fanMAIL: Dopamine Article and Insight
Every so often I receive an email that makes me smile. Many women meet a new man and they really hit it off. The women attribute their strong emotional attachment (or that intense rush of feelings) to “love at first sight”. Actually what they are experiencing is a powerful chemical reaction in the brain that could lead them to marry the wrong guy.
Read my loyal reader’s email after the break.
Loyal reader SDS writes:
Hi there Sandra,
I pray all is well! I am a faithful reader/member on your site and I just wanted to thank you for your article dated March 1, 2012 on Love vs. Dopamine (Lust for Love). It was a good read with some very insightful points. I have heard of Dopamine before but I never once thought that it was the reason for that crazy rush of infatuation you feel when you meet someone that you really like….that rush that causes you to obsess about that person and want to be with them all the time. I have referenced your article so many times when speaking with friends and discussing topics on Facebook and I have had a few women ‘thank me’ for sharing this knowledge with them.
I am also teaching this topic to my 13-18 year olds in Youth Ministry. What’s funny auntie is that I started dating a guy sometime ago and the dopamine rush kicked in strong…I mean really, really strong. We not only had a physical, emotional, and mental connection, but we also connected spiritually. After a month or so of dating, I asked that we take a two week fast from each other to put our thoughts and feelings into perspective.
It was rough but we did it! Of course then, I didn’t think about the “Dopamine Rush” but reading your article and your insight on this topic put a lot of things into perspective on why this was an awesome thing to do. Two years later, we are still doing GREAT! Every now and then, we give each other a few days to access our relationship and create a report card to share with each other. But I can’t help but think that reading this article 15 years ago could have saved me some heartache (smiling)! Thanks again! MUAH!
sdsthomas
Update: loyal reader Quisha writes:
Hi Sandra.
I frequent your site daily.
I like the stories/articles you post about the “Dopamine Effect”…… and how it effects women. I’ve found myself in wasteful relationships in the past, not knowing it was the “Dopamine Effect” at the time but now understanding where/how I messed up.
I’m emailing because I have yet to see you post an article on how it effects men? There are some men out there that rush into relationships and think they’re in love with a woman way too fast as well. These are the men that leave they families for the woman they cheated on their wives with, the men that think they’re in love with a woman because she is taking care of them physically and financially.
Or does the “Dopamine Effect” exist within a man’s brain?
Have a good day!
Quisha
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I guess we really needed a 99th post on this Sandra Sallie Mae Rose
Sandra, your reach extends into the church house too? The Pastor at New Birth don’t count. Good Morning, Auntie
Huh? Wait, so is she FOR or AGAINST the theory of Dopamine?
Good for her
I like someone but um yeah it might be the dopemine, so that’s why a sister is not going there unless he steps to me, been digging him for years now too 
Trend, Lakes, Jeanie – You heifers is a trip
USUAL THATS HOW I FEEL ERRRTIME SANDRA GIVES LATIONSHIP **LAKEZ ****CHIONARY** ADVICE
Wow and there is a report card due every few days? What about an interim progress report too?
Are these report cards graded by outside source?
What happens if dude scores a low grade?
#seriousquestions
Usual Prime Suspect says:
Trend, Lakes, Jeanie – You heifers is a trip
________________________
Actually that article that Auntie posted was right on target and I think she needs to repost it
A lot of it hit home, from past failed relationships !
Usual
Or it could mean u did what ur supposed to do!!!! Wait …..break….and evaluate!!!!! But however u got there….I’m glad u arrived
lovezoe says:
———–
IM SUPER HUNGRY THIS MORNING…
SOMEBODY FEED ME!!
lovezoe says:
_______________
Ooohh! @Fly me likey your
WAIT….BREAK….EVAULATE
Redeemed is this you:
I am also teaching this topic to my 13-18 year olds in Youth Ministry. What’s funny auntie is that I started dating a guy sometime ago and the dopamine rush kicked in strong…I mean really, really strong. We not only had a physical, emotional, and mental connection, but we also connected spiritually. After a month or so of dating, I asked that we take a two week fast from each other to put our thoughts and feelings into perspective.
