A journalist recently spotted rap mogul Jay Z eating at a swanky NYC restaurant. The writer, Gabrielle Bluestone, was so in awe of Jay Z’s spaghetti-eating skills, that she couldn’t take her eyes off of him.
In a long-winded post on Gawker.com, the writer gushed about Jay Z’s awe-inspiring spaghetti-eating prowess.
She described in great detail how he twirled the spaghetti ever so graciously around his fork. “It was like watching a maestro conduct a pasta symphony,” Bluestone wrote.
She even took a surreptitious cell phone photo before the spaghetti disappeared down Jay Z’s gaping maw.
“Wow—he’s extremely good at eating spaghetti,” observed Bluestone, who added Jay Z eats spaghetti “like a fucking boss.”
Maybe she was imagining Jay Z eating something else?
I have never seen someone eat so elegantly. He twirled that s’ghetti better than an Italian nobleman. Every bite was the correct size for his mouth. He left zero (0) fingerprints on his wine glass. He did all of this while carrying on a lively conversation with his dinner partner. Honestly, it was like watching a maestro conduct a pasta symphony.
I have never been so simultaneously inspired and ashamed in my whole life. I will never order spaghetti on a first, or even second, date because I know exactly what I look like trying to eat spaghetti. It is not pretty. Jay Z, on the other hand? He was pure class. Pure confidence.
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