Two words: Ashton Kutcher (and sex sells). ‘Two And A Half Men’ destroyed ‘Dancing With The Stars’ because of the show’s new leading man, Ashton Kutcher, who spent most of last night’s season premiere naked.
CBS also won the ratings race becuase ABC pissed off a lot of their viewers by substituting good family entertainment for a freak show.
As you know, Kutcher was hired after CBS fired Charlie Sheen in spectacular fashion after last season (and to think we assumed it was all a publicity stunt to boost ratings).
In last night’s season premiere, which drew a record 27.7 million viewers, we learn that womanizer Charlie married his stalker neighbor, Rose. But just one day after his new wife found out Charlie cheated on her, he met an untimely death when he fell off a train platform and under an oncoming train.
Rose explained what happened to the mourners at his funeral:
“I forgave him because I loved him unconditionally, so you can imagine my horror when the very next day he slipped on the metro platform and fell in front of an oncoming train,” she said.
Rose added: “I just want you to know that Charlie didn’t suffer. His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat.”
Enter Walden Schmidt – a billionaire whose wife dumped him causing him to attempt suicide in the ocean before ending up soaking wet on the deck of Alan Harper’s Malibu beach house.
Within a short period of time Walden, aka Ashton, has stripped out of his wet clothes and is standing completely naked in the living room.
The two men, having bonded over the women who dumped them, decide to go out for drinks where they manage to pick up a couple of women to bring back to the house.
However in true fashion, Alan gets left behind and Walden gets both ladies to himself. Source
Walden (Kutcher) offers to buy Charlie’s mini mansion so Alan and his son could continue to have a very nice roof over their heads.
Even though Kutcher stole his shine, Sheen still wins: CBS offered him a $25 million settlement to just go away quietly.
Images source: DM