Also who remembers what Sandra fonted yesterday, much less in March? #suspect
Wow and there is a report card due every few days? .
@ Bella – I had to reread that sentence multiple times. I was seriously over here like
The way it’s worded made me initially think they were doing a report card every few days. But I think she was saying that every once in awhile they take a few days to evaluate their relationship and then give a book report on it. 
Good Morning
@Lakes How was your birthday chica
Morning All!!!
I think she is happy that she can recognize what she was actually feeling and not mistaking it for love.
Pentecostal televangelist Juanita Bynum recently shocked the public when she admitted to having had sexual relations with women.
“I’ve been there and I’ve done it all. I did the drugs, I’ve been with men, I’ve been with women. All of it,” she said July 13 on the “Frank & Wanda in the Morning” radio program.
Host Frank Ski immediately responded with: “Are you serious?”
The unexpected confession was made as the self-professed prophetess was on the Atlanta-based station to discuss her “Get Your Life Back” theater production. The stage play – starring Bynum, Anthony Dalton and Miss Venetia “Princess” Lewis – tackles true life issues, shame and guilt, according to a description of the show.
VDot says:
Wow and there is a report card due every few days? .
@ Bella – I had to reread that sentence multiple times. I was seriously over here like
The way it’s worded made me initially think they were doing a report card every few days. But I think she was saying that every once in awhile they take a few days to evaluate their relationship and then give a book report on it. 
______________
I saw that report card ish
yeah to each is own , 
to each is own !
@vdot
I cracked up out loud in my docs waiting room at “book report on it”
YAYA IT WAS COOL TOOK LIL MAMA TO JUMP AROUND EAT GOT SOME GIFTS.. JUST RELAZING
Mother Jefferson says: I guess we really needed a 99th post on this Sandra Sallie Mae Rose
***************
jeniefrumdabloc says:
——————
Jenie
After years, that’s no longer the dopamine, you just needing to be stuck.
And speaking of being stuck, the people that live below me make it a point to
at midnight every other night. She just had a baby 3 months ago and they already going like she trying to get pregnant again. He POUNDS that, I can hear the moaning through the floor… but one time last month, he was out of town and she was down there getting slammed. 
I ain’t say nothing and ain’t gonna say nothing. I would have figured the way she gets beat when the hubby is home, she wouldn’t need the extra. I guess not.
Trendsetter says:
Pentecostal televangelist Juanita Bynum recently shocked the public when she admitted to having had sexual relations with women.
“I’ve been there and I’ve done it all. I did the drugs, I’ve been with men, I’ve been with women. All of it,” she said July 13 on the “Frank & Wanda in the Morning” radio program.
Host Frank Ski immediately responded with: “Are you serious?”
The unexpected confession was made as the self-professed prophetess was on the Atlanta-based station to discuss her “Get Your Life Back” theater production. The stage play – starring Bynum, Anthony Dalton and Miss Venetia “Princess” Lewis – tackles true life issues, shame and guilt, according to a description of the show.
that’s why I say its 3 sides to every story , and ever since aint nobody checking for no Juanita Bynum either 
_________________
Welp that Husband she beat up on said she was doing her shat too
@Lakes
I’m a rude bish. I was not around when everyone wished u happy birthday and my lazy azz has not yet wished you a belated birthday.
Happy Belated Birthday!!!
@Trend
That story!!!
Good Morning Roses . . .
Usual, LakerchiCa, Jenie, Lovezoe, Trendsetter, Bella, Ms.Fashion
and Everyone Else
69 says:
Jenie
After years, that’s no longer the dopamine, you just needing to be stuck.
_________________
Stuck like hell too
I need to keep that chit moving 
The Dream engaged?????
BELLA THANKS MAMA
FeFe says:
@Trend
That story!!!
___________________
Can’t say that I’m not surprised
I never had this feeling at all. I guess I am lucky
luVn_liFe… says:
Good Morning Roses . . .
