Well, the massive snooze fest that is the Annual Grammy Awards is over for this year.
The 53rd Annual Grammy Awards was held at the Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles last night. Here's a rundown of the night's events culled from several online sources for those of you who couldn't stay awake during the slow-paced pompous affair.
Christina Aguilera opened the Grammy's with a soulful rendition of "Ain't No Way" in tribute to the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, who successfully underwent gastric bypass surgery on Dec. 2nd.
The awards show was very predictable: Lady Gaga stole the show by arriving inside a giant egg carried on the shoulders of half naked men servants. She was hatched onstage.
Rihanna, who was fighting laryngitis and bronchitis infections, won a Grammy for Best Dance song: "Only Girl in The World." She managed to get through her lip synced performances with Eminem and Drake, neither of which I'm posting on this blog. Eminem won yet another Grammy for Best "Rap" album, and Drake has yet to be blessed by the Grammy gods. Poor boy. He tries so hard.
Rapper Nicki Minaj, who didn't win a Grammy, made a scene with her attention stealing Bride of Frankenstien beehive hairdo. "Yes, this is all my hair. At night, if I press a certain button, my hair grows. First of all, it grows up, and I press another button and activate the color on it," she said on the red carpet.
There was one huge shocker in the Best New Artist category, which everyone is still talking about around the office water coolers this morning. Every man, woman and child on earth thought the Best New Artist Award would go to Justin Bieber, or maybe Drake. Instead, the award went to a a little known jazz artist named Esperanza Spalding. The surprise announcement prompted millions of viewers to ask in unison: "WHO IS SHE?"
Troubled comedian Katt Williams tweeted:
Meanwhile, everyone went racing en masse to Google to dig up any information they could find on her. Justin Bieber's disappointed Stans wasted no time editing Spalding's Wikipedia page. Welcome to the big time, hun!
It seems the 26-year-old Spalding isn't exactly new to the scene, according to Wikipedia (before her page was rudely edited). She's been around the industry for a minute. She even dropped a few albums along the way that nobody ever heard. Spalding specializes in playing bass - the stand up variety and the traditional bass guitar. She also plays the clarinet and the oboe (a wind instrument).
How can Spalding be a 'Best New Artist' when no one's ever heard of her, you ask? Hey, this is the shady music industry where everybody and everything can be had for a price -- including a Grammy Award. This is how it works kids: somebody on the Grammy committee owed somebody else something, and now you know who Esperanza Spalding is.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Beyonce, who didn't win a Grammy or perform, looked old and tired last night. Her husband Jay Z stayed away, like any typical narcissist who believes that his absence leaves a greater impression than him actually being there in the flesh.
There were NO surprises where Chris Brown is concerned. If he reads my blog, he would have known that he wasn't going to win a Grammy. The immature man-child took to his Twitter page to throw a tantrum, as he often does when he doesn't get his way.
He tweeted: "To all the fans!! I love y'all. Don't be upset!! This industry is based on politics and asskissing! My only concern is team breezy! Fuck everybody else!"
All things considered: it's hard to have empathy for that punk.
About 100 awards were handed out during the pre-Grammy special, including all of the R&B categories, and most of the rap winners. It's been that way for years. I'm not sure why people still act surprised that R&B isn't shown any love during the actual live Grammy broadcast.
I didn't watch the show last night, so my loyal readers weighed in with their opinions of Rihanna's performances:
Click the link below for the complete list of winners:
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