Ladies, don’t be discouraged if the pool of good men seems to be getting smaller. Good men are hard to find, but you can increase your chances by following the simple advice of experts who spent hundreds of hours interviewing longterm couples.

So how can you luck up and find a good man? First, lower your standards. The handsome, charming guys tend to come with a lot of baggage – and I don’t mean luggage.

The following are 10 signs you are with a good man (these signs are not listed in order of importance).

1. He makes you feel safe and secure


Ladies, you want a man who makes you feel safe and secure. Children look to their parents to feel safe in an unsafe world. If a child doesn’t feel safe, they grow up to be insecure and socially awkward. If a man doesn’t make you feel safe and secure, dump him!

2. He has good character and empathy for others

Good men have good moral character and empathy for others. A man who volunteers his time in service to others is a great candidate to raise a family with. If you meet a guy who sends you links to fight videos on Worldstar that shows people being hurt or assaulted, he’s not the guy for you. Launch him.

3. He is confident, but not narcissistic


Confidence in a man can be sexy and endearing. You want a man who is confident in himself and his abilities. A man with quiet confidence is typically ideal. You don’t want a guy who constantly brags about his accomplishments or how much money he has in the bank. He shouldn’t command attention when he walks into a room. People in the room should seek him out because his reputation precedes him.

4. He is mentally and emotionally stable

If you meet a man who tends to be a loner and keeps to himself, avoid the urge to bring him out of his shell. He is not a turtle or a crab. If he’s in his shell, leave him in there. Unless you’re a licensed therapist, it is not your job to bring him out of his shell. Let some other woman deal with that drama. Some women see a challenge in men like that. But he is not a good candidate to raise a family. If his mom couldn’t help him, you can’t either. Dump him.

5. He is honest, community conscious and action oriented


Some single women shy away from dating police officers, but more often than not they are the best candidates if you want to raise a family. Police officers are very family and community oriented. They are dedicated to serving others and they put their lives on the line for total strangers. A candidate for the police force must pass a background check and have no criminal record. They must also have a good credit rating, which speaks to their honesty and sense of responsibility. Most officers join the force because of some injustice that was done to them or a loved one. So they tend to be good judges of character and they have good conflict resolution skills, which comes in handy when your kids are fighting over the remote. Who better than a police officer to make you feel safe and secure? Unfortunately, most officers are married because their wives knew a good catch when they saw one. Your best bet is to wait outside the police academy and grab one before they graduate.

6. He loves children

You know you have a good man if he loves children. I don’t mean the way Michael Jackson or R. Kelly loves children. I mean a man who loves his own children. If a single man has children, it’s important that he is very involved in their lives. Does he talk about his children constantly? That means he will gush about yours. A man who isn’t proud of his own kids will not be proud of yours. If you feel some kind of way about a man who dotes on his children, you might not be mature or secure enough for a serious relationship with a man who has kids.

7. He inspires you to do better

Does your man often bring up the subject of you going back to school to get a degree? Does he ask you to apply for a newly opened position at your job? A good man is never satisfied with complacency. He wants to see you continually improve and do better because he is climbing up the ladder professionally. He sees longevity in your relationship. If you plan to start a family, he may want you to wait until you get your degree first. Going to school while your children are still young is out of the question.

8. He always makes you feel beautiful

During that time of the month, some women may feel bloated. Or a woman may have difficulty losing her pregnancy weight and she feels she doesn’t look her best. A good man will always make his woman feel beautiful. Regardless of how she views herself, a good man will find a way to ease her mind and make her feel beautiful inside and out.

9. He’s a gentleman

Men from other cultures pride themselves on being gentlemen. But there is no emphasis placed on being a gentleman in America. For that reason, American males do not practice chivalry or good manners such as opening car doors for women, pulling out her char, or simply saying, “Ladies first,” before entering an elevator with a woman. If he’s a gentleman it means he was raised by someone who took the time to instill these traits in him. And he will take the time to instill these same manners in your children.

10. He’s good to his mother


This should be no. 1. Behind every successful man is a good woman – usually his mother. A man who speaks ill of his mother will not think twice of mistreating you. The true measure of a good man is not how much money he has, but how well he treats his mother. If a man disparages his mother during your first dinner date, execute your exit strategy. Tell him you’re going to the ladies room, then run to your car. Block his number in your phone and block him on social media. You deserve better.

11. He has other girlfriends


This may sound crazy, but if all else fails, sometimes a man with multiple girlfriends can be a good catch. Run a background check on him. Does he have a good credit rating? Does his portfolio include income from investments and real estate properties? That means he’s financially secure and responsible. Also, a man with more than one girlfriend means he’s a great catch to multiple women who don’t seem to mind sharing him. Is he good to you? Does he make time for you? Cultures that practice polygamy have the lowest divorce ratings in the world. Don’t count him out just because he has more than one woman.

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