Usual, LakerchiCa, Jenie, Lovezoe, Trendsetter, Bella, Ms.Fashion
and Everyone Else
__________________________________
Good Morning
lakes how did the party go?
So nobody is gonna talk about her youth ministry yet she fcuking dude within a month? and speaking of Juanita, I’ve always seen her as a snake but what do I know
lovezoe says:
jeniefrumdabloc says:
——————
____________
Zoe I guess the culprit will not reveal themselves
Naja- You caught that too, huh? Dropping it low and spreading it wide.
Hi guys. I’m home care problems and my job is hella far away to try to catch the bus. Back in the bed I go.
Trensetter : I read that story about Dream being engaged to an Asian chic ”
”
Jenie- My list REAL short. This liyal members never pop up unless Sandy Maw wants to prove herself right.
NaijaGal says:
So nobody is gonna talk about her youth ministry yet she fcuking dude within a month? and speaking of Juanita, I’ve always seen her as a snake but what do I know
_______________
luVn_liFe… says:
Trensetter : I read that story about Dream being engaged to an Asian chic
____________________________
I just saw her pic on another site
luVn_liFe… says:
Good Morning Roses . . .
_______________
Hello Sweets!!!
lovezoe says:
Jenie- My list REAL short. This liyal members never pop up unless Sandy Maw wants to prove herself right.
________________
Naija
@naija
Noticed homegirl was “physical” as well, even though she teaching youth ministry. But I didn’t want to comment on that since I’m the resident agnostic. Thus alledgedly lacking faith as I’ve been told. Which is highly untrue
LUVN NO PARTY JUST TOOK MY KIDOS TO JUMP AROUND EAT AND SHE OPEN SOME PRESENTS.. SHE WILL HAVE A MINI BDAY PARTY ON SATURDAY.. AT NO OTHER THAN CHUCK CHEESE
SHE BEEN BUGGIN ME TO GO AND SOME OF MY COWORKERS ARE BRINGING THEY BABYS TOO 
luVn_liFe… says:
Trensetter : I read that story about Dream being engaged to an Asian chic ”
”
_______________
gypsyeyes says:
Hi guys. I’m home care problems and my job is hella far away to try to catch the bus. Back in the bed I go.
____________
Hey SUGA!!!
WHERE U BEEN???
69 says:
Naija
_______________
If it WAS a member, they would have fonted it in the comment section like we do everyday. But I digress.
GYPS HOPE U FEEL BETTER
**SENDS U SOME ARROZ CON POLLO**
lovezoe says:
If it WAS a member, they would have fonted it in the comment section like we do everyday. But I digress.
_____________
Yep !!!!!
Trendsetter says:
The Dream engaged?????
———
Yes, I read this in the Toys R Us circular… Teddy Ruxpen is getting married to a Care bear… the wedding will air on the cartoon network.
If Ted is engaged, I wonder if it is the same chick he left his marriage for.
LOV
UNLESS THEY LURK MORE THAN THEY POST AND ARE “ESSCARED” TO POST IT 
#REACHINGMUCH
there is a report card due
——————————
How does she know he didn’t forge his momma signature?
AWWWWW Sandra.. you Go!!!!
Screw
hey luv & 
at Juanita’s panties
BELLA – I def consider myself a Christian but I call a spade a spade and my grandfather was a paegan and that man lived by the best principles out there so although I consider myself a Christian just b/c others don’t believe doesn’t change their character in my eyes (random rant)
Lakes-
Dont Sandra know this aint NB smart and the majority of us is well over the age of 16 and gullible.
@Gyps – Is always something! Hope your car care won’t be too costly.
Overheard someone saying that they were going to abandon there car and have it sat on fire.
*adds dopamine to the list of overused words on SR*
IMO dopeamine isnt necessarily a bad thing
every1 
oh.
