Are you in bed with a narcissist? No? Are you sure?
So many women have fallen victim to the heartless, soulless human beings known as narcissists that there is an entire industry of self-help books devoted to warning women (and men) about them.
In a nutshell, narcissists are emotionally vacant people (mostly men) who consider themselves too perfect to date you. But they date you anyway (as a favor to you) because they crave attention.
Once they set their trap for you, the narcissist begins to abuse you mentally (and sometimes physically) until they break you down to the sniveling, whimpering dishrag that they knew you were.
Then they step over you and callously move on to their next victim, leaving you to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.
Sound familiar? Read on…
Narcissists are devilishly charming, handsome, well-groomed men whose entire existence is to make the world notice how special they are.
Most celebrities, athletes, and television news readers are narcissists.
It’s very hard to resist a narcissist once they ensnare you in their trap.
Upon meeting you he or she will lavish you with attention. They will call you several times a day, making you feel special.
Within a month, they tell you how much they love you and start planning your wedding.
Then one day, at a party, you criticize him/or for saying something childish, stupid or insensitive. The next day they stop taking your calls.
And just like that, he or she is gone.
Anyone who lacks self-confidence or self-awareness can fall victim to a narcissist.
Zoe Krupka is a psychotherapist who habitually dates narcissists (probably because she’s a narcissist enabler.
Read her enlightening article below.
As I sit down to write a list of things to watch out for that might help you avoid tortuous relationships like these, I’m wondering what might have helped us, my friend and I, to extricate ourselves from relationships with the self-absorbed.
Because sad as it is to say, we had the lists. We had all the lists. She’s a psychologist and I’m a psychotherapist, so we have the big catalogue of what to look out for. And still we didn’t see what was right in front of our noses.
Both men ticked all the major narcissist boxes. They rarely if ever took responsibility in a conflict. They had long histories of cutting off from people rather than repairing their relationships. They had grandiose ideas of their own importance, either feeling that they were better than other people, or that things were particularly hard for them. They had trouble putting themselves aside for the needs of others. They were secretive and viewed empathy and connection with great suspicion.
Who could ever understand them? They were different and special. One avoided therapy altogether, and the other used therapy as a way to feel even more entitled to have things his way. Pretty obvious stuff.
So I’m not convinced that a list of signs and symptoms is the ticket. Because if you’re reading this, and you’re hopelessly attached to a self-centered person, I bet you’re brilliant at making excuses for other people and at putting yourself and your own needs aside. You’d have to be; otherwise the narcissist in your life would leave you. It’s as simple as that.
