to a point where the only gift they had was mine and what the church gave them. That's when I stopped.

  • heartbreaker

    I have NO idea what's going on, but all I have to say is...regardless of what her situation was that day I'm pretty sure she was in the same finance situation before her child. I am assuming this because they mentioned that it's because they didn't have toys for small children.

    I side eye any women who have children knowing they couldn't even take care of themselves before they had the child. I get sooooo MAD because it's unfair to the child. It's the f'ing worse! I swear Frank and Wanda were pissing me off every morning when they awarded gifts to those who had 5 plus children everyday up until Christmas. I mean damn, was it any different when there were just 2 before it became 5? Does my financial situation not count if I don't have kids? I mean...for real, does it???

    Can someone tell me if I am wrong for feeling this way? It's a feeling that I battle everyday! I'm not saying you have to be rich to have a baby. But am I the only one who understands that if I am barely making it now, having a child will get me closer to the lights or the water being cut off?? Damn Xmas!!

  • Krysi J

    No you are not wrong for feeling that way^^^....I feel the same way and I have kids. If you can't afford them with or WITHOUT a husband, MAN, whatever...then don't have them...and by that I mean don't get pregnant. Im very blessed in the situation that I am in, but I dont take it for granted...because I see those kids with the same type of female they caught on tape and I feel sorry for them. I was one of those kids only my Grandmother (who was very sweet) had to do it and I hated it, so I cant imagine running up behind somebody that foolish as a child standing in line for a hand out. I made a promise that I would always work harder than I had to, so my kids never have to go thru that. I will look a dayum fool and go without before they do!

  • heartbreaker

    Thanks for responding Krysi J. I don't have kids and sometimes I feel like I could be hatin because I don't have any... But that's by choice, yeah, I get sad sometimes because I feel like I'm missing something. But I try not to get caught up in the moment :-) I think that's where people mess up. I am sure everyone on here with children loves them to death...but if Sandra posted a poll of how many wish they didn't have kids and you could vote anonymous, I bet the percentage would be greater for those who wish they didn't have them...or wish they would have waited.

  • Krysi J

    My son will be 8 in January. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on Nov 3 (The day before History was made)It almost feels like Im starting over. Now that Im back at work fulltime and I have to do so much extra to get us where we need to go, to do what we need to do etc...The first week I went back to work I have to admit I wondered if I made the right choice about having another baby....but the truth is I can't imagine my life without them. I was 19 when I had my son, but I was determined to be a good mother and achieve my accomplishments at the same time...not everybody thinks like that when they are young in that situation. I've always had a job (since I was 14) I've never been on food stamps, never been on section 8. I bought my first home at 26! I may have did a lot more had I waited to have kids, but life feels so much better with them around. I just want to give them the world. My mother didn't want kids and she gave us all away...but for that I thank her, because I will never be the woman in that video (but she IS!!). If you're not prepared to take care of kids then NO, you shouldn't have any, trust me, I was one of those kids who got the short end of the stick and needless to say I don't fool with my mother. When i found out she dumped my and I off on our grandparents to be with a man, to have another baby and act like we didn't exsist...my priorities went into autopilot.