LOV RIGHT
HER BE ON SOME CRAY SHAIT.. BUT WE LOVES HER 
capricorn83 says:
*adds dopamine to the list of overused words on SR*
———————
narcissist
Overheard someone saying that they were going to abandon there car and have it sat on fire.
Then my sista said why are you so crazy?We offtopic yet
@naija
Exactly. Principles, morals, and your heart, have nothing to do with your beliefs
Trendsetter says:
___________________________
I just saw her pic on another site..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yeah i seen a pic of her,I guess it was her
Halle berry had 2B rushed to the Hospital,Head injury on the Movie Set
Add Rihanna, “The King and Queen of ATL, and the one singing about Facebook to that list as well
@jenie
We been off that thang up there. The second home girl mentioned ministry, getting physical, and report card.
Also who remembers what Sandra fonted yesterday, much less in March? #suspect
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
basic-ly.
Auntie are you going to show us the pics from Tiny’s party
@Boogie
Halle berry had 2B rushed to the Hospital,Head injury on the Movie Set
Maybe some sense will be knocked into her
She says she wanna take her skirt off
Be my guest!
I decided to take my shirt off
And show my chest!
And we been sipping on that Merlot
So you know what’s next
Working intermissions, switching positions
We so explicit oh!
You’ve been saying all night long
That you couldn’t wait to get me all alone
What you gon’ do to me
Don’t talk about it, be about it
Let me see, let me see, let me see
Girl, I can’t wait to get you home
Talk a good game mane, come on
Holler ’bout what you gon’ do to me
Quit talkin’ about it, be about it
Let me see, let me see, let me see
[Rick Ross rap verse]
Got on all my ice, talkin’ cash ****
Been balling all my life, Lamborghini’s, fast whips
She down to ride and
Deserves a boss who down to provide
We run the streets but on G5′s, I’m talkin’ fly
Boots and blue jeans, Cartier, newer rings
You with a big boy, so we do the big things
Had the valley parkey, Chanel hoodie on
Looking like Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman on warning
She on my morning poster,
Ciroc in my mimosa
I’m ballin’ like Lebron,
We shoppin’ in Milan
The 458 Ferrari, I park it on the lawn
I let em eat my tongue,
She blew up like a bomb
The sex is so explosive, her stuff is supersonic
She my new addiction, I swear I’m through with chronic
Rozay and Usher Raymond, girl we the hottest
Rocking the most ice, I said we the hottest
@ luVn_liFe
I read that too…they say she ok now…and she’s back on set.
lovezoe says:
Add Rihanna, “The King and Queen of ATL, and the one singing about Facebook to that list as well
——————————–
you gone let that 13 year old be great about her facebook song…oh my bad, she’s over 30…I tried
Usual Prime Suspect says:
Halle berry had 2B rushed to the Hospital,Head injury on the Movie Set
Maybe some sense will be knocked into her
__________________________________
USUAL
Maybe some sense will be knocked into her
——————————————–
sounds like it could Be serious Though.
NaijaGal says:
lovezoe says:
Add Rihanna, “The King and Queen of ATL, and the one singing about Facebook to that list as well
——————————–
you gone let that 13 year old be great about her facebook song…oh my bad, she’s over 30…I tried
—————————-
Ty says:
Auntie are you going to show us the pics from Tiny’s party
@ Dawn
_______________________
I need for Tiny to slow down on those butt injections….
Trendsetter says:
I read that too…they say she ok now…and she’s back on set.
————————————————————
Oh Good,
I need for Tiny to slow down on those butt injections….
^^ LIP..CHEEK..
Tiny’s Look is Horrid
My baby had to get shots yesterday and just has not been the same.Breaks my heart.
:hi FeFe
Boogie, Ty, Bella, Lov, Lucas Mama, Baby Girl, 69, Fashion
Errybody that I missed
Not sure why don’t beleive somebody sent Sandra this heartfelt note. This site brings out the best, worst and beleive a couple of one night stands (or at least phone sex)
sounds like it could Be serious Though.
____________
Nahhh that heifer gonna be alright, crazy people are resistant to head injuries
Trendsetter says:
Ty says:
Auntie are you going to show us the pics from Tiny’s party
@ Dawn
_______________________
I need for Tiny to slow down on those butt injections….
_______________
She just needs to start injecting her legs so it will match her butt. Big butt and tweety bird legs
LOVE AWW PO BABY
I ALMOST THROAK CHECK A NURSE WHEN MY BABY GIRL WAS A YEAR THEY HOLD HER DOWN SO HARD FROM HER THIGHS AND JUST STAB THEM SHOTS IN THERE 
I DID SAY “DA FAWK IS THAT FOR?”
Trendsetter says:
Ty says:
Auntie are you going to show us the pics from Tiny’s party
@ Dawn
_______________________
I need for Tiny to slow down on those butt injections….
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
luVn_liFe… says:
Tiny’s Look is Horrid
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
the hair is also
becomingwtf-ish, no ?luVn_liFe… says:
Tiny’s Look is Horrid
___________
Its baby chucky’s fault and that rainbow sherbert hair
tweety bird legs
TWEETY BIRD HEAD.. VOICE
Ty says:
Auntie are you going to show us the pics from Tiny’s
party
_______________________________________________
I asked that yesterday …..and still nothing. Hopefully today though b/c I could sure use the laughter to keep me awake…
halle’s out of the hospital. i updated folks downstairs somewhere.
Ty says:
Tiny’s Look is Horrid
___________
Its baby chucky’s fault and that rainbow sherbert hair
BOOGIE says:
the hair is also becoming wtf-ish, no ?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
EveryThAng.. the hair the face the clothes the A.S.S.the Legs the voice the rattish attitude JUST ERRRYTHANG
Is Tiny and em still FOBs? If so,
Lakes- We already stretch them out, but I am just gone do one at a time and they WILL deal.
@69 She a freak
let me go do some work today,Cause I know Ive said Way to much bout Tiny
LOVE & BOOGI EH.. SHE AINT POST ON THEM FOR A MIN.. WONDER WHY THO
Come sit in the
with me Luv we need to tread lightly 
Ty
@luVn
You seem cool as hell, I’d hate to no longer see you ’round these parts!
!Laker, yepyep. it has certainly been a min for a post on them.
a spat of some sort possibly ? 
I think she meant assess, but anyhoooooo
===================
PIG RACE!!!!!!!!!
#oinkoink
take care
What’s that saying?
You can take the…………..
What it do people?!?!
YALL
<<FLYING WITH A GANSTA LEAN I HAD TOO MUCH CAKE!
Sandie Mae DID tweet that Shannon was packing.
GOAT
Goat
Please change the topic 
*looks for get outta jail free card*
WINNER wins a years supply of hellos
don’t be a hoover ! PASS IT
This lil piggie went to BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCKHEEEEEAAD!-T.I VOICE
Packing?
What?
Clothes?
A gun?
#lostagane
*slides in on the left*
Yall- We know it ain’t game. Does dude even have a team yet?
Chamone Cletus
Is this a
post? #needsconfirmation 
oh ok
so anywayzzzzzz (how we used to write them in letters, slanted down the page)
sup and shyt doe
packing ?
how would she know ?
lovezoe says:
Yall- We know it ain’t game. Does dude even have a team yet?
*trying to act like I know what the hail you’re talmbout*
What? Word! No team yet!? #forreallost
So, he is an outta work nba player?
So QOTD: This lady here lady locked her son outside and he ended up wetting himself. She did it as punishment. He is eight. He got to fighting with some kids, she said come in. He thought he was boss, and didn’t. She locked the door. This what she told the fuzz- “[He said] something like ‘what kind of mother would leave her son outside when he’s urinated on himself?’ And I said ‘well sir, we choose to discipline our son the way we choose so that when he grows up, you won’t have to discipline him.’”
Was she right or wrong?
What r y’all talking bout, females gettin hit with that dopamine dack?
Okay after further assessment
One could be packing the following:
Twin
-Clothes
-House
-Gun
-Big ole Duck
=====================
Moanin’ Ery’ones
Never too early to get that party started….
lovezoe — did he pee on himself b4 or after the fight ? b4 or after she locked the door ?
Usual Prime Suspect says:
___________
HELLOOO!!!
Morning people
Boogie- While he was locked out. She said she ignored him when he said it.
Zoe, if she did it (& she’s isn’t a bad parent) then I agree
because we all know our children.
<–Ain't locking mine out though
Yall- They have 3 or 4 other children, never been charged. It was the fuzz that monitors the complex who called and asked what type of parent are you, she called 911 and more cops came and arrested her.
twin
<— letter written in our secret twin language with "4 Your Eyez Only" written across the front 
oh ok. he prolly pees on himself all the time. he’ll be aight.
They have 3 or 4 other children, never been charged. It was the fuzz that monitors the complex who called and asked what type of parent are you, she called 911 and more cops came and arrested her.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
if her property is being surveilled like that, maybe her actions shlda been different, but i dont think she shlda been arrested. geez.
what ?
Check ya’ll out later, it’s time for my daily Family Fued then maybe some work.
Morning Ya’ll
Boogie- Different punishments work for different kids. My mom used to get a yellow legal pad and make me write I wont be ______ on 25 pages back to back.
lovezoe says: Boogie- While he was locked out. She said she ignored him when he said it.
****************************
eight is kinda young tho. i mean, if she had a balcony or back yard that would be different.
*doing the secret “whisper” call-out right now* @Twin
=============================
<–wide open
So now we’re calling the track family feud?!
================
About the parent, you've gotta be careful not to get percieved as a nutcase when you're reprimanding/punishing your kid IMO.
<—Turns the music and tv's ALL the way up if/when I gots to show mine who's the boss
#nochildabuse 
lovezoe says: Boogie- Different punishments work for different kids. My mom used to get a yellow legal pad and make me write I wont be ______ on 25 pages back to back.
**********************************
damn! i gotta use that one….
About the parent, you’ve gotta be careful not to get percieved as a nutcase when you’re reprimanding/punishing your kid IMO.
<—Turns the music and tv's ALL the way up if/when I gots to show mine who's the boss #nochildabuse
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
so what do u think lovezoe ?
Boogie, I be all cool and ish with it, walking nonchalantly
room by room turning ish on 
djm
and i agree w/ diff’t punishments for diff’t kids
*picturing it right now
was it the Katt Williams standup where he talks about “stop beating your kids…………..in public.”
(this is more of a neglect issue, but same theory applies, no ?)
My daughter gets scared with the look. My oldest son, well sometimes we gotta turn up the music too..
bwaaaaaahahahaHA, lovezoe, that sounds like me and my bigbro. I wa sa goody2
, so didnt get into much of anything but bro had a wood paddle w/ his name on it 
……. whas your thoughts on the co-worker’s handling of her sitch ?
WHAT WE ON..
I don’t have any kids, but if and when I have to turn the music up. I want to have a good a$$ whoopin soundtrack. I was thinking about MC Hammer’s ‘Turn This Mutha Out’ or Hustle & Flow ‘Whoop Dat Trick’.
I think that she shouldn’t be charged, but if I tell you come in, you need to. My mom said you cry now or later. BUUUT the alabaster dont take kindly to alternative punishment, you got to tread lightly.
Wait!!! Hasn’t anybody realized that this chick said that she read the post in March, 2012, where she took the advice, but yet it has already been 2 years and they are still together?! *going back up to read the post again*
VDot says:
But I think she was saying that every once in awhile they take a few days to evaluate their relationship and then give a book report on it.
_________________
Every couple should do this if they are serious about their relationship. Marriage is a work in progress. If you don’t reevaluate your relationship with your man every once in a while, another woman will do it for you.
Happy belated birthday Laker! I hope you had a good one
Is it too late 4 me to say…….Tiny ass makes me me wanna kick her in it!!!!!